words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is knocking on Rachels door, whose door frame is decorated with balloons. The rest of the gang is there as well. Rachel opens the door and the gang blow on noisemakers.]
Monica: Its your birthday!
Chandler: (To Monica) Shes not as pretty as she was when she was 29.
[Flashback to Joeys thirtieth birthday party. It is being held in Monica and Chandlers apartment.]
Joey: (screaming) Why God?!! Why?!! We had a deal!! Let the others grow old! Not me!! (He buries his head in Phoebes lap for comfort.)
[Cut back to Rachels party, everyone is now eating breakfast, except Rachel.]
Chandler: No Rach, its not just you. My thirtieth birthday certainly wasnt that much fun.
[Flashback to Chandlers thirtieth birthday party. It is also being held in Monica and his apartment. He is about to blow out the candles on his birthday cake.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, breakfast is finished but Rachels still down.]
Rachel: Look, yknow I know my lifes going pretty well, but I look around and I just see so many people whove accomplished so many other goals by the time theyre thirty.
Phoebe: I did it! One mile on a hippity-hop! Thats it!! Thats everything I wanted to do before I was thirty. Oh, except I wanted to patch things up with my sister. But oh well. Yay!! (They all cheer again.) And-and girls this thing is a Godsend if you know what I mean. (Rachel and Monica look intrigued and as they all head into Central Perk, Rachel picks up the hippity-hop that Phoebe left behind.)
Tag: Come on, lets have some fun. Huh? (To Rachel) What do you want to do today?
Ross: Thats not what this is about okay? I-I am a sports car enthusiast. I have always been into cars.
Joey: Hey, whats the horsepower on this thing?
Rachel: Really! God Ross, what were you thinking? (To Phoebe, quietly) I know its really shallow, but a part of me wants him again.
(He starts the car and surprisingly in fires right up and comes to a nice idle. (Both can be rarities with British sports cars with their lovely Lucas ignition systems, which tend not to work especially in the rain.) Anyway, this being New York he is parallel parked on a street with the car in front of him only inches ahead of his bumper, likewise with the car behind him. Hes completely boxed in and cant move more than two inches. He tries to get out several times by bumping the bumpers of both cars to no avail.)
Phoebe: (getting out) Okay, whos next?
Monica: All right Rach, for what its worth, I think that youre doing great. I mean yknow lets face it, no one handles this well.
[Flashback to Monica and Chandlers apartment. Chandler has a bunch of people over in formal wear to give Monica a surprise birthday party. Joey is coming out of the bathroom and removing his tie.]
Chandler: (To Joey) Would you put that back on?! Monicas gonna be here any minute!
Joey: But it hurts my Joeys Apple.
Chandler: (frustrated) Okay, for the last time. Its not named for each individual man.
Chandler: Oh well, not as lovely as you. I mean, I cant believe that you would have a thirty-year-old daughter! (To Mr. Geller) And you! I cant believe that you would have a tux thats thirty years old! (Puts his hand on Mr. Gellers shoulder.)
Mr. Geller: Its older than that. Ross was actually conceived right near this tuxedo.
Rachel: (entering) Hey! Everybody hide! Hide! I saw her! Shes coming!
Chandler: (getting up to investigate) Okay, everybody stay here. I will find out whats going on.
(He goes out into the hall and finds a very drunk Monica lying up against Joey and Rachels door.)
Monica: Nooo! (Giggles) Okay. (She tries to pull herself up by Rachel and Joeys doorknob, but the door opens and she almost falls into the their apartment. She manages to catch herself.) Whoa! (Stands up, unsteadily) Okay. See I was, I was a little nervous about turning (whispering) thirty. (Giggles.) So the bus boys took me out for some drinks. (Pause) I wanna puke on you later!
Chandler: Okay, heres the thing. Were gonna get you some coffee and they will never know that youre drunk.
Chandler: Thats still yours. Okay, now remember its a surprise party. So, when you go in, act surprised.
[Scene: Rosss birthday, Joey is now trying to get his car out while Ross is directing him.]
Monica: Ross, just forget about it. This guys got you totally wedged in.
Ross: No-no-no! Its mine! Its-its mine. (The woman walks away.)
