words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel is still looking out the window as Joey enters.]
Joey: (sees Rachel) Oh, uh, hey Rach. I uh, I was just coming over here to uh Oh wait, I dont have to lie to you, you dont live here anymore. Uh, Im eating their food. What are you doing?
Rachel: Ross is on a date with my sister and they shut the drapes two and a-half-hours ago.
Monica: (To Rachel) Oh, are the drapes still closed hon?
Rachel: Yeah. And yknow who shouldve shut their drapes? Is that perverted old couple two doors over.
Rachel: Oh dont even ask!
Joey: I cant believe Ross went out with Rachels sister! When Chandler made out with my sister I was mad at him for 10 years.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is on the couch reading as Rachel enters. Its the next day.]
Rachel: Oh Ross, hi! Hey, how are ya? There you are!
Rachel: (to Gunther) Ill take a coffee. (To Ross) So how was your big date last night?
Rachel: Yeah fun? Great! So uh, so did you guys hit it off?
Rachel: So uh, so did anything happen? Because rumor has it you guys shut the drapes!
Rachel: Oh, slides. (Laughs.) So really nothing happened.
Rachel: Right. Was it the, "Please dont show me another picture of a trilobite vibe?"
Rachel: She asked-asked you out again?
Rachel: Okay-okay-okay-okay-okay-okay-okay! I got it! I got it! I got it! I cant! I cant! I cant! I cannot go with you and my sister thing. Okay? I just cant. Its just too weird, all right? I imagine the two of you together and I freak out. It freaks me out. I cant do it! I cant do it.
Ross: (while Rachel is finishing her rant) Okay! Okay! Okay! Its okay. (Rachel stops.) Its okay. Hey, its too weird for you, I wont see her again.
Rachel: Thank you. I yeah.
Rachel: No-no-no! No-no-no! Please Ross, I cant! I cant do it! (Starts to freak out.) Its just gonna freak me out!!!
Rachel: Ross thanks.
Rachel: Oh no! No! No-no-no-no! No, I mean come on thats-thats crazyI mean thats crazy. So whats-whats going on with you? What is going on with you?
Rachel: Yeah do it now, call right now.
[Scene: Central Perk, time lapse, Rachel is at the counter as Jill enters.]
Rachel: Hey!
Rachel: Ohhh well. Yknow what honey? The best thing to do to get over a guy is to start dating someone else. Oh! There is this great guy you will love at work named Bob! Hes a real up-and-comer in Human Resources.
Rachel: Its not random, its Bob.
Rachel: No honey, okay, okay, you wanna know why Ross canceled the date? Because I asked him to.
Rachel: Hm-mmm.
Rachel: Because you are my sister and Ross and I have this huge history
Rachel: No.
Rachel: (changing the subject) Yknow Bob in Human Resources
Rachel: Look, this is not that big of a deal! You just dont date Ross! Theres a million other guys out there, you just
Rachel: Im not telling you what to do! I am telling you what not to do!
Rachel: Jill this is not about me being jealous of you! This is about you being a brat! Wanting what you cant have!
Rachel: All right, all right, well you just blew your chances at dating Bob!
Rachel: In Human Resources!!!!!!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel is ranting about Jill to Chandler and Monica.]
Rachel: I am jealous of her?! I mean who does she think she is?! Princess Caroline?!
Rachel: Do I have my own castle?
Rachel: No.
Rachel: Oh my God!
Rachel: Wow! I mean, I justI cant, I cant believe this. Yknow, I mean you think you know someone even, even Phoebe whos always been somewhat of a question mark.
Rachel: Absolutely not.
Rachel: Probably just the first half.
Rachel: Well its hard to tell (Rachel gets up to get a closer look, only shes having some trouble.) Oh God, if she would just stop moving.
Rachel: Oh, its a tattoo! Thats weird, Phoebe doesnt Wait thats Ursula! Thats not Phoebe that is Ursula!
Jill: Rachel and I had a really big fight, can I come in? I-I mean I know were not supposed to see each other anymore and Im okay with that, its just that I dont know anybody in the city and I really need somebody to talk to about it.
[Cut to Monica and Chandlers, Rachel is entering.]
Rachel: Hey! Have you guys seen Jill? I cant find her anywhere.
Rachel: Well, is Ross home? Maybe Ill just call him to see if hes actually seen her.
