words in movies
Monica: (on phone) Okay, great! Bye. (Hangs up as Chandler enters.) So guess whos coming to Thanksgiving dinner?
Monica: (not amused by Chandlers joke) I miss Rachel. (To Chandler) No, my parents.
Chandler: Oh! Thats great, they havent seen the place since I moved in!
[Scene: Joey and Janines, Joey and Ross are playing Sony Playstation. Chandler enters.]
Ross: I dunno, maybe its because youre really sarcastic. Or maybe its cause you uh-
Janine: Are you guys going to Chandlers for Thanksgiving?
Joey: Yeah! Yeah, why? Whats up?
Janine: No, but you should go to Chandlers. Because none of us knows how to cook, well probably just end up drinking all day.
Ross: Yeah, see, we-we-we have to stop across the hall, because its my sister. But, uh, uh yknow actually, growing up with a sister was nice because it really helped me understand women. Yeah, you-you should tell your friends that.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Phoebe enters with a paper turkey.]
Phoebe: Wow, that sounds great! And what are you making Monica, in case Rachels dessert is...[about to say bad] so good that I eat all of it. Theres none left for anybody else!
Rachel: So, if-if I mess this up, theres nothing else for dessert?
Rachel: Wow, Monica, I love that, you really have faith in me. Thank you. Technical question, how do you know when uh, the butters done?
Monica: Well, its done about two minutes before it looks like that.
Ross: Oh, oh, we did say wed stop by this little thing Joeys roommate is having.
Ross: Some would say shes attractive, yes.
Ross: Oh, but-but it is, uh, its just like the first Thanksgiving, when the Indians and the Pilgrims uh, sat down to dinner.
Monica: Dad [kisses Jack], Mom [kisses Judy]. Look! Look who it is its Chandler!
[Chandler goes to take off Jacks coat. He then notices little white flakes on Jacks shoulders. He begins to wipe them off.]
Mr. Geller: Ok, I have dandruff. Theres no need to laugh and point.
[Monica rushes over to Chandlers side.]
Phoebe: Yeah, I dreamt that he saved me from a burning building and he was so brave and so strong! And its making me look at him totally differently. Yknow, I mean he used to be just, yknow Jack Geller Monica and Rosss dad and now hes hes Jack Geller, dream hunk."
Monica: Yknow dad, Chandler is one of Rosss very best friends!
Chandler: (worried) Hes the headliner of a gay burlesque show.
[Rachel is in the kitchen fiddling with her English truffle. Joey and Ross, anxious to leave and go to Janines party, are egging her on to hurry up.]
Rachel: Its a truffle. Its got all of these layers. First theres a layer of ladyfingers, then a layer of jam, then custard, which I made from scratch, [Joey and Ross make impressed faces] then raspberries, more ladyfingers, then beef sauteed with peas and onions, [Joey and Ross look like somethings wrong.] then a little more custard, and then bananas, and then I just put some whipped cream on top!
Rachel: The beef? Yeah, that was weird to me, too. But then, yknow, I thought well, theres mincemeat pie, I mean thats an English dessert, these people just put very strange things in their food, yknow. [To Joey] Oh! by the way, can I borrow some Rum from your place?
Ross: Oh My God, she-she made half a English Trifle, and half a...Sheperds Pie!
Joey: (sad) Oh man! Now shes gonna start all over! Were never gonna get to introduce the hot girls to the new world!
Chandler: Oh, yes. Well its very beautiful. Its cream-colored and tight [Realizes what he just said and looks worried. Monica and Ross also looked shocked. Judy and Jack give Chandler a very dirty look.] I dont mean tight, I mean its not too tight, not that I was looking at-[giving up all hope, he puts his head into his hands.]
Mr. Geller: Whats the matter with him?
Mrs. Geller: (whispers to Jack a little loudly) I think hes stoned again.
[Ross and Chandler get up and go into Rachels old room.]
[Scene: Rachels old room. Its pretty much empty except for a few boxes against the walls. Ross and Chandler enter.]
