words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Phoebe, Chandler, Ross, and Monica are eating breakfast.]
Phoebe: Ugh, PBS!
Phoebe: Ugh, what's right with them?
Phoebe: Okay, 'cause right after my mom killed herself, I was just in this really bad place, y'know personally. So, I just thought that it'd make me feel better if I wrote to Sesame Street, 'cause they were so nice when I was a little kid! No one ever wrote back.
Phoebe: All I got was a lousy key chain! And by that time I was living in a box. I didn't have keys!
Phoebe: This isn't a good deed, you just wanted to get on TV! This is totally selfish.
Phoebe: What-what are you talking about?!
Phoebe: Yeah. So?
Phoebe: Yes there are! There are totally good deeds that are selfless.
Phoebe: Yeah, it's Y'know there'sno you may not!
Phoebe: Are you calling me selfish?!
Phoebe: I'm gonna find a selfless good dead. I'm gonna beat you, you evil genius.
Phoebe: Hey, Joey, when you said the deal with Santa Clause, you meant?
Phoebe: Right. (She turns and opens her eyes in shock.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica are there.]
Phoebe: I cannot believe I can't find a selfless good deed! Y'know that old guy that lives next to me? Well, I snuck over there and-and raked up all the leaves on his front stoop. But he caught me and force-fed me cider and cookies. Then I felt wonderful. That old jackass!
Phoebe: I will find a selfless good deed! 'Cause I just gave birth to three children and I will not let them be raised in a world where Joey is right!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is telling Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler about Emily's ultimatum.]
Phoebe: Ooh-ohh!
Phoebe: Why?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: Yeah, but you've known Rachel since High School and you cannot just cut her out of your life.
Phoebe: (on phone from Central Perk) Hey Joey, I just wanted to let you know that I found a selfless good deed. I just went down to the park and I let a bee sting me.
Phoebe: Well, it helps the bee look tough in front of his bee friends. The bee is happy and I am definitely not.
Phoebe: (Thinks for a moment.) Aw, dammit! (Slams the phone down.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are cooking, Chandler is reading a magazine.]
Phoebe: Ooh, it's not a toy.
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi Joey.
Phoebe: I would like to make a pledge. I would like to donate $200.
Phoebe: Oh, I'm still mad at them but I also now that they bring happiness to lots of kids who's moms didn't kill themselves, so by supporting them, I'm doing a good thing, but I'm not happy about it. So there, a selfless good deed.
Phoebe: No, it sucks. I was saving up to buy a hamster.
Phoebe: Yeah, not the one I had my eye on.
Phoebe: Oh, look-look, Joey's on TV! Isn't that great? My pledge got Joey on TV! Oh that makes me feelOh no! (Realizes that her deed made her happy and therefore it's selfish and covers her mouth in horror.)
[Cut to a hallway in the building, Monica and Phoebe are knocking on a door. Mr. Heckles emerges.]
Phoebe: Come on! The boss that fires a guy thats just been dumped, bitch! And the woman who dumps a guy thats just been fired, blond bitch!
Phoebe: Oh, Im sorry. Is that annoying? And speaking about being selfish in bed, hows Whitney?
PHOEBE: No, uh-uh, I'm just, I'm nervous. So, you know what, maybe if I just, if I picture them all in their underwear.
Phoebe: (after a short pause) I didn't even think about that! (pause) Aaargh, sexual politics!!
Phoebe: Okay. You know how people need transportation, but they also need massages to help them relax so I just figured we could combine the two, okay, I give the massages and Frank drives! I can fix up the van, bolt the table in the back, and you know what Ive got?
Joey: Friends, family, dog... Thank you all for being here to witness this blessed event. The cold has now spread to my special place... so I'm gonna do the short version of this. Phoebe and Mike are perfect for each other. And I know I speak for every one here... when I wish them a lifetime of happiness. Who has the rings?
Phoebe: So great! Okay! Tomorrow were gonna drive out to Montauk.
Monica: (looking at Phoebe eating something) Pheebs, spit that out, that has pork in it.
Phoebe: You must be Hilda.
Phoebe: A new grocery store. The universe said I was going to meet a nice guy and thats what they gave me? (Looks up) When I get up there Im going to kick some ass.
Phoebe: Well, we don't n-n-n-n-need a fireman, we'd, we'd like a good mechanic. (hears the sound of approaching sirens) Oh my God, here they come! Well, we gotta get out of here!
