words in movies
Phoebe: Wow!
Phoebe: No! Barry and Mindy.
Phoebe: Which time?
Phoebe: What if I had taken that job at Merrill Lynch?
Phoebe: Yeah, I had a massage client who worked there and-and he said I had a knack for stocks.
Phoebe: Because at that time you see, I thought everything that rhymed was true. So I thought yknow that if Id work with stocks, Id have to live in a box, and only eat lox, and have a pet fox.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
(As Joey goes to the bathroom, Corporate Phoebe enters. Shes wearing a business suit and carrying a briefcase.)
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Monica: Hey Phoebe! Guess what?
Phoebe: What?
Phoebe: Ohh thats so sweet! (Her cell phone rings.) Oh! Hang on! (Quickly grabs a cigarette and starts to light it as her phone rings.) Hang onnnnnn!!! (Gets the cigarette lighted and answers the phone.) (On phone.) Go!! No! No-no! I said sell when it hits 50! 5-0, its a number! It comes after 4-9!! No, its okay. Its okay, youre allowed one mistake. Just kidding, you are of course fired.
Ross: And thats Phoebe over there! (Points to her.)
Phoebe: Hi!
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe are there. Phoebes cell phone rings and she goes through her little routine of lighting a cigarette before answering the phone.]
Phoebe: Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! (Answering the phone.) Go!! Whos this? (Listens) Oh okay, youre gonna like working for me. Whats your name? (Listens) What kind of name is Brendy? I Whatever Stop talking! All right, from now on your name is Joan. You can pick your own last name.
Phoebe: (yelling from Monicas room) No-no!! No!!
Phoebe: No! There-there was a little, a little diff in the market and I lost 13 million dollars.
Phoebe: What am I gonna do?! What am I gonna do?! I cant call my office theyll kill me! I cant call my clients theyll kill themselves! Great, now my chest hearts.
Phoebe: (louder) My chest hurts! Oh, and now I-I cant breathe.
Chandler: Phoebe, are you having a heart attack?!
Phoebe: Oh, if I were, would-would I have shooting pains up and down my left arm?
Phoebe: Then yes that is what Im having. (Takes another puff of the cigarette.)
[Scene: A hospital, Phoebe is recovering from her heart attack as Ross, Monica, and Chandler are there to comfort and support her.]
Phoebe: Most people dont like their jobs, I love my job! I have not been working for three hours and Im already going crazy. I miss Joan.
Chandler: I always thought having a heart attack was natures way of telling you to die! (Phoebe glares at him.) But youre not gonna die. I mean, you are going to die, but youre not gonna die today. I wish I was dead.
Phoebe: (To Ross) So whats going on with you?
Phoebe: Still going through that dry spell with Carol?
Phoebe: How long has it been since you had sex?
Phoebe: Oh thats not so bad.
Phoebe: That is.
Phoebe: Maybe you need to spice things up a little.
Phoebe: I dont know. You could tie her up, she could tie you up; you could eat stuff off each other
Phoebe: Yknow, dirty talk, m�nage � trois, toys
Phoebe: Roll playing You could be the warden; she could be the prisoner. You could be the pirate; she could be the wench!
Phoebe: Yeah! Or too, you could be two stockbrokers and youre-youre-youre rolling around naked on the trading floor and everybodys watching! (Ross looks at her.) It never happened.
Monica: Yeah! Shes right in there! (Points to Phoebes room.)
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Ross is trying to talk to Carol about what Phoebe told him.]
[Scene: The hospital, Ross and Monica are in Phoebes room. Phoebe is in the bathroom and Monica notices smoke coming out from underneath the door.]
Monica: Phoebe, why is smoke coming out of the bathroom?!
Phoebe: Oh yeah, the doctor said that could be one of the side effects.
Monica: Phoebe! Put that cigarette out!
Phoebe: No! Its not a cigarette! The smoke is coming out of me!
Phoebe: Okay! Okay! (Puts it out and comes out of the bathroom.) Im so glad youre here.
Phoebe: Oh, give it to me.
Phoebe: Give it!
Phoebe: Was it my work? Were they mad? Was it Jack? Did he yell?!
Phoebe: Thank God.
[Scene: The hospital, Chandler and Monica are there with Phoebe as Ross enters.]
Phoebe: Hey.
Phoebe: Well, Ive got to get out of this bed, Im going crazy here. Crazy!
Phoebe: What the hell is this, herbal tea? I hate herbal tea!
(Phoebe mocks what Monica just said. Ross pulls Chandler aside.)
Phoebe: What are you two girls whispering about over there?!
Phoebe: Okay, what is this? A stupid contest? Because we got a winner here! (Points at Ross.)
