words in movies
Carol: (entering with Ben and Ross) Hey guys!
Ross: Hi!
Ross: (sets Ben down) Well, it's not for sure but umm, we met this guy in the park who thought Ben was really cute--y'know, which he is--so umm anyhoo, he uh, he gave us his card and told us to bring him down for this commercial he's auditioning.
Joey: (reading the card) Whoa! This guy is like the biggest commercial casting director in town! (Ross gasps) Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition!! (Ross and Carol stare at him, then Joey realizes what he just said.) I mean, way to go Ben! (Gives Ben the thumbs up, which Ben returns.) Man! I've been in that park a million times and no one offered me an audition.
Ross: I know, it's crazy! We were just pushing Ben on the swings
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is eating breakfast, Ross is heading for the bathroom.]
Joey: Ross!! We're having a surprise party for Rachel!!
Ross: (from the bathroom) Okay!!
Ross: All right, I gotta take off. I'm picking up Ben then we're off to the big audition.
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: Yeah the dad and Ben eat soup and pretend to enjoy it.
Ross: You're not his godfather.
Ross: (Pause) Of course I am! (Joey is relieved) Okay, let's go godfather.
[Scene: Ben's audition, Carol, Ross, and Ben along with about 10 more families are in a waiting room as Joey enters happily.]
Ross: Really? That's great!
Ross: Yeah well, he's not gonna get this one. Ben is way cuter than that kid. I mean look at him, look at you, (Starts to whine like a baby and Joey just glares at him.)
Ross: Joey, you look nothing like Ben.
Ross: (entering, downtrodden) Hi.
Ross: Not so good.
Ross: (Pause) Yeah I am! Yeah, Ben got a second audition!
Joey: (also downtrodden) Yeah, I had to teach Ross my bit because I actually didn't get a callback.
Ross: Oh God, this is so nerve wracking! How-how do you do this?
Ross: Yes!! I knew it!! (To the people who didn't make it.) Bye-bye! So long! Later!
Ross: Yeah!
Ross: Yeah, it is.
Ross: No, we-we're gonna be like best friends, that's why it's gonna be weird.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Chandler are talking.]
Ross and Chandler: Hi!
Ross: Seriously that's a lot of cups.
Ross: Hey!
Joey: Ross good, I'm uh glad you're here. I wanna talk to you about something.
Ross: What's up?
Ross: Wow, uh, Joey that's-that's great. Thanks man.
Ross: Well, you just
Joey: I just said that so you wouldn't let Ben do it! Look Ross, if anyone should step aside it should be Ben!
Ross: What?!
Ross: Why should Ben step aside? It was his audition in the first place! You-you just tagged along! You're like the uh, tag-a-long dad.
Ross: What?!
Ross: And why wouldn't he get it?
Ross: Are you saying your kid eats soup better than my kid?
Ross: Oh yeah? I guess we'll just see!
Ross: You're kid's name is Raymond!
Carol: Joey, Ross is gonna be here any second, would you mind watching Ben for me while I use the ladies' room?
Ross: (entering, angrily) Joey!
Joey: (angrily) Ross!
Ross: (angrily) Ben! (Pause.) (Happily.) I mean, Ben! Ben!
[Cut to another part of the room, Ross is going to talk to Joey.]
Ross: Hey!
Ross: Listen man, uh, I'm sorry the audition didn't go so well.
Ross: No really, I-I am! I feel bad!
Joey: Yeah? Well look Ross, you don't have to. Okay? It's not your fault I suck. I mean what kind of an actor can't even say, "Hmm, noodle soup." (Nods his head in disgust.)
Ross: Yeah y'know what? Maybe-maybe you didn't mess up your audition because you suck, maybe you messed up because you care more about uh, your godson.
Ross: I think, sub-consciously
Ross: (pause) I think on some level, you-you sabotaged your own audition so that Ben would get the part.
Ross: No!
Ross: There you go. Thank you!
Ross: No.
Ross: Come on! Like I wanted him to tell you, I ran all over the place trying to make sure that didnt happen!
ROSS: Buddy, my monkey, my monkey.
Ross: (To Chandler) And shame on you! You should know better, Joey needs to work. (To Joey) Now come on!
