words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: Hey, you guys! Guess what? Barry and Mindy are getting a divorce!
Joey: Oh sorry, I hear divorce I immediately go to Ross. (To Rachel) Who-whos Barry and Mindy?
Rachel: Barry was the guy that I was almost married and Mindy was my best friend.
Rachel: Yeah, but that just means that he was falling asleep on top of her instead of me.
Rachel: Well, apparently she caught him cheating on her with someone else. Isnt that sad? (Giggles.) God, could you imagine if I actually married him?! I mean how different would my life be?
Rachel: Merrill Lynch?
Rachel: Well why didnt you take the job?
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Ross: (recognizing her) Oh my God! Rachel Green?
Rachel: (gasps) Rob Tillman!
Rachel: Oh, Im sorry. Ross Tillman.
Rachel: Ohh, of course Monicas brother!
Rachel: Wow! How are you?!
Rachel: Ohh! Me too!
Rachel: Oh, its the best! (They both exhale contemplating the joys of marriage.) So, umm hows Monica?
Rachel: Ohh, I would love too.
Rachel: Ohh! Okay!
Rachel: Oh wait, dont you have to pay for your, (looks at his magazine) Busty Ladies?
Rachel: (laughs) Oh yeah? Okay.
Rachel: But! Dont you have to give him his money back?
Ross: Uh-huh. (Steps to a random kid nearby and hands him his money.) Hey, here you go buddy. Sorry, no porn for you. (To Rachel) Okay, lets go see Monica!
(She hangs up as Ross and Rachel enter.)
Ross: Mon, look who I ran into! (Gestures towards Rachel.)
Monica: (gets up and gasps) Oh my God! Rachel!! (Rachel is stunned to see that her long lost friend is still fat.) (Monica goes over and gives Rachel a big bear hug, which is quite easy for her.) You look terrific!
Rachel: Ohh, so do you! Did you lose weight? (Shes not quite sure of that one.)
Rachel: Oh yeah.
Rachel: Oh yeah. Right. So now, aredo you, do you still do music?
Rachel: (interrupting him and seeing Joey) Oh my God! Joey Tribbiani from Days of Our Lives, just walked in here!
Rachel: (stunned) You are friends with Dr. Drake Remoray?
Ross: (To Rachel) Hey-hey, or I could bring my keyboard over here sometime!
Rachel: Hes coming over! Hes coming over!
Monica: Ohhh! (Takes the plate.) No! This is my friend Rachel, we went to High School together.
Rachel: (giggles and cant look at him) Hi!
Joey: (shaking Rachels hand) Hi!
Rachel: (still not quite able to look at him) Hi! I love you on that show! I watch you everyday! I mean, when you took out your own kidney to save your ex-wife even though she tired to kill you
Rachel: Ah!
Joey: (To Rachel) So uh, how you doin?
[Scene: Silvercup Studios, Joey is showing Rachel around the set.]
Rachel: Wow! This is so amazing! What else? What else?
Rachel: Hey!
Rachel: (laughs) Wow! Umm, yknow, I-I would really love to, but I-I shouldnt.
Rachel: (awestruck, then not) Isnt that a line from the show?!
Rachel: Thats a line from the show too!
Joey: Oh my God, Im sorry, Im being so rude. (Turns to Rachel.) Rachel, would like a soda or something? Because Chandler would run right out and get it.
Rachel: Yeah sure, iced tea would be great.
Joey: (To Rachel) Did I not just tell him?
Rachel: (mouthing it to him) Yes, you did.
Chandler: Its not all juice! (Rachel quickly gets out of the way.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is there as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: Oh Mon, listen I have to ask! Okay, Joey Tribbiani invited me back to his apartment, now does he do this with a lot of girls?
Rachel: Ohh! And Im one of them!! Wow! Oh, I just cannot believe this! I mean, Joey Tribbiani!
Rachel: Yeah. Oh I just wish we could not be married for a little bit! Yknow I just wish we could be like on a break!
Rachel: Oh, its so easy for you I mean, youre not married, you get to have sex with who ever you want!
