words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are on the couch talking. Phoebe is getting coffee.]
(Phoebe sits down between Chandler and Ross.)
Phoebe: What? What happened to the window in the attic?!
Phoebe: I cant believe I still dont know what happened to the window in the attic!
Phoebe: (entering) Hey.
Phoebe: Ugh, I hate this year!
Phoebe: Well okay, its already February and Ive only given two massages and they were both the worst tippers in the world!
Phoebe: Oh thats right!
Phoebe: Yeah and yeah, and it would probably be better than the last telephone job I had. Yknow, I probably wouldnt have to say spank as much. (Monica and Ross are shocked.)
Phoebe: Oh yeah, like you never called!
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is getting shown to her desk by the supervisor.]
Phoebe: Okay, I can do that! Oh, by the way, I love my office.
Phoebe: Oh okay. Umm, all right. (Picks up the phone and starts reading from the script.) Hi, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to your supply manager please?
Phoebe: Umm, okay I would like to talk to you about your toner needs.
Phoebe: Oh okay, well Im sorry to bother you. Bye-bye. (Hangs up the phone.) Yeah youre right, this is easy.
Phoebe: Oh well, all right um, no offense, but you were kind of rude.
Phoebe: Oh.
Phoebe: No. (Pause) Oh wait yes! I do, I do have one question. What is toner?
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is hard at work.]
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi, this Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to your supply manager please? (Listens) Earl, thanks. (Listens) Hi Earl, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies Id like to talk to you about your toner needs. (Shes reading from the script.)
[Cut to Earls office, who is played by Jason Alexander, George from Seinfeld. They cut back and forth between Phoebes and Earls offices with each of their lines.]
Phoebe: Im hearing what youre saying, but at our prices everyone needs toner.
Phoebe: May I ask why?
Phoebe: I surely do!
(Phoebe desperately tries to find the scripted response to that line.)
Phoebe: (doesnt have any luck) Umm, is-is that because youre out of toner?
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is still talking to Earl.]
Phoebe: No-no wait-wait! I cant just let you hang up! Just please talk to me.
Phoebe: Yeah! Now, why do you want to kill yourself?
Phoebe: Chandler?
Phoebe: No look, I-Im sure that people know you exist!
Earl: Oh yeah? I work in a cubicle surrounded by people. Ive been talking to you for five minutes now about killing myself and no ones even looked up from their desk. Hang-hang on. (To the people standing around his cubicle.) Hey everybody! Uh, Im gonna kill myself! (Theres no response; no one even looks up.) Ill get back to ya. (To Phoebe) I got nothing. Wait. (He sets the phone down.) Uh, hey Marge! (Mimes putting a gun to his head, pulling the trigger, and splattering his brain on the wall behind him. Then points to himself. Marge watches this, then goes back to work.) (To Phoebe) Ehh, nothing. Nothing.
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is still trying to talk Earl out of suicide.]
Phoebe: Earl, youre not hearing me! All Im saying is that youre not alone all right? Everybody hates the people they work with! (One of her coworkers overhears that, and she mimes that she didnt mean him.)
Phoebe: Wait, what was that? That sounded like someone being nice to you.
Phoebe: All right so Earl, lets just forget about the people at the office, okay? There-theres gotta be someone else in your life worth sticking around for! What about-what about your family, your friends, or maybe your girlfriend?
Phoebe: Oh sorry, boyfriend!
Phoebe: No, whatever! Anything!
Phoebe: Yeah, hes gotta go.
Phoebe: No! Im not finished yet! Dont! Dont you dare hang up on me!!!
[Scene: Earls Office, Earl has his head in his hands as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: (to Marge) Excuse me! Can you tell me where I can find Earl? Hes the supply manager around here.
Phoebe: (goes over to his desk) Earl! Im Phoebe.
Earl: Phoebe? The lady who sells toner?
Phoebe: Umm, look it, you-you cant kill yourself.
Phoebe: No-no I cant! I cant let you do it!
Phoebe: Because it was fate that made me call you today!
Phoebe: No! Think about it okay? This isnt even my regular job! Okay? And my first day on the job, youre my first call! And-and somebody else mightve hung up on you, but I wouldnt do that because I know about this stuff. My mom killed herself.
