words in movies
(They both sit down at the table and the chick and the duck enter from Joeys bedroom.)
Rachel: Oh! Good thing Chandlers not here, he always wins at this game.
Joanna: (Coming out of the shower wearing nothing but a towel) Hello, Rachel. (She goes into Chandlers bedroom)
Chandler: Oh, come on! Its not like this is an everyday occurrence for me! I mean usually Im pretty much just in there by myself.
Chandler: I hope you know what Im giving up for ya, because shes not just the boss in your office, if you know what I mean.
[Scene: The Geller household kitchen, Monica and Phoebe are cooking for Mrs. Gellers party.]
Mrs. Geller: (entering) Hows the hired help?
Mrs. Geller: Whats this? Blue nail polish?
Mrs. Geller: Ahh, thats what your Grandmothers hands looked like when we found her.
Phoebe: Wow! And hey, its cool if youre a lesbian! (Gives her a thumbs up)
Joey: Uhhhh. (Hes not sure)
[Cut to Monica and Rachels apartment, all are there.]
Ross: Im telling you its totally unconstituional.
[Cut to Monica and Rachels, theyre all there playing cards.]
[Scene: The Gellers Kitchen, Monica and Phoebe are still cooking.]
Phoebe: Thats weird.
Phoebe: Oh, no, I meant that its weird that you only have nine now.
Monica: (Looks at her nails) Oh my God. Wait a minute, I had them put (realises) Oh my God! Its in the quiche! Oh My God!
Phoebe: Okay, dont panic. Im gonna go to the store, Im gonna get you another set of nails, no ones gonna know, and youre gonna look great. (She runs over to get her coat.) Oh! Oh, its cause theyre gonna eatthats the problem.
Monica: Okay ah, please dont freak out. Umm, but ah, theres a blue fingernail in one of the quiche cups, and theres no way to know which one.
Mrs. Geller: Its nothing, its just that now your Father owes me five dollars.
Monica: (laughs) Thats right. My Mom doesnt have any faith in me! Oh, thats hilarious! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
[Scene: Joannas office, Joanna and Chandler are making out on her chair. Chandler isnt wearing any pants.]
Joanna: Just a little gag gift somebody gave me. (Shes holding a pair of handcuffs) Put your hands together.
Joanna: Knowing youre here, waiting for me I think its kinda exciting.
Chandler: Okay. But if you dont come back soon, (She leaves and closes the door) theres pretty much nothing I can do about it!
[Cut to Joannas outer office, where Rachel and Sophie work. They are both coming back from lunch.]
Rachel: Thats weird, she locked the door.
Sophie: Yknow why? Shes got the Christmas bonus list in there. I saw her working on it this morning.
Rachel: Okay, swear you wont tell, but when Mark left he gave me a key to Joannas office. Do you wanna see the list?
[Scene: Joannas office, Chandler, still handcuffed to the chair, is looking through the lingerie catalogue by turning the pages with his teeth. The phone rings and Chandler answers it with his nose.]
Chandler: Hello, Joanna (Realises he doesnt know her last name) s office.
Joanna: Im in my bosss car!
[Cut to Rachels office as her intercom buzzes.]
Chandler: Okay, heres the situation. The keys to the cuffs are on the back of the door. Could you be a doll and grab them and scoot on over and unlock me? And on a totally different subject, that is a lovely pantsuit.
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no-no-no!! I cant get myself right out of them! You must have me confused with the Amazing Chandler!! Come on, you have to unlock me, she could be gone for hours, and Im cold, and (Stops and looks up the skirt on a statue behind Joannas desk.)
Rachel: When she sees that youre gone, shes gonna know that I let you out, and that I was in here, and Im gonna get fired!
Rachel: No, theres nothing to make up, shes gonna know that I have a key to her office, Ive got to get you locked up back the way you were! (She tries to drag him over to the chair, but Chandler stops her.)
The Salesman: So, heres somebody interesting, Joey. What do you know about Van Gogh?
Joey: Wow! Thats pretty nice. I thought he cut off his ear cause he sucked. What else you got in there?