Ross: I dont know, aheh, yours was the first name that-that popped into my head, Im Im sorry. I-I didnt think it would matter.
[Scene: Rachels Old Bedroom, Continued from earlier. Monica enters the room.]
Monica: You! Its not like its a big deal! You-you dont still do it or anything!
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Time lapse. Jack is still on the couch, picking his teeth with his feet on the table. Phoebe and Judy are sitting on the table looking at him. Ross and Chandler are sitting by the window talking. Rachel and Joey are in the kitchen fooling with Rachels trifle. Monica walks into the living room from the kitchen.]
Joey: (to Rachel) Will you hurry up? Did you not hear me before when I told you that all of Janines friends are dancers?! And that theyre going to be drinking alot!?
Rachel: (sarcastically) No, I did, but tell me again, because its so romantic.
[Monica and Chandler make What was that? gestures. Joey and Ross go into Rachels old room.]
[Scene: Rachels old room, Ross and Joey enter.]
Ross: What?! What is with everybody? Its Thanksgiving, not...Truth-Day!
Rachel: Whats up, Ross?
Rachel: I thought this might happen today. Ross, I know the holidays can be rough. Yknow? And its probably really hard for you to be alone right now.
Rachel: No, I-I live with Phoebe. I mean youre [pity-tone] alone, alone. And I just-its just not the time for us. Im sorry.
[Inside Monica and Chandlers. Joey is almost done explaining the situation to everyone.]
Joey: Oh and (Ross begins to open the door and Joey says some gibberish word to indicate to Ross that hes not done yet. Ross closes the door again.) Okay, and uh if anyone needs help pretending to like it, I learned something in acting class, try uh, rubbing your stomach (Rubs his stomach) or uh, or saying mmm and uh, oh oh! And smiling (Smiles while pretending to stir a bowl), okay?
Joey: Rachel, there you are! Come on, lets serve that dessert already!
Rachel: No, Im just kidding I would never do that to you! Okay, everybody, its trifle time!
[Phoebe gets up and goes into Rachels old room, a smile on her face.]
Monica: (faking joy. Rubbing her stomach and smiling at the same time, like Joey said) Mmmm! Its good!
Monica: Its so good, that I feel really selfish about being the only one whos eating it, that I think we should have everyone taste how good it is. Especially Ross.
Mrs. Geller: (lying) Ive gotta call my friend Mary and tell her how good this is, from Monicas room.
[Jack and Judy exit to Monicas room.]
[Rachel reaches for Rosss plate]
Ross: Wha? No no! Ah! (Ross scarfs all of his trifle down in about a second. He looks like hes going to throw up.) (Lying) All gone! So good! Maybe Chandler has some left.
Joey: Whats not to like? Custard? Good. Jam? Good. Meat? Gooooood.
Chandler: (lying) Yes, but if its any consolation, before the bird dropped it, he seemed to enjoy it.
[Phoebe comes back from Rachels old room.]
Phoebe: I dunno, lets see! So, okay, I dreamt that we were gonna get married, and he left, becuz he had to go fight a fire. And, um, so okay, I went to a night club, and I saw him making out with a girl.
[Jack and Judy come out of Monicas room and sit down on the couch.]
Monica: Ross? Lets go.
Monica: Alright, you know what? Thats it. Youve had your chance.
Ross: (in a 5 year olds tone) (To Monica) You are such a tattletale! Mom, Dad, you remember that-that time you walked in my room and smelled marijuana?
Mrs. Geller: (rubbing her temples) Thats alot of information to get in in thirty seconds! Alright Joey, if wanna leave, just leave. Rachel, no you werent supposed to put beef in the trifle. It did not taste good. Phoebe, Im sorry, but I think Jacques Cousteau is dead. (Phoebe makes a sad face.) Monica, why you felt you had to hide the fact that you were in an important relationship is beyond me.
Mrs. Geller: Chandler! Youve been Rosss best friend all these years, stuck by him during the drug problems. (Ross gets disgusted.) And now youve taken on Monica as well. Well, I dont know what to say. Youre a wonderful human being.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Everyone is helping clean the table.]
