words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Rachel, Ross, and Phoebe are there. Phoebe is looking out the window.]
PHOEBE: Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Ugly Naked Guy is decorating his tree. Oh my God, you should see the size of his Christmas Balls.
PHOEBE: I can see that. A plate of brownies once told me a limerick.
PHOEBE: Not especially. But you know what, I think they had pot in them.
[Phoebe enters.]
PHOEBE: Hey.
GANG: Hey. Hi Phoebe.
PHOEBE: Happy Christmas Eve Eve. [sees Ross's picture frame] Oh my God, where did you get this?
PHOEBE: This is my father, this is a picture of my dad.
PHOEBE: No it isn't, this is my dad, alright, I'll show you.
RACHEL: Phoebe, I thought your dad was in prison.
PHOEBE: No, that's my stepdad. My real dad's the one that ran out on us before I was born.
PHOEBE: [showing her pictures] OK, look, see, this is him. My mother gave me this picture before she died, same guy.
PHOEBE: It's not a blue screen... it's just, maybe it was just really clear that day. OK, I have to talk to my grandmother. [turns to leave]
GANG: Phoebs. [Phoebe leaves]
JOEY: Oh, but when Phoebe has a problem, everyone's all ears!
[Phoebe enters.]
PHOEBE: Hi Gram. Whatcha doin'?
PHOEBE: Um, gram, um, can I see the pictures of my dad again?
PHOEBE: Just, you know, to see... um.
PHOEBE: OK, is this really my father?
PHOEBE: OK, I smell smoke. Maybe that's 'cause someone's pants are on fire.
PHOEBE: Ya know, in all the years that we have been grandmother and granddaughter, you have never lied to me.
PHOEBE: Oh God.
PHOEBE: Alright, so, what, he's not a famous tree surgeon? And then, I guess, OK, he doesn't live in a hut in Burma where there's no phones?
PHOEBE: OK, that makes no sense. Why would the villagers worship a pharmacist?
PHOEBE: [realizes] Oh.
PHOEBE: Oh.
ROSS: Hey, anyone hear from Phoebe yet?
ROSS: Hey, Rach, you know what? I think, I think I know what'll make you feel better. How 'bout you make a list about me. RACHEL: Wha... forget it Ross, no, I am not gonna stand here and make a list of. . . ROSS: C'mon Rachel. RACHEL: OK, you're whiney, you are, you're obsessive, you are insecure, you're, you're gutless, you know, you don't ever, you don't just sort of seize the day, you know. You like me for what, a year, you didn't do anything about it. And, uh, oh, you wear too much of that gel in your hair. ROSS: See there, you uhh, alright, ya, you did what I said. RACHEL: Yeah, and you know what? You're right, I do feel better, thank you Ross. [she walks off and Ross puts his hand to his hair] [Scene: Back at Phoebe's. She is on the phone] PHOEBE: Yeah, um, in Albany, can I have the number of Frank Buffay. . . OK, um, in Ithica. . . alright, um, Saratoga. . . Oneonta. Alright, you know what, you shouldn't call youself information. [hangs up] [Phoebe's grandmother enters] GRANDMOTHER: Hey. PHOEBE: Hello grandma, if that is in fact your real name. GRANDMOTHER: C'mon now Phoe, don't still be mad at me. How's it going? PHOEBE: Well, not so good. Upstate's pretty big, he's pretty small, you do the math. GRANDMOTHER: Well, I think you're better off without him. Oh honey, I know he's your daddy but, but to me he's still the irresponsible creep who knocked up your mom and stole her Gremlin. PHOEBE: No I just, just wanted to know who he was, ya know. GRANDMOTHER: I know. OK, I wasn't completely honest with you when I told you that, uh, I didn't know exactly where he lived. PHOEBE: Whattaya mean? GRANDMOTHER: He lives at 74 Laurel Drive in Middletown. If you hit the Dairy Queen, you've gone too far. You can take my cab. PHOEBE: Wow. Thank you. GRANDMOTHER: Now, remember, nobody else drives that cab. PHOEBE: Uh-huh, got it. Ooh, I'm gonna see my dad. Wish me luck, Grandpa! [blows a kiss to a picture of Einstein]
[Scene: Chandler is standing on a street corner waiting for Phoebe in the cab. Joey walks up.]
JOEY: Phoebe here with the cab yet?
[Phoebe drives up in the cab]
[Phoebe runs over the curb. Joey gets in the back seat, Chandler in the front]
PHOEBE: Hey.
PHOEBE: Can you believe this. In, like, two hours I'm gonna have a dad. Eeeshk.
PHOEBE: OK, let's go.
PHOEBE: Alright, here, you have to hold this. [hands Chandler a piece of paper]
PHOEBE: Uh-huh, yeah, that's my cheat sheet.