Phoebe: (running up) Okay. Okay, heres what were gonna do. Okay, Im gonna break into this mini-van and put it in neutral. You guys push it forward so Ross can drive out of his spot. Okay? All right, here we go. (She opens her coat and reveals that thing car thieves use to break into cars as Ross jumps in behind the wheel. She inserts the device, unlocks the door, opens it, and the alarm goes off.) Haul ass!!!! (Runs off.)
(The rest of the gang runs away, except for Ross whos tramped inside his car. To hide he puts the top up as Monica, Rachel, and Joey come running past.)
[Scene: Phoebes birthday, shes taking the hippity-hop to Ursulas apartment as a gift. She knocks on the door and Ursula answers it.]
Phoebe: Happy thirtieth birthday! Here! (Hands her the hippity-hop.) Its for the child in you, and the woman. Happy thirtieth!
Phoebe: Because its our thirtieth birthday.
Ursula: Oh, its you.
Ursula: Yea-huh! Thats what is says on my birth certificate.
Phoebe: Thats my first name.
[Scene: Monicas birthday, its just after the surprise.]
Chandler: See? (Does his laugh.) Here we go. (Starts walking her to their room, and has to pass in front of Mr. Geller whos sitting at the table and Mrs. Geller whos standing next to him.)
Phoebe: Hey, whats going on?
Chandler: Monicas a little drunk.
Chandler: (To Monica) Go change! (To Phoebe) She doesnt want her parents to know shes drunk.
Phoebe: Ohh! All right! All right. Heres what well do, Ill get twice as drunk as Monica and then no ones will even notice her.
Rachel: Whats-whats going on? Phils really pissed!
Chandler: Monicas wasted.
Joey: Yep. (Starts for Monicas room, but Chandler stops him.)
[Scene: Rachels birthday, everyone is presenting their presents to Rachel.]
Tag: (handing his to her) This ones from me.
Tag: It wasnt on your list, but hopefully youll think its really fun.
Rachel: (opening it) A scooter! (Shes not happy.)
Rachel: Okay. (Opens the card and reads it.) Happy birthday Grandma! Its better to be over the hill (starting to cry) then buried under it. (Breaks down as everyone glares at them.) All our love Monica and Chandler. (Crying) Thats funny, yeah!
Rachel: (crying) No, I know! I get it! Its funny!
Rachel: No I know, because to be a grandmother you have to be married and have children and I dont have any of those things. Thats why its so funny. (Runs into her room crying.)
[Scene: Rachels birthday, a time lapse has occurred. Rachel is coming back into the living room carrying a notepad.]
Ross: Hey! Look whos back! Its the birthday girl! Hows the birthday girl feeling?
Monica: Really! That long?! (Chandler slowly turns and looks at her.) (To Chandler) Look all you want, its happening!
Rachel: No, so I dont have to get married until Im 33! Thats three years, thats three whole yearsOh, wait a minute though. Ill need a year and a half to plan the wedding, and Id like to know the guy for a year, year and a half before we get engaged Which means I need to meet the guy by the time Im thirty.
[Scene: Monicas birthday, Monica is now dressed and is being helped out by Chandler and Rachel.]
Rachel: (To Chandler) Im telling you its like watching Bambi learn how to walk.
Chandler: (to a waiter) Oh thats great! Right there! Can we get some of that over here please? (The waiter comes over) There we go.
Phoebe: (clinking two glasses together) Speech! Speech! Lets hear from the birthday girl! Huh?
Phoebe: Dont you see? Everyones looking at me! The plans working! I didnt even have to take off my top yet!
Mrs. Geller: Oh-ho, I think its nice.
Chandler: I think its necessary. (Backs away anyhow.)
Monica: I really like to say that Im-um (Pause) Yknow what Id really like to say? Im drunk!! (Mrs. Geller pulls the camera down.) Thats right mom and dad your little Harmonica is hammered!! (Ross grabs the camera out of his dads hands.) And guess what! Ive been drunk before! And Ive smoked a cigarette! And I got a box of Ding-Dongs hidden in my underwear drawer! Its all okay. Its okay because I turned thirty today. And, and I can do anything I want! Because I am a grown up. (Falls over sideways with Ross filming the fall.)
[Scene: Phoebes birthday, shes telling everyone what she found out at Ursulas while sitting in Central Perk.]
Joey: Thats not gonna happen. No. (Looks up) Because we have a new deal!
