words in movies
Phoebe: Whats the big deal, yknow? Its not like its a real marriage.
{Transcibers note: In case you havent heard, Courteney Cox got married to David Arquette during hiatus and changed her name to Courteney Cox Arquette. But David was a busy boy during the off season for not only did he marry but everyone else as well. For theyre all listed as Jennifer Aniston Arquette, Lisa Kudrow Arquette, in an interesting twist Matt LeBlanc Arquette, Matthew Perry Arquette, David Schwimmer Arquette, and even the creators of the show are now David Crane Arquette and Marta Kauffman Arquette. I just wonder what the new sleeping arrangements are }
[Scene: Rachels hotel room, shes waking up with a horrendous hangover.]
(Suddenly, theres movement beside her, startling her. Its Ross! He wakes up and they both start screaming in terror. Then they both grab their heads having aggravated their hangovers.)
Joey: Nah, Im too depressed to eat. Ill probably eat in like 5 minutes. So I guess Ill just fly home with you guys, what times your flight?
Phoebe: I dont know, its such a long trip.
Chandler: Its a buffet man.
Joey: Oh, heres where I win all my money back! (Gets up and heads for the buffet table with Chandler in tow.)
Joey: Sure! Whats up? (He grabs a plate and proceeds to load it with a huge pile of scrambled eggs. Chandler just stares at him and Joey reluctantly gives him a spoonful.)
Joey: Oh my God! Thats huge! (Hugs him.) Wait a minute, why come I wasnt invited? And who was going to be your best man? Dont say, "Ross." Do not say, "Ross."
Joey: Oh! Tell her shes not marriage material.
Joey: Girls say it to me all the time! And believe me, if shes anything like me, shes just gonna be relieved.
Monica: How do I tell Chandler that its too soon. Its gonna break his heart, hes not gonna think that I dont love him anymore.
(They both sit down and Rachel pours them both some coffee. Theyre acting like nothings happened and everyone is just staring at them.)
Rachel: No, we didnt get married! Thats ridiculous!
Chandler: Well, I think, I think, Ross already has one. Now, this ones free, right? Because you paid for the first two, so the third ones free.
Ross: Laugh it up, but the jokes on you. Because we dont need to get divorced, okay? We were just gonna get an annulment.
Joey: An annulment? Ross! I dont think surgerys the answer here.
Phoebe: Oh-oh, thats your thing.
Ross: No-no, thats-thats not my thing! I do not love getting divorced!
Monica: Thats a good question. Look umm, last night we let the dice decide. Maybe we should leave it up to fate again. I love you!
Chandler: Yes, we dont get married unless theres a sign! Okay, so say uh, say you roll another eight (motions to the craps table) then theres a definite sign that we should get married.
Chandler: That was so unlikely. Well, lets get married! I guess.
Chandler: Thats right! It was the wrong kind of eight, no wedding! Damnit!
Monica: Ohh, of course we are! (They walk up to the elevators.) We left it up to fate. (Pushes the elevator button.) If we were supposed to get married there would be a clear-cut sign. (The elevator door opens to a priest reading from a bible with Chandler and Monica standing side-by-side holding each others hands.)
[Scene: Phoebes cab, Phoebe and Joey are driving back. Phoebe is driving while Joey is sleeping.]
Phoebe: Okay, you have 19 questions left. Use them wisely. (Joey groans.) Come on Joey! You cant win if you dont ask any (sees that hes asleep) QUESTIONS!!!
Phoebe: Yeah! And until then you are going to sing to me because the radios broken and you are selfish but have a nice voice.
[Time lapse, Phoebe is asleep, Joeys driving and having a hard time staying awake.]
[Time lapse, Phoebe is still asleep only Joey is now passed out next to her and the cars still moving. She wakes up, sees Joey, and screams.]
Ross: Okay, look, how is this gonna affect you? Really? I mean you fill some form out once and a while and instead of checking the box that says Ms you check the box that says Mrs.! Its right next to it!
Monica: Okay! Oh God, yknow what? Its really bad.
[Scene: Phoebes cab, shes driving, Joeys in the back seat, and the hitchhiker is riding up front with Phoebe.]
Phoebe: (To Joey) How could you pick up a hitchhiker?! He could be a rape(She holds her hand in front of the hitchhikers face), a rapist or a killer or something!
Ross: I dont know if its true.