Phoebe: Yes.
Phoebe: Im not gonna give you tips! Look dont you see that this-this this all came together so that I could stop you from doing this.
Phoebe: No, its fate!
Phoebe: Oh. Well umm, okay heres a weird thing. My mother was also a supply manager.
Phoebe: Oh my God! So was she! And! Get this, okay? Your-your name is Earl, right? Her name was Pearl, P-Earl.
Phoebe: Sure! (Thinks.) Umm, where are you from?
Phoebe: Oh my God! So was she! Oh, Ive got-Ive got goose bumps. (She holds out her arm.)
Phoebe: Well, yknow Im wearing layers and its warm.
Phoebe: But ifno look, okay. These jerks might not care about you, but the universe does! And that says a lot!
Earl: (To All) Did you hear that?! I dont need you guys to care about me! Because the universe cares! The whole universe! (Laughs as everyone ignores him.) (To Phoebe) I really wished theyd care just a little bit though.
Phoebe: Yknow, I dont-I dont think its you. This is a freaky place. (To All) Hey! Guys! (Everyone looks up.) (To Earl) Oh no, its you.
Phoebe: We know about your party Joey.
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Oh! Well, what kind of emergency that gets us both out of here?
Phoebe: Hey Ross!
Phoebe: Oh, What's the matter?
Phoebe: Ugh, okay Sherlock! (Hands over the key.)
Phoebe: Worse?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are laying out the ground rules for the maid of honor auditions to Rachel and Phoebe.]
Phoebe: (gasps) Ohh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. (The chick clucks.) You'll get your turn!
Phoebe: Yes, and her boyfriend. But we're celebrating Thanksgiving in December 'cause he is lunar.
Phoebe: Are you kidding. He is so considerate of my feelings and... you know I think... you'd also like to know that he is a very gentle lover.
(She storms into his apartment to find him with a towel around his shoulders, a bowl on his head, and Phoebe with scissors in her hand.)
Phoebe: And no, oh please, oh please let me finish. (Rachel stops talking.) Oh I guess that was it.
Phoebe: Y'know you guys were a lot more supportive when I wanted to make denim furniture.
Phoebe: Okay, now you're just taking lines right out of the song!
Phoebe: Ok well give her a chance to see all of that!
Phoebe: Then what's wrong with them? Would they not go with your tiny portions of pretentious food?
Phoebe: Hey, thank you so much for these tickets, Chandler.
Phoebe: I ordered Chinese food.
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
[Scene: The theatre where Joey is auditioning. Phoebe enters when Joey's on stage and she sits down. He hasn't seen her.]
Phoebe: Promise?
Phoebe: You know, you are talking about one of my dear, dear friends.
Phoebe: Well, do you care about friendship?
Monica: (sliding into Joeys place on the couch to try and talk to Phoebe) Huh? Whatd ya say Joe? Ill be right there. (gets up and joins Joey)
(Phoebe enters the hall)
Phoebe: Ohh, Im getting too pregnant for this, lugging around a stupid massage table. Yknow, I have to find a job where I carrying a smaller table. (She goes over and stands in front of the TV.)
Receptionist: Phoebe, your next client's in the waiting room.
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are waiting for Phoebe to arrive with the cab.]
Phoebe: (watching around and whispering) Ok, are they listening?
Phoebe: I didnt know where to put it so I just left it here for now.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica are having brunch.]
Phoebe: Is something wrong?
Phoebe: Ja!
Phoebe: Okay, then I'm Swedish...
Phoebe: (Thinks for a few moments) Uhm... Stockholm.
Phoebe: Yeah and I-I found you one too who is not a weirdo.
Rachel: Yeah. Sure. (Throws some in her bag and she walks away as Phoebe, dressed as Supergirl walks up and eyes Monica who eyes her back.)
Phoebe: You know it's me?
Phoebe: How can you come here?
Phoebe: Uhu, uhu... and why do you think that is?
Phoebe: Oh, Ja! Ja!
Phoebe: I don't have to tell you everything!
Phoebe: Ok.
Rachel: (now lifts her head) Phoebe!!
