words in movies
Joey: The reactors gonna blow in three seconds, were never gonna make it!
Joey: Yeah, youre great! Okay, lets take it from
Joey: Yknow what? I think thats enough for now. Yeah. I dont want to be over rehearsed.
Chandler: (To Joey) So uh, whats this thing youre auditioning for?
Joey: Oh, its a new TV show. Yeah. Im up for the part of Mac Macaveli or "Mac." Yeah, Im a detective and I solve crimes with the help of my robot partner. Hes a, hes a Computerized Humanoid Electronically Enhanced Secret Enforcer or-or "C.H.E.E.S.E."
Rachel: So Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Joey: Thats the title! Yeah! Yknow they really lucked out that the initials spell cheese.
[And with that we go into the save the budget portion of the show, which features flashbacks from previous episodes. The first set of auditions feature high lights or low lights of Joeys acting career. The first flashback is from The One With The Lesbian Wedding.]
[Cut back to Joey about to leave for his audition for Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Ross: Its your turn.
Chandler: Oh thats great!
Joey: Yeah-yeah, its down to me and two other guys.
Joey: And I know both of them, theyre really good. One of them is the guy from those allergy commercials whos always getting chased by those big flowers
Joey: Theres just so much pressure. I mean no offense, but what you guys do is very different. I dont know if youd understand.
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachels new job.]
Rachel: (on the phone) Monica, Im quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didnt even buy it! (Pause) Im telling you Im quitting! Thats it! Im talking to my boss right now! (Pause) Yes I am! (Pause) Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you get this message. (Hangs up.)
Joey: I want this part so much! Yknow? If I dont get this part Im never gonna eat Macaroni and Cheese again!No, I didnt say that! Thats a lie.
Chandler: Oh come on guys, its not like I moved to Europe! I just moved across the hall! And we would have you over all the time if it werent for (struggles to get this out) Monicas allergies. (The duck quacks.) Youre right, I could never lie to you. She hates you. (The phone rings.) Should I get that? (Laughs, then answers the phone.) Hello? (Listens) Uh no, Joeys not here right now. Can I take a message? (Listens) Yeah, okay so the audition has been moved from 5:00 to 2:30? (Listens) Okay great. (Listens.) Bye. (Hangs up the phone and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle on the door but Monica walks in and forces him to jump out of the way.)
Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) What are you talking about? The auditions not til 5:00! (Chandler suddenly remembers and looks at the unfinished message then tries to sneak over and finish it as Joey listens.) Well, nobody told me! (Listens) Whod you talk to? (Listens and turns around to see Chandler trying to finish the message.) Nevermind! (Hangs up.)
Chandler: Which I bought for ya. Taught ya how to use it. You thought it was a copier. Look, if there was anything I could do, I would do it. Okay? But everybodys allowed one mistake, right?
[Joey just laughs as a third set of flashbacks featuring Chandlers mistakes starts. The first flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. It's Chandler telling Phoebe how much he hates the bracelet Joey bought him. They're both at Central Perk.]
Joey: What?!! Thats even worse!!
Joey: I dont know! But its the same!
[Cut back to Joey and Rachels apartment.]
[Chandler proceeds to point out Joeys errors in this forth set of flashbacks. The first flashback is from The One With The Cat. Chandler has just returned home to see that their apartment has been cleaned out and finds Joey trapped in the entertainment center.]
Rachel: Already? Thats pretty bad what you did.
Rachel: Im sure he will forgive you. Look, we have all been there! Yknow, you fight, you make up, its just the way it works.
Rachel: And hey! Just so you know, its not that common! It doesnt happen to every guy! And it is a big deal!!
Chandler: Joey? Got you a Joey Special, two pizzas! Joe? (The phone rings and he answers it) (On phone) Hello? (Takes the phone away from his mouth when he realizes what he just did and yells.) Damnit! (Back on phone.) Hello? (Listens.) No, Joeys not here right now, but I can take a message I think. (Listens) Hes still got a chance for the part?! Oh, thats great news! (Listens) Well no obviously not for the actor who was mauled by his dog. (Listens) Oh well, thats great. I will give Joey the message. Thank you! (Hangs up and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle.) Yes! (Reading what hes writing) Okay, Mac audition at 2:00. Allergy actor attacked. (Pause) By dog not flowers.
Joey: What?! Its 6 oclock!
Chandler: Du-du-I wrote it, I wrote it on the board! I wrote it on the board, then I went all over New York City looking for ya! I went to Rosss! I went to the coffeehouse! I went to any place that they made sandwiches!
Chandler: Well thats good. Because you didnt! And Im incredibly happy for ya!!
Joey: (shocked) Thats mean! You really had me going there!
Joey: Yeah, youre right. Okay look, listen, lets talk about what a huge star Im gonna be!
[What follows is the final set of flashbacks that feature a whole lot of lovin between Chandler and Joey. Theres no words, just hugs and even the kiss from The One With The Monkey. All of this is set to the song, Youve Really Got a Hold on Me!]
