words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is reading What to Expect When Youre Expecting as Rachel enters from her bedroom.]
Rachel: (looking at her fingers) Oh my God! Let me see that! (Grabs the book from him.)
Rachel: Hi!
Rachel: Oh Pheebs thats so sweet(Grabs a pair of pants)Ooh, those are so cute!
Monica: (entering) Oh good youre all here. Thanksgiving tomorrow, four oclock. (To Rachel) Oh, guess who I invited. Remember that guy Will Colbert from high school?
Rachel: No.
Rachel: Wow! I dont remember him. Honey, are you sure youre not talking about your imaginary boyfriend.
Rachel: Oh thats nice.
Monica: All right! Okay, its just Phoebe. Wills still on a diet, Chandler doesnt eat Thanksgiving food, and Rachels having her aversion to poultry.
Rachel: Remember I had to leave the room the other day when you had that roast chicken?
Joey: Thats right! Cause Im a Tribbiani! (To Rachel) And this is what we do! I mean we may not be great thinkers or world leaders, we dont read a lot or run very fast, but damnit! We can eat!
Monica: Hey, isnt weird to think about how next year at this time theyll be a little baby at the table? (Chandler turns around in horror.) (Seeing him) Rachels! But good to know where youre at!
Monica: Good. And Rachel Green too. (Will stops suddenly.)
Rachel: (entering, carrying a baking dish) Hi!
Will: (glaring at Rachel) Rachel Green.
Will: Look at her standing there with those yams! My two greatest enemies Ross: Rachel Green and complex carbohydrates.
Rachel: (sees Will) Oh my God Monica, who is that?
Rachel: Oh! I do not remember him! Wow! He's really got that sexy, smoldering thing going on. (We see Will angrily staring at Rachel.) Oh my God, hes Look at the way hes just staring at me. I think hes trying to mouth something to me, but I cant make it out. (Will mouths, "I hate you.")
(They sit down at the table and Will goes to talk to Rachel.)
Rachel: Hi! Will, right?
Rachel: Hi! Im Rachel Green.
Rachel: Really?! Arent you sweet! I gotta tell you though, I am, I am having the hardest time placing you. Oh-oh hang on! Did we umm, did we fool around at Lance Davis graduation party?
Rachel: Thank you!
Monica: (breaking it up) Uh Rachel? Rachel, why dont you sit here? (Next to Joey) And Will you sit way over there. (The other side of the table.)
Joey: (To Rachel) Its like me when I was born.
Rachel: All right, who would uh, like some yams? Will?
Rachel: What? (Joey starts offering Ross some turkey.) Oh yknow what? Can we please keep the chicken and the turkey and everything on the other side of the table? The smell is just yuck!
Rachel: Im sorry. What?
Will: I said it was typical. Typical of you, Rachel Green, Queen Rachel does whatever she wants in little Rachel land. (Does a fake hair flip.)
Rachel: Umm, Im sorry. Do you-do you have a problem with me?
Monica: (To Rachel) Apparently you were umm, a little mean to him in high school.
Rachel: Im-ImI had no idea. Im sorry. I
Rachel: Uh Will umm, I just want to say that Im real sorry for whatever I-I did to you in high school
Rachel: You had a club?!
Will: Thats right, The I Hate Rachel Green Club!
Rachel: Whoa! My God! So what, you all just joined together to hate me?! Who else was in this club?
Rachel: (To Ross) So you were in an I Hate Rachel club?
Rachel: So who else was in this club?
Rachel: So Ross, we went out for two years, and you never told me you were in an I Hate Rachel club.
Rachel: Okay Monica, did you know about this?!
Ross: co-founded. Co-founded the club was because I was insanely in love with you. Obviously I didnt handle it very well. But if you think about it the I Hate Rachel Club was really the I Love Rachel Club.
Will: Uh, except that it was really the I Hate Rachel Club.
Rachel: Okay. So what? You guys would just like get together and like just say mean things about me?
Rachel: What rumor?
Rachel: Ross!
Rachel: What?!