Rachel: Oh! Phoebe, why did you lie to me about working here?
[Scene: The Spa Reception. Phoebe walks in]
Receptionist: Good morning Phoebe.
Phoebe: It's a normal Swedish name... Ikea...
Phoebe: Exactly!
(Ross resumes playing, this time accompanied by Phoebe screeching out Es in tune with Ross. While Phoebe is singing along, Rachel is having a very difficult time keeping a straight face. Thankfully, Ross gives up after a little while.)
Phoebe: Ok, that'll be great!
Phoebe: Well, you could wait til I go to the dentist, maybe Ill kill him.
Rachel: Hi! Ok, you're ready to go pick up Phoebe and go shopping?
Phoebe: (singing) Food here at 'Javu'..will kill you..the food here at 'Javu' ...will kill you..
Phoebe: Oh, Im sorry. But I really like this guy. And I think he really happens to like me.
Phoebe: But that woman can't know I work here. She's a friend of mine and I made this big stink about how awful this massage chains are.
Phoebe: Oh, I'll take some of that.
Phoebe: Ok!
(Phoebe and Rachel go off to the dressing rooms. They enter one and close the curtain.)
Phoebe: Why?
Phoebe: You like Joey?
Phoebe: (picks up a dress) Hey Rach, will you come with me to a dressing room?
Phoebe: Who else?
Phoebe: So what were you doing out there, do you not like Charlie?
Phoebe: Sure!
Phoebe: Oh, David, I, I think you are a sweeping sorta fella. I mean, you're a sweeper! ...trapped inside a physicist's body.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: (whispering) Oh my God!
Phoebe: Oh.
Joey: (pretending to be an announcer) And the winner is Joey Tribbiani! (He then gets excited and goes over to the counter to practice his acceptance speech using a bottle of maple syrup as the award.) Oh Wow! I honestly never expected this. I uh, I didnt prepare a speech. But umm, Id like to thank (Rachel enters quietly) my parents, whove always been there for me. Id also like to thank my friends, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, Rachel
Phoebe: Okay so, by melting, you meant melting.
Phoebe: (goes back in) I'm Rachel. It's so annoying when I put Emma on the phone to talk with my friends.
Phoebe: (sticks her head out) I didn't say anything yet!
Phoebe: Ooh! We have a problem.
Phoebe: Oh, look, he's closing his eyes again.
Joey: Too long! Oh my God, Rach, I've been dying to talk to someone about this for so long! Listen, listen, we can't say anything about this to anybody, they're so weird about that! Listen (Phoebe returns and interrupts them.)
Phoebe: Yeah, I kinda do. (Mike lets go of her hand) Well, how's this? (she takes Mike's hand and puts it on her breast, she tears open the sugar and puts it in her coffee. Mike thinks it over and nods appreciative. After that, they hold hands again. Joey now enters, and sees the two sitting on the couch, holding hands.)
Phoebe: Good plan.
Phoebe: Remember how you said you were really dense about poetry? Oh. (hugs her)
Malcom: (reading) I met Phoebe today. She was really nice to me eventhough I'm such a loser. And, then when I was walking home I thought about her a lot, it was weird, but kinda cool.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, they're falling in love all over again.
Phoebe: How can people do that?... (All but Phoebe walk away from the window in disgust.) Oh, you guys, look! Ugly Naked Guy got gravity boots!
(Phoebe walks in wearing a fancy, revealing dress, and stands before Joey)
Ross: Actually, it looks really good. (Turns towards the window and now Phoebe starts jumping to divert his attention.)
Phoebe: Yeah?
Phoebe: Good!
Phoebe: What happened?
David: Phoebe! Hi!
Phoebe: David?
Phoebe: Oh my God! (they hug)
Phoebe: Yeah. What-what are you doing here?
Phoebe: Really?
Phoebe: Well... (pause) no.
Phoebe: Mike and I broke up.
Phoebe: Ok. (they walk away together)
Phoebe: I'd love to.
Charlie: Hey, there's Phoebe! Is that Mike she's with?
(Charlie and Rachel arrive. They see David and Phoebe leave)
Rachel: (To Phoebe) In case you didnt notice, that is a scary man.