[Cut back to the present, they are still in each others embrace.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Joey and Phoebe are reading a scene from Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Joey: Come on C.H.E.E.S.E., Im not leaving without you! Try routing your backup source through your primary CPU.
(Suddenly Ross jumps up from behind the counter armed with a plastic gun. By the way, hes overacting too.)
Joey: Yknow what? I think thats enough for today. Thanks for your help! (He grabs their scripts and heads for his room.)
Phoebe: (To Ross) Hes holding us back.
Monica: (on phone) Okay, great! Bye. (Hangs up as Chandler enters.) So guess whos coming to Thanksgiving dinner?
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Phoebe enters with a paper turkey.]
Joey: Oh God. Uh, okay, heres the thing, this is the thing, okay, the thing is...
Rachel: Okay fine! Ill-Ill just tell her its an antique apothecary table, she doesnt have to know where it came from. Oh! Look at this little drawers! Oh look-look it says that it holds 300 CDs.
Rachel: Well, Ive been up since six. Thanks to somebodys dumb-ass rooster.
Rachel: Its gonna be up all night!
Rachel: Come on, its a hypnosis tape. This woman at work used it for two weeks straight and she hasnt smoked since.
Phoebe: Dont you see? Everyones looking at me! The plans working! I didnt even have to take off my top yet!
Chandler: Whats going on?
Rachel: So, I still have boxes here. I still have boxes at Rosss, and I have nowhere to live! Wow. I could so easily freak out right now.
Ross: Ive gotta go, theres a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard! (He hangs up and runs out.)
Chandler: Yeah, well. Its the right thing to do.
Phoebe: Ewww! Oh! Its the Mattress King!
Rachel: Its coming from Joey!
[Cut to Ross leaping into Chandlers Hotel room in London in The One With Rosss Wedding.]
Rachel: Oh, please tell me its not because Im going with Mark.
Phoebe: Hey, its your Thanksgiving too, y'know, instead of watching football, you could help.
Joey: You got pregnant for funny?! Dina if hes funny laugh! All right, Ill be back in a little while! You stay here!
Rachel: I hope its still funny when youre in hell.
Rachel: Lets do it! Ross?
Ross: (drags Chandler over to buffet table) Im telling you, this guy Rachel is with is crazy! Okay? He viscously screamed at total strangers! I think hes baaad news!
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachel is sitting at her desk as Mr. Waltham comes in.]
Monica: I got offered the head chef job at Allesandros.
Phoebe: Its amazing! My headache is completely gone! What are those pills called?
Rachel: Okay! I was thinking if its a girl, how about Sandrine? Its French.
Ross: Okay, I know what I have to do. Ive got to go Red Ross. (Joey and Phoebe dont know what hes talking about.) Yknow, Red Ross!
Ross: Come on, lets go!
Mr. Kaplan: (opening the closet door revealing that its full of tangled up hangers.) I need these hangers separated ASAP. (she is stunned) Youre welcome.
Joey: All right. Okay. You and Monica, friends for a long time, and sure there are rules, but then you went to London. Oh, no, but thats different. I mean, there are rules there, too! You know what I mean?
Ross: Uh, hello, its third down.
Monica: No its not, its second.
Chandler: Yeah, come on, its Ross and Rachel, theyve got too.
Director: Heres whats gonna happen. The musics gonna start, youre gonna dance, were gonna tape, you dont look at the camera. Any questions?
Chandler: Yeah, hes really excited about it too, he even recorded show times on his answering machine.
Joey: Oh! Hey, somebody left their keys. (Looks at them) Ooohh, to a Porsche! {Transcribers note: Oh come on! Who would leave the keys to their Porsche behind? If I had a Porsche, Id have the keys surgically attached to my hand!} Hey Gunther, these yours?
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Chandler enters with a bouquet of roses.]
Joey: Id love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. Shes sleeping. (The women both laugh) Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? (Just then the same guy with the football dives to make a catch, lands on the car cover, and collapses it. It turns out that Joey set up a bunch of boxes to make it look like a Porsche.)
Phoebe Sr: Well, because youd be giving up a baby, and I-I really dontI dont know if theres anything I can say that could make you understand the pain of giving up a baby. So, umm, (Picks up a puppy in the box next to the couch.)
Chandler: Wait a minute, hold the phone! Youre not Elizabeths dad?!
Chandler: Okay, heres the thing. Were gonna get you some coffee and they will never know that youre drunk.
Janice: (entering) Hows my Bing-a-ling?
Phoebe: Wait, if thats his favourite area, why is he being so mean to it?
Rachel: Oh, its okay. (starts to leave)
Phoebe: Oh my God, hes not even appreciated in his own time. I would give anything to not be appreciated in my own time!
Phoebe: No! Think about it, its a taxi that people take when they need to relax, its
[Scene: The Buildings Roof, the entire gang plus Tag are there to look for a comet. Theyre looking for a comet on a roof of a New York apartment building. Yeah, thats realistic. You might as well look for the moon on a bright sunny day.]