Rachel: (shocked) Oh my God!
Rachel: What?! You heard that?! (Goes and stands behind Joey.)
Rachel: Oh no!!!! Oh my God!! This is all making so much sense to me now! This is why Adam Carter wouldnt go out with me! This is why Billy Tratt would just stay in this region! (Motions to her breasts.) (Joey has turned around.)
Rachel: Monica, how come you never told me this?!
(Joey is now looking at Rachel, and since Rachels standing and hes sitting down and hes not looking at her face You get the picture.)
Rachel: Joey stop staring! Theres nothing there! Its not true!
Rachel: Oh! (Hits him and storms out.)
Rachel: (entering carrying a book) Okay! Okay! Listen to what Sean McMahon wrote in my yearbook senior year, "Dear Rach, youre such a good person." Not girl! Person!
Rachel: (reading what he wrote again) "Dear Rach, youre a great person. Sorry about your tiney-wienie." (Will laughs.)
Rachel: Yes!
Rachel: I dont care how long ago it was! You told people that I was half and half! Yknow what? I just want to point out I never did anything to hurt you in high school.
Rachel: What?
Ross: (shocked) (To Rachel) How did you know that?!!!!
Rachel: Yes it is! I saw you guys going at it behind the card catalog!
Rachel: Ohh, theres a picture of her in the yearbook actually.
Ross: Only when it was damp!! (To Rachel) I cant believe you-you told people about this?! Everybody knew?! Yknow what? (To Will) Im back in the club!
Rachel: WhPhoebe!!
Rachel: All right, yknowFine! You guys have your stupid little club, but I would just like to say is what you did to me is way worse than what I did to you! You gave me a tiney-wienie! (Will laughs.)
Monica: All right, listen youre just being silly. Rachel, even with that rumor you were one of the most popular girls in school and everyone wanted to be like you. One girl wanted to be like you so much she stuffed her pants with a Tootsie Roll!
Rachel: Wow
Monica: And Ross, if it werent for Rachels rumor I mean no one in high school would even know who you were. She put you on the map!
Rachel: Shes right.
Rachel: You can keep those pants by the way.
RACHEL: Oh, God, no problem. So you're gonna go with the uh, waiting thing?
Rachel: Oh wow, it's so beautiful...
(Rachel laughs)
Rachel: Yes, okay, oh, by the way, I just gotta say, I think it's really nice of you that even after you've moved, you still keep storing that stuff for Joey!
Rachel: Well, not this second!
Rachel: Uh, Pauls Caf�. They got great food and its really romantic.
Rachel: Ben, its Rachel! (He closes the door.) But whatever.
Rachel: I made the mistake of telling him that I was pregnant.
Rachel: What do you really want to do?
Rachel: Wha... are you kidding? I can't return this.
Rachel: Aren't you a little cute to be a doctor?
Rachel: OK, thank you.
Rachel: What? You really think she's hot?
Rachel: And Joey?
Rachel: Oh, wow, Molly is just great!
Rachel: Thank you! (goes to get coffee)
Rachel: Hello.
Rachel: Yeah, it is! But youre just a kid! I mean youre 25!
Rachel: Oh wow, you are really, you're really a creep.
[Scene: Rachel's office, Rachel comes in and Gavin is there]
Rachel: I was giving you an appology and you were totally checking her out!
Phoebe: Is that a real place? (Rachels stunned) Are they hiring?
Rachel: Well, yknow I was thinking of moving the couch over here.
Rachel: Thirty. Ugh, I mean thirty! Monica, do you remember mean, old Mrs. Kreeger in the fifth grade? She was thirty!
Rachel: (returning) Wait-wait-wait, I just thought of another story about how nice Ross is!
Rachel: N-no, Emma dropped her sock.
Rachel: (sitting down next to Chandler) Im training to be better at a job that I hate, my life officially sucks.
[Scene: Rachel's office, Rachel and Gavin there, phone rings, Gavin picks it up]
Rachel: Hi!
Kim: Ohh honey come here. (Hugging Rachel.) Ohh it will be ok. Weve all been there.
