words in movies
Story by Mark J. Kunerth Teleplay by Richard Goodman Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are in Monica's bedroom.]
(He walks away and Joey does Rosss fist thing. He then enters Richards dressing room, to find Richard cutting his steak with his sword.)
RICHARD: Neither am I.
Richard: Well if it helps, it worked very well.
Richard: Just your dad. (pause) Although thats actually racquetball. You know I-I do have a blind date with my sisters neighbour next Tuesday.
RICHARD: Oh, no, honey, I mean, don't worry, I like hanging out with those guys. It's fun for me. They're different than my other friends, they don't start sentences with, 'You know who just died shoveling snow?'
Chandler: Y'know, if I won $5,000 I'd join a gym, y'know build up my upper body and hit Richard from behind with a stick! (Mimics it.)
Richard: Hey Joey, could you uh, go through these lines with me? (Hes holding a script.)
RICHARD: Um, we should go too, I got patients at 8 in the moring.
RICHARD: What? Alright, what about my two?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe enters to see Monica, Richard, Ross, and Rachel tearfully watching TV.]
The Assistant Director: (to another actor) Richard? Were ready for you. (Richard approaches.) Joey Tribbiani? This is Richard Crosby hes playing Vincent.
RICHARD: Honey, you are not an oat. I, I mean I don't know, I, I guess I'm just not an oat guy. I've only slept with women I've been in love with.
Chandler: Oh, yes. I decided to leave these out for you in case Richard stops by and you wanna engage on a little light bondage and moustache play!
RICHARD: If it's not a right angle, it is a wrong angle.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are in her bedroom.]
Monica: Oh my God, Richard. (Yep, Richards back.)
Richard: The bedroom. Well its pretty much your typical... (opens the door as Monica hides under the covers, and quickly closes the door before his date can see the room.) bedroom.
Chandler: Okay, so Richard, Richard!
Chandler: This is about you and Richard. He's clearly not over you. He keeps a tape so he can... look at it whenever he wants.
Richard: Yeah, well, sure I touch them, but I spent years learning not to squish them. (Monica grabs his hand in the tomatoes.) Thats my hand.
Chandler: Oh, Richard. That's all I ever hear, Richard, Richard, Richard!
Chandler: What Richard thing?
Phoebe: Which Richard?
Monica: The Richard.
Chandler: What-what Richard thing?
[Scene: Barry and Mindy's wedding, Monica and Richard are standing in the lobby]
RICHARD: Uhh, not that I know of.
Chandler: Yeah, well, she's probably talking to Richard.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Richard, Ross, and Rachel are returning.]
Richard: No I dont have a ring! (Pause) You go get her Chandler. (Pause) And can I give you a piece of advice? If you do get her, dont let her go. Trust me.
RICHARD: Humm, really?
RICHARD: That - that's an idea.
RICHARD: Awww! You know that's probably why babies learn to talk, so they can tell grown ups to cut it out.
MRS. GELLER: I have no idea. Did you know Richard has a twinkie in the city?
RICHARD: Yeah, I know. I hate it too. Look, maybe we should just tell them.
Richard: Its okay! Shh! Hey. Hey. (Hugs her) Shhhh.
Richard: I still love you. And I know I probably shouldnt even be here telling you this, I mean youre with Chandler a guy I really like, and if you say hes straight Ill believe you! After seeing ya the other night I knew if I didnt tell ya Id regret it for the rest of my life. Letting you go was the stupidest thing I ever did.
Richard: Well I know I was an idiot! And I tried to forget you, I really did! Yknow after we had lunch last year I spent six months in Africa trying to get you out of my head!
MONICA: I've got a question. Richard made plans again with the guys.
Ross: Alright. There's a theory, put forth by Richard Leakey-
Richard: I know. (Pause) I hate that!
Monica: (crying) So, I went down to the post office, and it turns out it was those videos that I ordered for Richard about the Civil War. He loved the Civil War.
Chandler: Richard!
RICHARD: See, if anyone overheard that, I didn't come off well.
Richards Date: Hi, Im Lisa.
Richard: Oh. Good to see you guys.
Monica: (to Richard) Its good to see you
[Scene: later, Richard and Monica are dancing]
Richard: Why?
Richard: Hi!
Monica: Richard!
Richard: You are?
Joey: Richard told Monica he wants to marry her!
Monica: Yeah! Richard!
Richard: Who is it?
Richard: Ahh.
Richard: Oh really?
Richard: Excuse me?
Richard: Oh. (Laughs.) Whew!
Richard: I know. (Backs away.)
Richard: Well all right, one thing happened?
Richard: Hi.
Richard: (standing up quickly) Drink?
(Richard mouths, "Wow!")
Richard: I think thats fair.
Richard: Well she said she had to think things over.
Richard: Chandler.
Richard: Okay, she was here, but she left.
Richard: Well Im sorry.
[Scene: The Restaurant, Monica and Chandlers and Richard and Lisas tables have been pushed together and theyre all eating and talking.]
MONICA: It is nothing like the Hobbit. It's like reading about every relationship I've ever had, except for Richard.
RICHARD: Uh, they're not in it.
RICHARD: Hear that? She likes me best, and apparently there've been a lot.
MRS. GELLER: No, Richard Burke gave them a ride.
Richard: Working with blind kids.
MRS. GELLER: I just never would have pictured Richard with a bimbo.
Richard: Well, my nose got lonely.
RICHARD: Phoebe's got another job, right?
MRS. GELLER: Thank you Richard, I appreciate the support.
Rachel: Richard? I'm not gonna go see your ex-boyfriend!
Monica: Oh God, maybe he wont see us. Richard!
Chandler: Richard used to do it, didn't he?
RICHARD: A moustache comb.
Richard: That might be fun. (Richard and Lisa sit down.)
Richard: Uh, no! No! Thats art! If it bothers you I can put my art out.
RICHARD: I guess we just keep dancing.
Monica: (very excited) Oh, and you know who's selling a great apartment? Richard!
RICHARD: That's it? That's the giant number you were afraid to tell me?
Richard: Okay, okay, one things changed. But we still want different things and we know how this is gonna end.
Monica: And y'know what, I just realised, in the last year Ive only gone out with two guys, Richard and Julio. You gotta help me out here, you gotta set me up, you gotta get me back in the game.
RICHARD: You're gonna do what to my clocks.
Richard: You too, you let uh, your hair grow long.
Richard: No I didnt.
Richard: I think I lost. Three times.
RICHARD: Glad to be of help. Matches. [walks out to the balcony]
Richard: Nice to meet you Joey.
Richard: Yeah, sure.
Richard: All right.
Richard: Great!