Monica: Well actually, I-I didnt eat mine. Its still in the bathroom.
Mrs. Geller: (pointing to herself and Jack) Well we left ours in Monicas bedroom.
Rachel: Yeah, I know, go long. Y'know, its like all Im doing is running back and forth from the huddle.
Paul: (To Rachel) Thank you, its my moms. So this is the kitchen.
Chandler: Thats not backing me up! Look, you said with the off-stage and the heat, and the onstage and the oy heat.
Ross: Calm down. Theres no reason to get testy.
Rachel: Oh, its just like a bloodbath in here today.
[Scene: Outside the Janitors Closet, there are people having sex and Mr. Geller is trying to give them some pamphlets.]
Ross: Huh? I know, I know. Who am I? David Bowe? (Shakes his head around, pretending like hes jamming.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is watching football, and its actually the right game Green Bay at Detroit (although not this years), as Monica is getting everything ready.]
Joey: Thats right I stepped up! Shes my friend and she needed help! And if I had too, Id pee on anyone of you! Only, uhh, I couldnt. I got the stage fright. I wanted to help, but there was too much pressure. So-so I uh, I turned to Chandler.
Eric: Oh umm, Im the solar system. (Hes wearing a black sweater with the planets glued on around the sun.) Yeah, my students helped me make itI teach the second grade.
Rachel: I just dont want him to meet anybody until I am over my crushAnd I will get over it. Its-its not like I love him, its just physical! ButI mean I get crushes like this all the time! I mean hell, I had a crush on you when I first met ya!
Lewis: Well why not you changed Neds grade!
Phoebe: Yeah, hes really great though. He has this incredible zest for life, and he treats me like a queen, except at night when he treats me like the naughty girl I am.
Joey: Yeah well thats because uh I stayed in my room. Yeah, you dont want to look in my hamper.
Phoebe: Uh-huh, yeah thats too bad. I really want to go to his concert Friday night, but its totally sold out. I know! Why dont you meet him and get tickets?! If you get two Ill take you.
Joey: Hey thats what all my relationships are like.
Ross: Umm, its Cutie McPretty.
Rachel: You see, now, I would date this girl. Shes cute, shes outdoorsy, you know, and she knows how to build a fire. I mean, thats got to come in handy
Rachel: Honey, what are you doing? Thats too heavy.
Monica: I cant answer that! Chandlers my husband.
Kim: Oh thats interesting? Because I checked and only one keycard was used to access the copy machine yesterday during lunch and that keycard belonged to you, Rachel.
Ross: No! No, you know what? (closes the door) You [can�t get in there] (?), the baby�s fine, now squam (?). Yeah, [I told you a|Tell your] story walking. (?)
Chandler: Well, she spent the last six months getting over him, and now shes celebrating that by going on a date with him.
Rachel: All right. Lets say I had slept with Mark. Would you have been able to forgive me?
Monica: Look at it! Ohhh! Wallpapers a little faded, thats okay. Carpets a little loose. Hardwood floors!!
Chandler: Hes really picky about his patients.
Ross: Well, there is an Arbys in the shape of a tee-pee.
Rachel: Yeah. Yknow umm, uh, umm, about that, umm, Ross I really appreciate your offer to let me move in and everything, but dont you think its gonna be weird?
Phoebe: Thats easy! You just have to think of him as a-as a jar of pickles that wont open.
Joey: Yeah, yeah, its already generating Oscar buzz.
Dr. Long: Thats right. But if you dont want to know
Chandler: Its a hand. Its a thing you use as a Jack and Coke holder.
Joey: Okay, all right, this is how its going to work. Were gonna give you hypothetical maid of honor situations and you will be scored on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the highest.
Gunther: Well, I wouldnt call her a star, but shes really good. You should check out Inspecther Gadget.
Ross: (Stepping in between them.)Okay! Okay! Thats it!! Parents!! Parents!! Back away!! All right, this is our wedding day! From now on everyone gets along, and if I hear one more word. NO GRANDCHILDREN! (Pointing at his mother.) Thats right!!