(She goes to look out the window at Rosss apartment and sees Jill staring at her and closing the drapes with an evil look on her face. Rachel is stunned into silence.)
Rachel: (on phone) What is my sister doing there?! And why are the drapes shut?!
Rachel: Ross! I think she is trying to make something happen with you to get back at me!
Rachel: Ross, I am telling you that she is using you to get back at me!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, time lapse, Ross is entering. Chandler and Monica are at the kitchen table. Rachel is on the couch reading.]
Ross: (To Rachel) You uh, you may have been right about Jill.
Rachel: Oh! I knew it! What happened?
Rachel: What?! You kissed!
Rachel: Well, it doesnt sound like it! I mean, its pretty easy not to kiss someone, you just dont kiss them! See look at us, right now, not kissing!
Rachel: Yeah thats right you werent thinking! Yknow what? Let me give you something to think about! (She pulls up her sleeves and steps towards him.)
Rachel: Oh, well thank you for taking your tongue out of my sisters mouth long enough to tell me that.
Rachel: What?!
Rachel: Wow. I, I dont even know what to say. Thank you. (Gently kicks him.)
Jill: All right, Im leaving! Because Im not going to spend one more day with someone whose out to sabotage my every move. Thats you Rachel!
Rachel: Yeah, I got that.
Rachel: Bye-bye-e!
Rachel: Paul. Umm, I just wanted you to know that Ross really is a great guy.
Monica: And when I told her that I was gonna be moving in with Chandler, she was really supportive. (To Rachel) (Starts to cry) You were so great. You made it so easy. And now you have to leave. And I have to live with a boy!! (They both break down in tears.)
Rachel: Okay, Im totally cool! (She coolly knocks on the door)
Rachel: The bll is drrbing!
Rachel: Well, do you want to hear what actually happened or Joeys lewd version?
(Rachel slowly walks in from her bedroom. She is stunned speechless.)
Rachel: What? Wh-hey!
[Scene: The Lobby of Chandler and Rachels building, Chandler and Rachel are returning from lunch.]
Rachel: Op, but the twelfth brings a lovers spat.
Monica: Look what I got! Look what I got! Look what I got! (She shows Rachel what she bought. She bought a little leather jacket and a little cowboy outfit for the babies.) Can you believe they make these for little people?
Rachel: Look, I know you guys heard about the whole thing with me and Ross but y'know, I've been obsessing about it all day and I'd just love not to talk about it. All right?
(A knock on the door. Rachel swiftly opens it)
Rachel: Well yeah, but then I remembered I started it and there was this pep rally and I was, I was on top of the pyramid but anywayumm, what is this book about?
Rachel: (To Monica) Im okay! Im okay! (She knocks on Mr. Heckles's window.) Mr. Heckles, Mr. Heckles could you help me please?
Rachel: Oh, no! No you guys! Come on, you dont have to do that! Im happy for him! I am! I reallyIm-Im happIll work on it.
Rachel: How many ways are there to do that?
Rachel: Yeah? Wow! Yknow, that this thing has speakers in the headrest!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is giving Rachel, Chandler, Phoebe, and Ross their bills.]
Rachel: Ohh, yeah, well I wanted to give Emily a big American good-bye cheer. So okay! (Runs into the living room) Ready! Okay! Gimme an E!
Rachel: Ross! That's Mark. From Bloomingdales? You were insanely jealous of him.
[Scene: Rachels Office, Joey has brought Dina to meet with Rachel.]
Rachel: ..so, he said it was just a sprain, and that was it.
Ross: Sure, I mean, do I wish me and Rachel living together would have worked out? Of course. You know, I'm disappointed, but it's not like it's a divorce.
Rachel: Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on, but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I ju- (She stops talking and dials the phone.) Hi, machine cut me off again... anyway...look, look, I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. Barry Finkel, but it isn't me, it's not me. And not that I have any idea who me is right now, but you just have to give me a chance too... (The maching cuts her off again and she redials.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Joey is memorizing his lines. Chandler, Rachel, and Phoebe are there as well.]