PHOEBE: Oh, no no, that side doesn't have one, the paramedics had to cut through it. [Chandler jumps out of the car]
JOEY: Hey. [Phoebe takes off, Joey and Chandler are thrown back in the seat]
PHOEBE: Ooh, this is it, 74. [screeches to a halt, Joey and Chandler are thrown into the plexiglass wall in the cab]
PHOEBE: Wow, this is it, I'm gonna meet my dad. This is like the biggest thing ever, huh.
PHOEBE: OK, here I go. I'm goin' in.
PHOEBE: OK, here I go. . . here I go. . . I'm goin'. [she just sits in the cab]
[Scene: Outside Phoebe's dad's house. Phoebe is running back to the cab.]
PHOEBE: OK.
PHOEBE: Mailbox.
PHOEBE: Uh-huh.
PHOEBE: No, it's just like, ya know, it's a whole mess of stuff, ya know. It's like, yesterday, ya know, my dad was this, like, famous Burma tree surgeon guy and, ya know, now he's a, a pharmacist guy and. . .
PHOEBE: Yeah, maybe, yeah. You know, and, and I'll knock on the door and, and he'll hug me and I'll have a dad. Ya know and I'll, I'll go to his pharmacy and everyone will be really nice to me 'cause, you know, I'm Franks daughter.
PHOEBE: Well, 'cause, I mean, what if, what if he's not this great dad guy? I mean, what if, what if he's just still the dirtbag who ran out on my mom and us? You know what? I've already lost a fake dad this week and I don't think I'm ready to lose a real one.
PHOEBE: Yeah?
PHOEBE: You guys. I'm sorry about your shopping.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross, Monica, and Rachel are sitting around after the party. Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe enter.]
PHOEBE: Oh, I couldn't go in.
PHOEBE: Yeah, yeah, no it's OK 'cause, I mean, I know he's there, so, that's enough for now.
CHANDLER: Hey, guys, it's after midnight, merry Christmas everyone. [Ross and Phoebe hug, Monica and Rachel hug, Chandler is left standing]
PHOEBE: Ahh, toilet seat covers! Is that what you were doing while I was getting gas?
PHOEBE: You guuuyys.
Phoebe: Oh please, somebody tell me I dont have to go to work today!
Phoebe: I do, he's been working on that all day! (looking at Joey)
Ross: No. I am not putting on makeup. (Knock at the door. Phoebe enters.)
Phoebe: Well tell that to them. Oh! You cant, their dead.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Phoebe enters with a paper turkey.]
Phoebe: I worked in a Dairy Queen, why?
Phoebe: OK. (pause) Oh Monica! Guess what!
PHOEBE: Hey. Oh thanks for the great movie tip.
Phoebe: Oh, my friend Sarah had a great time last night.
Phoebe: (the cat runs away from her) Oooh! You are a very bad man!
Phoebe: Dont you see? Everyones looking at me! The plans working! I didnt even have to take off my top yet!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey are there.]
PHOEBE: Didn't you like, just get your eyes checked?
Phoebe: (in a deep voice, imitating Ross) Um, Rachel Im really sorry. (imitating Rachel) Thats okay, do you wanna get back together? (imitating Ross) Yeah, okay. (in her normal voice) Did anyone else hear that?!
Phoebe: What?
Phoebe: Okay! I justI didnt know that you are a lesbian. (Joey smiles and nods lewdly.)
Phoebe: Oh, I almost dont want to show this. (Hands it to him.) Just remember Im a minute younger.
Phoebe: You guys you really should get rid of those animals. They shouldnt be living in an apartment.
Phoebe: 'Cause, you know, (in that voice) if you don't look good, we don't look good. I love that voice.
Frank Jr.: You just don't know how hard it is, Phoebe. There's just so many of them. You know, two I can handle. Two's great. You just hold one in each hand, but what do I do when the third one runs at me with his bike helmet on. I've got no more hands to protect my area! There's three of them, Phoebe, three!
Monica: Phoebe, Sandras mad at you too. It-it doesnt bother you?
PHOEBE: No. What do you, what do you want me to be, like some stupid, big, like, purple dinosaur?
Monica: Oh my pleasure. Okay, Im afraid Ive got some bad news. (Phoebe enters.) Phoebe!
Phoebe: Is that a new Swede jacket? It looks really expensive.
Phoebe: Great, ok faster! "je"
(Monica and Phoebe look at each other and leave the apartment again)
Ross: (To Phoebe) Hey Pheebs! How's that uh, vegetarian pizza working out for ya? You and those vegetables have a real thing going on, huh?
Phoebe: I know.
Phoebe: (joining him) Love....
Phoebe: Ive found....
Phoebe: Hey, its your Thanksgiving too, y'know, instead of watching football, you could help.
Monica and Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yes, Im the one who found your phone.
Phoebe: Yay!!
Phoebe: (walking back in with her hand over her eyes.) Umm, wheres my purse?