Gavin: Mom, I'll call you later. Yeah. (hangs up) (to Rachel) Yes?
Rachel: Shh!
Rachel: What?
Rachel: There was nothing wrong with her! All right? She was perfectly lovely!
Rachel: Yeah, sure!
(Phoebe knocks on the door with the wine and Chandler answers it. Rachel hides next to the door.)
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Rachel: What...? Too sensitive to take care of our baby?
Phoebe: Great! Okay, good for you! (as they leave she slaps Rachel on the butt)
Rachel: What Phoebe? Wait! One time he caught me smoking he said if he ever saw me doing that again hed make me eat the entire pack.
Rachel: Mmm hmm.
Rachel: No.
Rachel: You do?
Rachel: Well Monica seems to think it's because you have feelings for me.
Ross: (to Rachel) So, hes just a nice guy. You really think this Mark doesnt want anything in exchange for helping him?
Ross: (not getting it) Yeah! Yeah! Rachel picked it out for me. She told me to trust her and you know what? I'm glad I did! I turned quite a few heads on my way over here.
Rachel: Wow! I cant believe thats our baby.
Rachel: No not that. I kissed Gavin last night.
Rachel: Yeah. It was after the party, we were on the balcony and...
Rachel: Okay, but if it only happened that one time, how come we found your underwear in our apartment the other day?
Rachel: Mrs. Bing, I have to tell you, I've read everything you've ever written. No, I mean it! I mean, when I read Euphoria at Midnight, all I wanted to do was become a writer.
Guy: (To Rachel) So uh, I'm on my way back to the bathroom. (Ross giggles.)
(Rachel decides not to confront them and starts to walk out, knocking over a lamp in the process.)
Rachel: Who is it?
Rachel: Why?
Rachel: What?! Joey, you dont want to go on a date with a pregnant lady.
Rachel: Come on! Serious-ser-ser-seriously, what did she mean by that? (Mimicking Monica.) Especially you!
Rachel: Hey! Y'know what? You are in our apartment all the time! Okay? This is, this is just a drop in the bucket mister!
Rachel: So did I
Rachel: It's just a cold
Rachel: Oh no no no
Rachel: What?
Rachel: Right, right, yes!
Rachel: What? What's the matter?
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are there as Phoebe enters.]
Rachel: OK.
Rachel: I thought it was Ross.
Rachel: There isn't. There is totally isn't.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is trying to move off of the couch as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: Yes
Rachel: So seriously...rodeo clown?
Rachel: People keep saying that. Oh I'm sorry Gavin
Rachel: No, but I was doing my thing and everything was going according to the plan!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel is entering, still pregnant.]
Rachel: And also, you know I uh, I was thinking about what you said, you know, about the whole sex thing and... it's probably not a great idea to go down that road again.
Rachel: Ew! Gross.
Rachel: No, no, no, I admire a man who can cry.
Ross: Small... (Rachel comes back into the living room and catches Ross mocking her.)
Rachel: Who?
Rachel: Oh, hey! Hi, there you are, I�ve been looking for you everywhere!
Rachel: (whispering and begging) Please? (Ross makes a "whatever" gesture) YES! Sandy you're hired.
Rachel: You�ve being seeing someone?
Rachel: Hi, and I am also Emma�s mother.
Rachel: Oh, and somebody can get those leather pants shes always wanted!
Rachel: (entering, happily) Gooood morning!!
Monica: Rachel, how did this happen?
Rachel: Wow. She does that a lot!
Rachel: How do you know about that?
Rachel: Well, were a little early, the lecture doesnt end for 15 minutes.
Rachel: Oh. Oh! (Takes a slug of tequila.)
Rachel: Score.
Rachel: Yeah.
Rachel: Oh yeah.
Rachel: What? Who?
Rachel: I would love to live with you Ross; thats-thats great! Thank you!
Rachel: Whoa, how do you know about that?
Rachel: Ross?
Rachel: Why?
Rachel: Yes.
<Amy pushes Rachel and Monica goes berserk and runs around the table>