words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are hosting a New Year's party. So the place is crowded and in a shameless promotion for NBC they're watching Jay Leno's coverage of New Year's from Time Square.]
Chandler: We wanted to kiss at midnight, but nobody else is going to so y'know
Phoebe: It's so obvious, why doesn't he just ask?
Rachel: So?
Joey: So? Who would you rather have kiss you, me or Chandler?
Joey: So did that do anything for ya?
Phoebe: Okay, lesson one: chords. Now, I don't know the actual names of the chords but umm, I-I-I made up names for the way my hand looks while I'm doing them. (She starts to show Joey the chords. Transcribers Note: For this one you'll have to use your imagination, 'cause it would take me 50 pages to describe each one. So if you want to see them, you'll have to wait for this episode to come to a TV near you.) (Holding up her hand and then reconfiguring her hand with each name.) So then, this is Bear Claw. Okay, umm, Turkey Leg and Old Lady. (Joey tries to imitate them.)
Phoebe: Hey everybody, Rachel was so good today. She didn't gossip at all.
Joey: Yeah listen so, I thought I was getting better, so on my way home today I stopped by this guitar store and
Ross: Oh see, I-I needed a new thing for today and there's this leather store that always smells so good and I thought to myself, "Wow, (To Chandler) I never really owned a good smelling pair of pants before."
Ross: Thanks. (Gets up and as he does so, the sound returns. Without another word he heads into her bathroom.)
[Cut to Elizabeth Hornswoggle's bathroom, Ross frantically pulls his shirt out and drops his pants. He exhales in sheer ecstasy as the coolness of the bathroom envelops his legs. He sits on the cast iron bathtub, again gasping in pleasure. He next grabs a magazine and starts to blow air on his exposed legs, but that doesn't work the way he wants it to. So he throws the magazine down, looks around for another idea, and finds one. He jumps up and hops to the sink. He turns on the water and starts to splash some on his legs, cooling them further.]
Ross: No, I-I got really hot in my leather pants so I took them off but they must have shrunk from the-the sweat or-or-or my legs expanded from the heat. Look, I-I can't put them back on. I can't!
Joey: (To Ross) Uh, Rachel's here, so good luck man, let me know how it works out. (He hangs up the phone and strands Ross in the bathroom.)
Rachel: Oh my God, it's so huge, but you just have to promise me that you cannot tell anyone.
Rachel: I know, I know! I just can't keep this one in, so I pick up the phone (Joey in a childish attempt to not hear what Rachel is about to say, puts his fingers in his ears and starts to scream loudly. Rachel turns and walks out upon seeing that Joey's not gonna listen, and as she exits Chandler walks in and sees Joey in his current state.)
Monica: We heard about your pants, I'm so sorry.
Joey: Well, then it wouldn't be a secret. So yeah, that would be okay. Yeah. Yeah!
Joey: Too long! Oh my God, Rach, I've been dying to talk to someone about this for so long! Listen, listen, we can't say anything about this to anybody, they're so weird about that! Listen (Phoebe returns and interrupts them.)
Phoebe: Hey! It's raining. I don't want to fly in the rain. So
Chandler: (entering) Oh good, okay, I can't take it anymore. I can't take it anymore. So you win, okay? Here! (Hands him the 50 bucks he's about to owe him.) Pheebs? Flying a jet? Better make it a spaceship so that you can get back to your home planet! And Ross, phone call for you today, Tom Jones, he wants his pants back! And Hornswoggle? What are you dating a character from Fraggile Rock?! (He sits down and sighs in relief.)
Chandler: So thats the girl you like.
Joey: Well, okay. You were my girlfriend and we were doing the crossword puzzle. Y'know like you guys were doing last night. So, that's it. I'm in love with Monica and I'll be moving out.
MONICA: Dr. Burke? I don't think so. I mean, like, he's a grown up.
PHOEBE: Ok, so I guess we don't invite her parents.
Phoebe: Ooh, sorry. Um, and, and then you put your arms around me. And then you put your arms around me. (He does so) And, um, and then you tell me that you love me and you'll never forget me.
Monica: So dont think of it as a bachelor party, think of it as a a two month anniversary present.
Ross: She looks so small.
Joey: Yeah! But if wouldve know what kind of friend you were gonna turn out to be, I wouldnt have worried about it so much! See you around!
MONICA: So uh, Joey and Chanlder, I, I think it's time that you take Dr. Greene over to your place.
Rachel: (moves the stool out of the way) Yeah! Ohh, Ive been waitin so long to get on that body!
Lydia: So how did you know I was even here?
Chandler: So, is Janine around?