Phoebe: Well, I am. (Moves over and takes his hand.)
Monica: Phoebe.
(They start smacking each other's cups, but Phoebe notices a security guard approaching.)
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: Whats block?
Phoebe: Go! Go! Go!
Phoebe: Yeah, and nobody slept with that Xerox girl.
Phoebe: That you like, (snappily confronting Joey over the heads of the knitting circle) we get it. You like her. Great!
Phoebe: Touchdown!! Touchdown!!
Monica: Run, Phoebe, run!
Phoebe: Oh my God!
PHOEBE: Why couldn't you have just figured this out six years ago?
Phoebe: Uh, wow! Isn't it ironic that he liked you and now you like him?
Phoebe: Oh, I know! "Oh...I slept with Billy Joel". All right, who hasn't?
Phoebe: Woo-yay!!
Phoebe: I love this game!!
Phoebe: Monica, Monica, you know what gets out hummus.
Phoebe: You didn't read this one either?!
Phoebe: You have chalk on your face.
[Sequence 2: Phoebe throws the ball, and its intercepted by Joey, who starts to run up field. Rachel jumps on his back in order to try and tackle him, but she doesnt slow him down. Monica and Phoebe then both grab her legs in order to stop Joey, who still manages to fight through the tackle and score the touchdown.]
Phoebe: (interrupting) No, I mean I was really acting my ass off.
PHOEBE: You guys are so pathetic, I, oh, OH, XANADU! OH.
[Scene: Madison Square Garden. Mike and Phoebe are walking to their seats.]
PHOEBE: Didn't it like totally speak to you?
Phoebe: Come on Mon, let her throw the ball.
Phoebe: No youre not, youre wondering which cushion it is.
[Scene: A hall on the floor where Chandler works. Chandler and Phoebe enters, and overhears some employees's conversation. One of them is doing Chandler.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are eating Thanksgiving dinner.]
PHOEBE: Hey. Watcha guys doin?
Phoebe: Yeah, it's weird. I can't help it though he's so sweet, he's like this little puppy dog, y'know? But like a really tough one that shots bad guys. Ohh, I just love beginning parts of relationships, y'know?! You just like can't keep your hands off each other.
Phoebe: Um, perhaps. Yes! Yes, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I was just afraid that you were still hung up on my sister.
Phoebe: Really?
Phoebe: Hi, yeah, hi! I'm umm, Phoebe Buffay, and I have babies coming out of me.
Phoebe: No! Because hes in love with the British chippy! Look, Rachel, if you go, youre just gonna mess with his head and ruin his wedding! Yknow, its too late! You missed youre chance! Im sorry, I know this must be really hard, its over.
Phoebe: Hey, are you going to find out the sex of the baby?
Phoebe: Umm, this stuffing is amazing. Do you think we should bring them some?
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross and Phoebe are sitting on the couch.]
Phoebe: I just asked you.
PHOEBE: The voice woman. Ya know, I mean, she has a great voice but she doesn't have a video.
Phoebe: Yes.
Phoebe: Oh this is so ho-o-ot!
Phoebe: Destiny.
Phoebe: So, what happens to the old guys?
Phoebe: I never had a bike of my own.
Phoebe: Yeah, I wouldve except I had a big spaghetti stain on the other side.
Phoebe: Chandler what are you doing?!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, everyone's there; Phoebe recites the last verse of a poem to Joey. This poem is known as "The Night Before Christmas" by Clement Clarke Moore, but it seems that it's rather "Account of a visit from St. Nicholas" by Henry Livingston.]
Phoebe: Its not like we-we know each other or anything. Or that have anything in common.
Phoebe: Yeah, after this, I think he'll be doing that himself.
Phoebe: This is nice. We never do anything just the two of us.
Phoebe: Why would you start again after chewing all that quitting gum?
PHOEBE: Oh, it's like a skit.
Phoebe: Whoa!! He is soo unreasonable! God, although I think I understand what he means. Oh my God, this is like 60 Minutes, okay, when, when, at first youre really mad at that pharmaceutical company for making the drug and then y'know you just feel bad for the people because they needed to make their hair grow.
Phoebe: Gnight, bro.
Phoebe: Rach, Rach, I just remembered. I had a dream about Mr. Geller last night.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, and Ross are there.]
Phoebe: Oh! Oh my God!
Phoebe: This is the worst Christmas ever.
Phoebe: You saved them! You guys! Oh God, youre the best!
Phoebe: Wow, ooh, you're gonna be making money hand over fist!
Phoebe: Yeah, I know, Frank. I counted them when they were coming out of my area.
Precious: Phoebe? Mike's ex-girlfriend Phoebe, the love of his life? That Phoebe?
Phoebe: Yeah! You know all those yummy noises? I wasn't faking.
(Phoebe exits)
(We hear Phoebe knock at the door upstairs, and the guy answer it.)