words in movies
Ross: Yeah, you didnt get one.
Ross: Im sorry, its just one of my last nights together before she leaves for campto be a counselor!
Ross: Uh-uhWow! Uh, I thought you guys were just like making jokes, I had no idea. What you know what? You guys are wrong. Uh yes, there is a chronological age difference but I never notice it. You know why? Because she is very mature. Besides, it doesnt really matter to me what you guys think. I mean, Im the one dating Elizabeth, not you!
[Scene: The Charity Event, theyre holding a silent auction, Rachel is looking at one of the items and Phoebe walks up and hands her a glass of wine.]
{Transcribers Note: Elizabeth has two friends in the room with her who are named in the credits, but not in this scene. So Im just gonna guess since it doesnt matter one way or the other. (The last part is to discourage e-mails, who cares if I got it right or not?)}
Chandler: (trying to cover up why his hand is over his heart) One nation, under God. Indivisible with liberty and justice for all. (Laughs.) I remembered it. (Its a butchered version of the Pledge of Allegiance of the United States for our foreign friends.) The champagne is here. (The waiter is delivering it and pouring two glasses.)
Chandler: Richard! No one supposed to know about us! (Richard just smiles at him.) See I, did it again.
Rachel: Joey! Joey, good one! (Mr. Thompson starts to laugh.)
{Transcribers Note: For further reading on the above story, please check out The One Where Joey Moves Out.}
Chandler: I got a good one, I got a good one! I once walked in on both my parents making love to the same guy.
Joey: Rach! Rachel! Okay, the next highest bidder is at table one.
[Cut to Joey and Rachel approaching table one.]
Rachel: Okay look, let me paint you a little picture. (She sits down next to him.) All right, you are settin sail up the Hudson! Youve got the wind in your h(sees that hes bald)arms! You-you get all that peace and quiet that youve always wanted! You get back to nature! You can go fishin! You canooh, you can get one of those little hats and have people call you captain, and then when youre old, Cappy.
Phoebe: Good one! Yeah.
(She throws a water balloon at him and hits him on the head and hits him again at the waist with another one.)
Monica: Why?! To celebrate your relationship! To solidify your commitment! To declare your love for one another to the world!
Monica: Well he is! Yeah, I mean marriage is all he talks about! My goodness, in fact, Im the one thats making him wait!
Monica: Im just having one of those days where you realize youre in a dead-end relationship!
Joey: Chandler is a complex fellow, one who is unlikely to take a wife.
Ross: Ohh, yeah I already have one.
Rachel: Phoebe you cant have both of them! You have to pick one!
Rachel: Okay, yknow what?! I know-I know how to settle this! All right here, this is what were gonna do! Im gonna write Joey on one napkin (does so) and Im gonna right Ross on the other napkin (does so) and we are going to pick one! And that person is going to be our backup! Okay?
Rachel: Pick one.
Richard: Well all right, one thing happened?
Chandler: It was working until you showed up, you big tree! I mean, this isnt fair. You had your chance with her! You had your chance and you blew it! And this is my chance and I am not going to blow it because we are meant for each other! And this is all just been one stupid mistake! (Sits down heavily.) I was gonna propose tonight.
(Monica gets down on one knee.)
Chandler: Okay! (He joins her on one knee) Okay! Okay! Oh God, I thought (Starting to cry, pauses) Wait a minute, I-I can do this. (Pause) I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, (Pause) you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. (Starting to cry again.) And if youll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. (Pause as he gets out the ring.) Monica, will you marry me?
Rachel: I cannot believe that after ten years, you do not know ONE thing about me.
MONICA: Wow, that is a surprise. Just one little question, uh, why not Ross's room?
EDDIE: That's a tomato. This one definitely goes in the display.
Ross: No! For all I know, shes trying to find me but couldnt because I kept moving around. No, from now on, Im staying in one place. (He sits down on the bed.) Right here.
[Scene: The apartment in the listing, the guys are checking it out. There's one problem though, it's roughly the size of this computer screen. As they enter Joey lets out a whistle.]
PHOEBE: No, that's my stepdad. My real dad's the one that ran out on us before I was born.
Ross: (coming in) I'm dead and no one cares?
Rachel: Hmm, mild discomfort. So I take it youve had one of these Braxton thingies?
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Monica, what're you doin'? This is a poker game. You can't serve food with more than one syllable. It's gotta be like chips, or dip, or pretz...(look of realization)
ROSS: Did you see me write one down?
Joey: Well. I guess you think youre pretty special huh? Sittin up here in your fancy small hall building. Makin stars jump through hoops for ya, huh? Well yknow what? (Throws the script away) This is one star whos hoop This is a star that the hoopthis hoopI was Dr. Drake Remoray!
Rachel: I know. I always thought if you and I got married, it would be the one that stuck. And it wouldnt be a secret, and we wouldnt have our wedding dinner at Pizza Hut. (They both laugh.)