Rachel: Monica. Youve, youve done it right?
Rachel: Oh my God! Youre a 30 year old virgin!
Rachel: Oh my God!! Do it!! Honey, youve waited long enough!!
Rachel: Yes!! I mean sex does not have to be a big deal! There shouldnt be all this rules and restrictions! Yknow, people should be able to sleep with who ever they want, whenever
Monica: Rachel! Im never gonna think its okay for you to cheat on your husband!
Rachel: Oh what do you know? Virgin!
[Scene: Rachel and Barrys bedroom, Rachel is watching Days of Our Lives. Of course its a Dr. Drake Remoray scene. Its set in a hospital room, and Dr. Wesley and a nurse are talking about a female patient with a bandage around her head.]
Dr. Drake Remoray: Not so fast Wesley! (Rachel does a silent clap.)
Rachel: (very relived) Oh! Thank God!
Rachel: Okay! (She picks up the phone, Joeys phone number, and starts to dial.) Here we go! Okay! (On phone.) Hi, Joey! Its Rachel! Umm, I am free tomorrow night. Yeah, sure, sure I can bring some sandwiches.
[Scene: Joey's apartment, (The one he had when he was Dr. Drake Remoray, because he still is.) Rachel is there and admiring the big ceramic fake dog.]
Rachel: Ohh, I mean its just so realistic!
Rachel: Pat the dog. Oh! Oh! I get it!! (Laughs and finishes her drink.)
Rachel: Oh, I probably shouldntso I will! (Joey starts making her refill and Rachel notices that rain thing Joey has.) Oh! Wow! Its like its raining!
Rachel: Umm, can I use your bathroom?
Rachel: Okay. (Starts to go.) God yknow, if someone told me a week ago that I would be peeing in Joey Tribbianis apartment
Rachel: Yeah, it sure is!
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Rachel is now three sheets to the wind and Joey is watching her.]
Rachel: Joey, youre such an amazing actor! (He smiles.) How do you know where Dr. Drake Remoray leaves off and Joey Tribbiani begins?
Rachel: Wow! Tell me something Joey(She falls off the couch)Whoa! I just fell right off the couch there.
Rachel: Okay. (She climbs back onto the couch.)
Rachel: Yeah?
Rachel: Wow! I cant, I cant feel my hands.
(He takes her hands in his and kisses each one, then kisses her on the lips. When the break the kiss, Rachel starts to get nauseous and throw up. Joey backs away in horror.)
[Scene: Joey's apartment, the next morning, Rachel is passed out on the couch.]
Rachel: (wakes up suddenly and realizes where she is) Oh right.
Rachel: (groans) Oh God. Oh I cant believe Joey Tribbiani heard me throw up!
Rachel: Noo! Oh God we didwe didnt, we didnt uhh
Rachel: God Im just a horrible person.
Rachel: Because Im married. Thats right, I am a married woman! And I came to a TV stars apartment to have an affair! Uck!
Rachel: Yeah and Im a horrible, horrible person.
Joey: Rachel, would you stop saying that?! Hey-hey look, remember on the show when-when Caprice was dying and she gave me
Rachel: The ring from the cave, yeah.
Rachel: (seeing the ring and gasping) Oh my God, they let you keep that stuff?!
Rachel: No! No-no-no
Rachel: But I thought that ring stood for Caprices undying love for her brother.
Rachel: Yeah!
[Scene: Rachel and Barrys bedroom, Rachel is returning from her disastrous attempt at an affair to find that Barry was much, much more successful with his.]
Rachel: Ohh! My God! Barry!!
Rachel: Oh thats right! Im sorry! I-I am early! Finish! Please!!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is there as Rachel storms in.]
Rachel: Hi Ross!
Ross: Hey Rachel.
Rachel: Is Joey Tribbiani here?
Rachel: Well, if you see him, will you please tell him that Im looking for him and that this I am not gonna throw up!
Rachel: Me? Im great! Im fine! Im sooo good!! But, you know whos not great?! Men! Youre a man right Ross?!
Rachel: Sit down!
