words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, everyone is there and they are finishing watching the first episode of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. Joey is of course Mac.]
Mac: (on TV) Well, if we learned one thing today C.H.E.E.S.E. is that cheerleaders and high explosives dont mix. (Cut to Joey laughing while Rachel, Chandler, and Monica arent amused.)
C.H.E.E.S.E: You can say that again Mac.
C.H.E.E.S.E: Oh yeah? Well then how come I cant get my VCR to stop blinking 12:00?
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Hold on please. Joey, its your mom. (Hands him the phone.)
Chandler: Its your mommy. Its your mommy.
Rachel: Thats nice.
Phoebe: Uh-huh, yeah thats right.
Monica and Phoebe: Oh, thats great!!
Rachel: Its the same story.
Joey: (groans in disgust) Wow, its really long.
Rachel: (ignoring him) Anyway, Ralph just came in to tell me that hes so happy with my work that he wants me to be the new merchandising manager for polo retail.
Joey: Ill be playing Drake Remorays twin brother, Stryker!
[Scene: Rachels New Office, shes interviewing a potential new assistant, Hilda.]
Hilda: Thats right.
Hilda: No dear. Its not.
(Theres a knock on the door and a handsome man enters.)
Rachel: Really?! (Taking his resume) Okay well then, all right, well just have a seat there. Umm, so whatswhat iswhats your name?
Tag: Thats it. Thats my whole name.
Rachel: Thats your whole name, okay of course it is! Okay, well lets-lets just have a look-see here. (Looking at his resume)
Rachel: Oh come on, what are you talking about? Youve got three years painting houses. Two whole summers at T.G.I. Fridays, come on!
Tag: Its lame, I know. But Im a goal-oriented person, very eager to learn
Rachel: Okay, hold on just a second. (She grabs a camera out of the desk and takes his picture.) Im sorry, its for human resources, everybody has to do it. Could you just stand up please?
Monica: I cant tell you. Its a secret.
Chandler: No, he visited a little town south of throw up. (Monica laughs hysterically.) So what was Phoebes secret?
Monica: Oh, Nancy Thompson from Phoebes old massage place is getting fired.
Chandler: Thats it?! I gave up my Disneyland story for that?
Monica: Thats right! You lose sucker!! (Pause) Please still marry me.
Rachel: No, I-I just dont know how you decide who to hire. I mean Ive got it narrowed down to two people. One of them has great references and a lot of experience and then theres this guy
Rachel: I love him. Hes so pretty I wanna cry! I dont know what to do. Tell me what to do.
Phoebe: Lets see. (Looking at the picture) Oh my God! Oh But no! No! You cant-you cant hire him, because thatits not professional. Umm, this is for me (The picture) yes? Thanks. (Puts it in her pocket.)
[Scene: The Days of Our Lives producers office, Joey is entering to find Terry there.]
Joey: Its been a while, huh? Wow, its funny these halls look smaller then they used to.
Terry: Its a different building.
Joey: Well, I was Dr. Drake Remoray, Strykers twin brother. I mean, who looks more me than me right?
Terry: Im sorry Joey thats thats the way it is.
Joey: Well. I guess you think youre pretty special huh? Sittin up here in your fancy small hall building. Makin stars jump through hoops for ya, huh? Well yknow what? (Throws the script away) This is one star whos hoop This is a star that the hoopthis hoopI was Dr. Drake Remoray!
[Scene: Rachels office, shes there as Tag knocks on the door and enters carrying a plant.]
Chandler: Oh its always nicer to here than, "Aw crap! You again!"
Chandler: Hey! Whats up?
Ross: (notices the table) HeyOoh! Whats-whats that, dinner stuff? You making dinner?
Ross: Eh, either way Ill pass. (Quietly to Chandler) I still cant eat those. (Monica is getting something out of the fridge and starts laughing.) Whats so funny?!
Chandler: Nancy Thompsons getting fired! (Monica slaps him on the shoulder.)
Ross: (To Monica) Look, okay-okay I had food poisoning! Its not like I choose to do it! Its not likeIts not like I said, "Umm, what would make this ride more fun?!"
Ross: And this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after awhile he-he goes over to her and uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what youre thinking, Chandlers not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls, and youre right, Chandlers not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls.
Phoebe: HeyOoh, hows Hilda? Is she working out?
Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh hey! Can you, can you hang on a second? (To Phoebe and Rachel) Its the producers over at Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. can you excuse me for a minute? (On phone) Hey, funny you should call. I was just looking over next weeks script. (Listens) Canceled?! (Listens) Like theyre taking it off the air? (Listens) Ohh. (Listens) All right, see you Monday. (Listens) Were not even shootin them anymore?!! (Listens) All right, bye! (Hangs up) They canceled Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E!
