words in movies
[Scene: Their Building, Monica and Rachel are going to apologize to Danny. Rachel knocks on his door, which he opens and he has this really bushy beard and long hair. Picture Paul Bunyan.]
Rachel: Paul. Umm, I just wanted you to know that Ross really is a great guy.
Paul: Sure you did! You came in, you got all awkward, and you ran into the bedroom. You were shouting, "Joey! Joey!" Bye Rach. (Kisses her.)
Ross: All right, fine! Fine! Have me fired! But uh, I want you to know that you and I are not all that different. I mean, I too am a neat guy. (Paul just looks at him.)
Chandler: Im a little busy here Paul.
Paul: Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me, um, I haven't been able to, uh, perform. (Monica takes a sip of her drink.) ...Sexually.
Paul: Diet Coke. (Hands her the glass.)
Paul: Ross, look, I know Ive been giving you a lot of jabs and its partly because Im very protective of Lizzie, and partly because well, they just keep coming to me. But I have to admit that after all the wonderful things that Lizzie has told me and the many, many, (pause) many stories that Rachel has told me that, well (pause) youre not (pause) all bad.
Paul: (To Rachel) Thank you, its my moms. So this is the kitchen.
Paul: Oh, you dont have to do that every time.
[Cut to his bedroom, Ross is listening at the door as Paul opens the door, trapping Ross behind it. With Pauls back turned Ross coils up like a snake and slitters underneath the bed.]
Paul: (acting manly to try and cover up his crying) Okay. Chandler, did your dad ever hug you?
Rachel: Uh, Pauls Caf�. They got great food and its really romantic.
Ross: (to Paul) Just-just so you know I was a freshman and she was a senior. So it wasnt as bad as-as
Rachel: Okay. (After Paul leaves Rachel drops to the floor to confront Ross.) What?! What are you doing here?!
Chandler: Its not just their marriage! I mean, look at yours. Look at everybodys! The only person that can make marriage work is Paul Newman! And Ive met me; I am not Paul Newman. I dont race cars! I dont make popcorn! None of my proceeds go to charity.
Rachel: (reading a tag) This one is uh Paul ONeil.
Paul: Honey I made a reservation at China Garden, is that okay?
Paul: Hi! Hi. (Hes looking around.) I think I left my keys here somewhere.
(Paul screams like a chicken and breaks down into tears again.)
Chandler: Okay, a quick one. Come on hug it out. (Paul rushes over and hugs Chandler tightly.) Oh hey! There you go. (The hug continues.) Okay. (The hug continues.)
Joey: Who's Paul?
Paul: Honey, we dont have any bears here.
(Phoebe turns to Rachel and mimes remove a lid of a jar. Ross enters and Paul motions for Rachel to leave with him now.)
Paul: Dont worry about it, I just didnt realize you were married. (Rachel returns and hears that.)
Paul: (over the intercom) It's, uh, it's Paul.
Paul: Good. Good. Not that we dont want you to stay, obviously youre welcomeHow much more homework do you have?
(Ross turns his back on Paul and makes a I hate that guy face. Paul does the same thing.)
Frannie: Paul the Wine Guy? Oh yeah, I know Paul.
Paul: Yeah?
Ross: Paul the Wine Guy, Paul?
(There's a knock on the door and it's Paul.)
Joey: Morning, Paul.
Joey: Hey, Paul!
Paul: Isn't there?
Paul: It's okay...
Monica: Change! Okay, sit down. (Shows Paul in) Two seconds.
Paul: Ooh, steer clear of you.
Paul: Two years.
Paul: So you still think you, um... might want that fifth date?
Paul: Thank you! Thank you so much!
Paul: (entering from Monica's room) Morning.
(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the others can't hear. The others move Monica's table closer to the door so that they can.)
Paul: Yeah. (They kiss) Thank you. (Exits)
Rachel: Hello, Paul.
All: Hey! Paul! Hi! The Wine Guy! Hey!
Rachel: No Paul, I dont know anything about you! Yknow, like-like your childhood! Tell me about your childhood!
Chandler: Hi, Paul, is it?
Ross: And I too am just a love machine. (Hums a little bit and mimics Pauls flexing.)
Monica: You know Paul?
(Ross frantically starts to open the window as Paul enters and traps him halfway out the window.)
Paul: No, I'm telling you last night was like umm, all my birthdays, both graduations, plus the barn raising scene in Witness.
