words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are on the couch talking. Phoebe is getting coffee.]
Ross: Hey, yknow whats weird? After you guys get married, when you introduce me to people youre gonna have to say, "This is my brother-in-law Ross." Not, "My friend Ross," "brother-in-law Ross." Thats weird isnt it?
Chandler: Couldnt I just say, "This is Ross?"
Ross: (disappointed) Sure, do whatever you want.
(Phoebe sits down between Chandler and Ross.)
Monica: (entering, carrying a newspaper) Hey Ross! So, I was checking out the uh, real estate section
Ross: Yeah?
Ross: Oh, it looks like mom and dads house. Oh, it even has a tree with a broken limb out front and the uh, the window in the attic is Oh my God!!
Ross: I cant believe they-they didnt even tell us!
(Ross calls his parents on his cell phone.)
Ross: (on phone) Uh, hello dad! Monica and I just saw the house in the paper! (Listens) Yes were surprised! (Listens) Who did you leave a message with?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Ross and Monica are still going on about the house.]
Ross: I cant believe we have to say goodbye to the house we grew up in. Man, some-some strangers gonna be living in my room.
Ross: They kept your room for a while.
Ross: Come on, you know they love you.
Ross: I was their first born! They thought she was barren! Its not my fault.
Ross: Hey.
Ross: Whats wrong with this year?
Monica: That was me and Ross.
Ross: Hey, yknow if you want to pick up some extra cash? Some friends of mine made good money doing telemarketing.
Phoebe: Yeah and yeah, and it would probably be better than the last telephone job I had. Yknow, I probably wouldnt have to say spank as much. (Monica and Ross are shocked.)
Ross: What?
[Scene: Ross and Monicas parents garage, Ross and Monica are arriving to go through their things. Mr. Geller is in the garage.]
Ross: Dad?
Ross: (entering with Monica) Hey!
Ross: Dad, we-we cant believe youre selling the house.
Ross: (To Monica) Lets grab our stuff and get the hell out of here.
Ross: Yeah, not as much as you used to love to play uncooked batter eater.
Ross: Wow! Great! (Finds a pack of cigarettes.) Wait, dad who-whos cigarettes are these?
Mr. Geller: I dont know. They-they must be your mothers, but please, please dont ask her. Ill throw these away. (He puts them in his pocket as Ross finds something of interest in one of his boxes.)
Ross: Cool! Dad! My report cards! Hey, check this out dad, (reading his grades) Math, A. Science, A. History, A. Gym (He puts it away and finds something else.) Oooh, my rock polisher!
Ross: Its a clown kit! Clown kit!
Ross: What?
Ross: How are you ever going to sell this place?
Ross: Oh no. Dad! Dad! What (He goes to open one of her boxes and it rips apart.) Oh God everythings ruined! Dad, shes gonna be crushed!
Ross: No!
[Scene: The Gellers Garage, continued from earlier. Ross and Mr. Geller are still deciding what to do.]
Ross: Dad that wont matter to her. Look, all my stuff is safe and dry and all her is-is, is growing new stuff! See, this is exactly the kind of thing that makes her think you guys love me more than you love her.
Ross: Well, can you blame her?
Ross: Dad, dad I dont want to hear about it.
Ross: Well, not right now. Okay look, Monica came here for some memories and damnit, were gonna give her some! Okay, grab grab some empty boxes. Okay? Well-well take stuff from mine and whatever we can pass off as hers well-well put em in their.
Ross: Like uh yknow like this! This! (He picks up one of those art projects that kids make in kindergarten and first grade.) She-she couldve made this!
Ross: Right? And this! (He picks up a trophy) She-she couldve won this!
Ross: Sure! Ooh-ooh, what about this?
(Ross angrily throws the kit into one of Monicas new boxes.)
[Scene: The Gellers Garage, Mr. Geller and Ross are finishing up recreating Monicas memories as Monica enters.]
Ross: Hey.
Mr. Geller: (overacting) Thats a good one! Do you hear that Ross? Three days!
Ross: (overacting as well) Yeah! Yeah! (Laughs.) Oh, this will make a great memory.
Ross: Well, these. These are yours right here. (Pointing to the boxes they just created for her.)
Ross: Yeah. Yeah, oh you loved that thing. You always had it with you. You never went anywhere without-without that coloring book.
Ross: Nu-uh! (Grabs it and examines it.)
Monica: Wow! Look at this! (Picking up a shirt.) I cant believe I even fit into this shirt! (She holds it up and it reads: Tyrannosaurus Ross.) (She turns it around and looks at it.) Oh, this is yours. (Hands it to Ross.)