Phoebe: Umm, the street. Come on, lets go to the street. Ooh, listen, dont go onto the balcony until after I get back. (Leaves)
Phoebe: Uh-uh. Ehm, a Knicks game.
Phoebe: Potato, Potaato. (Shes pronounces potato with the both the short and long As.)
PHOEBE: Uh-oh. It's Scary Scientist Man.
RACH: Yeah, we're gonna... we're gonna get some cake. [Phoebe and Rachel go to counter.]
PHOEBE: I can be a waitress. OK watch this. Um, gimme two number ones, 86 the bacon, one Adam and Eve on a raft and rick'em, la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la.
Phoebe: Ohh, theyre having a great time with their Aunt Phoebe! Aunt Rachel hasnt been helpful at all. So, do you miss me?
Phoebe: Taffy, really? Ive never had any.
PHOEBE: I'm sorry Monica but I knew if I told you, you'd get really, like, judgemental and you would not approve.
Phoebe: Well actually, I know what time Chester and Marcia said.
Phoebe: All right, I'd better go too. I have to go talk to my dad.
Phoebe: Okay, oh and you know, if she gets upset, just scratch her tummy and give her a liver snout. (laughs and hangs up the phone)
Phoebe: No, lets just draw straws.
Phoebe: Je m'appelle Claude.
[Scene: The rest stop, Phoebe is on the phone to the motor club.]
Phoebe: So youre not homesick yet?
Phoebe: (sees the table) Ooh, what a great table! Where-where did you get it?
Phoebe: Well, you know, if you want fashion help, Rachel and I are going shopping tomorrow. You're more than welcome to come with us, right?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is reading a paper as Phoebe enters.]
PHOEBE: Oh yeah. You know, I don't know if I was happier when um George Bailey destroyed the family business or um, Donna Reid cried, or when the mean pharmacist made his ear bleed.
Phoebe: Its fine. I mean, this is something that youve been thinking about since you were what, 14? (Shes referring to the Halloween picture.)
Chandler: (to Phoebe) Do you really find this attractive on him?
Phoebe: Ninety percent of a womens pheromones come out the top of her head! Thats why, thats why women are shorter. So that men will fall in love when they hug them! (Ross is staring at her dumbfounded.) Oh come on Ross, youre a scientist.
[Cut outside, Joey is catching up with Phoebe.]
Melissa: anyway, his name is Allan and weve been going out for three years. He was my first client when I became a party planner. He was planning a party for his girlfriend at the time. Oh well. (Rachel and Phoebe politely laugh) And he was Theta Beta Pi at Syracuse.
Phoebe: OK, I just need two... the, um, ten of spades and the six of clubs.
Phoebe: Yes! They called and you didn't get it! Okay, I mean you didn't get it, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Phoebe: How long has it been since you had sex?
Phoebe: And all of the sudden his hands weren't the problem anymore. (The flashback shows Paulo rolling over and showing Phoebe his equipment.)
Rachel: Come on Phoebe, look at that! They are not breaking up, look at them. Okay thats, you know what that is? That is a, that is a second date, thats what that is! Look at that, she just put her hand on his thigh...
Phoebe: Oh my God! May I just say that you two gentlemen have the exact same hands! They're identical! Now, I've never seen anything like that in the business world.
Chandler: Yeah, just some 9-year-old Filipino kids who worked their fingers bloody for 12 cents an hour. (Phoebe stares at him wide-eyed. Chandler sees her reaction.) That didn't happen, I made that up!
Phoebe: Oh no, I am mad at you. I know that much. But, I am sorry about the fat ass thing. You actually have a very sweet little hiney.
Phoebe: Oh, she's that work of art I made, you know, with the woman coming out of the frame.
The Cute Guy: (To Phoebe) I thought you knew I was looking at you.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is entering carry a large box, Monica is mopping the ceiling.]
Phoebe: No, I've got work and then I'm proposing..
Phoebe: Yeah a little. He seems really nice. Good kisser.
Phoebe: Whats the big deal? I did it at Monica and Chandlers!
Phoebe: No, that wouldn’t kill her. Ordinary embolism might.
Phoebe: Would you care to venture one?
Phoebe: (spitting the cookie out onto a napkin) Oh, sweet Je(Beep)sus! Oh! Monica, these are the (laughing) cookies they serve in hell!
