words in movies
Joey: I dont know. Ooh, I bet its Richard.
Chandler: Why would Monica be keeping Richard in here?
Joey: Well off the top of my head uhh, maybe shes having her cake and eating it too. You being the cake and Richard being the too. Or!
Chandler: Well, its not your fault. What are you gonna do? Not take her to the hospital? Yknow? Youre doing nothing wrong. (Pause) Except for harboring an all consuming love for the woman whose carrying his baby. (He loses his card behind the door.) Richard? If-if youre in there, could you pass me my credit card?
Phoebe: Monica had lunch with Richard.
RICHARD: Okay, last chance. (Monica throws the candy and hits some woman in the back of the head, Richard turns around and says) Again, I'm sorry.
Monica: Noo! My ex-boyfriend Richard! Y'know the tall guy, moustache?
RICHARD: What're we looking at? That blue freckle?
Monica: Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know. Um, anyway, I, I, I beeped into your machine and I heard a message that, that freaked me out, and um, you know what Michelle will tell you the rest. I, I, um, I'm sorry, okay, I, I hope that we can forget the whole thing. Okay, bye.
(And as Joey walks out the door, Richard grabs a bottle of Scotch, just as the door closes and carries it with him.)
Richard: Well, apparently Im willing to offer her things that you are not.
[Scene: Richards bedroom, Monica has covered it in rose pedals and candles. We hear Richard come in to the apartment, and Monica frantically throws the rest of the pedals on the bed, and jumps onto the bed and puts a rose in her mouth, and bites a thorn.]
Phoebe: That is so weird! I had a dream that you'd have lunch with Richard.
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi! Yeah, Im calling on behalf of Monica Gellers eye, and is um, is Richard Burke in today. (Listens) (to Monica) Hes out of town, but does she want to see the on-call doctor?
RICHARD: Ooh, then I guess the panty raid last night was totally uncalled for. Ok, I am going to take a shower and today I will be singing Jim Crochee's Leroy Brown.
Richard: Okay thats fine, Ill walk away. And Ill never bother you again, but only if you tell me Chandlers willing to give you everything I am.
Richard: Why do have a picture of Paulette in your pack?!
Richard: (approaching them with a woman in tow) Monica! Chandler!
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is singing. Monica, Richard, Ross, and Rachel are listening.]
Richard: Shes not here and please come in.
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey and Richard are in the middle of a scene. They are both holding swords.]
Matire'd: (to Richard) Youre tables ready sir.
Richard: No its not too soon, I had lunch at a eleven.
Phoebe: All right. No, no, no, not a Richard thing, just put down the glass. And get out!
RICHARD: What're you talkin' about, I was killin' 'em.
MONICA: [her and Richard return to her place] So are you ok?
Rachel: Because its Richards son! Its like inviting Greek tragedy over for dinner!
RICHARD: My parents are dead.
Monica: I'm fine, just a little tired, I'm okay. How's Richard doing?
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey is getting his make-up touched up as Richard approaches.]
Richard: Thats what real actors do! Annunciation is the mark of a good actor! And when you enunciate, you spit! (Spits on the t)
ROSS: [comes out of the bedroom] Rachel. [growls then sees Richard standing there] Hey.
RICHARD: Are you remaking the bed?
RICHARD: No, it's been a long time since your dad and I went running.
Richard: Actually, Im not here to complement the chef.
Richard: Oh. Look, just friends, I wont grope you. I promise.
RICHARD: Monica... [He re-enters the bedroom and Monica jumps on the bed, trying to cover it.] Hey Mon, I have a question. Is Leroy the baddest man in the whole damn town or the fattest man in the whole damn town?
(Rachel enters in this hideous pink bride's maid dress, with a huge silver bow on her chest, and a big, huge skirt, kinda like the one's women wore in the 1800s, Monica and Richard both stare in shock)
Chandler: Oh, yeah, well, poor Richard. Y'... I can grow a moustache!
Ross: What? (Excited) A-ohh! (Realizes) Ohh. Oh thats right thats right. Thats Richards favorite place too.
Chip: Ehh, y'know after high school, you just kinda lose touch. Oh yeah! I ran into Richard Dorfman.
Richard: The picture of my wife! In your pack!
[Scene: Richards Apartment, time lapse. Richard is smoking as he hears a knock on the door. He quickly puts out his cigar and opens the door.]
RICHARD: Ok, I have to sleep on the west side because I grew up in California and otherwise the ocean would be on the wrong side.
Richard: Yeah, I understand. Take as much time as you want. (Pause) Ten, even twenty minutes if you need it. Ill be here. Not smoking. (Monica leaves.)
Richard: Ill just throw them out.
RICHARD: But... he gets it back, pass to the middle, lines it up and... BAM! Yes! Could that shot BE any prettier?
Monica: (on machine) "Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know." Nooo!!