Ross: Ah Ah Get out of here! (The couple retreats. Ross starts looking through the previously mentioned book as a beautiful woman walks into the section.) Uh, meeting someone? Or-or are you just here to brush up on Marions views on evolution?
Isabella: Its laminated!
Chandler: Hi, my names Chandler. I just moved in next door and I was wondering if you would be interested in battling me in a post-apoplectic world for control of the galaxies last remaining energy source?
Ross: Wha? Oh, come on. You didnt have tosaltwater taffy?! (Mona laughs) Thanks! This is interesting. You know, most people think this is made with sea water, but its actually made with, uh, salted fresh water. Thats not interesting.
Rachel: Hey, yknow what? Im not waiting! Im gonna push this baby out! Im doing it! I mean its what? Three centimeters? Thats gotta be like this! (Holds her hands a couple inches apart.)
Ross: Mona umm Clickclocken. The famous botanist? Huh? Oh no shes uhwell shes dead now. No, supposedly she was once quite the hottie of the plant world.
Rachel: What? What? Hes interested in you. He-he likes your hair, he just wants to know how you got here.
Rachel: Well, Joey probably thinks Ill just embarrass him. Yknow, he thinks Im some kind of a soap opera nutWhich Im not! Im not. Although I do know that your uh, your favorite ice cream flavor is butter pecan. (Starts stroking his arm) And uh, and that your-your dogs name is Wally. Well look at that, Im just stroking your arm.
Phoebe: No, no, no, oh no-no-no, its has to be 800. (picks up the instruction manual to check the phone number) Cause all those big companies have 800 numbers, every one. (Finds the number) Yeah, every big Utah-based company has one.
Phoebe: No reason, its just I know a single guy that cares about other people.
Rachel: Thank you. (Gets up) Now are you sure? Because once I make a copy, theres no turning back.
Chandler: Jeez, relax! Its not like were mar-ah-ah!! (Runs out.)
Joey: The reactors gonna blow in three seconds, were never gonna make it!
Chandler: Its not a big deal. Its, just its right here, (points to his eye) and its all the time.
Chandler: Thanks, its ah, Gaelic, for Thy turkeys done. So ah, Im gonna go, nice, nice meeting you.
Joey: (sadly) There will come a time in each of your careers when youll have a chance to screw over another soap opera actor. I had such an opportunity in the recent, present. And Im ashamed to say that I took it, I advised a fellow actor to play a role, homosexually. Yeah, we both auditioned for the part, and uh, as it turned out, they ah, they liked the stupid gay thing and cast him. And now, hes got a two year contract opposite Susan Luchhi, the first lady of daytime television, and me, me Im stuck here teaching a bunch of people, most of whom are too ugly to even be on TV. Im sorry, Im sorry, Im sorry. (he gets a huge round of applause from his students.) Thank you.
Joey: Oh, want a good name, go with Joey. Joeys your pal. Joeys your buddy. "Where is everybody?" "Well, theyre hanging out with Joey."
Guru Saj: Well, relax. If it makes you feel better, Ive attended some of the finest medical schools in Central America. Well then, lets take a look at this skin abnormality of yours. (motions to the table) Come on, have a seat. (looks at it) Eeh, huh. As I suspected, its a koondis!
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Carol has come to pick up Ben.]
Phoebe: (To Joey) How could you pick up a hitchhiker?! He could be a rape(She holds her hand in front of the hitchhikers face), a rapist or a killer or something!
Phoebe: (crossing her fingers and closing her eyes) Please dont be a space ship. Please dont be a space ship. (She turns on the light and looks around and finds that its the smoke detector thats beeping.) Oh thank God! (She moves a chair over and starts to investigate how to make the beeping turn off, in frustration she yanks the thing off of the wall. She sets it down and heads for bed, just as she gets there it beeps again. She opens the cover and removes the battery, but it still beeps.) How could you be beeping?! I just disconnected you! I took out your battery! How can
Rachel: Yes! And I know what looks sexy on guys. Please, just wear what I suggest, and she’s gonna go nuts for you.