Rachel: I know you did. I'm just gonna deal with it, I'm just gonna deal with it. (Ross comes by, smoching with Julie on the phone.) I gotta get out of here. (Exits)
Rachel: Aw, Mon...(Kisses her on the cheek)
Rachel: Yeah I am, I am! Oh, but first of all, Monica, I would like to introduce you to my very talented colleage and more importantly my wonderful friend Gavin Mitchelle.
(She lets go of the steering wheel to get her cell-phone from her purse. Ross screams and reaches over in order to hold onto the wheel. Cut to the plane. Rachel is sitting in her seat when her cell-phone rings.)
Rachel: Yeah... Amy kept kicking me in her sleep yelling ‘Myron, get off!’
Joey: No, no, no. You actually did that when you were dancing to the Chicago-soundtrack. Look, Ross, about, about Rachel and I. Listen, you don't have to worry about that, okay? Because nothing is gonna happen.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica have gathered to hear Ross perform his interpretation of Celebration by Cool and the Gang on the bag pipe. Yes, I typed that earlier. Were seeing this again, only this time Ross as already started playing.]
[Scene: Their building's lobby, Danny is checking his mailbox as Rachel enters carrying shopping bags and goes to her mailbox. Danny has shaved his beard and cut his hair, Rachel doesn't recognize him.]
Monica: (on phone) I can't wait to be with you! I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours.
JOEY: Oh that's nice. Happy birthday Rachel, here's some goo.
Monica: All right, all right. Maybe I can fit them in if I just do some rearranging. But uh, Rachel may actually have to sit at the bar!
Rachel: (notices Jills bags) Jill! Did you shop?!
Rachel: No, wait. No there's gotta be something else that you can do. I mean, what skills do you have?
Rachel: Oh, yeah. Joey doesn’t share food. I mean, just last week we were having breakfast and he had a couple of grapes on his plate and ...
[Scene: Barry's Office, the post-coital Barry and Rachel are recovering on the chair.]
Rachel: Veto. Sawyer?
Rachel: Thank you Joey. You know what? I'm not even sure I can have caffeine.
Chandler: It's just you and Rachel, just the two of you? This is a date. You're going on a date.
(They all rush toward Rachel, who panics and runs away. She runs out of the park and up along the fence, she then comes back into the park and runs past Monica, as she gets to Monica, she throws the ball at Monica, and it hits her in the eye.)
Rachel: Y'know if what I do is so lame, then why did you insist on coming with me this morning? Huh? Was it so I just wouldnt go with Mark?
Rachel: Here is a book of poetry that I know Monica loves. And-and ohh God this is funny, look, this is a picture of one Halloween where she dressed up as a bride. (Shows Phoebe the picture.) And look, she made me carry her train, which was weird because I was Wonder Woman. Oh and heres a little purse that I found. (Hands her the purse) Yknow I just thought that maybe they could hold the rings in there.
Ross: Because its the highest. (Joey shrugs his shoulders) Okay, Rachel youre up first. (Rachel stands up and gets ready.) Situation No. 1: Youre with Monica, the wedding is about to start when Monica gets cold feet. Go! (Joey is playing the part of Monica.)
Rachel: Okay, you just go on and make your little jokey-jokes, but if you do not know what you are doing out at sea you will die at sea. Am I getting through to you sailor?! (She punctuates each word by slapping him on the forehead.)
(Gunther walks away, leaving Rachel with a `What just happened?' look on her face.)
Rachel: So I hear the Ralph Lauren fooled around with someone in the copy room. (Kim stops the elevator and turns to Rachel.)
RACHEL: They had to reduce it because of, of my deviated septum.
Rachel: Ohh, please! Cooking soothes me. (They kiss.) Ahh. So, dig in!
Rachel: Ive never interviewed anyone before. Ive actually never had anyone work for me before. Although when I was a kid, we did have a maid, but this is-this isnt the same thing.
Rachel: Oh honey, I'll say good-bye to you at the car if you don't mind the puss.
Phoebe: Left! (Rachel hands her the napkin in her left hand and they both unfold and read them.) Thank you.
Rachel: Okay, but Ross just listen to me
Rachel: Oh, please, I don't care about you enough to bug me. In fact, from now on, I'm going take the high road. And I'm going be very very nice to you, you "momma's boy", starting right now.
Monica: (on phone) I can't wait to be with you! I'll sneak over as soon as Ross picks up Ben. I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours.
(They leave and Rachel locks the door.)