Monica: Phoebe, Sandras mad at you too. It-it doesnt bother you?
Chandler: Hey, yknow what, if youre gonna do that, if youre gonna name him Joey, you should name him Chandler. (Phoebe doesnt think so.) Oh, come on! Chandlers funny, sophisticated, and hes very loveable, once you get to know him.
Rachel: Okay. Its okay. Were gonna be okay. Yknow what? Its okay. Im gonna, Im gonna, Im gonna boil some water and just rip up some sheets!
Guy: No, you, you cant fit in that thing. Thats not deep enough.
Ross: Yknow what? Shed-shed love this. (Picks up a model of the Saturn V rocket, thats the one that took man to the moon.) Uh, its an exact replica of Apollo 8. I made it in the sixth grade.
Chandler: I think its necessary. (Backs away anyhow.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Cecilia is entering the living room from Joeys room followed by Joey.]
Joey: Okay, hey, museum geeks, partys over. Okay. Wave bye-bye to the nice lady. There you go. Back to your parents basement. All right. (The museum geeks exit and Joey unlocks his door and lets the chick and the duck out.) Come on boys, come on out! Here you go. All right.
Ross: Yknow we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby thats half human and half pure evil!
Rachel: Oh. Oh, its beautiful. I see it now.
Rachel: So did they call you to tell you your names gonna be in this?
Ross: Oh, but-but it is, uh, its just like the first Thanksgiving, when the Indians and the Pilgrims uh, sat down to dinner.
Chandler: Hello, Joanna (Realises he doesnt know her last name) s office.
(Seeing Rachels apparently okay with this, the rest of the gang jumps up to congratulate Ross and Emily on their pending nuptials.)
Chandler: The only way that I said six would be if the sevens, let meet at seven, not at six.
Phoebe: Its not like we-we know each other or anything. Or that have anything in common.
Ross: (stopping quickly) Oh umm, theres also a book here by a woman named Wendy Bagina. (They both laugh, but stop when the hear moaning coming from the next aisle.) What is that?
Charlton Heston: Hello! Whos in there? (He opens to curtain to reveal a naked and wet Joey.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Chandler has the tape measure out and is busy lining up the lamp on the kitchen counter, Ross is supervising the whole operation.]
Phoebe: Im just saying that only a man completely secure with his masculinity could walk around in womens underwear! I dont think you could ever do that.
Rachel: Im not here! Thats just my Chinese food!
Mr. Heckles: Im Chandlers new roommate.
Chandler: Okay. (He opens it and its a baby chick) Its a chicken.
Joey: Done! I did it! Heh, whos stupid now? (He smiles and has cookie remains all over his teeth.)
Ross: Its not a library...
Ross: Correct! What is Chandler Bings job?
Chandler: (following Monica) We were two miles from the house. Scared and alone. We didnt think we could make it. (He goes to put his hands on Monicas shoulders but for some reason can quite complete the action and pulls back.)
Rachel: How do you think this suit would look on an assistant buyer at Bloomingdales?
Phoebe: (in a deep voice, imitating Ross) Um, Rachel Im really sorry. (imitating Rachel) Thats okay, do you wanna get back together? (imitating Ross) Yeah, okay. (in her normal voice) Did anyone else hear that?!
Chandler: Oh thats great, with my luck, thats gonna be him.
Monica: Do you see this? (Mimics him drooling over a womans breasts.)
Monica: That�s right, because I forbid you to smoke again.
Chandler: Oh well, thats uh, a little later than I uh, generally care to stay, but sure!
Monica: Honey, whats the matter?
Rachel: Honey um, honey, you do realise that we dont keep the womens lingerie here in the office?
Monica: Its Joeys birthday.
[cut to Monica and Rachels.]
Phoebe: We could eat the wax! Its organic.
Ross: Ah, somebodys at the door on the ceiling.
Chandler: Hi Joeys sisters!
Joeys Sisters: Oh!!
Ross: Thats excellent.
Ross: Okay, the other night I was leaving the museum just as Laser Floyd was letting out of the planetarium, without even trying I sold 50 boxes! Thats when it occurred to me, the key to my success, the munchies. So I ah, started hitting the NYU dorms around midnight. I am selling cookies by the case. They call me: 'Cookie Dude!'
Rachel: Thats all right.
Ross: Thats okay.
Monica: Thats okay.
Rachel: Oh yeah, whats it about?
Ross: Okay, fine, fine. You dont want to believe me? No, thats fine. (starts to leave)
Phoebe: Well, because we thought you knew!! Its so obvious! God, that would be like telling Monica, "Hey, you like things clean."
Rachel: Well maybe hes just taking a nap.
Phoebe: Yes, and now hes using this three divorces reason because he wants to stay married to her because he loves her. I must say, "Well done!" Bravo Meg.
Chandler: Wheres Mary-Angela?
Joeys Sisters: Hey, Chandler!
Ross: So, guys, am I crazy, or does Phoebes mom remind anyone of a cat?