Monica: Lewis Posin! He was my best friend in fifth grade, and-and then one day I asked him to be my boyfriend and he said no. Do you know why?
MONICA: Alright, well tell me one of yours.
Joey: Ah, I'm gonna be one of his helpers. It's just such a slap in the face, y'know?
Phoebe: You mean the one that my grandmother made me swear on her deathbed that I would never let out of our family?
Ross: Alright, alright. We're all adults here, there's only one way to resolve this. Since you saw her boobies, I think, uh, you're gonna have to show her your peepee.
Chandler: Here! (Hands him one. Joey adds it up and discovers that he was right.)
Chandler: There is not one hair on that head.
Joey: Will you pick one, just pick one! Here, how about that one? (points to a table)
Mr. Franklin: (laughs) Thats a good one. (Walks away.)
Rachel: Come on you gotta have one!
Chandler: That sounds like my first bike. (They all turn and look at him.) My dad gave me his old one.
Ross: Joey comeI cant believeI bring you here to see the Bapstein-King comet, one of natures most spectacular phenomenon, and all you care about are bugs stuck in tar and-and some woman!
[Cut to later, they are finishing up the pizza, theres one piece left.]
CHAN: One. . . two. . . two and a half. OK, just show me one of them.
Ross: Thats, thats, thats a big candy bar. (Shes holding one of those huge Toblerone bars.) I had the most amazing time with you.
Ross: Just, just, just pick one!
Ross: Okay here, have one of these peppers. Oh ha Oh God! So so hot! (Rubs his eyes.) Oh my(Laughs.) By the way, you dont want to touch the pepper and then touch your eye.
Ross: We are never gonna find him! Hes one guy in a huge city!
Ross: Okay, (gets the money) so, do you make the pizzas in one of those uh, wood-burning ovens?
Rachel: Joey no, this is wrong! You have to take it back, okay? You dont want to win an award this way. Youre very talented. And someday youre gonna win one of these for real and that one is gonna mean something.
Ross: Ben, you ready? All right, gimme your foot. Ok, on three, Ben. One, two, three. Ok, That's it, Ben.
Monica: If we wanna get on camera, I think we have to get up on one of those platforms. Theyve been taping those people up there all day.
Chandler: Okay, one question.
Ross: No no no, believe me. No one has been waiting for this as much as I have, ok? And you know what the funny thing is? When this day is over, you get to go home with the baby, ok? Where does that leave me?
Ross: All right, all right. You-you-you know what I'm going to do? I am going to order another pizza and when Caitlin gets here, you-you--I will show how well I flirt. Yeah! I will, I will get her phone number! (To Chandler) And not the one on the menu!
Monica: Hey. Its three in the morning. They dont know that Ive come home yet. You notice how neither one of them are wondering where I am.
Chandler: You mean there's more than one of us.
Joey: Pheebs! Wait up! (She stops.) Listen uh, close your eyes. (She does so and Joey passionately kisses her.) Maybe thats one thing you can cross off your list.
Rachel: Well umm, that one is pretty but uh, I just, I just love this fabric (On the other one.) Sorry.
Chandler: (to Joey) One more game?
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's class; the class has ended and Phoebe is talking to one of her classmates.]
[The next one is from Episode 712: The One Where Theyre Up All Night, Joey and Ross are deciding how to climb down the final part of the fire escape.]
MONICA: Oh, why does this bother me so much? I mean I don't wanna be one of those people who tells their boyfriend they wanna spend 24 hours a day with them.
Phoebe: Y'know, for once, I am going to sit down and try to watch one of these things. (just as she sits down).
Phoebe: Well look, if I wanted to see a fireman, I would date one. Okay? (she drags him away)
Guy: One more chance Ursula, please?
Joey: Oh really? Well, maybe you and I go out for drinks? (Pause) Youre the other one right? (She thinks about it for a second and nods yes.)
Chandler: Okay, on three. One....Two....
Chandler: Okay, one...two...
Frank: You-you work at one of those massage parlors?
Joey: Okay, all right, whew! What do you say we all clear out of here and let these two lovebirds get back down to business? (Ross turns and glares at him.) Hey-hey-hey, I-I-I'm just talking here, he-he's the one doing your sister.
(He shifts on the couch and a ripping sound emanates from his lower regions, the sound reminds one of a brief explosion of gas. In other words, it sounds like he farted. She has a look of horrific wonderment, wondering "Did he just fart?")
Ross: I don't know, I'm one sorry polentologist. (Stops reading.) All right Joey, we get it. (To Chandler) I'm sorry.
Frank Jr.: You just don't know how hard it is, Phoebe. There's just so many of them. You know, two I can handle. Two's great. You just hold one in each hand, but what do I do when the third one runs at me with his bike helmet on. I've got no more hands to protect my area! There's three of them, Phoebe, three!
Emily: Well, that me. (They kiss again.) Here, have this. (She gives him the candy bar.) Im only allowed one piece of carryon anyway. (She starts towards the jetway.)
