words in movies
Phoebe: Wow!
Phoebe: No! Barry and Mindy.
Phoebe: Which time?
Phoebe: What if I had taken that job at Merrill Lynch?
Phoebe: Yeah, I had a massage client who worked there and-and he said I had a knack for stocks.
Phoebe: Because at that time you see, I thought everything that rhymed was true. So I thought yknow that if Id work with stocks, Id have to live in a box, and only eat lox, and have a pet fox.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
(As Joey goes to the bathroom, Corporate Phoebe enters. Shes wearing a business suit and carrying a briefcase.)
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Monica: Hey Phoebe! Guess what?
Phoebe: What?
Phoebe: Ohh thats so sweet! (Her cell phone rings.) Oh! Hang on! (Quickly grabs a cigarette and starts to light it as her phone rings.) Hang onnnnnn!!! (Gets the cigarette lighted and answers the phone.) (On phone.) Go!! No! No-no! I said sell when it hits 50! 5-0, its a number! It comes after 4-9!! No, its okay. Its okay, youre allowed one mistake. Just kidding, you are of course fired.
Ross: And thats Phoebe over there! (Points to her.)
Phoebe: Hi!
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe are there. Phoebes cell phone rings and she goes through her little routine of lighting a cigarette before answering the phone.]
Phoebe: Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! (Answering the phone.) Go!! Whos this? (Listens) Oh okay, youre gonna like working for me. Whats your name? (Listens) What kind of name is Brendy? I Whatever Stop talking! All right, from now on your name is Joan. You can pick your own last name.
Phoebe: (yelling from Monicas room) No-no!! No!!
Phoebe: No! There-there was a little, a little diff in the market and I lost 13 million dollars.
Phoebe: What am I gonna do?! What am I gonna do?! I cant call my office theyll kill me! I cant call my clients theyll kill themselves! Great, now my chest hearts.
Phoebe: (louder) My chest hurts! Oh, and now I-I cant breathe.
Chandler: Phoebe, are you having a heart attack?!
Phoebe: Oh, if I were, would-would I have shooting pains up and down my left arm?
Phoebe: Then yes that is what Im having. (Takes another puff of the cigarette.)
[Scene: A hospital, Phoebe is recovering from her heart attack as Ross, Monica, and Chandler are there to comfort and support her.]
Phoebe: Most people dont like their jobs, I love my job! I have not been working for three hours and Im already going crazy. I miss Joan.
Chandler: I always thought having a heart attack was natures way of telling you to die! (Phoebe glares at him.) But youre not gonna die. I mean, you are going to die, but youre not gonna die today. I wish I was dead.
Phoebe: (To Ross) So whats going on with you?
Phoebe: Still going through that dry spell with Carol?
Phoebe: How long has it been since you had sex?
Phoebe: Oh thats not so bad.
Phoebe: That is.
Phoebe: Maybe you need to spice things up a little.
Phoebe: I dont know. You could tie her up, she could tie you up; you could eat stuff off each other
Phoebe: Yknow, dirty talk, m�nage � trois, toys
Phoebe: Roll playing You could be the warden; she could be the prisoner. You could be the pirate; she could be the wench!
Phoebe: Yeah! Or too, you could be two stockbrokers and youre-youre-youre rolling around naked on the trading floor and everybodys watching! (Ross looks at her.) It never happened.
Monica: Yeah! Shes right in there! (Points to Phoebes room.)
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Ross is trying to talk to Carol about what Phoebe told him.]
[Scene: The hospital, Ross and Monica are in Phoebes room. Phoebe is in the bathroom and Monica notices smoke coming out from underneath the door.]
Monica: Phoebe, why is smoke coming out of the bathroom?!
Phoebe: Oh yeah, the doctor said that could be one of the side effects.
Monica: Phoebe! Put that cigarette out!
Phoebe: No! Its not a cigarette! The smoke is coming out of me!
Phoebe: Okay! Okay! (Puts it out and comes out of the bathroom.) Im so glad youre here.