Chandler: Listen Phoebe, hes right. People are not supposed to have heart attacks at 31.
Phoebe: I know! But if I didnt work there, what else would I do?
Phoebe: Yeah that was lucrative! Smart like your brother!
Phoebe: Hmm, pulling in a salary in the high six figures or rubbing gross naked people for chump changeooh, what do I do?! What will I do?!
[Scene: Phoebes hospital room, Joey and Ross enter as Phoebe comes out of the bathroom wearing her robe.]
Phoebe: I thought Id try to take a walk. Would you pour me some water? Ill be back soon.
Phoebe: No. Ive learned my lesson.
Phoebe: Lets go! Come on! Move it! (Grabs her coat.) Come on! (To an old man whos holding her shoes and briefcase.) Shoes! Briefcase! (Takes them both.) Thanks Lou, good luck with the gall bladder. (She leaves.)
[Scene: Phoebes office, she is arriving without the knowledge that shes been fired.]
Phoebe: Surprise! Look whos back!
Phoebe: Hey!
Arthur: (To another coworker) Call security. (To Phoebe) Pheebs, didnt you get fired?
Phoebe: Uh, I dont think so!
Jack: Phoebe?
Phoebe: Jack!! Hey!
Phoebe: All better! Back to work! Except this clown from research told me I was fired. He should do his research, huh?
Phoebe: Nu-uh!
Phoebe: Oh, okay I didnt get that message. So this doesnt countAnyway, Ill be in my office.
Jack: Uh, Phoebe you-you dont have an office.
Phoebe: Thats all right, Ill work here. This is goo, next to this plant. (She picks a place in the lobby next to a plant.)
Jack: (approaches her) Phoebe, listen
Phoebe: Youre in my office! Look, I have made a lot of cash for this company! Okay? I am talking big bucks! Pesos! Yen! Rubles! You make one little mistake
Phoebe: Oh, so this is all about money! Yknow its bad enough thatOw! Oh, you have got to be kidding!
Phoebe: Im having another heart attack!
Phoebe: Im having another heart attack!! Call 9-1-1!!
Phoebe: (to Arthur, hes the guy calling 9-1-1) Dumbass!
Phoebe: Well, they fired me and Im having heart attack.
Phoebe: Yeah.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is singing a new song as the gang looks on.]
Phoebe: (singing)
PHOEBE: Yeah, I agree. Ya know, I think fancy parties are only fun if you're fancy on the inside and I'm just not sure we are.
Phoebe: Joey, shes so cool. She speaks four languages.
Phoebe: So what?! That doesnt give you the right to ditch me!
Phoebe: Okay, I can do that! Oh, by the way, I love my office.
Phoebe: God, they thought they can mess with us! They're trying to mess with us?! They don't know that we know they know we know! (Joey just shakes his head.) Joey, you can't say anything!
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone except Phoebe and Joey are there.]
Phoebe: Ooh, erotiery!
Phoebe: Oh yes, yes, yes you can. Just say, um, 'Phoebe, my work is my life and that's what I have to do right now'. And I say 'your work?! Your work?! How can you say that?!'. And then you say, um, 'it's tearing me apart, but I have no choice. Can't you understand that?'. And I say (Hits him) 'no! No! I can't understand that!'.
(Ross pans the camera over to Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Oh yeah.
PHOEBE: Listen if you wanna go, just go.
Phoebe: Oh! (Phoebe walks away smiling.)
Phoebe: No, no, no! Don't call her! You wait for her to call you (Joey considers it)
Phoebe: You did the right thing.
Phoebe: Oooh, yeah. Youre a genius.
Phoebe: Why? It's fun, it's different, no-one else has a name like it.
Phoebe: No, I can't talk to you! I don't have a fancy ad in the Yellow Pages!
Chandler: I just think that things would go a lot smoother if we each have our own zone. Phoebe, you can be in charge of wiping. And yknow Mon, you can be in charge of diapering and I can be in charge of looking how cute they are when they put their hands around (He degrades into baby talk, but he means when they grab his finger.)
Phoebe: Yeah? Why?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe is pouring Rachel some coffee.]
[Scene: Max and David's lab, they are working. Phoebe knocks on the door]
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch in Central Perk]
Phoebe: Okay, woo! Hi.
Phoebe: Ohh, he left his cell phone.
Phoebe: I dont know.
Phoebe: A stripper at a bachelor party, that is so clich�. Why don't you get a magician?!
Phoebe: Nice try.
Chandler: Phoebe, we can hear the dog barking!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are there as Monica enters with the local paper that has the engagement picture in it.]