Julie: Oh, listen you guys. I have this friend at Bloomingdale's who's quitting tomorrow and he wants to abuse his discount. So, anyone want to come with me and take advantage of it?
Phoebe: I guess so. (See, the brief possession didn't affect her at all, like we could really tell.)
Rachel: Oh, that is so sweet. I think Im falling in love with you all over again.
Phoebe: Yeah, it's weird. I can't help it though he's so sweet, he's like this little puppy dog, y'know? But like a really tough one that shots bad guys. Ohh, I just love beginning parts of relationships, y'know?! You just like can't keep your hands off each other.
Mrs. Tribbiani: I know you did, cookie. Oh, I know you did. So tell me. Did you see her?
RICHARD: Oh, well that's not so crazy.
Ross: (outside the door) So Im gonna take off then!
PHOEBE: Well, it's not so much that you know, like I don't believe in it, you know, it's just...I don't know, lately I get the feeling that I'm not so much being pulled down as I am being pushed.
Joey: And scene! Huh? Wasnt that fun? We did a little improv there. Yeah! Okay! So you-you-you-you were saying?
Monica: Oh God, I am so sorry honey...
RACH: OK, so that's... that's what, two bottles? And yet somehow we went through five?
Joey: I feel so stupid, you know? Why... why do I keep going after the wrong girls?
Monica: Its only been a couple of hours, so just give it some time.
Chandler: And Im the happiest guy in the world! (Monica goes and sits down in a huff.) Oh honey, come on dont be upset. We still have so much to look forward to!
Rachel: Well Joey, youll probably get it. But you should probably your-your gracious loser face. Yknow when like the cameras are on you and you wanna look disappointed but also that your colleague deserved to win. Yknow? So its sorta like (Does it, youll have to see it.)
CHANDLER: Uh, if you say so sir.
Monica: Ok, so I think I'm just about done here, unless you have any bad stuff hidden somewhere, like... porn or cigarettes?
Ross: Anyway.. um.. (Starts to sweep.) So, you- uh- you nervous about Barry tomorrow?
Chandler: No, it's a book that's just a book, okay? It's an early edition of the Velveteen Rabbit. It was her favorite book as a kid. So, uh, just... let me know if she likes it, okay?
Phoebe: That is so sweet, you guys. (hugs them)
JADE: So, are we gonna get together or what?
Emily: I uh, Ive been to his apartment and he wasnt there, and uh. I need to talk to him, so do you have any idea where he is?
PHOEBE: Oh OK. [pulls over her shirt and shows a bare shoulder] Oh no, oh it's gone, that's so weird, I don't know how-where it went.
Ross: Look, I-I dont want to miss anymore baby stuff. So Here. Heres my new pager number, okay? Anytime anything pregnancy related happens use it! Ill be there! Okay? I dont care if its three in the morning and all you want is ice cream.
Ross: Well, actually its been great. Shes 20 so shes not looking for anything too serious, which is perfect for me right now.
Monica: So how does this work, you going to balance the plates on these little guys' heads?
RACHEL: Oh my gosh, wow. Monica. Oh my god. Mom. This is so great.
Janine: Thanks. (To Monica and Ross) Great so we can all go together! I gotta run. Catch you later!
Joey: Oh yeah, yeah! He's done tons of commercials. I've seen him in like Sugar Smacks, Playstation, and that one for the phone company. In fact he was so good in that one, he actually convinced me to switch phone companies. Chandler was mad .
Phoebe: Great! Okay, if youll just excuse me. (To the guy) So, did you hear something you liked?
Phoebe: So, what movie should we see?
Joey: Shhh! Not so loud, we don't wanna wake up, uh...
Ross: Yeah, um, okay see, you were, you were on the list but my friend, Chandler (Chandler waves) brought up the very good point that you are international, so I bumped you for Wynona Rider, local.
Phoebe: So how did this happen? Did she, did she lure you to an early bird dinner?
Chandler: Oh yeah, it's so cool. (He opens his coat and has it pinned to the lining.) Now I gotta go, Officer Bing has gotta, 10-100. (Pause, softly) That's pee-pee. (Heads for the bathroom.)
Monica: (on phone) Michelle, I only beeped in so I could hear my message. I mean that's allowed. Yeah-huh! I mean look, yeah, you know what I would really appreciate it if you didn't tell your Dad about. What do you mean, you're not comfortable with this? Come on we're friends!! (Michelle hangs up) That bitch always hated me. I'm calling her back.
Monica: So then you know? (Phoebe nods her head)
[Scene change back an forth: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, Monica's on the other end of the line. The phone's speaker is turned on, so the rest of the gang, sitting around the phone, can hear Chandler.]