Phoebe: Oh, give it to me.
Phoebe: Give it!
Phoebe: Was it my work? Were they mad? Was it Jack? Did he yell?!
Phoebe: Thank God.
[Scene: The hospital, Chandler and Monica are there with Phoebe as Ross enters.]
Phoebe: Hey.
Phoebe: Well, Ive got to get out of this bed, Im going crazy here. Crazy!
Phoebe: What the hell is this, herbal tea? I hate herbal tea!
(Phoebe mocks what Monica just said. Ross pulls Chandler aside.)
Phoebe: What are you two girls whispering about over there?!
Phoebe: Okay, what is this? A stupid contest? Because we got a winner here! (Points at Ross.)
Chandler: Listen Phoebe, hes right. People are not supposed to have heart attacks at 31.
Phoebe: I know! But if I didnt work there, what else would I do?
Phoebe: Yeah that was lucrative! Smart like your brother!
Phoebe: Hmm, pulling in a salary in the high six figures or rubbing gross naked people for chump changeooh, what do I do?! What will I do?!
[Scene: Phoebes hospital room, Joey and Ross enter as Phoebe comes out of the bathroom wearing her robe.]
Phoebe: I thought Id try to take a walk. Would you pour me some water? Ill be back soon.
Phoebe: No. Ive learned my lesson.
Phoebe: Lets go! Come on! Move it! (Grabs her coat.) Come on! (To an old man whos holding her shoes and briefcase.) Shoes! Briefcase! (Takes them both.) Thanks Lou, good luck with the gall bladder. (She leaves.)
[Scene: Phoebes office, she is arriving without the knowledge that shes been fired.]
Phoebe: Surprise! Look whos back!
Phoebe: Hey!
Arthur: (To another coworker) Call security. (To Phoebe) Pheebs, didnt you get fired?
Phoebe: Uh, I dont think so!
Jack: Phoebe?
Phoebe: Jack!! Hey!
Phoebe: All better! Back to work! Except this clown from research told me I was fired. He should do his research, huh?
Phoebe: Nu-uh!
Phoebe: Oh, okay I didnt get that message. So this doesnt countAnyway, Ill be in my office.
Jack: Uh, Phoebe you-you dont have an office.
Phoebe: Thats all right, Ill work here. This is goo, next to this plant. (She picks a place in the lobby next to a plant.)
Jack: (approaches her) Phoebe, listen
Phoebe: Youre in my office! Look, I have made a lot of cash for this company! Okay? I am talking big bucks! Pesos! Yen! Rubles! You make one little mistake
Phoebe: Oh, so this is all about money! Yknow its bad enough thatOw! Oh, you have got to be kidding!
Phoebe: Im having another heart attack!
Phoebe: Im having another heart attack!! Call 9-1-1!!
Phoebe: (to Arthur, hes the guy calling 9-1-1) Dumbass!
Phoebe: Well, they fired me and Im having heart attack.
Phoebe: Yeah.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is singing a new song as the gang looks on.]
Phoebe: (singing)
Phoebe: Nobody! Nobody respects the bucket! You wouldn't believe what people put in here! Look! (Hands it to Monica.) Okay, does this look like a garbage can to you?
Rachel: What? Hey wait a minute! Phoebe, how do you even know who the father is?
Phoebe: Okay, now you're just kinda tidying.
PHOEBE: Bye, good luck.
Phoebe: Great! Okay, if youll just excuse me. (To the guy) So, did you hear something you liked?
Phoebe: Oh, you like that? You should hear my phone number.
PHOEBE: Well at least we know she's a woman.
Phoebe: so this guy was all (Mumbles.) And I'm all, Buffay, Homicide. (Flashes the badge.) It was just so cool!
Monica: Hey Phoebe, will you give me a hand?
Phoebe: Oh, hi Max! Hey, do you know everybody?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel are sitting on the couch and Ross is talking to Rachels, who is now showing, stomach.]
