words in movies
Transcribers Note: This is stuff we never saw from all of the seasons, so for all of the scene settings I will be using the current arrangements. Even though some of the out takes take place when Chandler was living with Joey and Rachel was living with Monica, when Joey and Chandler were living in Monica and Rachels, and the current arrangements.
Conan: Its a tradition here on Friends after every taping for me to hang out with you guys, (They all laugh) talk down the episode umm The point of this whole thing is what people see in America is: they see Friends, they love the show, it looks like a smooth running machine, but behind the scenes theres deceit, mistrust, and hate. And I thought, I thought wed actually take a look at uh, yknow some of these moments where you guys arethere are mistakes. You make mistakes.
Matthew: Our energy just comes way up when theres an audience here and when that happens, something happens between your brain and your mouth sometimes and it just doesnt, it just doesnt work.
[Cut to Central Perk, Ross, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there. I think its The One With The Joke.]
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe is speaking Italian to Joeys grandmother. Im spelling phonetically.]
Courtney: Its amazing like all week long weve-weve been saying the same lines and then the audience is here and we will mess up, and if you mess up once, then youll get nervous because youllyou know youll probably mess up again.
Courtney: Okay. You know its gonna happen.
Monica: (the hands still there) When-when you were little you slept through the Grand Canyon. (She actually itches her nose this time.)
Courtney: Oh! Okay! Im gonna try it without the coffee cup cause I think its the left hand thats messing me up.
Monica: Sorry, lets go back! Cause youve got more to say.
Lisa: Do I? Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, thats your fault. I say.
(Suddenly theres a noise off stage and the camera on Joey swings around.)
[Cut the hallway, Rachel is exited from Monicas when the door closes on her skirt.]
Chandler: Hey Rach! (She breaks up and goes back into Monicas.)
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, first season, Monica is making a giant sub-sandwich and is talking to Rachel. I think its The One With Fake Monica.]
Monica: It was so wild! We told em we were the Gundersons in 16
Phoebe: Oh-ooh, and I brought Operation, but umm I lost the umm (It starts buzzing) Its making a noise.
(As shes saying that Joey is to pull out a chair and sit down, only Matthew comes running in from off camera and dives for the same chair.)
Conan: Matthew, you have a reputation with the rest of the cast that sometimes you like to, you like to fool around a bit. I mean like if somethings naturally going wrong you like to get in there and juice it a little bit. True or false?
[Cut to Monicas restaurant kitchen, its the episode where Joey is working as a waiter at Monicas restaurant. Joey is patting her breast from when she set it on fire.]
Rachel: Okay. Okay, see now the one with the feather boa? Thats Dr. Francis. She used to be a man. Oh look! There(Marcel (Katie) jumps away)Okay. (And runs behind her on the back of the couch for a little while.)
Jennifer: Katie. Geez! See Katie, come hereKatie! (Katie spills some popcorn.) Katie, come here Katie. (She obeys and sits where shes supposed to.) Very good.
Jennifer: Lisas laugh though TheresIts so infectious. Its one of those things just forget about it. Once it starts, its all gone.
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, its actually Joey and Rachels. Phoebe is trying to convince Rachel to switch with her and live with Monica as Joey looks on.]
Phoebe: Well at Monicas you can eat(Suddenly cracks up.)
Lisa: Okay, shh yeah. Cause its not silly.
Conan: And then it just builds on itself and theres no doing the scene after. I mean you probably wait and really get it together and do it.
(Joey hugs Rosss neck and has a look of complete contentment on his face which, after a short while, causes David and Matt to start laughing.)
Matt: Thats a good one? (They both laugh.)
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are giving Phoebe and Rachel the brides maid test.]
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Courtney and Matthew are getting ready to do a scene where Monicas sick.]
Matthew: Thats gross.
[Cut to Carol and Susans apartment, from next weeks episode Rachel is talking to Ben.]
David: Where the story was that I was anticipating that I would be around to hear my sons first words spoken. But the scene was about that he wasnt supposed to be able to speak and, uh for some reason when we started doing the show
[Cut to Central Perk, Ross is taking Ben to visit Rachel whos working there.]