Phoebe: Like okay I-I-I, I havent met any Portuguese people! I, I havent had the perfect kiss! And I havent been to snipers school!
Monica: Hes gonna eat the cake!
Joey: Pheebs! Wait up! (She stops.) Listen uh, close your eyes. (She does so and Joey passionately kisses her.) Maybe thats one thing you can cross off your list.
[Scene: Rosss birthday, his car is still trapped in its spot. Now Joey, Phoebe, and Ross are at the front of the car with Monica, Rachel, and Chandler at the rear of the car.]
[Scene: Rachels birthday, she is coming into the hallway where Joey and Tag are playing with the scooter.]
Rachel: Yeah, Im doing okay. Im um lets talk.
Tag: Whats up?
Joey: (crying) Why God?! Why are you doing this to us?! (He buries his head in Rosss shoulder.)
[Scene: Rosss birthday, night has fallen and Joey and Ross are walking by where his car is parked to find that both cars blocking him in have left.]
Ross: Yes! My babys finally free!
Joey: All-all right! (They run and jump in the car.) Start it up! Lets go!
{Transcribers Note: There was no credits scene with this episode.}
(Theres a knock on the door and Chandler answers it.)
Monica: I know its last minute, but we decided to have a Halloween party.
Courtney: Its amazing like all week long weve-weve been saying the same lines and then the audience is here and we will mess up, and if you mess up once, then youll get nervous because youllyou know youll probably mess up again.
Joey: Ah-ah-ah Mr. Smartie Pants, its just not my character thats not brain dead. Hey, so Pheebs, we still on for tonight?
Rachel: Oh Im sorry mummys so sorry go back to sleep go back to sleep. Shh. Shhh! Go back to sleep
(Joeys shocked and everyone else looks at Rachel.)
Phoebe: They give you away! Theres just-theres just too much wisdom in there. (Joey nods in agreement.) Just put some tea bags on there for like 15 minutes.
[Scene: Rachel and Barrys bedroom, Rachel is returning from her disastrous attempt at an affair to find that Barry was much, much more successful with his.]
Joey: Yeah-yeah, its down to me and two other guys.
[The next one is from Episode 322: The One With The Screamer, its the end of Joeys play.]
Hooker: Whats taking you boys so long?
Phoebe: No! Its nice!
Male Jeweler: This ring is from the 1920s, its a one and a half carat diamond with sapphires on either side.
Phoebe: Its me. Its Phoebe. Listen theres something in here I want to eat, what-what smells so good?
Joey: Thats it?! Even if nobody helps me I can eat that no problem. At least give me a challenge!
Ross: Well, yeah. I cant-I cant stay here all night, and if I go in there shes-shes gonna wanna... do stuff.
[Scene: Ross and Rachels, theyre returning from the party.]
Chandler: Well, look its been a really emotional time yknow, and youve had a lot to drink. And youve just got to let that go okay? I mean you were the most beautiful in the room tonight!
Rachel: No, I-I live with Phoebe. I mean youre [pity-tone] alone, alone. And I just-its just not the time for us. Im sorry.
Joey: (trying to act like hes not the one that stinks.) Whoa! Yeah, what the hell is that? What smells so bad?
Joey: Oh thats okay. Hey, actually in a way its kinda nice. Me, bringing the food of my ancestors, you, the food of yours!
Monica: Here. Ben, do you wanna play the airplane game, do you wanna show Rachel? Come here. (takes Ben) Were gonna do something fun. Okay. (throws Ben up in the air a little bit and catches him) Weee!! (moves into the living room and does it again) Weee!! (starts to walk back into the kitchen as she does it again, and hits Bens head on that wooden beam across the ceiling.)
Rachel: (ecstatic) Oh my God! Its Joey Tribbiani of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.!!!!!!!
[The next one is from Episode 224: The One With Barry And Mindys Wedding, Joey has to kiss a guy in an audition and has been trying to find one to practice with.]
(Chandler leans over to fall asleep on the mans shoulder next to him, only the man catches his attempt.)
Rachel: Yeah, but Mon thats totally different. He was youre health teacher.
Rachel: Well IThats never gonna happen with Ross.
[Scene: The Doctors office, Phoebe is giving a pep talk to the petrie dish containing the embryos.]
Phoebe: (To Ross) Kyles ex-wife? You were supposed to divert her not date her!