[Rachel and Chandler re-emerge from the balcony.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Monica are in there, and Phoebe enters]
Rachel: Yeah! Oh, umm when-when Monica and Chandler got engaged I started putting some stuff together, yknow just in case
Rachel: I didnt! Even when I found out umm, all right, well let's just say I found something out something about someone and let's just say she's gonna keep it. (Goes into her room.)
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont, is tied up alongside the pier; Joey and Rachel are relaxing.]
Monica: So, maybe I am a little high maintenance. And maybe Rachel is a little bit of a pushover. But you know what we decided you are?
Rachel: Okay, okay, okay, look, just don't freak out, but I kinda lost it. I know it's in the apartment, but I definitely lost it.
Rachel: Oh, that's okay, girls tend not to like me.
Rachel: Wow! This is shaping up to be a pretty good dateOh, I almost forgot. I didnt pay you the rent check.
Rachel: Dr. Long, Ive been at this for seventeen hours! Three women have come and gone with their babies, you gotta give me some good news! How many centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?
Rachel: (Brings Joey a mug of coffee) Okay, here we go...
[Scene: Ross's building's lobby, he and Rachel are about to attempt to take the couch upstairs.]
Chandler: (as Rachel is cutting up her cards) Y'know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream.
(Rachel ignores him and follows Monica into the kitchen.)
Rachel: Country club newsletter. My mother sends me the engagement notices for 'inspiration.' Oh my God! Oh my God, it's Barry and Mindy!
Phoebe: Yeah, but you've known Rachel since High School and you cannot just cut her out of your life.
Rachel: Well, umm, I guess I read Little Women more than once. But I mean thats a classic, whats so great about The Shining?
(chez Monica and Rachel)
Rachel: What? (Joey starts offering Ross some turkey.) Oh yknow what? Can we please keep the chicken and the turkey and everything on the other side of the table? The smell is just yuck!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is looking at the tape sitting on the counter as Ross enters.]
Rachel: Uh, I don't have any brothers so I don't know, but uh, did you guys wrestle?
Tag: Good morning Rachel.
Rachel: I know, I know, and you were right Ross. (To Amy) You are soo irresponsible I am never letting you baby-sit ever again!
Rachel: Am I the only one who doesn't think that she's hot? Ross?
[cut to a new scene, also in Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting, Phoebe is nearby.]
Rachel: Yeah. Its just gonna be too hard. Yknow? I mean, its Ross. How can I watch him get married? Yknow its just, its for the best, yknow it is, its Yknow, plus, somebodys got to stay here with Phoebe! Yknow shes gonna be pretty big by then, and she needs someone to help her tie her shoes; drive her to the hospital in case she goes into labour.
Rachel: (touches his knee) Im pregnant. (Ross stops.) Ross? (Ross is staring off into space.) Ross? (Ross is still frozen) Okay, whenever youre ready. (Sits back and opens her magazine.) And youre the father by the waybut you got that
RACHEL: You went out with a guy in the Navy?
[Scene: Guest room. Rachel and Phoebe are sitting on the bed.]
Rachel: But Ross, you want the name Ruth!
Rachel: Where the hell've you been?
Rachel: He's like a big disgusting...
Rachel: Ooh, I just feel bad, I never vacuum. (She goes into Chandler and Joeys.)
(Chandler leaves dejectedly. When the door closes Rachel and Phoebe jump out from behind the curtains and scream )
Rachel: Pheebs, I... there isn't gonna be any flying about! We actually thought we were a little too mature for stuff like that.
(He walks over to look and some clothes and Rachel quickly turns around and adjusts her bra, trying to show off her assets.)
Rachel: Relax! Its not like its Citizen Kane!
Rachel: Oh, between you telling him that I wanted to have a fling and me putting out on the first dateoh, hes so gonna get the wrong idea.
Rachel: I know, I know! I just can't keep this one in, so I pick up the phone (Joey in a childish attempt to not hear what Rachel is about to say, puts his fingers in his ears and starts to scream loudly. Rachel turns and walks out upon seeing that Joey's not gonna listen, and as she exits Chandler walks in and sees Joey in his current state.)
Rachel: Well, how can you be a tour guide, dont you have to be a dinosaur expert or something?
Rachel: Well is it fair that all you did was put on a cape and I gotta give you free stuff?