Ross: Its Ben and his Da-Da. Da-Da? Can you say Da-Da? Yknow, you might as well say it because I told your
David: Yeah, hes saying Da-Da.
Matt: And then sometimes during the show yknow but youre like, the scenes going one way but youre just tempted to say something another time. Like, do you remember that one where Monicas baking cookies in our old apartment?
Jennifer: Shes trying to intrigue us to hang out with her.
Matt: Yeah, shes trying to waft the smell across the hall to get us to come hang out in her new place, and were sitting there eating pizza and I think it was you (Points to Lisa) that said
[Cut to Monica and Ross leaving Joey and Chandlers hotel room in London. As they exit Joey and Chandler enter from the bathroom with both of their pants down around their ankles.]
Matt: (noticing the laughter) Why? Whats the matter?
Conan: I-I heard some of you guys talking about this earlier, but sometimes theres just a word that someone has to say that youll get hung up on. And itll justthe way you say the word is funny to everybody else.
Matt: Sometimes the dialogue itself is just so funny and youllwell be rehearsing during the week and you justwhatever-whatever the joke is; its so funny we cant get through it in rehearsal and just
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, its the one with the fake chocolate. Monica has baked some cookies and Phoebe is trying them.]
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, the gang is watching Joeys debut on Days.]
Chandler: (noticing the woman on the screen) Whoa! Shes purty!
Joey: Oh yeah, and shes really nice too! She taught me about yknow, how to work with the cameras and smell-the-fart acting.
Chandler: Monicas gotta have the phone in the right place and(Frantic babbling.)
David: Hes gone. Hes
David: We enjoy watching each other. And I settle for watching each others performance, and we like each other.
[Cut to Rosss second wedding reception, Joey has just told him the band is ready with Rachel looking on.]
Ross: Oh the bands ready! And wellI-Iwe gotta do what the band says, right? I dont care about the stinkin band!!
Matthew: Well thank for coming here, its good to see you.
[Cut to Monicas work kitchen, shes on fire again and Joey is putting her out.]
(Matt grabs his plate and takes some of whats on Rosss plate.)
Emily: So what are you saying? Its now or never?
Chandler: And people say you dont pay attention. No, this is a much better job. Its vice-president of a company that does data reconfiguration and statistical factoring for other companies.
Monica: What I said was, was that I understood. Joeys the one who agreed with you!
[Rosss beeper goes off.]
Monica: Well, uh yknow, our guy works with Chandler and hes really nice and smart and hes a great dresser!
Chandler: Thats Thats was
Pete: ...so y'know, thats why, within a few years, that voice recognition is gonna be pretty much standard on any computer you buy. Y'know, so you could be like-like, Wash my car. Clean my room. Its not gonna be able to do any of those things, but itll understand what youre saying.
Fergie: (Yep, Sarah, the Duchess of York) Okay, so umm, whats your friends name?
Monica: No! Joey and Ross dont know anything and Chandler still thinks that Phoebes pregnant.
Joey: I dont want to talk about it. Yknow, you couldve at least saved me a whole cookie. (He grabs whats left of the cookie and pops in his mouth.)
Joey: Whos seven?
Phoebe: Ooh, the pizza guys here!
Phoebe: Thats not why youre going! Youre going because you hope hes gonna say, "Yeah, I love you too, Rach. Forget that British chippy."
Phoebe: Yeah, oh Im sorry, it must be really hard to hear! I tell ya, its a lot easier having three babies play Bringing in the Noise, Bringing in da Funk on your bladder! Im so sick of being pregnant! The only happiness I get is from a cup of coffee, which of course is decaf, causeOh! Im pregnant!
Phoebe: What a mean thing to say! I would never tell you its not your birthday!
Joanna: Thats why I said all those things about your flirting and your drinking
Chandler: All right! Thats fine! Thats fine! I wont bring over the chairs! I wont bring anything over! I wouldnt want to ruin the ambiance over here at Grandmas place!! (Storms out.)