Monica: Its hard for some people!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is still bumming about cancellation of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Phoebe: You! An actor?! Thats madness!
[Scene: Rachels Outer Office, Tag is sitting at his desk as Rachel walks up. She stops and watches him pick up the phone.]
Tag: Rachel Greens office. (Hangs up.)
Tag: Hi! Rachel Greens office.
Tag: Phoebe! Thats a great name.
Rachel: Yes, I know that. I know that. And I know that hiring him was probably not the smartest thing that Ive ever done. But Im telling you, from this moment on I swear this is strictly professional. (Theres a knock on the door.) Yes?
(Kathy enters (Because shes listed in the credits).)
Kathy: Cute assistant! Whats his story? Is he
[Scene: Terrys office, Joey has come to beg for a second chance.]
Nurse #1: This poor guys been in a coma for five years. Its hopeless.
Nurse #2: Its not hopeless! Dr. Stryker Remorays a miracle worker. Look, here he comes.
(Stryker enters, only its not Joey playing him.)
Dr. Stryker Remoray: Good morning. (He walks over to the bed, leans down, and whispers to him.) Drake, its your brother Stryker. Can you hear me?
Chandler: Yeah that was stupid. Lets not do that.
[Scene: Rachels office, shes looking at a picture of Tag when he knocks and enters.]
Rachel: Well yeah, sure, whats up?
Rachel: Whys that?
Rachel: (Pause) Yeah, shes gay.
Rachel: Thats right!
Phoebe: Ooh, whos it for?
Phoebe: Oh, thats it? (Mimics Chandler) A great idea!
Chandler: I know, lets rest and drink lots of fluids. (Holds up a glass of orange juice.)
Ross: Thats a different issue. Uh, the point is, when the baby comes I will be there to to feed her and bathe her and change her. And more than that I want to do all those things.
Gary: Its candy time! My roommate says that they taste like little drops of heaven.
Janice: Hes a keeper. How are you feeling?
[Scene: The Mens Bathroom, the tall guy is there as Joey enters.]
Monica: Anyway, it just doesnt seem worth it to make a whole turkey for just three people. Okay? Its a lot of work.
Chandler: Oh, so thats why the priest threw holy water on me. (theres no reaction from Joey) Okay, listen, you have to cheer up! Okay? You should come out with Ross and me, I mean anything is better than sitting around here crying all day about Kate.
Bobby: Well its just me and my pal Rooster, the bands name is Numb Nuts.
Joey: (Voice cracking) Well thats like summer in a bowl.
Joey: No thats not what I was going to say at all. No, what I was going to say is when youre 90 youll still have the memory of what it was like to be with a 20-year-old.
Phoebe: Yeah, its totally meant to be. (To Monica) Tell him who you originally wanted to hook up with that night.
[Scene: Joey and Janines apartment, they both enter.]
Chandler: Thats what you got me?
Joey: Totally! I would love to spend New Years with you.
Chandler: Thats great!
Joey: No-no-no, no its uh, its okay.
Joey: Its London, baby! All right, the hotels here. (Points to the map.) Wait. No, we wanna go No. I know. (Sets the map down.) Im gonna have to go into the map. (So Joey literally steps into the map.)
Rachel: Well, is Ross home? Maybe Ill just call him to see if hes actually seen her.
Phoebe: Um, yeah. Look, I mean, Im not saying shes like evil or anything. She just, you know, shes always breaking my stuff. When I was eight, and I wouldnt let her have my Judy Jetson thermos, so she threw it under the bus. And then, oh, and then there was Randy Brown, who was like... Have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend?
Phoebe Sr: Uh-huh. Wow! Well, look! Theres Frank. (points to the picture.)
Ross: (to the guard) Dont sweat it, Ive got this section covered. Yeah, in fact Ive got this little baby (Turns on a mini-flashlight) to shine in peoples eye(The guard walks away)Okay, see you later.
Chandler: (comforting the duck) Everythings gonna be all right. Okay, Dick?
Chandler: Oh thats too bad.
Lisa: Do I? Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, thats your fault. I say.
Chandler: All right, lets play one more hand! One more!
Ross: What?! No! No! Wait! Youre right, this is stupid. Who cares what people think? I mean, I mean we like each other right? Theres nothing wrong with that. Come on. (They get up and go over to the table where his colleagues are sitting.) Burt? Lydia? Mel? This is Elizabeth.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel are sitting on the couch and Ross is talking to Rachels, who is now showing, stomach.]
Joey: Uh, I dont know. Ya see, its just, see I was a regular on a soap opera yknow? And to go from that to this, I just Plus, Id have to wait on all my friends.
(inside Chandlers apartment, Chandler is coming in from his bedroom, sees Mr. Heckles, and screams.)