Ross: (imitating Parker) This room! This night! That waiter! His shoes! I must take a mental picture! (He backs into someone.) Ooh sorry (He looks behind him then notices its Phoebe then stops his impression.)
Monica: (holding up a small cowboy hat) This isnt mine. (Sets it down and looks at the rest of the boxes.) Hey, this isnt, this isnt my stuff! Ugh, Ross! (Grabs and holds up a doll.) These are your boxes! Where are my boxes?
Ross: (clutching a beer can and sniffing) This was Carol's favorite beer. She always drank it out of the can, I should have known.
(Ross and chandler are standing next to the alter. Ross is practicing for the wedding.)
Ross: I didnt know what I was taking full responsibility for! Okay?! I didnt finish the whole letter!
MRS. GREENE: Ross, what're you doing.
[Ross, Phoebe, Chandler, and Rachel all exchange money.]
Joey: Yeah, Ross. You and the baby just need better blocking.
ROSS: Hi, Julie. [nervous] Hi, Julie. Julie, um, how are you?
ROSS: Well, I just spoke to Carol. Ben's got the chicken pox.
Rachel: Oh, Ross, c'mon, please! Don't make this harder than it already is!
ROSS: Dad, I beg you not to finish that sentence.
Ross: Look, this is a disaster! Can't I please just go?
(They walk on. Chandler and Joey start to talk but Ross stops and whines.)
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there. Ross working on crossword puzzle, starts humming theme from The Odd Couple. Chandler joins in, followed by Monica and Phoebe, then the whole gang. Ross starts humming theme from I Dream Of Jeannie.]
Ross: Oh! And it gets worse! (Turns his side to Chandler and Monica and pulls up his shirt. There's a distinct line across his body, where his belly is very tanned and his back is very pale.)
Ross: Ohh, okay.
ROSS: Ohh, big smoker. [Packs the cigarettes and flings one on Mrs. Greene in the process. Finally gets one in his mouth and it look really out of place] Big big smoker. In fact I'm gonna go ou into the hallway and fire up this bad boy. [as he walks into the hall, he comes face to face with Mr. Greene]
ROSS: Monica, if you want, I can lend you some money.
Monica: Ross, you've got to do something about the humping.
Ross: Of course I was mad! I told you I-I hate this stuff! Okay? It-its not funny!
Ross: So Pheebs, are you gonna go back out there or what?
Ross: Is it? Feels like two.
Ross: Still, you- you say Minnie, you hear Mouse. Um, how about, um.. how about Julia?
Ross: No, but itd be nice if you realised, its just a job!
Ross: You know how close women can get.
Ross: Thanks? But I have plans; Elizabeth and I are going out of town.
ROSS: I'm telling you, there's no way he's moving back.
Ross: Turns out them Emily is just crazy about Susan. Yeah, theyre going to the theatre together! Theyre going to dinner! Theyre going horseback riding!
Ross: No, no I don't, because it's being restrung, somebody was supposed to bring me one.
Bonnie: (to Ross) Shoot! I cant go, I have to work!
[Scene: The Launderama, Rachel is there, waiting for Ross. An old woman takes Rachel's clothes off the machine and begins loading it with her things.]
ROSS: Did you see me write one down?
Ross: Well, wait a minute, wha- why is she in the title?
Ross: All right, maybe it means that too
[Ross and Rachel leave.]
Ross: Dont you realise none of this wouldve ever happened if I didnt think at that same moment you werent having sex with Mark?
Rachel: Ross! Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me....
ROSS: Oh, great. Great. There was a projectile, uh, throwing up incident, but he started it.
MRS. GELLER: Ross, whose glasses are those?
ROSS: Bye Ryan.
Monica: No, Ross, we do not hate Emily. We-we just, we just think that you're having to sacrifice a whole lot to make her happy.
ROSS: Hi, we're visitiing. It's Ben and his da-da. Da-da. Can you say da-da? Look, I'm gonna tell your momies you said it anyway so you might as well try.
ROSS: No, I, I only know Lipson.
ROSS: Is this what you had in mind?
[Ross picks her up.]
Ross: (pause) Yes I would.