PHOEBE: Oh, my.
Phoebe: Ross, its not that big a deal! So youll been divorced three times, youll still have a life, youll go on dates
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, with the puppy, Monica, and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
[Time lapse, Phoebe is still asleep only Joey is now passed out next to her and the cars still moving. She wakes up, sees Joey, and screams.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are sitting around the coffee table.]
JOEY: Phoebe, this was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
Phoebe: All in good time my love. All in good time. Oh shoot! I left my guitar in their apartment. Well you can let me in later.
Phoebe: yeah I've nothing to be ashamed of ok so I haven't been in a relationship that lasted longer then a month. Ok I haven't had a real boyfriend you know if he can't handle that he can leave. which he will and that's ok. so I'll just be alone forever you know alright I'll be. it'll be fine. it'll be fine. I'll go walking tours with widows and lesbians. Oh (takes a deep breath and sits down, knock on the door)
Monica: If Phoebe were my maid of honor
PHOEBE: Alright Monica, if there is something that you would like to share...
PHOEBE: Everything you've heard is true.
PHOEBE: Hey now you have two. [Chandler looks annoyed] Oh, now you have two.
Phoebe: Hi Monica!
PHOEBE: No, huh uh, I'm sorry, no. No, I'm not some like sloppy second, charity band. You know what, there are thousands of places in this city where people would be happy to pay to hear me play. (Out on the sidewalk, singing) When I play, I play for me, I don't need your charity. (Someone puts a coin in her guitar case) Thank you! La la la la la la la....
Joey: You shut up! (To Phoebe and Rachel) I love arguing with her. (To Erin) Ill be right back.
Rachel: Oh! Phoebe, all babies are beautiful!
[Scene: Central Park, Ross is teaching Ben how to ride a bike. Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are they also.]
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, they are entering to check out the newly refurbished apartment.]
Phoebe: Oh...yes..is this..umm..Emilys Parents house.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are there]
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, um-mm. Oh!
Phoebe: Oh great! And listen, could you do us a favor and not tell Chandler and Monica about this? Cause yknow umm, they dont-they dont have any kids of their own and-and this door was like a child to them.
(Chandler sees Phoebe breaking up with Tony. She talks to him for a few seconds, hugs him, and then he leaves. Chandler is amazed how easy it was for her.)
Phoebe: Okay, you guys. You guys I think I know whats going on here. Okay, you guys STOP!! (They stop.) I know that, I know that youre acting mad because you think that itll make it easier to leave. But deep down youre still really sad. Deep-deep down.
Phoebe: Ok, we're taking that paddle home, mister.
Phoebe: Alright. I looked all over the building and I couldn't find the kitty anywhere.
Phoebe: Where? (Turns to face him) Ooh, come to Momma.
Phoebe: Monica, she will kill you. She will kill you like a dog in the street.
Phoebe: Monica, do you want us to take you home?
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey is showing Phoebe around.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Chandler, and Ross are there.]
PHOEBE: Is anyone else starting to really like him?
Phoebe: Okay. (she starts to stuff styrofoam peanuts down the front of Joey's pants.)
PHOEBE: Well you said that he's paying the people who are playing.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are preparing for a barbecue for Rachel's birthday.]
Phoebe: Uh-huh, yeah thats too bad. I really want to go to his concert Friday night, but its totally sold out. I know! Why dont you meet him and get tickets?! If you get two Ill take you.
PHOEBE: Oh ok, Ryan, that guy I went out with, who's in the Navy.
PHOEBE: Are you the cutest?
[Next is a shot of them dragging an enormous plant into the room, then Monica knitting a sweater, then Phoebe singing, then Phoebe shaving him and chatting to Monica]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe and Ryan are playing Monopoly.]
[Scene: Ross, Phoebe, Rachel, and Chandler at Monica and Rachel's apartment.]
Phoebe: Theyre gonna get through this, arent they?
Phoebe: Hey, tell him about Relaxi-Taxi, and-and ask him if he thinks thats better than Relaxi Cab.
