words in movies
Kathy: No, youre my first. Put the money on the table.
Chandler: Im totally screwed. Okay, they are gonna be hot and heavy on stage every night, and then theyre gonna go to their cast parties and hes gonna try to undermine me. Y'know itll be like, "So wheres your boyfriend, whats-his-name, Chester?" And shell go, "No-no-no, its Chandler." And hell go, "Whatever. Ha-ha-ha-ha!"
Joey: Chandler, look theyre actors. Theyre there to do a job, just cause they work together, doesnt mean theyre gonna get together. I mean just cause it happened with Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, it doesnt mean its gonna happen with them.
Ross: Theyre not a couple!
Joey: Well okay, so then youre fine. The rule is when two actors are actually doing it off-stage all the sexual tension between them is gone. Okay? So as long as its hot onstage you got nothing to worry about. Its when the heat goes away, thats when youre in trouble.
Joey: Listen also were uh, were watching the game here Saturday night, if people want to come over.
Joshua: Yeah, but it wasnt much fun dropping it off at the dry cleaners in the skirt. (Rachel laughs) So I need everything down to underwear, so if youre willing, Im all yours.
Chandler: Oh, I loved the play. You were great, and Nick ditto. Clearly youre having sex with him.
Kathy: Okay, so let me just get this straight. Youre accusing me of cheating on you, and insulting my performance?
Chandler: Yknow, I-I could see how this could happen, y'know youre up there every night, youre naked, touching, kissing.
Kathy: Oh, wow. I cant believe youre throwing that in my face.
Ross: Cookies and porn, youre the best mom ever!!
Joey: Well, you gotta give him something that he cant say no too. Like uh, Knicks tickets! Invite the guy to a Knicks game, youre guaranteed hell say yes!
Ross: Thats all youre basing this on?
Rachel: I uh, I have two tickets to the Knicks game tonight if youre interested, just as a thank you for this week.
Ross: (To Monica) Youre drunk! Mom and dad are gonna be maaaaadd! Maybe Im a little drunk.
Monica: You say Thank you very much, and then you buy me something pretty. Come on, were gonna put are hands in this bowl, and were gonna start squishing the tomatoes.
The Director: Look Joey, theres nothing I can do. Besides, youre probably gonna be out by four anyway. Weve just got one short scene. Its just you and Richard, and God knows hes a pro. Youll be fine. (Walks away and sees Richard entering.) Morning Richard.
Joey: Hey. Hey look I am still Joey, okay. Flowers theyre just, you know, theyre nice to look at. And that happens to be a picture by a famous artist. Of a famous baby.
Phoebe: No, I know, Im just nervous. Y'know its just y'know Moms dead, dont talk to my sister, Grandmas been sleeping a lot lately. Its like the last desperate chance to have a family, y'know, kinda thing. Youre so sweet to wait with me.
Monica: Oh, about five minutes. Right now theyre interviewing his opponent. Apparently he trains by going to Iran and pulling the arms off thieves.
Matt: Yeah, shes trying to waft the smell across the hall to get us to come hang out in her new place, and were sitting there eating pizza and I think it was you (Points to Lisa) that said
Monica: What?! Youre crazy! Theres nothing sexual about the noises I make!
Melissa: Oh wow, Ray-ray I have no idea what youre talking about.
Monica: You know what? This has been kind of a girlie day. Youre right, Im sorry.
Joey: Oh my God Pheebs! Youre gonna have a baby?
Hold Voice: Thank you for your patience, youre the next caller.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Doug: Bing! Were all set for tonight, 8 oclock.
Ross: (To Joey) I know, I wasnt finished. (Joey motions him to finish.) (Yelling at the street) But dont worry! Were gonna go down the fire escape!!
Rachel: Well, were a little early, the lecture doesnt end for 15 minutes.
Joey: Dude, youre not even man enough to order the channel that carries the sport.
Rachel: Are you okay? Youre not blinking.
Phoebe: (thinking to herself) Chandlers knees. Chandlers ankles. Chandlers ankle hair. (notices the clock) Oh no. (to Rick) Okay, youre all set.
Mrs. Geller: Oh I wish youre grandmother had lived to see this.
Phoebe: Okay! Okay! (Puts it out and comes out of the bathroom.) Im so glad youre here.
Joey: Well, Id like to think there was something for everyone. Look, I know youre casting for this new show
Rachel: What? This-this, no, oh no, no-no-no, this is notthats-thats not what it is. See, see, okay, I work in fashion, see and-and, this is a real dress actually. Its-its, theyre-theyre wearing it in Milan, so part of my job is too wear the clothes, and then I see how people respond, and then I report back to my superiors at Bloomingdales, so And obviously in uh, in-in this case, (She grabs a pen and paper) I am going to report back, "USA not ready."
Monica: (stopping him) Sit down! Were winning!
Chandler: Were moving to Tulsa! (Makes a excited expression on his face)
Monica: Im Catwoman, who wants to borrow the dress when youre too big for it.