Monica: (laughs) Well thats the best part. Umm, you guys get to decide!
Joey: Okay. Thats good. Okay, that give you a couple hours to prepare what youre gonna say. Good. Yeah. (Someone comes out of his apartment and it startles Joey again.) Dont you people ever knock?!
Joey: Well whats complicated? You spin the Wheel of Mayhem to go up the Ladder of Chance. You go past the Mud Hut through the Rainbow Ring to get to the Golden Monkey; you yank his tail and boom! Youre in Paradise Pond!
Chandler: Buh-bye. (Hangs up the phone) I just got us reservations at Michelles and tickets to the Musicman to celebrate our first holiday season as a betroughed couple.
Rachel: No, we didnt get married! Thats ridiculous!
Monica: Were going to Las Vegas to see your dad. Its time you two talked, and I want to get to know my father-in-law.
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachel is still dressing Joshua. He is trying on a pair of pants.]
Mr. Treeger:: Yeah, but yknow, I think the reason were not getting that spin right is because my apartments too small.
Monica's Boyfriend: Can anyone else name a well known seed thats been masquerading as a nut?
[Inside Monica and Chandlers. Joey is almost done explaining the situation to everyone.]
Rachel: Its good. Except he makes us watch the Discovery Channel all day long. Did you know that something really boring happened to someone really ugly in the Middle Ages? (to the waitress handing her a cup of coffee) Oh, thank you. Ill see you guys later.
Rachel: We just uh, we just met at the newsstand. We both grabbed for the last Field & Stream. (Chandlers shocked.) What? I read that.
Joey: Its the Knicks!
Joey: Yeah but its too much stuff. You know like, you got the candles and the foofy schmoofer thing here and over here you got a picture of a watering can.
[Scene: Phoebes hospital room, Joey and Ross enter as Phoebe comes out of the bathroom wearing her robe.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe’s reading, Joey has just entered the room]
Joey: I know! I know its awful.
Monica: Nobody cares about the Dakotas. (Thats true in so many ways, trust me, Ive lived in one and been to the other.)
Rachel: Oh. Oh yeah, dont get to worked up over it. I mean it-it sounds like hes a doctor, but hes not.
Ross: I am the guy who�s taking care of our baby while you�re out at bars meeting guys!
Rachel: Well, I gotta get up early and its almost seven oclock.
Chandler: All right, theres a nuclear holocaust, Im the last man on Earth. Would you go out with me?
Phoebe: Well, he may not be my soul mate, but a girls gotta eat.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, its after Ross and Joeys talk with Frank, and Phoebes is finding out what happened.]
Monica: And everybody has to wear costumes. (And theres general disconcertment.) Come on! Itll be fun!
Ross: Okay. (goes over to the counter) (to Chandler) What ah, what is the matter with you? Whats going on?
Cassie: (hugs him) Its been so long! Last time I saw you, you were setting up your tent in line to see Return of the Jedi.
Rachel: Okay, its not Relaxi Cab. Its Relaxicab, like taxicab.
Rachel: We have to have a surprise Bon Voyage party for Emily. But its actually for Joshua. (Starts handing out party hats.) Look, he said hes not ready to date, so I had to invite him to a party if I wanted to see him outside of work, and now I have the perfect opportunity to seduce him! (Hands Ross a party hat.)
Ross: Yeah, but it didnt fit. Well, luckily theres a store here that has one left in her size, but Im the groom, Im not supposed to see the dress
Joey: I know! Thats why we got to find Monica!! You know where she is?
Jessica Lockhart: Whats the matter Dina? Dont you recognize your own (Does a hair flip) mother?!
Ross: Thats correct! This is an audio question, what do you do when the baby makes this sound? (Makes a sound like someone is choking a cat.)
Chandler: We are. Hes meeting us here.
Chandler: Yeah okay. Well, whats the next little bit?
Ross: Carol, honey, shhh, shhh, everythings gonna be alright.
Monica: Phoebe, its okay. You dont have to tip toe around me. I-Ive been thinking about it and umm, yknow what? Im okay about not having that new relationship feeling
Dr. Green: So! (they both try to sit next to Rachel but Dr. Green is successful.) (to Ross) Hows the library?
Chandler: Ohh, thats a good one.
Sophie: Maybe hes intimated by really smart, strong, successful women.