Phoebe: Thank you! I know, though.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Rachel, Ross, and Phoebe are there. Phoebe is looking out the window.]
Phoebe: (entering) Hello.
Rachel: Joey look, just look at it this way, the sooner Phoebe breaks Chandler the sooner this is all over and out in the open.
Phoebe: We could not, would not want to wait.
Monica: Ooh, Phoebe, you look great!
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there as Phoebe enters.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe enters to see Monica, Richard, Ross, and Rachel tearfully watching TV.]
Phoebe: Ohh. Um-hmm. But y'know, she choose to find me. I mean, I have to respect her decision. Right?
Phoebe: Okay, thanks. Yeah, I'll try that.
Phoebe: What am I gonna do?
(Phoebe is trying not to smile. He moves closer and very shyly holds out his hand and turns his head, hoping for Phoebe to take his hand. She doesn't.)
(The man jumps out, obviously a little scared. Phoebe drives off.)
Phoebe: That won't go with this dress though.
Phoebe: Monica! We lived together for years! Ive seen you naked!
Phoebe: Monica, you don't know that.
Phoebe: No, listening! Sit! Yknow, maybe it would just really, really help if you would just talk.
Phoebe: Ok, somebody is on their way to ruin wedding okay. And I have to warn somebody, alright. So if you dont give me that number then Im going to come over there and kick your snooty ass all the way to New Glocken..shire.
Phoebe: Well, 'cause then they'd be like my mom used to make them, you know, before she died.
Phoebe: She is so great! I miss her.
Phoebe: Duh!! Christmas!
Phoebe: I'm not. I'm praying. (looking up) Please let the Knicks win... Thank you Thor! (Mike is standing up) Where... where are you going?
Phoebe: Well, you know what Chandler? I think you've gotta face it. You're like, the guy in the big office, you know. You're the one that hires them, that fires them... They still say you're a great boss.
Phoebe: Okay, we're on it. We're on it.
Phoebe: Yeah! And until then you are going to sing to me because the radios broken and you are selfish but have a nice voice.
Phoebe: It's a tarantula! (Joey almost falls down from his drum-stool jumping up) Oh! God! Rachel, look, I'm sorry. What was I thinking giving Joey this big, gross, scary spider in such a poorly constructed cage?
Phoebe: (pointing at cake) Hey, you made it into a bunny.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there as Phoebe enters with her nose stuck in a book.]
Phoebe: Well, umm, not much. But, I was just thinking that since those guys just got engaged that maybe it would be nice if they had some privacy, yknow? So, could I just move in with you for a couple days?
Phoebe: How did you do that?
[Monica goes into her room and slams the door. Rachel does the same. Phoebe, without a door to slam, opens a small chest and slams the lid.]
Phoebe: Most likely. (raises and goes toward the door) Okay, I'm gonna be out there.
Phoebe: What?
Rachel: Someone? I brought people. Mr. Thompson, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, this is Mr. Thompson. (She introduces them.) Hes the head of my department.
Phoebe: Um, yeah, you want Ursula, and I'm Phoebe. Twin sisters! Seriously.
Phoebe: Oooh. Oh, well this is awkward.
Phoebe: Okay, well if I was in this for the money, Id be a millionaire by now, y'know. You just got to get out of that jingle head sweetie.
Phoebe: A-ha! And... what is bluffing? Is it not another word for... lying?
Phoebe: Oh, this life! Oh okay no, Chandler's is worse.
(They look up towards the vent and wave at Phoebe.)
Phoebe: She's already fluffed that pillow... Monica, you know, you've already fluffed that- (Monica glares at her.) -but, it's fine!
Phoebe: (entering) Hi!
All: Hey, Phoebe.
Phoebe: Definitely.
Phoebe: Yeah, but did they have to shoot him down? I mean, that was just mean.
Phoebe: Im sorry, okay, I-I wasnt looking, and the store says that they wont take it back because you signed for it...