Mona: Umm, I-I thought we were moving forward and now youre-youre sending me all these mixed signals. What are you trying to tell me?
Monica: (yelling after them) I cant believe youre gonna have sex on my engagement night!!
Rachel: Oh, I know it. Youre right. Thats not sexy. Oh Oh! (Drops a fork on the floor.) Whoops! Oh, I seem to have dropped my fork. Let me just bed over and get it. (Tries too, but cant quite seem to make it.) Oh God!
Ross: I cant believe in four weeks theyre gonna be married!
Rachel: Im so glad, Im so glad you shared. (Feeling his shoulder.) And Im glad that youre done. What do you say we umm (Nods in the direction of the bedroom.)
Joey: Nah, its okay. Right, Gunther? (Winks at him as if theyre in on a secret together.)
Ross: I dont think so! Youre just giving me Ruth so youll get to name it when its a boy, and thats when youll swoop in and name him Heath or Blaine or Sequoia.
Chandler: Were on a semi-first name basis.
Monica: Oh, Id like a latte. Oh yknow what? If youre gonna talk about me, Im gonna go with you.
Joey: Youre gonna mess it up let me do it.
Monica: Look at me! My big concern is whats real?! (Finally realises) Oh my God. Were really sad, arent we?
Joey: What?! All rightHey! Dont look at me! Youre the one who wanted to come up and look for some stupid Burger King comet!
[Cut to Phoebe in Rosss new apartment looking at Monica and Chandler and what theyre about to do in The One Where Everybody Finds Out.]
Chandler: Well, were-were hanging out in here!
Rachel: I feel like were the only two people in the world. (She sets down her wine class, picks up a walnut, and knocks another one on the floor.) Oops. Sorry. (She reaches down to pick it up and Ross hands it to her. Ross is hiding under the couch and causes Rachel to scream.)
Rachel: Ross, that girl just spent the entire evening talking to your friends, asking to hear stories about you, looking through Monicas photo albums, I mean you dont do that if youre just in it for two weeks.
Mrs. Geller: So Chandler, youre parents mustve been thrilled when you told them you were engaged.
Monica: Okay, while were waiting for these pills to kick in, Im gonna sit you down on the couch. Come on. (Phoebe gets up and goes with her.) Get some nice soft pillows under your head, Im gonna turn the TV on and you can watch whatever you want. And ImSit down(She sits down on the couch)gonna make you some tea. And then, Im gonna rub your feet.
Joey: Hey, dont start judging me! (To Rachel) Huh? Youre the one whos in love with her assistant! (To Phoebe) Huh? And you, youre the one having the affair with the guy who keeps the pigeons on the roof!
Rachel: Oh, hon can you grab me my other box of tissues? Theyre right on that chair under Rosss coat.
Joey: Absolutely! Halloween is the worst. Except for Christmas and their birthdays. Kinda get a little crazy during the summer too. And anytime theyre hungry or sleepy. Yknow, kids are tough. Good luck with that. (Walks away.)
Joey: Dont start doing that. You cant do that Rach, cause then youre gonna make me do that. (Starts to cry.) Oh, here we go! (Sits down next to her.)
Phoebe: Oh my God! Youre right! Go! (Monica starts to leave.) Go tell Chandler! Hurry before its too late! Wait no! (Monica stops.) Does this also mean putting out doesnt get you love? (Monica is shocked.)
Rachel: Because youre not finished yet and I wont have it! Greens do not quit!
Monica: How about, youre moving!! (Grabs a bunch of clothes and throws them into a box. What follows is a brief sequence of Rachel unpacking and Monica packing the same stuff over and over again as Rachel chants "No." and Monica chants "Yes.")
Dr. Green: (interrupting him) I know!! Its a museum! What, youre the only one around here who can make a joke! At least mine was funny. Ah, waiter, we will have two lobsters and a menu. (nods at Ross, and mouths I dont know to the waiter.)
Monica: Yeah, I do think its better this way. (listens) Yeah, were being smart. (gets up to answer the door) (listens) Yes, Im sure.(she opens the door and its Richard)
Robert: Jeez, thank you really that is so nice. But um, to be honest, I dont think I can wear these, theyre so tight, I feel like Im on display. Im sorry.
Phoebe: I know. Its just yknow usually when youre, when youre done with the pregnant thing, yknow, then you get to do the mom thing. Im gonna be yknow, sitting around in my leather pants, drinking Tequila.
Joey: Oh no-no, no-no I love living with you. It just seems that if youre gonna have a roommate, yknow it might as well be the father.
Ross: Oh yeah? Youre going further down! Downtown!
Rachel: Dont worry, were just gonna search here for an hour, them were gonna go over to Joeys and search, OK?
Chandler: I know, I know, but youre gonna have plenty of chances. There are literally thousands of women out there just waiting to screw me over.
Ross: Youre not getting away this time mister! Unless you want that ass kicking we talked about!
Chandler: No. No. Were not gonna do that, yknow why? Because its not an even trade.
Joey: Oh my God! Youre pregnant!