Ross: Thank you! Thats what I keep saying.
Mrs. Geller: Jack, thats what they call the subway.
Mr. Waltham: Its the Gellers!
Joey: Whats in it?
Ross: whats up, Dad?
Rachel: Look, I am so so happy for you guys, but you getting married just reminds me of the fact that Im not. Im not even close. And I dont know, maybe I just wanted to make myself feel better. And I know that thats dumb, but oh my God you were so depressed when Ross got married that you slept with Chandler!
Chandler: Well she, she wouldnt do that, shes with, shes with me.
The Saleslady: Yes, whats the name, please?
Rachel: All right, come on, lets go get your coat.
Mr. Geller: This bill for my half of the wedding. its insane.
Rachel: But yknow what, if you think its gonna be okay well just work out a system. Yknow, itll be like college, Ill hang a hanger on the door and put a sign, "Come back later, Im gettin lucky." (Laughs.)
Rachel: Whoops. (Starts to go into Chandler and Joeys.) Oh, hey, do you need help with that?
Phoebe: Shes right! You have to stop!
Phoebe: Wait. Why was he yelling at her? Hes the one who slept with someone else.
Chandler: Oh, I would never bet this apartment. Its too nice.
Ross: (To Rachel) Hey, heres a thought.
[cut back to Chandler and Joeys.]
Chandler: Thats a low one!
[Scene: Joey and Rachels, Joey is at the counter eating a bowl of Frosted Flakes.]
Joey: (returns to their old table where elderly people are sitting now, sits) Finally you guys made it. (looks up, turns left to Phoebe�s chair) Pheebs, who the hell�uhuhh!
Frank: (noticing the puppy) Oh, whos this little guy?! (Grabs the puppy)
[Scene: Phoebes Work, Ross is now trying to stop Jasmine from telling Phoebe.]
Joey: I had to get out of the apartment. Janine is like stretching all over the place. Yknow, everywhere I look shes like (He imitates her stretching)
Phoebe: (entering, hurridly) Hey, you guys! Look what I found! Look at this! (She hands Chandler a picture) Thats my Moms writing! Look.
Monica: This place is really my Grandmothers. (Joey starts to take off all of his clothes, while Monica gets the glasses and pours the lemonade.) I got it from her when she moved to Florida, otherwise I could never afford a place like this. So if the landlord ever asks, Im 87 year old woman, whos afraid of her VCR. So are you thirsty?
Chandler: So, the fact that I am a doctor, and my wife’s a reverend, that’s important to you?
Rachel: No! No! Seriously, whats wrong with the dog?! Wait a minute, what are you doing home so early? What happened to your date?
Phoebe: No-no, its okay. But are we sure we dont want the waterbed?
Chandler: Oh yea, your right. Its the second one.
[Cut to Rosss apartment, he his playing the Bagpipes, badly. Hes worse than that whole keyboard thing a few years ago.]
Emily: What-whats going on?!
Ross: (stopping them) Okay, that-thats enough! Yknow, lets, lets let someone else play.
Rachel: Jo-Joey, look honey we-we need to talk okay? Umm, I kinda got the feeling from her today that uh, shes not lookin for a serious relationship.
Joey: No, was my best friend. Anyway, I dont know why youre pushing for him so hard. With him out of the way as my best friend, theres a spot open.
Phoebe: Oh thats so great! Ohh, so whats going on now?
Phoebe: Yeah. Lets see, my had Mom killed herself, and my Dad had run off, and I was living in a Gremlin with a guy named Cindy who talked to his hand.
Director: (To Cameraman) Make sure you get this, theyre gonna want it for the bloopers show. (To everyone) Alright cut! Listen up everyone, when we start again its gonna be the countdown to new years, so I wanna see everybodys excitement.
Ross: Im telling you. Im telling you. Thats what it is. No wonder she was looking at me all funny during the wedding. She didnt say anything to you?
Chandler: Its the theme from Good Will Humping.