MRS GREEN: That's fine. I never did it. I just thought I might. So, what's new in sex?
Fun Bobby: Hey, sorry I'm late. But my, uh, grandfather, he- died about two hours ago. But I-I-I couldn't get a flight out 'til tomorrow, so here I am!
Joey: Well, this is awkward. {See? I told you so.}
Chandler: So? What? What? Theyre gone! Monicas gonna freak!
CHANDLER: Oh hey listen, don't be mad at him, it's our fault. I'm sorry we've been hoggin so much of his time.
Phoebe: (picking up her bag) All right, so promise you're gonna wait for her to call you?
Rachel: Well, I should think so. You slept with someone.
Monica: I think so.
Rachel: Um, Pheebs, so, you guys just dont get along?
Chandler: Yknow, Im so glad I picked you to help me with this.
Rachel: So how is the uhm... baby styling business going?
Female Student: (as they are moving past Ross) Im so sorry!
Phoebe: Awe, this is so sweet of you! But you know what? I won’t be needing a veil, I actually won’t be wearing a dress at all!
Ross: And this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after awhile he-he goes over to her and uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what youre thinking, Chandlers not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls, and youre right, Chandlers not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls.
Chandler: What are you, stop naming dwarves! (on phone) Hello, Janice. Hi, I'm so glad that you called, I know I've been acting a really weird lately. And, it's just because I'm crazy about you, and I just got...stupid, and, and scared, and....stupid a couple of more times. I'm sorry. (listens) Really?! (listens) Really?!
Phoebe: Whoah, ooh, why is the air in here so negative?
Phoebe: I know it's so exciting! You know I've never lived with a guy before.
MONICA: So what'd he say?
Chandler: (examining the cake) Okay well, this side looks bigger. Uh Theres more crust on this side. Yknow? So, maybe if I measured
Hombre Man: I'm sorry. I am such a doofus. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.
JADE: It was just so awkward and bumpy.
Joey: Hey, so listen, I went across the street and talked to the doorman- I got the peeper's name! Can I use the phone?
Rachel: Yeah, just so weird seeing him like that, you know? I mean he is a doctor, you don't expect doctors to get sick!
Ross: Hey, y'know, this is so not what I needed right now.
Joey: (taking the baby) She looks so real! (The gang looks at him.) Yknow what I mean! Shes this whole tiny little person. She already has eyelashes and knees and uh-oh.
JOEY: That is so not my motto.
MONICA: So what're you gonna do?
Monica: Oh, So you can move them!
(Ursula is genuinely pleased that her sister has visited her, after so many years. Phoebe hesitates over how best to begin.)
Mindy: Oh that's so great!
Joey: I know, but Im a neurologist. And just to be on the safe side, Dr. Wells wanted a more comprehensive overview of you status so he sent me.
Joey: So I guess you all saw it.
Joey: I'm so sorry.
Chandler: Okay, so you both just know this stuff?
Chandler: So if you want people to see them, then by definition you're not having them taken out... say, at the break of dawn?
Phoebe: Yeah thats great! Next to that, Chandler wont look so stupid.
Rachel: Really?! So this has happened to you?
Phoebe: Good. So what were you thinking?
Phoebe: Okay Rachel, I cant wait to live with you! And you know what we should do? Bring Monica and then we could all live there together! Well have so much fun!!
Monica: Now you think I wouldn't enjoy that, because it is so fake, (Laughs) but I still do.
Cassie: (hugs him) Its been so long! Last time I saw you, you were setting up your tent in line to see Return of the Jedi.
Joey: Great! All right, so Ill call you later.
Monica: Yknow, you called me that before so I-I took the liberty of fashioning a star out of aluminum foil. Now, no pressure, you like my cookies, you give me the star. (Hands it to her.)
Rachel: Stop it! I will kill you. I hate the fact that my room is so small.
PHOEBE: Yeah, but he did have to have a bunch of stitches and he said that only once in a blue moon does a dog's ear grow back so...still hoping.
Rachel: Thats all right. (He goes to get her a soda.) And so it begins.
(They start kissing and turn around so that Chandler is facing the door. And Chandler sees Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey walk in and quickly ends the kiss with Monica.)
Chandler: (clearly lying and hating the dessert) Yeah, this is so good, that Im gonna go enjoy it on the balcony so that I can enjoy the view whilst I enjoy my dessert.
Malcom: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I tried to stop, but I couldn't. I'm so pathetic.
PHOEBE: So, do you have any other possibilities?