Rachel: Oh Ross, come on! This is not, this is not a marriage!! This is the worlds worst hangover! Ross, listen, if you do not get this annulment, I will!
[Scene: Phoebes cab, its the same arrangement as before.]
Phoebe: And I have your name and the fact that youre a drifter, so the balls pretty much in your court.
Phoebe: Stop it! Stop it no! Thats not fair! Yknow I cant resist that beautiful voice!
Rachel: Huh, thats funny. You look like youre gonna be the
Monica: Im sick of the signs! Its too fast, Im happy the way things are!
Monica: All right then, then nothing changes! Everything is great! Everything stays the same! And you go unpack because its been three days and its driving me insane!
Chandler: Jeez, relax! Its not like were mar-ah-ah!! (Runs out.)
Monica: Heres your key (Gets him one.)
Monica: Heres your key. All right, you have to christen it! Now, go out and come back in!
Monica: No, its not a sign! Its a very old key!
Chandler: Its an old key!
Monica: Oh my God its old!
Ross: Oh, yeah, no problems. Its all taken care of.
Chandler: The keys stuck in the lock.
(Joey goes back into the apartment, runs back into the hallway, throws his shoulder against the door, and knocks it down off its hinges.)
Chandler: (comforting the duck) Everythings gonna be all right. Okay, Dick?
Chandler: Oh thats too bad.
Lisa: Do I? Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, thats your fault. I say.
Chandler: All right, lets play one more hand! One more!
Ross: What?! No! No! Wait! Youre right, this is stupid. Who cares what people think? I mean, I mean we like each other right? Theres nothing wrong with that. Come on. (They get up and go over to the table where his colleagues are sitting.) Burt? Lydia? Mel? This is Elizabeth.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel are sitting on the couch and Ross is talking to Rachels, who is now showing, stomach.]
Joey: Uh, I dont know. Ya see, its just, see I was a regular on a soap opera yknow? And to go from that to this, I just Plus, Id have to wait on all my friends.
(inside Chandlers apartment, Chandler is coming in from his bedroom, sees Mr. Heckles, and screams.)
Chandler: So shes just waiting over there for ya?
Chandler: It just keeps getting worse and worse! Y'know? I mean its bad enough that Im in love with my roommates girlfriendwhich by the way, I think she knows. Because every time were in the room together theres this weird like energy between us. And call me crazy, but I think she likes me too. And now I have seen her naked. I mean at least when Ive seen her with clothes on, I could imagine her body was like covered in boles or something. But there are no boles, shes smooth! Smooth! (leaves)
Chandler: Oh. (Goes and gets Phoebes book as Rachel comes in from her room.)
Joey: Hey Gunther, dont let that guy in here anymore! He just said Phoebes a porn star!
Rachel: Thats right!
Phoebe: No! No! Look at that! (drags her away from the window) Its a line of ants! Theyre working as a team!
Ross: Its okay, Im ready.
Monica: Its beautiful! Its like the first bathroom floor there ever was. (Chandler tries to go to the bathroom) Whoa! Are you going in there for?
Emily: No ones ever thrown me a surprise party before!
Joey: Well, when its not right, you know it.
Ross: Its my new apothecary table!
Monica: That didnt work on mom, its not going to work on us.
Ross: Its my joke.
Joey: Lets go watch it at your place.
Monica: (relieved) Its only you.
Chandler: Thats totally understandable.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bedroom, they are in bed together.]
Joey: No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no Its okay, I mean Ilook Rach, I know I scared you off with that whole Naked Thursdays thing, but we dont have to do that!
Monica: Do you know whats a bad idea?
Monica: Thats a good idea.
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, its actually Joey and Rachels. Phoebe is trying to convince Rachel to switch with her and live with Monica as Joey looks on.]
Rachel: All right, thats it, you guys! What happened out there?
Joey: See, now its weird again.
Joey: I will be doing a dramatic reading of one of Emma’s books.
Rachel: Are you, are you, are you sure its ah, a new bump? I mean, no offense, Ive always thought of Ben as a fairly bumpy headed child.
Chandler: Its yelling bleeding dilating. Oh, the dilating
Phoebe: Thats great. Good for you guys.
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachels, Phoebe is sitting on the couch as Rachel and Monica enter.]
(People start getting up. Ross grabs Carols doll to hold it upside down like a football, slapping it with his other hand.)
Gunther: Thats the whole part?
Ross: Its my joke.