Joey: All right, ladies and gentlemen, lets poke. (they start to advance the giant poking device) Steady. Steady. Okay, a little higher. Careful of the angle. Okay, okay, were approaching the window (as he says this the camera cuts to their view of Ugly Naked Guy, so that we actually see him!) Thread the needle. Thread the needle.
Chandler: And thats the only colour that comes in.
Rachel: Sophies desk.
Joey: Chandler, look theyre actors. Theyre there to do a job, just cause they work together, doesnt mean theyre gonna get together. I mean just cause it happened with Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, it doesnt mean its gonna happen with them.
Monica: No! Listen, Im not gonna go through this with you again, okay. Just once I wanna beat when you cant blame it on the broken nose, the buzzer, or the fact that you thought you were getting mono. Lets just call this, tie score and its halftime.
Rachel: Well, I assume Ill have to take showers with him, but y'know, thats true of any job.
Sophie: Actually, thats our three hole punch.
Russell: (interrupting) Im sorry, is this the same Rachel whos name you said at the altar in the second marriage?
Monica: Ohhh, I knew you loved her! Then you need to go to the airport and tell her. Youre probably just gonna catch her just as shes about to go to the gate. Youre gonna call out her name and say, "I love you!" And shes gonna say, "I love you, too!" And you guys are going to have the most amazing kiss, everyone at the gate will applaud.
Ross: Thats okay, I mean it was just two-week thing anyway, I just didnt want it to end this way, yknow?
Monica: No, no its going to be great. Really! Mom, Dad, when I got married, one of the things that made me sure I could do it was the amazing example the two of you set for me. For that and so many other things I want to say thank you. I know I probably dont say it enough, but I love you. (Pretends to cry hoping her parents will join her.) When I look around this room, Im-Im saddened by the thought of those who could not be here with us. Nana, my beloved grandmother who would so want to be here, but she cant because shes dead. As is our dog Chi-Chi. I mean look how cute she is. (Holds up the picture and pretends to cry again). Was. (To an old man by the stage.) Do me a favor and pass this to my parents. Remember shes dead. Okay, her and Nana, gone. Wow! Hey does anybody remember when Debra Winger had to say goodbye to her children in Terms of Endearment? (Chandler covers his ears) Didnt see that? No movie fans?! You want to hear something sad? The other day I was watching 60 Minutes these orphans in Romania, who have been so neglected, they were incapable of love. (Waits for people to cry, but doesnt get any tears.) You people are made of stone! Heres to mom and dad! Whatever!
Rachel: Yes! And not because I want you to go out with me, but because I dont want you to go out with anybody! Okay? I know its a terrible thing to even think this, and its completely inappropriate, but I want you to be at my constant beck and call 24 hours a day! Im very sorry, but that is just the way that I feel.
Rachel: Uh no, hes not. Can I take a message?
Chandler: Daddy. All right look, heres the story. (Flashback to Chandler about to enter the steam room as he does the voice-over.) Well, we had just finished playing racquetball and we were gonna take a steam. I walk into the steam room and it was really steamy. (The flashback shows his glasses fog up and him trying to find his way around the steam filled room. He takes off his glasses.) So I take off my glasses and thats when in happened.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the whole gang is there, except for Ross and Rachel. Joey is trying to eat Chinese with chopsticks and fails miserably. Theres a knock on the door, and Chandler answers it to reveal Rachel]
Ross: I was their first born! They thought she was barren! Its not my fault.
Ross: Absolutely. (Turns back to the woman next to him.) So, twins... hah! Thats like two births. (He struggles again.) Ouch.
Joey: All right, look Im sorry you guys, but its just that I gotta get these new head shots made. And theyre really expensive, yknow? Im down to like three! Well, actually two cause one of em I kinda blackened in some teethWhy did I do that?! (Hits himself in the head.)
Joey: H-h-h-hows the duck?
Monica: Umm, okay. If its a boy its Daniel.