Chandler: So shes just waiting over there for ya?
Chandler: It just keeps getting worse and worse! Y'know? I mean its bad enough that Im in love with my roommates girlfriendwhich by the way, I think she knows. Because every time were in the room together theres this weird like energy between us. And call me crazy, but I think she likes me too. And now I have seen her naked. I mean at least when Ive seen her with clothes on, I could imagine her body was like covered in boles or something. But there are no boles, shes smooth! Smooth! (leaves)
Chandler: Oh. (Goes and gets Phoebes book as Rachel comes in from her room.)
Joey: Hey Gunther, dont let that guy in here anymore! He just said Phoebes a porn star!
Rachel: Thats right!
Phoebe: No! No! Look at that! (drags her away from the window) Its a line of ants! Theyre working as a team!
Ross: Its okay, Im ready.
Monica: Its beautiful! Its like the first bathroom floor there ever was. (Chandler tries to go to the bathroom) Whoa! Are you going in there for?
Emily: No ones ever thrown me a surprise party before!
Joey: Well, when its not right, you know it.
Ross: Its my new apothecary table!
Monica: That didnt work on mom, its not going to work on us.
Ross: Its my joke.
Joey: Lets go watch it at your place.
Monica: (relieved) Its only you.
Chandler: Thats totally understandable.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bedroom, they are in bed together.]
Joey: No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no Its okay, I mean Ilook Rach, I know I scared you off with that whole Naked Thursdays thing, but we dont have to do that!
Monica: Do you know whats a bad idea?
Monica: Thats a good idea.
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, its actually Joey and Rachels. Phoebe is trying to convince Rachel to switch with her and live with Monica as Joey looks on.]
Rachel: All right, thats it, you guys! What happened out there?
Joey: See, now its weird again.
Joey: I will be doing a dramatic reading of one of Emma’s books.
Rachel: Are you, are you, are you sure its ah, a new bump? I mean, no offense, Ive always thought of Ben as a fairly bumpy headed child.
Chandler: Its yelling bleeding dilating. Oh, the dilating
Phoebe: Thats great. Good for you guys.
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachels, Phoebe is sitting on the couch as Rachel and Monica enter.]
(People start getting up. Ross grabs Carols doll to hold it upside down like a football, slapping it with his other hand.)
Gunther: Thats the whole part?
Ross: Its my joke.
Chandler: Lets have Monica decide.
Monica: Wait Chandler come on, letsits not a big deal!
Ross: Its your joke.
Chandler: Oh no, now its not gonna make any sense!
Rachel: Oh, thank you thats very helpful, Im glad you came over.
Ross: Hey uh, well, todays my first lecture and I kinda wanted to try it out on you guys, do you, do you mind?
[Scene, Phoebe and Rachels, theyre sitting together on the couch.]
Rachel: And thats Phoebe (points), and thats Joey.
Ross: Oh. Whats wrong with Ross?
(Theres a knock on the door and Ross enters.)
Ross: Joey! The vet said its a simple procedure.
Ross: What?! That-thats all the way cross town, Im supposed to teach a graduate seminar there in ten minutes.
Phoebe: Its Lafite. The 74 Latour is actually drinking quite nicely.
Ross: Whats her last name?
[Scene: Erics Apartment, he and Phoebe are still making out.]
Joey: Oh, wait-wait! (Reaches into the shower again.) Maybe its a pickle?!
Phoebe: Oh my God, thats so freaky! Turn him off!!
Rachel: Whats up?!
Phoebe: Umm, I think theres something you should maybe know.
Phoebe: I dont know, its such a long trip.
Phoebe: Oh my God, look! Thats Elizabeth!
Rachel: Yeah but, hes not your type.
Chandler: Its nice.
[Scene: Monicas, Monica is coming out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel, as Chandler is entering.]
Rachel: Its kinda slutty.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is knocking on Rachels door, whose door frame is decorated with balloons. The rest of the gang is there as well. Rachel opens the door and the gang blow on noisemakers.]
Chandler: (thinks) Thats the perfect amount!
Monica: That’s right. You’re making a commitment and that’s the same, whether you do that at the Plaza or, where are you gonna do it?
Ross: Whats a scrud?
Janine: Whats the matter? Are you upset?
Chandler: Oh, come on, theres a rest stop right up there! Come on, I really have to goooooooooo.
Rachel: Thats a good story, Grandpa.
Rachel: Oh, I probably shouldntso I will! (Joey starts making her refill and Rachel notices that rain thing Joey has.) Oh! Wow! Its like its raining!
Monica: Okay. Lets bring it in.
Monica: Guys, whats going on?
Ross: Hey! Uh, Phoebes not here is she?
Monica: Thats Phoebe! Where did you get that?