Paul: Okay look, Ross, just so you know that since Lizzie likes you so much, Ive decided to accept the fact that youre going out with her.
Paul: Well maybe you can date him then that would save me the trouble of killing him. (Rachel laughs then starts looking at him.) Are you okay?
[Scene: Pauls Cabin, continued from earlier.]
Paul: (laughs then checking his watch) 1 minute 50 seconds.
Chandler: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?
Rachel: Oh, wait yes, but I cant eat too much. Paul is taking me out to dinner tonight, he said he has a big surprise planned.
Frannie: Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul. Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.
Paul: A surfer.
Paul: A part of him did yes.
Paul: Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh...
Paul: Good. Bye! (Starts to leave.)
Rachel: Thats-thats great! See? I already feel like I know you a little better! Thank you. Okay, come on. Now we can go eat. Lets go. (Gets up to leave, but Paul doesnt move.)
Joey: Yes, its in my In in my pocket. (Paul hasnt dropped him yet.) (Chandler starts to reach for his front pocket.) My back pocket! My back pocket!
Paul: No, unfortunately Lizzies mom passed away shortly after she was born. I raised her by myself.
Paul: Ross. You and I are going to have to have a little talk.
Chandler: No. How are ya Paul? (Starts to look for his credit card.)
Paul: (whispering) Okay. (Starts for the car.)
PHOEBE: Paul.
Paul: Ill call the university and tell them about your relationship and have you fired.
Paul: Neither of us like Ross!
Paul: Ill be right back. (He goes to get the ice.)
Paul: Oh Rachel, Im so sorry. I didnt mean to overwhelm you. Its just that, when those gates open, you (Starts to breakdown.) Hard to close em. But they are closed now. Believe me.
Paul: Cant complain.
Paul: (standing in front of a mirror and to himself) Just relax. Just relax Paul, youre doing great. (Ross moves a piece of luggage over so he can watch Paul.) She likes you. She Maybe, she likes you. She likes you. Yknow why? Because youre a (pause) neat guy. (Ross cant believe what hes hearing.) You are the man. You are (pause) the man! (He opens his shirt and looks at his chest.) I still got it. Nice and sexy. Youre just a love machine. (Starts singing) Im just a love machine and I wont work for nobody but you! Hey bab-y! (Flexes and grunts loudly.) Showtime. (Starts to leave and starts singing.) Im just a love machine, yeah ba-by! (Grunts again and Ross is stunned.)
Paul: I know, I know, I'm such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get?
Paul: Well, this is fun. So Ross, did you kill any of these wives?
Paul: So Ross was in college and decided to jump at the chance to take a young girl to her high school prom.
(Rachel and Elizabeth go upstairs. Paul starts for the car, but notices his luggage is still out and decides to take in into the bedroom.)
Paul: (laughing) That's one way! Me, I- I went for the watch.
Ross: (normal voice) No, go on! It's Paul the Wine Guy!
Rachel: All right Paul, Im not asking for a lot here. Okay? Just give me something. Anything!
Paul: (entering) Here you go honey! (Rachel kicks Ross back under the couch.)
Paul: Yeah. But then I changed my mind. Im funny like that. So I told Lizzie, now Im telling you, I dont want you seeing my daughter anymore.
Paul: Okay. Ill give you one chance to change my mind. (Ross laughs in relief) You got one minute. (Ross suddenly gets worried.)
Paul: I wanted a big wheel. And instead my parents got me this little plastic chicken that you hop around on. It was embarrassing; kids made fun of me. That was a pretty tough year.
Paul: Wow. What can I say? (Pause, pointing at Ross) This doesnt make me like you any better!
Paul: Hey! I have so much more to tell ya, Ive written it all down!
Paul: Well yeah, it usually, it takes two people to (He taps his index fingers together.)
Paul: Im so happy that youre here.
Paul: And in fifth grade I got into a fight. Well, it wasnt really a fight. Richard Darinvel bit me on the nose and, and I feel down. I still have a little scare right here (points to it) you can see it.
Paul: Im thinking that you are looking really fine it that dress.
Rachel: Yeah. Yeah, I-I-I see the scare. Listen, Paul, I think this is really great that-that yknow, you shared your feelings. Its really, its beautiful, but umm, what do you say we go share some food?
Ross: It-its great to meet you Paul.
Paul: Okay.
Paul: Im Irish.
Paul: So Ross, what your problem?
Paul: She passed away.
Paul: I get that a lot.
Paul: Im already here.