Rachel: Let me uh, let me ask you something, do wedding vows mean squat to you people?! And why is it that the second we tell you were going out of town, bamn there you are in bed with the neighbors dog walker?!
Rachel: No seriously! Seriously! What has happened to the sanctity of marriage?
Rachel: Aw what are you?! A detective?
Rachel: Oh. (Doesnt believe it.)
Rachel: Who are these men?
Rachel: Well, you might want to tell him it sounds like his wife is (whispers) gay.
Rachel: Good day for married people huh?
Rachel: Im sorry your wife is gay. I guess women arent that great either.
Rachel: You can?
Rachel: Um-hmm.
Rachel: Okay.
(They grab the luggage and drag it into Joey and Rachels forcing Monica and Chandler to follow.)
Rachel: (depressed) Hi.
Rachel: Okay.
Rachel: All right.
Rachel: Okay.
(Enter Rachel and Paolo. They are both somewhat flustered)
Rachel: Ow!
[Scene: A couch store, Ross is trying to decide on a new couch for his place. He has dragged Rachel along for the trip, and she's not too happy about it. Ross is sitting on it in different ways to see how it feels. He tries to just sit on it normally, and then he tries flopping on it. One thing about this couch, it's huge. It's like twice the size of a normal full size couch. Whoever designed this thing, needs help and fast.]
RACHEL: OK, OK, that is my favorite sweater, that is my third date sweater.
Rachel: Oh, Ive got big Valentines plans! Ive got my Chinese food on the way, and the rest of your saltwater taffy!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are there.]
Rachel: Yes, you didOh my God you didnt! (Screams) Well then why didnt you tell me that before?!
Rachel: Pheebs?
RACHEL: What'cha gonna' do?
Phoebe: IRachel, you cant go! Ross loves Emily!
Phoebe: Alrighty, here come the water works. (Rachel starts crying harder.)
Rachel: OhhDo you think he will?!
Rachel: Okay. (picks up phone) Are you sure you wanna hear this?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Continued from earlier, Rachel is now telling everyone of her experience in the garbage room.]
Monica: Ross and Rachel don't know what they're talking about. I mean its not like their so responsible. Emma is a product of a bottle of Merlot and a five year old condom.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is entering, Monica and Rachel are talking on the couch.]
Rachel: Well, now, wait. Now Im all freaked out. Come on, you guys will watch it with me.
Rachel: Well, hon-ey. I'm just trying to look nice for your big night.
Rachel: Excuse me, Dr. Bobby happens to be an excellent doctor.
(Rachel comes out of her room, suddenly she remembers leaving the message.)
Rachel: Ohh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel folding and packing clothes in suitcases as Phoebe enters.]
Rachel: Bye. (She gets up to leave but is stopped by Joey)
Ross: I'm sorry, Rachel, this is Charlie Wealer, she's a collegue.
Mr. Zelner: Hello Rachel, you uh, got a minute?
Rachel: Whoops. (Starts to go into Chandler and Joeys.) Oh, hey, do you need help with that?
Rachel: Not working with me, Joe! Here's the thing: lately I have been having thoughts (pauses) musings, if you will!
Rachel: Phoebe, we cant, we just cant just let it happen! Okay, we have to do something! We have to break them up! Okay? Just go in there and like, shave her head! You owe me one bald girl!!
[Rachel, seeing what he did for her, gets up, walks across the room, and kisses Ross]
Rachel: Look, If I dont get to London!! He is going to marry that other girl!!!
RACHEL: Well, how did you find out?
Rachel: Yeah?
Rachel: Anyway, theres this big charity ball this weekend and Ralph Lauren bought a table, so I kinda have to go
Phoebe: (raises hand) Oh! I know! (Rachel startled) It's because... he's gorgeous, and he's charming, and when he looks at you...
Rachel: You guys, come on, it doesn't matter why we're late. We're all here now, please let us in so we can have some of your delicious turkey. (A slice of turkey on a piece of aluminum foil is slid under door)
Rachel: (taking a bite) Hmmm!
Rachel: Oh, I found him. He was Paolo's cat.