Ross: Well, umm, why dont you give him a call?
Ross: I...reorganized the fridge. See, bottom shelf: meats and dairy. (Theres nothing on the shelf.) Middle shelf: fruits and vegetables. (Theres one lone tomato.) And top shelf: expired products. (The shelf is jammed packed.)
ROSS: Get out!
ROSS: What's she look like?
Ross: Nothing. Oh, actually, great news! I just got off the phone with Emily and it looks like I'm moving to a new apartment. Woo-hoo!
(Feeling a little better, Ross fetches more coffee.)
Ross: (less sure) Yes.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Ross are there.]
Rachel: Oh my God. I cannot keep having this same fight over and over again, Ross, no, youre, youre, youre making this too hard.
ROSS: No, no, Pheebs, we can't, ok, because--
[Ross enters, depressed.]
Ross: Well I'm sorry but you were! Okay? And besides if anyone should be hitting on her it's the guy who's single, the guy that who-who-who can do something about it.
Ross: But hey, in my defense I-I just found out condoms are like only 97% effective.
Ross: Oh. Okay, just breathe.
ROSS: Are you all right?
ROSS: Hey, there.
Ross: Okay! You guys are getting married tomorrow and-and I couldnt be more thrilled for both of you, but as Monicas older brother I-I have to tell you this. If you ever hurt my little sister, if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind, I will hunt you down, and kick your ass! (Chandler laughs.) What? Im-Im-Im serious! (Chandler laughs harder.) ComeHey! Dude! Stop it! Okay? Im-Im not kidding here!
Ross: Marsha, these are cave people. Okay? They have issues like 'Gee, that glacier's getting kinda close.' See?
Ross: You really serve people sneezers?
Ross: Wait! Whoa-whoa, you you gave her the ring?
[Later, Ross and Rachel are sitting in the kitchen.]
ROSS: I uh can't believe I'm gonna say this, but I think Susan's right.
Ross: What? Come on Rach, tell me what youre thinking?
Ross: Um, that is because my doctor says that I have a very serious.... nuget.... diffency.
MR. GREENE: It's not a game Ross, a woman died on my table today.
Rachel: What are you talking about, Ross, you just said that you read it twice! Look, y'know what, either it does or it doesnt, and if you have to even think about it...
ROSS: (standing up) Uh, I like to, uh, to add something to that...
RACHEL: NO but Ross. We are never gonna happen, OK. Accept that.
ROSS: (runs after her) No, Rach!
RACHEL: (to Ross) She you in the parking lot.
Ross: No, were not.
ROSS: Everybody!
Ross: Pheebs, Pheebs, the babies are coming now.
Ross: No problem, ok, mmmwa (kisses Carol) oh, mmmwa (kisses Carol's stomach, then punches Susan's shoulder) Susan... (Ross leaves.)
Ross: You dont understand! Elizabeth was about to ask me to go on a trip with her! Is that taking it slow?! No, Im not ready for this! Okay? What-what do I tell her?
Ross: Hello. (He throws his jacket towards the coat rack and misses.) Im sorry Im a little late. Ah(Checks his watch)Whoa! A lot late. Let me start by uh, by introducing myself, I am Professor Geller. (The bell rings.) So to sum up, Im Professor Geller. Good job today.
Ross: No! (Pause) Ill be right back. (Exits.)
Ross: I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid.
Ross: Hey, can I, can I get in on that? Because Im kinda hungry myself.
Rachel: I know. (Pause) Ross still sees his pediatrician!!! (To Ross) I don't care!
Ross: Look Rachel, I wanted to tell you, I thought I should, I-I did, and then Chandler and Joey convinced me not to.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are there. Chandler and Joey are looking through the paper.]
Ross: (forages around) Okay, I have nothing in an evening shoe in the burgundy. I can show you something in a silver that may work.
Ross: Nope.
Ross: Hey Mon!
(Ross enters and his hair is a mess.)
Ross: (to Joey) OK, here goes.
ROSS: I talked to Rachel's sisters, neither of them can come.
ROSS: Yeah. And you should hold out for something bigger. I can't tell you how much respect I have for you not going to that stupid cab driver audition.
Ross: You need to get some sleep.