Monica: If you would stop thinking about Ross for one minute you would notice that there are great guys everywhere! I mean, look! Look, Gunther! (Gunther turns to listen in.) I mean, he's nice, he's cute.
RACHEL: Ok, I, I will do your laundry for one month.
CHAN: Does anyone have one from a different paper? Ross, read yours.
Chandler: Okay, Im not gonna have one.
ERICA: No, seriously. These hands. These miracle, magical, life-giving hands. Oh, just to be near them, touch them, maybe even lick one?
PHOEBE: Well, I'm not gonna be the only one who's not getting paid.
Rachel: I also said number one.
Chandler: Look you have to realize I dont think of you as a thin, beautiful woman. (Monica glares at him.) See this is one of things that I can apologize for later! Look, what I mean is youre Monica! Okay? And I am in love with Monica.
{Transcibers note: Ill finish that one for those of you who dont know what theyre talking about. Where the towels are Hers and Hers and His, Threes Company too! Yeah, thats the theme song for Threes Company.}
[Cut to Ross leaping into Chandlers Hotel room in London in The One With Rosss Wedding.]
JOEY: Oh yeah yeah. I process. People want the processing, I'm the one they call.
[Scene: A hall on the floor where Chandler works. Chandler and Phoebe enters, and overhears some employees's conversation. One of them is doing Chandler.]
Phoebe: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yes, Im the one who found your phone.
GRANDMOTHER: Oh, sure, yeah. [gets a box with the pictures] This is the one of you father in a meadow, and, uh, helping a little boy fly a kite, and here he is at a graduation. . . another graduation. . . another graduation.
(Rachel rips off another one, revealing another hole. Rachel then moves onto a third one, but this one doesnt have a hole underneath it.)
Janice: Good-bye Chandler Bing. (walks out with one shoe)
Monica: Okay ah, please dont freak out. Umm, but ah, theres a blue fingernail in one of the quiche cups, and theres no way to know which one.
CHANDLER: Maybe 'cause the last one was made by Pepperidge Farm. Look Eddie, isn't there something else you're supposed to be doing right now?
Phoebe: Oh, I was just here looking for, um, my um, my part of an old sandwich. Oh, here it is! Oh. (picks one up out of the garbage can.)
The Casting Director: Terrific! Well uh, theres one more thing. Uhh, uh its really important to the director that everything in this movie is authentic. Yeah and so in your love scene with Sarah she talks about how shes never seen a naked man who wasnt Jewish. So (Laughs.)
Phoebe: Your welcome, oh please not the one with the turtles.
Ross: Ah, which, which one?
Monica: Y'know which one was she again?
Joey: Well, there is one way. His windows open, I say, we poke him.
Guy: Ah, just one other thing.
Phoebe: Listen, Roberts gonna be here any second so, will one of you just tell him?
Monica: Very good, (getting up and sliding a One into the dancers hot pants) so good.
Rachel: You mean the one that youre wearing? (Adjusts Monicas pink bra strap as Monica looks down her shirt.)
Ross: Oh hey, that was a good one, huh? (Imitating himself) Help! Help!
Joey: Phew, close one.
Phoebe: So, here you are. It seems like yesterday I was talking to you in that little petri dish. Everyone said labor was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, but they were wrong this is. Oh, I had the most fun with you guys! I wish I could take you home and see you everyday. Okay, I'll settle for being your favorite Aunt. I know Alice's sister has a pool, but you lived in me. Okay, so we're cool. Yeah, we're gonna be great. Little high fives! (Imitates the high fives.) Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! (One of the babies begins to cry.) Well, if you're gonna cry. (She starts crying.)
Monica: Yeah, just like the one in the poem.
Quartet: (singing) And you know who will be there to support... you?! Your one and only boyfriend...
Joey: Hey, I only got one good arm, you know. You should be doing stuff for me. Go get me a sweater.
Ross: Which one is Gina?
Chandler: Yes, I-I know that you do, but I think one of the reasons people were complaining though, was that they paid to hear the actor sing Old Man River.
Mr. Tribbiani: Of course, course one of 'em's Ma. What's the matter with you.
Ross: Yeah well, he's not gonna get this one. Ben is way cuter than that kid. I mean look at him, look at you, (Starts to whine like a baby and Joey just glares at him.)
Joey: Ross! Ross! If youre going to the airport, could you pick me up another one of those Toblerone bars? (Chandler nods his head no.)
Joey: But Jos got a crush on Laurie. (Ross nods his head) Oh. You mean its like a girl-girl thing? Cause that is the one thing missing from The Shining.
Monica: Yeah! Okay, this one is a mushroom cap. (Points to it.) Umm, this one is made of bologna. (Points.)
Ross: Hey-hey, its valid okay? And Im not the only one who thinks so, Monica agrees with me.
CHAN: I'll take one. Sometimes I like to hold stuff like this and pretend I'm a giant.