The Salesman: Lets see, ahhh Where does the Pope live?
Joey: In the woods. No wait-wait, thats the joke answer.
Joey: Spocks birth control.
[Scene: Monicas childhood bedroom (which has been turned into a gym), Monica is lying on the treadmill as Phoebe enters.]
Monica: Oh good, Im glad thats catching on.
Phoebe: Okay, umm, if a kid gets straight As, his parents would say, "Yeah, he pulled a Monica." Y'know? Or a fireman saves a baby, and they go, "Yeah I know, he pulled a Monica." Or someone hits a homerun and the announcer says, "Yeah, that ones outta here." Though some things dont change.
[Scene: Joannas office, Rachel and Chandler are having a little tug-of-war with his pants.]
Rachel: Chandler! Chandler, please, I have to get you locked up back the way you were, I am sooo gonna lose my job, shes very private about her office. Now I know why.
Chandler: Hey, look, youre in trouble either way! Okay? If she comes back and sees me locked to this instead of the chair, shes gonna know you were in here. So you might as well just let me go.
Joey: Wow! Theres a lot I didnt know about vomit. (The duck comes to the door of the bathroom, quacking.) (To the duck) In a minute. (The duck goes back into the bathroom.)
Joey: Twelve hundred dollars? You think I have $1200? Im home in the middle of the day, and I got patio furniture in my living room. I guess theres a few things you dont get from book learnin.
Joey: And a 50. (The salesman stops suddenly) Huh, these must be Chandlers pants.
[Scene: Joannas office, Rachel and Chandler are still negotiating.]
Rachel: I have so got it. Theres gonna be rumours about this, theres no way to stop it. Sophie knows, Monica and Phoebe know.
Rachel: I can make you a legend. I can make you this generations Milton Berle.
[Scene: The Gellers kitchen, Phoebe is bringing in some dirty dishes.]
Phoebe: Its hard to believe that just a little while ago this was nothing but ingredients.
Joey: Wh-whats going on?
Joey: Well, its good thing you got out when you did, before she blew up like that Vesuvius.
[Scene: Rachels office, Rachel is coming in for the day.]
Joanna: (from her office) Whos out there?
Rachel: Its me! Good morning!
Rachel: Yeah, sure. Umm, they didnt have poppy seed bagels, so I (Enters Joannas office and sees her handcuffed to her chair wearing nothing but a slip) Oh my word!
Emily: So what are you saying? Its now or never?
Chandler: And people say you dont pay attention. No, this is a much better job. Its vice-president of a company that does data reconfiguration and statistical factoring for other companies.
Monica: What I said was, was that I understood. Joeys the one who agreed with you!
[Rosss beeper goes off.]
Monica: Well, uh yknow, our guy works with Chandler and hes really nice and smart and hes a great dresser!
Chandler: Thats Thats was
Pete: ...so y'know, thats why, within a few years, that voice recognition is gonna be pretty much standard on any computer you buy. Y'know, so you could be like-like, Wash my car. Clean my room. Its not gonna be able to do any of those things, but itll understand what youre saying.
Fergie: (Yep, Sarah, the Duchess of York) Okay, so umm, whats your friends name?
Monica: No! Joey and Ross dont know anything and Chandler still thinks that Phoebes pregnant.
Joey: I dont want to talk about it. Yknow, you couldve at least saved me a whole cookie. (He grabs whats left of the cookie and pops in his mouth.)
Joey: Whos seven?
Phoebe: Ooh, the pizza guys here!
Phoebe: Thats not why youre going! Youre going because you hope hes gonna say, "Yeah, I love you too, Rach. Forget that British chippy."
Phoebe: Yeah, oh Im sorry, it must be really hard to hear! I tell ya, its a lot easier having three babies play Bringing in the Noise, Bringing in da Funk on your bladder! Im so sick of being pregnant! The only happiness I get is from a cup of coffee, which of course is decaf, causeOh! Im pregnant!
Phoebe: What a mean thing to say! I would never tell you its not your birthday!