Phoebe: Oh! Oop! (Hands him back the ring.)
The Fireman: The next time you want to dump a fire alarm in a trash chute, dont wrap it in a blanket that says, "Property of Phoebe Buffay not Monica."
Joey: (whispers to Phoebe and Rachel) Hey, thank you so much. (They both exit.)
Phoebe: Yep, lipstick and a daughter, big day for you!
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, and Chandler are recovering from Ross's rebuke.]
Phoebe: Did I use that already today? Im sorry.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are returning from the strip club.]
Phoebe: Okay, I hear you! Are you capable of talking about any thing else?
Phoebe: Okay, a meat eater. Fine, thats one for you.
Rachel: (showing Phoebe her phone) His new girlfriend!
Phoebe: Good.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: Yeah!
Phoebe: No I didnt!
Phoebe: Hi!
Phoebe: Ooh, now you lost me.
Rachel: Phoebe!
Phoebe: No.
Phoebe: That is a different phone.
Rachel: Phoebe! You cant do th
Rachel: Oh Phoebe!
Phoebe: What?! Thats the first time today!
Phoebe: Oh? And how will you know what time to come over?
PHOEBE: I know who it is you remind me of. Evelyn Dermer. 'Course, that's before she got the lousy face lift. Now she looks like Soupy Sales.
Phoebe: Yes, while I was in the chair! Thats why I take such good care of my teeth now, y'know, its not about oral hygiene, I floss to save lives!
Phoebe: Hey, so? Are you gonna do it?
Phoebe: Wh-what do we do?
Phoebe: Because its my apartment!
Phoebe and Rachel: (simultaneously) Who is it?
Phoebe: Hey! You guys, Im writing a holiday song for everyone. Do you want to hear it?
Phoebe: (whispering) Nice!
Rachel: I know! (Realizes what Phoebe said.) What?!
Phoebe: Yeah! Youre such a great friend!
Phoebe: Well, why dont you just get him fired?
Phoebe: I dont know. I-I think its still gonna be a while.
Phoebe: (to the squirrel) Okay, stop tormenting me! This mink! Okay, they're mean! And they hate squirrels! And y'know, okay, most of these probably wanted to be coats! (The squirrel stares at her.) All right, fine, now I get it. (To the clerk.) Here. (She hands him her coat.) You take it. (To the squirrel.) Are you happy now? I'm cold!
Phoebe: That is so smart! (To Chandler, under her breath) Break it off. Break it off now.
Phoebe: And do you know what girls are really good at?
Phoebe: Ross, you cant tell her not to go. You just started dating.
Monica: Phoebe, were getting married, married; not sixth grade married.
Phoebe: What?! No! It was my idea!
Phoebe: Dont you just love the way they talk?!
Phoebe: Well, how could it not be breezy, no, 'cause, you're, you're in such a breezy place.
Phoebe: Bye! (She exits, leaving Rachel and Joey alone.)
Phoebe: What is it?
Phoebe: Whe-where did he put it?!
(Phoebe enters slowly.)
Phoebe: Oh.
Phoebe: Totally. Im like 90/10.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica are there.]
Phoebe: Say what?
Phoebe: Why?
Monica: No Phoebe, those are like the side affects and stuff.
Monica: Hey Gunther. Hi. (to Phoebe) I mean youre going out on a date with the noisy guy upstairs?
Phoebe: Oh my God, you guys are selling the entertainment center?
RACHEL: I know, so do I. Oh Phoebe, I'm so glad you made me do this. OK, lemme se yours.
Melissa: Okay. (To Phoebe) Well, it was great meeting you. And uh Rachel, I-I dont think Ill be calling you (hails a cab) because umm, yknow youve gotten weird. (The cab pulls up.) Take care you guys.
Phoebe: And, and then I got uh, these are apartment pants.
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is getting shown to her desk by the supervisor.]
Phoebe: Yeah, I know. Its a real mustard-tastrophe. Can you help me?
Phoebe: (entering with an aquarium covered by a towel) Hey, Joey, I got you another present. (She puts it on the counter)
Phoebe: Good for you!
Phoebe: Um, not so good. He walked me to the subway and said 'We should do this again!'
Phoebe: Go for it.
Phoebe: I did, but that was really fun.
Phoebe: Hes alive! Hes a-live!!!
Phoebe: (noticing her) Oh, look! Look! Look!
Phoebe: oh I dunno I dunno, you know I mean I like him but am I ready to take my grade a loins off the meat market.
Phoebe: Oh hey!
Monica: Phoebe, your liver is right here. (She points to the right side of her torso.)
Phoebe: Rachel, were sorry for pushing those guys on you.