Phoebe: You guys, we said we were gonna have fun! Come on, hey, remember the time (She starts laughing hysterically.) You dont remember?
Phoebe: Oh, if I were, would-would I have shooting pains up and down my left arm?
Phoebe: No-no! Thats okay, well just start over. Okay? Hi! Im Phoebe.
Phoebe: Hey, does Monica know about her broken plates yet?
Phoebe: Regular Celery! (Starts to write that on her list) Oh, I already have that. (She gets up and heads for her room)
Monica: Nothing. Just something I want to get Phoebes opinion on for Valentines Day.
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. Ross is helping with the packing, Phoebe and Mike are also there.]
Phoebe: Maybe not! Y'know? Seriously, three babies are a handful maybe they're y'know, looking for a chance to unload one of them. Listen, I-I hate to miss an opportunity just because I didn't ask! Y'know?
Phoebe Sr: Y'know I wanted to tell you yesterday, but I just, I kinda felt all floopy, and...
Phoebe: Calm down. Maybe youre not pregnant.
Phoebe: Yum-my!
Phoebe: (panicking) But Emma's got what it takes, she could go all the way!
Phoebe: (coming back for Joey) No! (Grabs Joey and drags him away.)
Phoebe: (returning with Joey) With what?
Phoebe: Ok, I've got milk (takes thermos from her bag and starts to pour a cup) Here you go... (Rachel drinks straight from thermos) Oh!(Rachel finishes thermos) Better?
Phoebe: Where do you think Mike really is? (she giggles, Chandler looks aghast)
Phoebe: Um, that's really your decision, I mean, some people prefer, you know, to take off...oh whoops! You're being naked!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Rachel, Chandler, and Monica are there. Rachel is reading everyones horoscope.]
Phoebe: Wow! Oh my God, well if theyve ripped off our table ours must be much more than one and fifty dollars!
Chandler: Sure. (to Phoebe) You don't really handcuff guys to waterpipes do you?
Phoebe: Oh well, all right um, no offense, but you were kind of rude.
(Phoebe hugs Ross.)
Phoebe: Hey, oh, you know that guy who's been following me? I talked to him today.
Phoebe: ...and then it goes back to the chorus... Smelly cat, Sme-lly ca-t / I-t's not your fau-lt. And that's the end of the song... I realise that you didn't ask to hear it, but uhm... no-one had spoken in seventeen minutes.
PHOEBE: I don't believe this. Is this how this relationship's gonna work? Ross equals boss. I mean, c'mon what is this, 1922?
Phoebe: Thanks. Okay, now go away so we can talk about you.
Phoebe: Is it a meatball sub?
Ross: Oh my God! Of course, of course. (To the class.) Umm, would you please excuse me for a moment? Umm, do you know each others hometowns? Why dont you (Motions that they should learn everyones hometown.) (To Phoebe) Wh-whats going on?
Phoebe: Huh. Okay. Well, Im really happy for you. (Starts to walk away.)
Phoebe: 'Kay.
Phoebe: Well, sure in a perfect world. But, no, I promised I wouldnt tell, and I swore to like all my gods.
Phoebe: Although... it's also about the wedding... Ugh, alright... here. (she gives the check and pulls it back again) No... Oh God... Oh!
Phoebe: Well this doesnt even smell like opium.
Phoebe: That and arrogance.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is there to apologize to Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Ooh, ice! I am so in the mood for ice! (They go and get the coffee and the ice leaving Ross and Emily alone.)
PHOEBE: I don't know. I mean, she obviously has some kind of unfinished business. [Mrs. Adelman's voice] Sit up!
Phoebe: Ugh! I dont know Monica. It feels funny just being here. I mean if you buy a bed from Janices ex-husband, thats like betraying Chandler.
Phoebe: All right. Hold on. (She starts digging in the chair.) I got it. Nickel! (Donates it.) How much more do we need?
Phoebe: Secret affair!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Phoebe are counting the invitations as Chandler exits from the bathroom.]
Rachel: Nooo! Phoebe, of course there is more! I mean, I'll just go and talk to Monica and get an ETA on the pee-pee's!
Phoebe: Oh, I got tired of naming states. So I decided to list the types of celery, and I have one: regular celery.
Phoebe: Monica- Hi! Um, Monica, you're scaring me. I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly. And not-not in a good way.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are still arguing over the phone.]
Phoebe: Oh, he's at the doctor, he didn't poop the whole time we were there!