Chandler: Lets have Monica decide.
Monica: Wait Chandler come on, letsits not a big deal!
Ross: Its your joke.
Chandler: Oh no, now its not gonna make any sense!
Rachel: Oh, thank you thats very helpful, Im glad you came over.
Ross: Hey uh, well, todays my first lecture and I kinda wanted to try it out on you guys, do you, do you mind?
[Scene, Phoebe and Rachels, theyre sitting together on the couch.]
Rachel: And thats Phoebe (points), and thats Joey.
Ross: Oh. Whats wrong with Ross?
(Theres a knock on the door and Ross enters.)
Ross: Joey! The vet said its a simple procedure.
Ross: What?! That-thats all the way cross town, Im supposed to teach a graduate seminar there in ten minutes.
Phoebe: Its Lafite. The 74 Latour is actually drinking quite nicely.
Ross: Whats her last name?
[Scene: Erics Apartment, he and Phoebe are still making out.]
Joey: Oh, wait-wait! (Reaches into the shower again.) Maybe its a pickle?!
Phoebe: Oh my God, thats so freaky! Turn him off!!
Rachel: Whats up?!
Phoebe: Umm, I think theres something you should maybe know.
Phoebe: Oh my God, look! Thats Elizabeth!
Rachel: Yeah but, hes not your type.
Joey: Its been a while, huh? Wow, its funny these halls look smaller then they used to.
Chandler: Its nice.
[Scene: Monicas, Monica is coming out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel, as Chandler is entering.]
Rachel: Its kinda slutty.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is knocking on Rachels door, whose door frame is decorated with balloons. The rest of the gang is there as well. Rachel opens the door and the gang blow on noisemakers.]
Chandler: (thinks) Thats the perfect amount!
Monica: That’s right. You’re making a commitment and that’s the same, whether you do that at the Plaza or, where are you gonna do it?
Ross: Whats a scrud?
Janine: Whats the matter? Are you upset?
Chandler: Oh, come on, theres a rest stop right up there! Come on, I really have to goooooooooo.
Rachel: Thats a good story, Grandpa.
Rachel: Oh, I probably shouldntso I will! (Joey starts making her refill and Rachel notices that rain thing Joey has.) Oh! Wow! Its like its raining!
Monica: Okay. Lets bring it in.
Monica: Guys, whats going on?
Ross: Hey! Uh, Phoebes not here is she?
Monica: Thats Phoebe! Where did you get that?
Joey: We cant watch that! I mean thats Phoebe!
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, yknow what, lets look at this objectively all right? Ninth grade, right? The obsession starts. All right? The summer after ninth grade he sees me in a two-piece for the first time, his obsession begins to grow. So then
Janine: Yeah, thats what I said.
[Scene: Backstage at Joeys play, Joey is changing for the next scene as Kate arrives, carrying her bags.]
Chandler: Theres no back to this couch!
Janine: Well, if thats what you want. Ill just put it all in my room.
Phoebe: Oh, this is it. This whats gonna kill me.
Phoebe: Its Phoebe! Phoebe!
Another Mans Voice: Lets go Phoebe!
Phoebe: Oh...yes..is this..umm..Emilys Parents house.
(The guys hotel room. Joeys there. Chandler comes out of the bathroom in a robe.)
[Scene: The airport, Elizabeths flight is about to leave and Ross is there to send her off.]
Phoebe: Yeah, not in your case Lovey Loverson. (Tries to take a bite out of Rosss cookie.)
Rachel: Well, I dont know. I called all the people in Monicas phone book and these are the only ones who could show up on 24 hours notice.
Rachel: Oh, come on! You think thats gonna work on me?! I invented that!
Chandler: Now, its not wrapped because I just, just finished it.
Phoebe: By the way, its a costume party.
(Theres an awkward silence.)
Ross: Okay! Okay! But if she doesnt call, it is definitely over! No, wait. Wait. Unless, eventually, I call her, yknow just to she whats going on, and, and she says shell call me back, but then she doesnt. Then its over.
Ross: Gimme this. (Grabs the herbalists card and leaves.)
Monica: Oh no! Whats the matter?
{Transcribers Note: As with all the cliffhangers, there was no credits scene. There will be a ninth and final season of Friends starting sometime in September. See you then, have a good summer everyone.}
Joey: Thats great! That would be great! Lets do that!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is entering numbers on a calculator as Ross reads off how much hes sold.]