Emily: Oh, theres tonnes of terrific stuffIll go with you!
Melissa: So last I heard you were gonna get married. (Grabs Rachels hand and notices that she doesnt have a ring on it.) (Sadly) Oh poor Ray-ray.
Phoebe: Well, but thats what he was for me. And she you know, kind of stole him away, and then... broke his heart... and then he wouldnt even talk to me any more. Because he said he didnt wanna be around... anything that looked like either one of us.
Joey: (still looking in date book) Hey! Thats the day after I stop menstruating! (They all look at him.) This isnt mine.
Joanna: Knowing youre here, waiting for me I think its kinda exciting.
Phoebe: (sips it) Its so good. (Monica and Rachel breath a sigh of relief.) Oh, thanks.
Phoebe: Yeah! No, thats right. And I thought it was a really good idea.
Rachel: Im fine, but thats not important. Whats important is how was she?
Phoebe: Theres a skylight?! (Runs to see and yells from the bedroom.) Wow!!
Joey: Nothing. Its just old and dingy, thats all.
Rachel: Cause I know hes gonna flip out and I hate it when hes angry.
Estelle: The thing is its kinda on the Q.T. The actor who has the part doesnt know he might be fired. Its the lead in a series, Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Phoebe: Yeah! And look, (Grabs the pants) see how they expand as the baby grows? (Theres a stretchy part in front.) And then after the babys born, theyre great for shoplifting melons.
Ross: Look Ben, it's a toy that protects U.S. oil interests overseas!
Phoebe: Oh no-no, no, I made a promise to myself that the next time I would talk to Ursula would be over my dead body. And thats not happening til October 15th, 2032.
Ross: What?! The guys against the girls? See, thats ridiculous Monica, because Im only down by three touchdowns.
Monica: Ah no, you see, someone was supposed to take them down around New Years... but obviously someone forgot.
Chandler: Yeah, thats like the most ugliest dress Ive ever seen. Wh-why do you to return it?
Rachel: (entering, carrying an armful of those little soaps.) Hey-hey, you guys oh hurry up, get some, theres a whole cart outside (Sees the Walthams and stops.)
Phoebe: Okay. Umm, before we get started, I just wanna say for the record that I love Ross, I think hes such a great guy. Here. (Hands her the picture, Rachel grabs it out of her hand.) Okay, now, close your eyes. And imagine that youre with Ross okay and imagine that youre kissing him. And youre-youre running your hands all over his body. And then you run your hands through his hair, but eew-oh gross its some kind of grease, itsuck! Hah?
Joey: I am so-so-so sorry. I was gonna do it! Really! But I was standing there with 327 dollars in one hand and 238 dollars in the other hand, and I was thinking, "Wow! Its been a long time since I had (tries to do the math in his head, but cant) 327 + 238 dollars!"
Monica: Yeah and-and Im sorry too. But, well I justI like things done a certain way and the chemistrys just not right.
Phoebe: I can say I told you so but shes kinda doing that for me.
Joey: (taking the baby) She looks so real! (The gang looks at him.) Yknow what I mean! Shes this whole tiny little person. She already has eyelashes and knees and uh-oh.
Chandler: Its your mommy. Its your mommy.
(Ross starts looking for table six and finds out that its the kids table. He sees Mona sitting at another table.)
[Scene: Healing Hands Inc. (Phoebes work), Frank is being ushered in, by the arm, to the room Phoebe is in by another girl.]
Rachel: Phoebe, Im going to Rosss wedding because he is my ex-boyfriend and that would be really uncomfortable. Not because, Im still in love with him! I mean, hey, yknow, I like Ross as much as the next guy, yknow? Clearly I have feelings for him, but feelings dont mean love! I mean, I still have loving feelings for Ross. Yeah! But, I have, I have continuing feelings of love, but that doesnt mean that-that Im still in love with him. Yknow? I-I have sexual feelings for him, but I do love himOhh! Oh my God! Oh mywhy didnt you tell me?!!
Phoebe: Concert. Yeah. That does put us in quite a pickle. Because you see Im very busy before and after the concert, and hes obviously busy during.
Rachel: No its okay, this is whats gonna happen. Im gonna wait a couple years and then the baby will tell him.
Rachel: Oh. (smiles) Heres your moisturiser. Hi!