Joey: So whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! What are you gonna do? Youre gonna have the baby and-and raise it by yourself without a husband?! You cant be a single mother alone! Youre gonna ruin your life!
Joey: Absolutely. But, were gonna stop by the hospital just to be sure, okay? Ill page Ross on the way. Come on.
Chandler: Theyre terrific, and they live right here in the city.
Joey: What youdont hold it like that! Youre lettin all the good stuff fall out.
Chandler: Young! Youre a man-child okay?! Now go get changed because everybodys ready and please, oh please, keep my underwear!
Emily: and that was all before 10 oclock. The caterer rang and said it was going to be Chicken Kiev instead of Chicken Tarragon. And then the florist phoned to say there arent any tulips. Oh, and the chilliest has carpel-tunel syndrome. Were not gonna be
Monica: (gets up) Okay, y'know what, Im not fine, Im not. I mean how can I be fine, hearing you come in with her, she wants to see your bedroom.... (pause) Y'know what, what if were friends who dont see other people?
Ross: No. I... I wanted to be with you. I dont know, I feel like lately, I feel like youre slipping away from me, y'know. With this new job, and all these new people, and youve got this whole other life going on. I-I-I know its dumb, but I hate that Im not a part of it.
Ross: Oh, Im sorry youve been Bamboozled! Youre gonna be a terrible mother! (Rachel stares at him agape.) Ive lost sight of why were doing this! (Rachel gets up and walks away.)
Rachel: Yeah, I guess. I-I I mean, do-do you think were ever gonna have that?
Phoebe: Well its just like youre trying too hard. Always making jokes, yknow, you justYou come off a little needy.
Chandler: (sarcastically) Yes were all in here and we would love for you to join us!
Amy: (thinks about it) You’re right, you’re right! I’m gonna do it!
Joey: (entering) Hey! Hey Chandler look, I know youre mad, but I just want to say Im sorry. I-I was a total jerk. Completely o-over the line. Uh, I just I hate pulp! Yknow? I mean, yknow how Monica feels about low fat mayonnaise?
Joey: But uhm, we're getting rid of her, right? Rach, please tell me we’re getting rid of her.
Joey: Hey! You hold on pal! Now you made my friend, Rachel, cry. So now, youre gonna go up there and apologize to her, unless you want me to call the landlord.
Monica: Just going over my toast. Those two will never know what hit em. I cant wait. Theyre going to be crying so hard. Theyre going to be fighting for breath.
The Interviewer: Okay, how about when youre not working. What do you do in your spare time?
Rachel: No so were protecting her.
Chandler: Oh come on guys, its not like I moved to Europe! I just moved across the hall! And we would have you over all the time if it werent for (struggles to get this out) Monicas allergies. (The duck quacks.) Youre right, I could never lie to you. She hates you. (The phone rings.) Should I get that? (Laughs, then answers the phone.) Hello? (Listens) Uh no, Joeys not here right now. Can I take a message? (Listens) Yeah, okay so the audition has been moved from 5:00 to 2:30? (Listens) Okay great. (Listens.) Bye. (Hangs up the phone and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle on the door but Monica walks in and forces him to jump out of the way.)
Cliff: Id have to say the talking gorilla, because at least I can explain to him that youre making me eat him.
Phoebe: Him youre friends with. (Starts looking at the children trying to find Jack and a teacher notices her.)
Rachel: (entering) Okay, stop what youre doing, I need envelope stuffers, I need stamp lickers.....
Phoebe: Where is everyone? They�re forty minutes late.
Phoebe: Hey, buddy. Hows my favorite dog, huh? Hows my favorite dog? (the dog doesnt move) Youre subdued. (to Joey) Did you give him a beer?
Rachel: Okay, you know what/ Youre going to have to call that plane and tell them to swing around and come and pick me up.
Chandler: No! No! I dont want him to know were yet! Im not sure Im ready for that. And besides hes not gonna be too happy to see me either.
Monica: So were gonna try? I mean, are we trying?
Monica: No-no, its not okay! Its not! I mean you were just Youre so incredible! You went through all this time and effort to make this tape for me! Yknow Im just gonnaI, I am gonna make this up to you! I will! I-I am going to cook anything you want in here (points to the kitchen), and I am going to do anything you want in there! (Points to the bedroom.)
Chandler: You should be. You’re really on top of stuff..
Phoebe: Thank God you’re here. Listen to this!
Rachel: Oh, okay. Uhh, well lets see. (Grabs his hand.) Youre aboutwell uh, this one is large. And this one(Grabs the other hand.)
The Cooking Teacher: If youre a professional chef, what are you doing taking Introduction to Cooking?
Joey: Im sorry, youre right. What am I gonna say? (He takes another sip of the green stuff and recoils at the taste.) Oh!
Chandler: Im sorry youre here with me instead of Roger.
Phoebe: Well, look, whatever happens, we’re here for you and we love you.
Phoebe: Oh right, like theyre gonna let me have a passport.
Chandler: Sorry. Im sorry. Y'know what, were just gonna throw it.