words in movies
Monica: Oh my God, Richard. (Yep, Richards back.)
Chandler: What?! Im Chandler! (She nods towards the doorway, Chandler turns and looks) Oh, thats Richard!
Monica: Oh God, maybe he wont see us. Richard!
Richard: (approaching them with a woman in tow) Monica! Chandler!
Richard: You too, you let uh, your hair grow long.
Richard: Well, my nose got lonely.
Chandler: (to Richards date) And uh, you dont have a mustache which is good. (She just smiles.) Im Chandler; I make jokes when Im uncomfortable.
Richards Date: Hi, Im Lisa.
Richard: Oh, Im sorry. (Introduces them.) Lisa, (nodding at each) Monica, Chandler. We used to date.
Chandler: Richard! No one supposed to know about us! (Richard just smiles at him.) See I, did it again.
Monica: (to Richard) Its good to see you
Matire'd: (to Richard) Youre tables ready sir.
Richard: Oh. Good to see you guys.
Richard: That might be fun. (Richard and Lisa sit down.)
[Scene: The Restaurant, Monica and Chandlers and Richard and Lisas tables have been pushed together and theyre all eating and talking.]
Richard: And-and then I sneak out and before Monica can her parents come in.
Richard: Its so great seeing you guys again. Id like to make a toast. (Everyone raises their glasses) Uh, as a poet once said, "In the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter and sharing of pleasures for in the due of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."
Chandler: Richard!
Ross: What? (Excited) A-ohh! (Realizes) Ohh. Oh thats right thats right. Thats Richards favorite place too.
Chandler: Richard was there so I couldnt do it!
Richard: Hi!
Monica: Richard!
Richard: Actually, Im not here to complement the chef.
Richard: Well, it was great seeing you the other night.
Richard: No! I came here to tell you something else. (Pause) I came here (Pause) to tell you I still love you.
Richard: I still love you. And I know I probably shouldnt even be here telling you this, I mean youre with Chandler a guy I really like, and if you say hes straight Ill believe you! After seeing ya the other night I knew if I didnt tell ya Id regret it for the rest of my life. Letting you go was the stupidest thing I ever did.
Richard: Well yeah, Im sorry. I know this is the wrong time and the wrong place but I had to tell ya! I wanna spend my life with you. I wanna marry you. I wanna have kids with you.
Richard: I know this is crazy but am I too late?
Richard: Well I know I was an idiot! And I tried to forget you, I really did! Yknow after we had lunch last year I spent six months in Africa trying to get you out of my head!
Richard: Working with blind kids.
Richard: Okay thats fine, Ill walk away. And Ill never bother you again, but only if you tell me Chandlers willing to give you everything I am.
Richard: You are?
Richard: Why?
Monica: Yeah! Richard!
Joey: Richard told Monica he wants to marry her!
[Scene: Richards Apartment, hes smoking a cigar and reading a book as there is a knock on the door. He gets up and opens the door to reveal ]
Richard: Hi.
Richard: I didnt ask. You wanna come in?
Richard: Oh, okay. Well, Ill just leave the door open and go sit on the couch. (Does so.)
Richard: (standing up quickly) Drink?
Richard: on the rocks with a twist? I remember. (Goes to make her drink.)
Richard: Uh, no! No! Thats art! If it bothers you I can put my art out.
Richard: So Monica let me ask you a question. Yknow, since we broke up do you ever, think about me?
Richard: Oh really?
Richard: Who is it?
Richard: Yeah hes no good. Do you ever (pause) think about me in a (pause) non-eye doctor way?
Richard: Ahh.
(Richard mouths, "Wow!")
[Scene: Richards Apartment, Monica is looking around and notices an African mask hanging on the wall.]
Richard: Excuse me?
Richard: Oh. (Laughs.) Whew!
Richard: Yeah! Youre saying, you need to be with someone more mature. Maybe someone with, a license to practice medicine. Or a mustache.
Richard: I think thats fair.
Richard: Its okay! Shh! Hey. Hey. (Hugs her) Shhhh.
Richard: I know. (Backs away.)
Richard: Yeah, I understand. Take as much time as you want. (Pause) Ten, even twenty minutes if you need it. Ill be here. Not smoking. (Monica leaves.)
[Scene: Richards Apartment, time lapse. Richard is smoking as he hears a knock on the door. He quickly puts out his cigar and opens the door.]
Richard: Chandler.
Richard: Shes not here and please come in.
Richard: Okay, she was here, but she left.
Richard: Well she said she had to think things over.
Richard: Oh, hey look nothing happened.
Richard: Well all right, one thing happened?
Richard: Well Im sorry.