Joanna: Thats why I said all those things about your flirting and your drinking
Chandler: All right! Thats fine! Thats fine! I wont bring over the chairs! I wont bring anything over! I wouldnt want to ruin the ambiance over here at Grandmas place!! (Storms out.)
Ross: Thank you! Thats what I keep saying.
Mrs. Geller: Jack, thats what they call the subway.
Mr. Waltham: Its the Gellers!
Joey: Whats in it?
Ross: whats up, Dad?
Rachel: Look, I am so so happy for you guys, but you getting married just reminds me of the fact that Im not. Im not even close. And I dont know, maybe I just wanted to make myself feel better. And I know that thats dumb, but oh my God you were so depressed when Ross got married that you slept with Chandler!
Chandler: Well she, she wouldnt do that, shes with, shes with me.
The Saleslady: Yes, whats the name, please?
Rachel: All right, come on, lets go get your coat.
Mr. Geller: This bill for my half of the wedding. its insane.
Rachel: But yknow what, if you think its gonna be okay well just work out a system. Yknow, itll be like college, Ill hang a hanger on the door and put a sign, "Come back later, Im gettin lucky." (Laughs.)
Rachel: Whoops. (Starts to go into Chandler and Joeys.) Oh, hey, do you need help with that?
Phoebe: Shes right! You have to stop!
Phoebe: Wait. Why was he yelling at her? Hes the one who slept with someone else.
Chandler: Oh, I would never bet this apartment. Its too nice.
Ross: (To Rachel) Hey, heres a thought.
[cut back to Chandler and Joeys.]
Chandler: Thats a low one!
[Scene: Joey and Rachels, Joey is at the counter eating a bowl of Frosted Flakes.]
Joey: (returns to their old table where elderly people are sitting now, sits) Finally you guys made it. (looks up, turns left to Phoebe�s chair) Pheebs, who the hell�uhuhh!
Frank: (noticing the puppy) Oh, whos this little guy?! (Grabs the puppy)
[Scene: Phoebes Work, Ross is now trying to stop Jasmine from telling Phoebe.]
Joey: I had to get out of the apartment. Janine is like stretching all over the place. Yknow, everywhere I look shes like (He imitates her stretching)
Phoebe: (entering, hurridly) Hey, you guys! Look what I found! Look at this! (She hands Chandler a picture) Thats my Moms writing! Look.
Monica: This place is really my Grandmothers. (Joey starts to take off all of his clothes, while Monica gets the glasses and pours the lemonade.) I got it from her when she moved to Florida, otherwise I could never afford a place like this. So if the landlord ever asks, Im 87 year old woman, whos afraid of her VCR. So are you thirsty?
Chandler: So, the fact that I am a doctor, and my wife’s a reverend, that’s important to you?
Rachel: No! No! Seriously, whats wrong with the dog?! Wait a minute, what are you doing home so early? What happened to your date?
Phoebe: No-no, its okay. But are we sure we dont want the waterbed?
Chandler: Oh yea, your right. Its the second one.
[Cut to Rosss apartment, he his playing the Bagpipes, badly. Hes worse than that whole keyboard thing a few years ago.]
Emily: What-whats going on?!
Ross: (stopping them) Okay, that-thats enough! Yknow, lets, lets let someone else play.
Rachel: Jo-Joey, look honey we-we need to talk okay? Umm, I kinda got the feeling from her today that uh, shes not lookin for a serious relationship.
Joey: No, was my best friend. Anyway, I dont know why youre pushing for him so hard. With him out of the way as my best friend, theres a spot open.
Phoebe: Oh thats so great! Ohh, so whats going on now?
Phoebe: Yeah. Lets see, my had Mom killed herself, and my Dad had run off, and I was living in a Gremlin with a guy named Cindy who talked to his hand.
Director: (To Cameraman) Make sure you get this, theyre gonna want it for the bloopers show. (To everyone) Alright cut! Listen up everyone, when we start again its gonna be the countdown to new years, so I wanna see everybodys excitement.
Ross: Im telling you. Im telling you. Thats what it is. No wonder she was looking at me all funny during the wedding. She didnt say anything to you?