Monica: (laughs) This is Chandlers chicken. This is the turkey. (Sets down a huge turkey.)
Will: Thats right! We said your parents flipped a coin, decided to raise you as a girl, but you still had a hint of a penis.
Rachel: I will wake you up in a way thats proved very popular in the past.
Chandler: Uhh yeah. Yeah, its (Points down the hall) right, right down there. (When he has Bob looking down the hall, he turns around and knocks his nameplate off of his door.) Right there, yeah. Can I ask you why?
[Cut to London, we sit Ross sitting outside Emilys apartment. We hear Emilys phone ring with amazing clarity. Apparently, sound travels quite easily through the walls of British buildings. Anyhoo, Ross looks around for the ringing phone and in the meantime Emilys answering machine picks up and once again with amazing clarity we hear Emily say ]
Phoebe: A new grocery store. The universe said I was going to meet a nice guy and thats what they gave me? (Looks up) When I get up there Im going to kick some ass.
Ross: Uh, yknow what? Ill tell you who it hurts! It hurts the kid who has all his clothes stolen in gym class so he has to go to the principals office wearing nothing but a catchers mitt!
Chandler: Guys! Guys! Come on! Its Thanksgiving, its not important who wins or loses. The important thing is, (to Joey) the Dutch girl picked me! Me! Not you! Holland loves Chandler! Thank you, Amsterdam! Good night!!
Rachel: But Joey the baby is going to be crying, its going to be loud.
Announcer: Knicks fans, please turn your attention to the big screen on the score board. Someone has a special question to ask. (on the screen there’s written ‘Julie, will you marry me?’ and goes on to show a guy kneeling down in front of a girl holding out a ring to her)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is playing Playstation, Crash Team Racing to be exact (hes in last on Hot Air Skyway to be more exact) as Joey enters from his room desperately trying to look like a 19-year-old. Hes got the wool cap, hes got the cut-off Knicks jersey over the faded T-shirt, and hes got the whole pants-around-the-knees-showing-off-the-boxers thing that rich, white, suburban kids have adopted in a desperate and extremely futile attempt to try to look like theyre from the inner-city.]
Chandler: All right, lets break this down. What exactly did he say to you?
Phoebe: No! Its not a cigarette! The smoke is coming out of me!
Joey: Well I dont know remember exactly but, its-its pretty much about having and giving and sharing and receiving.
Ross: Yknow actually it does have a very interesting history. Uh, this street is the first street in the city to have an underground sewer system. (Kristen crinkles her nose at that.) Before that sewage and waste would just flow right down the street. Yeah, sometimes ankle deep! (He stops when he realizes what hes talking about.)
Rachel: But I thought that ring stood for Caprices undying love for her brother.
Joey: Yeah! And you have so many more choices than you do with mens underwear!
Phoebe: Yeah. (She notices some guy putting a coat on his girlfriend is trying to remember where hes seen her before.) (To him) Youre trying to figure out where you know me from? All right, Ill give you a hint. From porn! Okay? (He tries to rush his girlfriend out.) Yeah your pervert boyfriend watched me in a porno movie! (To Joey) See?
(Suddenly theres a noise off stage and the camera on Joey swings around.)
Ross: Right! Right! I justI want you to know that Im going to be there through this whole thing, okay? Okay? The doctors appointments, the uh, the Lamaze classes, uh baby-proofing the apartmentAlthough we could probably worry about that til after we get married.
Rachel: Uh, lets rip!
Rachel: Im funny? Oh thank God! Well hey, Ive got a ton of these! Umm, oh hearDo you want a good one? Heres a good one. Umm, you uh, you take a quarter, take a quarter and, and you blacken the edge. Right? (Does so.) And then you say to person, I bet you cant roll this quarter from your forehead to your chin without it leaving your face. And then when they do it, theyre left with a big black pencil line right down the center of their face.
Rachel: Yeah. Yeah, and yknow you-you deserve to win. And-and yknow I was thinking about it, if-if youre Monicas maid of honor that means I get to be yours.