Ross: Oh, I dont know how that got in there.
Monica: (holding up a small cowboy hat) This isnt mine. (Sets it down and looks at the rest of the boxes.) Hey, this isnt, this isnt my stuff! Ugh, Ross! (Grabs and holds up a doll.) These are your boxes! Where are my boxes?
Ross: Umm, your boxes are umm
Ross: Dad?
Monica: So why-why wasnt Rosss stuff ruined? (Pause) And if you say the words medical marvel Im going to Easy Bake your head!
Monica: So wait, Rosss stuff is fine, but I have no memories because you wanted to keep the bottom two inches of your car away from water!!!
Mr. Geller: (To Ross) Screw it! Im having one. (Takes out and lights a cigarette.)
[Scene: The Gellers Garage, Monica is picking through her ruined childhood heirlooms with Ross.]
Ross: All right. I think it was a mouse.
(Monica screams, throws the mouse down, and rubs her hands on Rosss sweater to clean them.)
Monica: How do you think I am?! Youve wrecked all my childhood memories. You love Ross more than me. And I just rubbed a dead mouse on my face!
(Ross gets up to let his dad sit next to Monica.)
Mr. Geller: Sweetheart, we love you just as much as Ross! Now, Im sorry about everything that happened and Id probably never be able to make it up to you, but heres a start. (He hands her a small box.)
Ross: (even more shocked) What?!!!
Ross: Well w-w-w-w-wait, w-wait, wait, wait a minute! I mean a couple of stupid boxes get wet and she gets a Porsche?!
Ross: Well, what about me?! Im a medical marvel!!
Joey: So what's it gonna be? (Monica whispers in Joey's ear. Ross gets up and waves arms frantically in protest)
Ross: No, I arranged that...
Monica: Oh please! Why else would you have made out with Ross?!
Ross: You... you dated Albert Wintermeyer?
ROSS: Yeah, c'mon I mean I though, you know, I thought we're just foolin' around. Like when, uh, when we were kids.
Phoebe: Hey Ross!
Ross: Who is intimidating to a guy who won the Nobel Prize?
Ross: Oh yeah? no, no Nobel Prizes for him?
Ross: What? (turns around to look at Rachel)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are laying out the ground rules for the maid of honor auditions to Rachel and Phoebe.]
Rachel: Come on! I think this is funny! (Ross leaves)
Everyone almost simultaneously except Ross: yeah thats a great idea!
Ross: Thats not really porn.
Ross: Nice to meet you.
[Scene: The roof, Joey is walking towards Ross with a guy]
Ross: (popping up behind Joey wearing an Indian headdress) Come on, it's fun!
Ross: I'd lead with that.
Ross: I uh, went to a bar. And then I just uh, just walked around for a while.
Ross: And sexy.
Ross: I dont know what to say, Im sorry. Though, youre not supposed to take these. (Points to the bone) Its like a million years old, we, we actually, we had people looking for that.
Ross: It's actually a 1,000,000$ prize.
Ross: Stop going through my stuff (walks away)!
Ross: You have to tell her! You have to tell her! It's your moral obligation, as a friend, as a woman, I think it's a feminist issue! Guys? Guys? (waiting for guys to chime in)
Joey: Good call. Yeah. But, the face Ross, the face isnt Rachel.
Ross: Cassie, how you-how you doin on that hot dog.
Ross: Hey, I thought I'd end up kissing Charlie too ok? But SURPRISE!
Ross: Why do you care so much?
Ross: Oh. (Reaches into his pocket for some money as Rachel enters the living room and watches holding two stuffed dinosaurs.)
(cut to Ross and Charlie)
Rachel: All right, so... Ross, you're ok with all this? I mean...
Ross: I'm gonna get some more coffee.
(Joey and Charlie enter. Ross looks at her)
Ross: Ok. (they both go)
Ross: Yeah, I know the type.
Ross: Okay! Okay! Fine, Ill stop! No teaching, okay? Well just watch the pretty light streaking across the sky. (Comets dont streak across the sky, meteors do.) Okay? Whos official name is Bapstein-King.
Ross: Totally insane. Dude, let's drive home, we'll hit all the maple candy stores on the way back and if...if they're closed maybe we'll tap a tree and make some ourselves.
Joey: Ross!
Ross: Hi!
Ross: Get to the problem!
Ross: You were saying you didn't want to seem stupid.
Policeman: Its Petty. (He grabs Rosss license.) Ill be right back with your ticket. (Walks back to his car.)
Ross: Ok. Let's see. Oh, you should take her to the MET!