Richard: Well, apparently Im willing to offer her things that you are not.
Richard: Well if it helps, it worked very well.
Richard: You were gonna propose? (Sits on the arm of the couch.)
Richard: No I dont have a ring! (Pause) You go get her Chandler. (Pause) And can I give you a piece of advice? If you do get her, dont let her go. Trust me.
Chandler: Yknow Richard you are a good guy.
Richard: I know. (Pause) I hate that!
(Chandler gets up and runs out, but as soon as the door closes behind him he opens it, runs back in, picks up his ring Richard is holding up for him, and runs back out.)
Monica: Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know. Um, anyway, I, I, I beeped into your machine and I heard a message that, that freaked me out, and um, you know what Michelle will tell you the rest. I, I, um, I'm sorry, okay, I, I hope that we can forget the whole thing. Okay, bye.
(And as Joey walks out the door, Richard grabs a bottle of Scotch, just as the door closes and carries it with him.)
[Scene: Richards bedroom, Monica has covered it in rose pedals and candles. We hear Richard come in to the apartment, and Monica frantically throws the rest of the pedals on the bed, and jumps onto the bed and puts a rose in her mouth, and bites a thorn.]
Phoebe: That is so weird! I had a dream that you'd have lunch with Richard.
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi! Yeah, Im calling on behalf of Monica Gellers eye, and is um, is Richard Burke in today. (Listens) (to Monica) Hes out of town, but does she want to see the on-call doctor?
RICHARD: Ooh, then I guess the panty raid last night was totally uncalled for. Ok, I am going to take a shower and today I will be singing Jim Crochee's Leroy Brown.
Chandler: Well, its not your fault. What are you gonna do? Not take her to the hospital? Yknow? Youre doing nothing wrong. (Pause) Except for harboring an all consuming love for the woman whose carrying his baby. (He loses his card behind the door.) Richard? If-if youre in there, could you pass me my credit card?
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is singing. Monica, Richard, Ross, and Rachel are listening.]
RICHARD: What're you talkin' about, I was killin' 'em.
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey and Richard are in the middle of a scene. They are both holding swords.]
Richard: No its not too soon, I had lunch at a eleven.
MONICA: [her and Richard return to her place] So are you ok?
Richard: Why do have a picture of Paulette in your pack?!
Phoebe: All right. No, no, no, not a Richard thing, just put down the glass. And get out!
Rachel: Because its Richards son! Its like inviting Greek tragedy over for dinner!
RICHARD: My parents are dead.
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey is getting his make-up touched up as Richard approaches.]
RICHARD: Monica... [He re-enters the bedroom and Monica jumps on the bed, trying to cover it.] Hey Mon, I have a question. Is Leroy the baddest man in the whole damn town or the fattest man in the whole damn town?
Monica: I'm fine, just a little tired, I'm okay. How's Richard doing?
RICHARD: No, it's been a long time since your dad and I went running.
Richard: Thats what real actors do! Annunciation is the mark of a good actor! And when you enunciate, you spit! (Spits on the t)
RICHARD: Are you remaking the bed?
ROSS: [comes out of the bedroom] Rachel. [growls then sees Richard standing there] Hey.
Richard: Oh. Look, just friends, I wont grope you. I promise.
Richard: Absolutely, this will just be something we do, like racquetball.
(Rachel enters in this hideous pink bride's maid dress, with a huge silver bow on her chest, and a big, huge skirt, kinda like the one's women wore in the 1800s, Monica and Richard both stare in shock)
Monica: I'm going into business people. I'm sick and tired of being depressed about Richard. I needed a plan, a plan to get over my man. What's the opposite of man? Jam. (sees Joey trying some jam from the pot) Oh Joey don't! It's way to hot. (Joey realizes this and spits what he had in his mouth back into the pot.)
RICHARD: Then, you're redoing it because...
Richard: The picture of my wife! In your pack!
Chandler: Oh, yeah, well, poor Richard. Y'... I can grow a moustache!
Chip: Ehh, y'know after high school, you just kinda lose touch. Oh yeah! I ran into Richard Dorfman.
RICHARD: Ok, I have to sleep on the west side because I grew up in California and otherwise the ocean would be on the wrong side.
Richard: Ill just throw them out.
RICHARD: But... he gets it back, pass to the middle, lines it up and... BAM! Yes! Could that shot BE any prettier?
Monica: (on machine) "Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know." Nooo!!
JOEY: Ok, uh, hey Richard, if you had an extra ticket to the Knicks game and you had to choose between a friend who smells and one who bruises you who would you pick?
Paul: And in fifth grade I got into a fight. Well, it wasnt really a fight. Richard Darinvel bit me on the nose and, and I feel down. I still have a little scare right here (points to it) you can see it.