Monica: No, I cant afford this either. No. I-I-Im, Im just to figure out which one I want then Im gonna get it at Kleinmans, this discount place in Brooklyn, day after tomorrow they are having a huge sale.
Monica: Well, shes not going to find them lying in the grass like that.
Lauren: (at the window, shes looking down out of the window) What do you got down there, Vic? What do you got under that tarp?
Alice: Hi! (She runs over and hugs Phoebes stomach.) So, how did it go at the doctors?
Chandler: Forget it, thats off.
Joey: Yeah, its not mine.
Monica: Thats true.
Jamie: This could be Gods way of telling us to eat at home.
Rachel: Hello? Oh, Pheebs! (To them) Its Phoebe!
Monica: Well, nows a good time. Im on my way to have my ears cut off.
Gunther: Oh thats cool, I was gonna fire you anyway.
Joey: Rach! Hey! Its fine! Youre at Joeys!
[Scene: Phoebes, she is coming home. She turns on the lights, and sits down on the couch.]
Phoebe: Well its only like my favorite bay! {Actually, its not bad. It just gets a little cold in winter, but in Wisconsin winter only lasts from August to June. J }
Ross: Enough with geography for the insane, okay? Lets play some ball, guys.
Monica: Ha ha, a joke thats funny in all countries.
Mrs. Waltham: You can forget about Emily, shes not with us.
Emily: Ross umm, theres something that Ive got to tell you, theres-theres someone else.
Chandler: Noo! (takes him out) Oh, its okay, its okay, baby, baby, baby.
Ross: Its okay if he bumps his head, kids bump their heads all the time, y'know, it was your first time babysitting, I figured you did the best you could.
Monica: (laughs) Thats okay.
Ross: Of course I was mad! I told you I-I hate this stuff! Okay? It-its not funny!
Ross: I get it! Well, thats that.
Ross: Its heads. (The guys celebrate.) Gentlemen, pick your category.
Monica: Nope, sound like me. Pheebs, its going great. Look at Chandler with little baby girl Chandler.
(She stares at him and Ross realizes what shes thinking.)
[Scene: Joannas office, Chandler, still handcuffed to the chair, is looking through the lingerie catalogue by turning the pages with his teeth. The phone rings and Chandler answers it with his nose.]
Mrs. Waltham: I know, its horrible isnt it?
Monica: Well, after 15 years of mom and dad keeping it as a shrine to you, its time the velvet ropes came down.
Phoebe: (rapidly) Im doing okay. I think its going well. Do you think theyre having fun? Am I talking to fast?
Rachel: Honey, thats youre name.
Rachel: (sarcastically) No, I did, but tell me again, because its so romantic.
(Chandlers Mom enters and Chandler meets her by the door.)
Mischa: (to Monica) Oh, hes unbelievable. I mean for the first time in three years somebody wants to actually want to talk to me, but do you think he would let me enjoy that, no!! (to Sergei) You silly diplomat, why dont you learn some English, Sergei?
[Scene: Dr. Burkes office, Tim is examining Monica.]
Ross: Hey-hey, its valid okay? And Im not the only one who thinks so, Monica agrees with me.
Ross: Well, not really. I mean technically its-its not against the rules or anything, but it is frowned upon. Especially by that professor we ran into last night, Judgey von Holierthanthou.
Rachel: Well of course we will help you decide! We will do anything we can to help you! Now, I would like to make a toast, to the future Mrs. Chandler Bing (A woman at the table behind them overhears Chandlers name and starts listening closer), my best friend, and truly one of the nicest people that
Rachel: Yeah, come on! Whats going in on in there? (Pats his chest.)
Ross: Whats a koondis?
Phoebe: All right, whats going on there? (Points to a picture.)
Monica: Why? Do you think hes still mad at us?
[Cut to Rachels office as her intercom buzzes.]
Ross: And Im sure youre gonna make a big impression. Hi! Im Rachel Green. Its nice to meet you. (He lifts his leg and imitates shaking hands with it, just like how Rachel was trying to pick up the aspirin with her feet.) Come on, you probably have a broken rib!