Chandler: Its the theme from Good Will Humping.
Monica: No, I cant afford this either. No. I-I-Im, Im just to figure out which one I want then Im gonna get it at Kleinmans, this discount place in Brooklyn, day after tomorrow they are having a huge sale.
Monica: Well, shes not going to find them lying in the grass like that.
Lauren: (at the window, shes looking down out of the window) What do you got down there, Vic? What do you got under that tarp?
Alice: Hi! (She runs over and hugs Phoebes stomach.) So, how did it go at the doctors?
Chandler: Forget it, thats off.
Joey: Yeah, its not mine.
Monica: Thats true.
Jamie: This could be Gods way of telling us to eat at home.
Rachel: Hello? Oh, Pheebs! (To them) Its Phoebe!
Monica: Well, nows a good time. Im on my way to have my ears cut off.
Gunther: Oh thats cool, I was gonna fire you anyway.
Joey: Rach! Hey! Its fine! Youre at Joeys!
[Scene: Phoebes, she is coming home. She turns on the lights, and sits down on the couch.]
Phoebe: Well its only like my favorite bay! {Actually, its not bad. It just gets a little cold in winter, but in Wisconsin winter only lasts from August to June. J }
Ross: Enough with geography for the insane, okay? Lets play some ball, guys.
Monica: Ha ha, a joke thats funny in all countries.
Mrs. Waltham: You can forget about Emily, shes not with us.
Emily: Ross umm, theres something that Ive got to tell you, theres-theres someone else.
Chandler: Noo! (takes him out) Oh, its okay, its okay, baby, baby, baby.
Ross: Its okay if he bumps his head, kids bump their heads all the time, y'know, it was your first time babysitting, I figured you did the best you could.
Monica: (laughs) Thats okay.
Ross: Of course I was mad! I told you I-I hate this stuff! Okay? It-its not funny!
Ross: I get it! Well, thats that.
Ross: Its heads. (The guys celebrate.) Gentlemen, pick your category.
Monica: Nope, sound like me. Pheebs, its going great. Look at Chandler with little baby girl Chandler.
(She stares at him and Ross realizes what shes thinking.)
Mrs. Waltham: I know, its horrible isnt it?
Monica: Well, after 15 years of mom and dad keeping it as a shrine to you, its time the velvet ropes came down.
Phoebe: (rapidly) Im doing okay. I think its going well. Do you think theyre having fun? Am I talking to fast?
Rachel: Honey, thats youre name.
Rachel: (sarcastically) No, I did, but tell me again, because its so romantic.
(Chandlers Mom enters and Chandler meets her by the door.)
Mischa: (to Monica) Oh, hes unbelievable. I mean for the first time in three years somebody wants to actually want to talk to me, but do you think he would let me enjoy that, no!! (to Sergei) You silly diplomat, why dont you learn some English, Sergei?
[Scene: Dr. Burkes office, Tim is examining Monica.]
Ross: Hey-hey, its valid okay? And Im not the only one who thinks so, Monica agrees with me.
Ross: Well, not really. I mean technically its-its not against the rules or anything, but it is frowned upon. Especially by that professor we ran into last night, Judgey von Holierthanthou.
Rachel: Well of course we will help you decide! We will do anything we can to help you! Now, I would like to make a toast, to the future Mrs. Chandler Bing (A woman at the table behind them overhears Chandlers name and starts listening closer), my best friend, and truly one of the nicest people that
Rachel: Yeah, come on! Whats going in on in there? (Pats his chest.)
Ross: Whats a koondis?
Phoebe: All right, whats going on there? (Points to a picture.)
Monica: Why? Do you think hes still mad at us?
Ross: And Im sure youre gonna make a big impression. Hi! Im Rachel Green. Its nice to meet you. (He lifts his leg and imitates shaking hands with it, just like how Rachel was trying to pick up the aspirin with her feet.) Come on, you probably have a broken rib!
Ross: I like it, and Emily likes it, and thats what counts. So uh, how are you guys doing?
Phoebe: Hey! Hey, did you get your invitation to Rosss wedding?