RICHARD: Hey come on, you haven't heard my reason yet.
Richard: Im wearing two belts.
RICHARD: Boy I would just uh, I would freak out.
Monica: I mean, my feelings for Richard are certainly gone.
Richard: Oh, thank you. Youre welcome. (He stands up, staggers to the couch, and starts to lie down.)
[Scene: at Barry and Mindy's reception, Monica and Richard are sitting at a table, and Monica is trying to throw a piece of candy into his mouth.]
Story by Mark J. Kunerth Teleplay by Richard Goodman Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are setting the table.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are there. Phoebe enters.]
Richards Date: Well, I just wanted to see where you lived. Now, give me the tour.
RICHARD: Monica's making us watch Old Yeller.
Phoebe: (sitting down) Oh good! All right, so you decided to tell him about the Richard thing.
Monica: Oh my God. Richard? (turns around) Hi!
MONICA: Hi. Richard just told me he loves me.
Monica: This is crazy! I mean, it's such a stupid argument. I don't even wanna see Richard again.
RICHARD: Uh, in the future, if I could see the schedule beforehand...
RICHARD: Charlotte who?
RICHARD: Yeah, if I have to. Monica, I don't wanna lose you, so if I have to do it all over again, then I will.
Richards Date: Yeah, but I didnt get to see it.
Phoebe: Richard Simmons?! Oh my God!
MRS. GELLER: Richard. Richard. Your son isn't seeing anyone is he?
RICHARD: Yeah, just, I feel like I'm about a hundred. I thought I was just one of the guys.
Richard: That can be arranged.
(They hug, and Richard notices a stocking stuck to Monicas back, which he removes for her.)
Chandler: No! Her boyfriend Richard!
RICHARD: Oh, hey. I love children, I have children. I just don't want to be 70 when our kids go off to college, and our lives can finally start.
Monica: No, my eye doctor is Richard! I cant go to him when I dont have a boyfriend!
RICHARD: Wow. Well being a huge Knicks fan myself, I think you should take someone who's a huge Knicks fan.
Ross: Well, this is ironic. Of your last two boyfriends, Richard didnt want to have kids, and from the looks of it, now Pete cant.
MONICA: Ok. [Richard walks in] Hey, why don't you ask Richard?
RICHARD: Hey, be right there.
Dedicated to the Memory of Richard L. Cox, Sr.
Richard: Wow. Y'know were back where we were. Honey, I would love to do all that, but nothings changed.
RICHARD: Uh, the guy was Lou Gehrig. Didn't you kinda see it coming?
RICHARD: That's fine. Well, your other dad and I are gonna go have a romantic evening and I guess I'll just see you kids around.
[Richard enters]
MONICA: Hey. Where is he, where's Richard? Did you ditch him?
RICHARD: Oh honey, I'm fine.
Richard: We may not have any weapons, but we still have food. In the basement I saw potatoes and some dry pasta, and a few tins of tuna! (Joey backs away and wipes his face again.)
RICHARD: Hey, you're gettin' better. I'm gonna keep this by the way.
RICHARD: It's the basketball playoffs.
JOEY: How come Richard looks so much cooler with one of these than me?
CHANDLER: Hey listen, we've gotta go, I promised Richard we'd meet him downstairs.
MONICA: You know what, I think it's cute, you trying to be more like Richard.
MONICA: You're meeting Richard?
RICHARD: I know, I know. Just hang in there, OK. OK, I'll go out first, alright.
[Cut to that same kitchen, only this is The One With The Proposal, Richard is telling Monica something.]
RICHARD: Hey Phoebs, what's happening?
RICHARD: Happy birthday.
RICHARD: Ok. [leaves]
Monica: Me going out with Richards son.
Richard: Is that my ass? (Hes looking at Joeys.)
PHOEBE: What, what's about to happen? [starts watching] I've never seen this part before. Hey, Travis, watcha doin' with that gun? Oh no, no no Travis, put down the gun. No no no no, he he's your buddy, he's your Yeller, no, no no, the end, THE END. [hear the gunshot from the TV] [Scene:Monica and Rachel's apartment. Richard is on the balcony smoking and Monica is on the phone.]
RICHARD: She's not a twinkie.
RICHARD: How ya doin'?
RICHARD: What?
RICHARD: Guys. Seriously, it is not like that.
RICHARD: Jack, would you let it go?
RICHARD: Really?
RICHARD: Oh?
RICHARD: Two.
RICHARD: Oh, thank you Phoebs. That's very sweet.
[Scene: Mr. Geller's birthday party. Monica is in the bathroom and Richard comes in.]