RACHEL: Ya know, in crazy world, that means you're married.
Rachel: But he has to know how I feel!
Transcribers Note: This is stuff we never saw from all of the seasons, so for all of the scene settings I will be using the current arrangements. Even though some of the out takes take place when Chandler was living with Joey and Rachel was living with Monica, when Joey and Chandler were living in Monica and Rachels, and the current arrangements.
Big Nosed Rachel: Oh! No, not really.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel and Fake Monica are there.]
Rachel: What? Uhh, Phoebe, honey, honey, I know you're quirky and I get a big kick out of it, we all do actually, but if you destroy a coat like this that is like a crime against nature! Not nature, fashion!
Rachel: Ill figure something out.
Rachel: (to the closed door) Hang in there. You hang in there. (Gives him the raspberry.)
Phoebe: Did you stop Rachel?
Rachel: Oh Ross, you're so great. [she playfully rubs his head and gets up]
Rachel: Yeah, because I was mad at you, not because I stopped loving you!
[Scene: The street in front of Central Perk, Ross is walking up and sees two women that look like Phoebe and Rachel from behind.]
RACHEL: Okay, now that is the third time someone has said something like that to me today.
MR. GREENE: I'll never remember all of that. So uh, what's the deal? Rachel comes home, people pop out and yell stuff, is that it?
Ross: No, it's not a divorce, it is not a divorce! Anyway, I think Rachel and I need to, you know, get on with our lives, maybe, maybe start seeing other people.
Rachel: Well, are we all together? Like in a group?
Big Nosed Rachel: Happy Thanksgiving!
[Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel laugh]
Chandler: (To Rachel) Sounds like a fun party.
Joey: Half hour. (Rachel turns to look at him and he nods yes.)
Rachel: Okay, you are going to tell her and youre going to tell her now. (She grabs his nipple and starts to twist it.)
(Rachel feeds something to Paolo. He eats it and licks her hand)
Rachel: Oh my God! We are throwing the most depressing baby shower ever!
Rachel: Monica, what should I do?
Rachel: What?
Rachel: Youre bachelor pad?!
(Monica comes out of the bathroom like a bolt, and Rachel and Joey both enter.)
Rachel: Oh, hi!
(Cut to Rachel and Ross.)
Rachel: Right
Rachel: Hi! All right, lets go shoppin!!
Rachel: Ross honey, this is very nice, but, but I-I got a crisis.
Monica: Oh my God, Rachel! Hi!
Rachel: Ross said my name. Okay? My name. Ross said my name up there that obviously means that he still loves me! (They both just stare at her.) Okay, dont believe me, I know Im rightdo you guys want to go downstairs and get a drink?
Chandler: Oh, hello Rachel.
Rachel: Okay.
Rachel: Well, look at that, same thing.
Rachel: Hello? Oh, Pheebs! (To them) Its Phoebe!
Rachel: Hi!
Rachel: Well, Ross said my name.
Monica: Oh, what a great argument, exhaling! All right, y'know what, Ill prove it to you, okay. Ill trade you Joey for Rachel, and Ill still win the game.
Rachel: Oh Im sorry mummys so sorry go back to sleep go back to sleep. Shh. Shhh! Go back to sleep
Rachel: Oh, Chandler!! All right, this is it! (Grabs the key) You never see Joanna again!
(Rachel looks at it and then throws it away. She then removes a fourth one, revealing a third hole.)
(He gets up and walks away as Rachel come running over all excited.)
[Cut to Monica and Rachels, theyre all there playing cards.]
Rachel: (she stops and turns) Hi!
Rachel: No well, no it's not that bad, y'know? I mean yeah, my tongue feels a little fuzzy and these fingers sort of smell, I actually feel like I can throw up.
Rachel: Yeah. Im sorry.
Rachel: I uh, I have two tickets to the Knicks game tonight if youre interested, just as a thank you for this week.
Rachel: No, youre not an idiot, Ross. Youre a guy very much in love.
Rachel: So umm, what time are you supposed to leave?
Rachel: Yeah.
Rachel: Right!
Rachel: Good!