Ross: As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, until death parts us. Really, I do. Emily. (Points at her.)
Ross: Yeah. Look if-if shes gonna end up with somebody else, the truth is she couldnt find a better guy. So
Ross: The data we are receiving from MRI scans and DNA testing of these fossils are - are staggering.
Ross: Ok.
Joey: You do have a choice!! Ross, why are you listening to her?! Are you, are you crazy?!
Joey: An annulment? Ross! I dont think surgerys the answer here.
Rachel: Oh, hon can you grab me my other box of tissues? Theyre right on that chair under Rosss coat.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's. Emma is in her bed and Ross and Rachel are rapping and dancing for her.]
Ross: Yeah, yeah that means... you know? We just... we don't have time for this.
Phoebe: Well, Ross does. What... You're - you're ruining the plan! Joey, you've - you've fixed him up with his perfect woman!
Ross: Y'know, here's the thing. Even if I could get it together enough to- to ask a woman out,... who am I gonna ask? (He gazes out of the window.)
Ross: Wow. What does that mean?
Ross: I always knew I was havin a baby, I just never realised the baby was having me.
Ross: No! (Slaps his hand)
Ross: Ok! So let's move on to the Renaissance?
Ross: Oh thank God, I thought she had two heads.
Ross: Yeah? Joey really knows his art, huh?
Ross: Hey, how was the Met?
Ross: Haha! Got ya! Die, die, die!
Ross: What?
Ross: What do you mean?
Ross: Excuse me, I don't mean to be a jerk, but the baby with the rash came in after me.
Ross: Hey!
Ross: Glad I could help man.
Charlie: Yeah, let's go. (stands up and kisses Joey) (to Ross) Thanks Ross.
Joey: (aside, to Ross) Hey Ross! That art stuff worked, you hooked me up.
[Scene: San Diege Zoo. Ross is still at the monkey cages. A janitor is sweeping.]
Ross: (entering) Hey, you guys!
Ross: Professor Sherman, yeah. I've a meeting with him today.
Ross: It's in Barbados.
Ross: So, uh, this guy, she used to go out with, is, uh is he a good guy?
Ross: So-so what did the doctor say?
Ross: (puzzled) What?
Ross: Really? That would be great. I mean, I have to do something, she kinda teased me about how I dress.
Ross: How do you feel about all this?
Ross: Oh, that's not what you want...
Ross: Eh..actually no, I don't need to because your little "Ross is dead" joke didn't work, ok, there were no responses. Nobody posted anything on the website, nobody called my parents, so the joke my friend is on you. Nobody called, nobody wrote anything, nobody cares that I'm dead. (silence) Oh my God! Nobody cares that I'm dead!?
Charlie: Oh I can't... I have seminars all day and I promised Ross I would look at his speech.
Ross: Take thee, Rachel...(All his friends have looks of shock on their faces. He realizes what he said. Quickly he says.) Emily. (A slight chuckle.) Emily.
Ross: Really? Sounded like Three Blind Mice.
Ross: Four percent. Okay. I tip more than that when theres a bug in my food.
Rachel: (giggles) (To Ross) I can imagine you in a short plaid skirt and knee socks.
Ross: Not the first two, but the second two- woooo! ...I love you guys. You guys are the greatest. I love my sister (Kisses Monica), I love Pheebs... (Hugs her)
Ross: Joey! Hey, I need to talk to Charlie. Is she there?
Ross: Barbados.
Ross: You know, if it�s meant to be, I�ll guess it. Bye, bye.
(Ross drags Joey into the hall and slams the door)
Ross: Dr. Gettleman? Yeah I know, I don't think that's a good idea. In fact, I think he's dead.
Ross: Actually, it looks really good. (Turns towards the window and now Phoebe starts jumping to divert his attention.)
Ross: (continuing) I just found out that Elizabeths dad wants to meet me.
Joey: (sees Ross) Hey all right, Ross came as doody.
Joey: Hey Ross, wouldn't it be great if we could go two straight hours without dropping it?!
Ross: Wha...? Oh sure, now they lock it, but when they're having sex on the couch, its like: "Come on in, my butt is surprisingly hairy".
Rachel: Yes, I know! And Joey knows! But Ross doesn't know so you have to stop screaming!!
(Ross mouths to Chandler, "Thank you," and he mouths, "Youre welcome," back.)
Ross: (to Emma) Can you say Barbados?
Ross: Alright, alright, now-now who should I say tricked me into doing it?
Ross: Uh, uh... Sure! Uhm... "Dear..." (he takes the notepad)