Paul: And in fifth grade I got into a fight. Well, it wasnt really a fight. Richard Darinvel bit me on the nose and, and I feel down. I still have a little scare right here (points to it) you can see it.
Monica: I'm going into business people. I'm sick and tired of being depressed about Richard. I needed a plan, a plan to get over my man. What's the opposite of man? Jam. (sees Joey trying some jam from the pot) Oh Joey don't! It's way to hot. (Joey realizes this and spits what he had in his mouth back into the pot.)
RICHARD: Then, you're redoing it because...
Richard: You were gonna propose? (Sits on the arm of the couch.)
JOEY: Ok, uh, hey Richard, if you had an extra ticket to the Knicks game and you had to choose between a friend who smells and one who bruises you who would you pick?
Chandler: Richard! No one supposed to know about us! (Richard just smiles at him.) See I, did it again.
Richard: I didnt ask. You wanna come in?
Richard: Absolutely, this will just be something we do, like racquetball.
Richard: Oh, thank you. Youre welcome. (He stands up, staggers to the couch, and starts to lie down.)
[Scene: at Barry and Mindy's reception, Monica and Richard are sitting at a table, and Monica is trying to throw a piece of candy into his mouth.]
RICHARD: Hey come on, you haven't heard my reason yet.
Richard: Im wearing two belts.
[Scene: Richards Apartment, Monica is looking around and notices an African mask hanging on the wall.]
Monica: I mean, my feelings for Richard are certainly gone.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are there. Phoebe enters.]
RICHARD: Boy I would just uh, I would freak out.
Story by Mark J. Kunerth Teleplay by Richard Goodman Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
RICHARD: Monica's making us watch Old Yeller.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are setting the table.]
Monica: Oh my God. Richard? (turns around) Hi!
Richards Date: Well, I just wanted to see where you lived. Now, give me the tour.
MONICA: Hi. Richard just told me he loves me.
Richard: I know this is crazy but am I too late?
Phoebe: (sitting down) Oh good! All right, so you decided to tell him about the Richard thing.
Monica: This is crazy! I mean, it's such a stupid argument. I don't even wanna see Richard again.
RICHARD: Charlotte who?
RICHARD: Yeah, if I have to. Monica, I don't wanna lose you, so if I have to do it all over again, then I will.
Richards Date: Yeah, but I didnt get to see it.
MRS. GELLER: Richard. Richard. Your son isn't seeing anyone is he?
Richard: And-and then I sneak out and before Monica can her parents come in.
Chandler: No! Her boyfriend Richard!
Phoebe: Richard Simmons?! Oh my God!
RICHARD: Yeah, just, I feel like I'm about a hundred. I thought I was just one of the guys.
(They hug, and Richard notices a stocking stuck to Monicas back, which he removes for her.)
Richard: That can be arranged.
Dedicated to the Memory of Richard L. Cox, Sr.
RICHARD: Uh, in the future, if I could see the schedule beforehand...
MONICA: Ok. [Richard walks in] Hey, why don't you ask Richard?
RICHARD: Oh, hey. I love children, I have children. I just don't want to be 70 when our kids go off to college, and our lives can finally start.
RICHARD: Hey, be right there.
Richard: We may not have any weapons, but we still have food. In the basement I saw potatoes and some dry pasta, and a few tins of tuna! (Joey backs away and wipes his face again.)
RICHARD: Wow. Well being a huge Knicks fan myself, I think you should take someone who's a huge Knicks fan.
RICHARD: That's fine. Well, your other dad and I are gonna go have a romantic evening and I guess I'll just see you kids around.
RICHARD: Oh honey, I'm fine.
[Richard enters]
Ross: Well, this is ironic. Of your last two boyfriends, Richard didnt want to have kids, and from the looks of it, now Pete cant.
Richard: Wow. Y'know were back where we were. Honey, I would love to do all that, but nothings changed.
RICHARD: Uh, the guy was Lou Gehrig. Didn't you kinda see it coming?
Monica: No, my eye doctor is Richard! I cant go to him when I dont have a boyfriend!
Richard: Well yeah, Im sorry. I know this is the wrong time and the wrong place but I had to tell ya! I wanna spend my life with you. I wanna marry you. I wanna have kids with you.
MONICA: Hey. Where is he, where's Richard? Did you ditch him?
RICHARD: Hey, you're gettin' better. I'm gonna keep this by the way.
PHOEBE: What, what's about to happen? [starts watching] I've never seen this part before. Hey, Travis, watcha doin' with that gun? Oh no, no no Travis, put down the gun. No no no no, he he's your buddy, he's your Yeller, no, no no, the end, THE END. [hear the gunshot from the TV] [Scene:Monica and Rachel's apartment. Richard is on the balcony smoking and Monica is on the phone.]
MONICA: You know what, I think it's cute, you trying to be more like Richard.
Richard: Oh, hey look nothing happened.
Richard: Oh, okay. Well, Ill just leave the door open and go sit on the couch. (Does so.)