words in movies
(Ursula Buffay, Phoebes identical twin sister, is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.)
Ross: I dont know whether hes testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, "supposedly" by accident.
(They hang up their coats and scarves, then approach their friends on the main sofa.)
Ross: No, no. (Distractedly putting on a jacket to go out) I mean, it mighta been at first, but by now I, I think Im pretty comfortable with the whole situation.
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whos got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
(Helens buzzer is heard on the intercom, so Chandler presses his button, too.)
(He hurriedly checks his hair in his computer screen, before taking a sporting trophy from a drawer to place ostentatiously on his desk. An attractive young woman opens the door.)
Chandler: Hi, Nina. Come on in.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, and the girls are dividing some Chinese takeout, while the sitcom Family Matters is playing on the TV.]
(Marcel points the remote at Monicas television, pressing a particular combination of keys. The logo SAP appears on the screen, and suddenly the dialogue is dubbed into Spanish.)
Rachel: Well, someone was supposed to write "Rach, take down the lights" and put it on the re... frigerate... (finally noticing Monicas note stuck to the refrigerator) How long has that been there?
Joey: So that if we went out on a date, shed be there.
[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostins pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.]
Ross: No... No... No. I think I should stay, I think we should both know whats going on.
Teacher: Alrighty. Were gonna start with some basic third stage breathing exercises, so Mummies, why dont you get on your back? And... coaches, you should be supporting Mummys head.
Susan: Look, I dont see why I should have to miss out on the coaching training just because Im a woman.
Susan: (Triumphantly) On your back... Mom.
Fran: Look, youre cold, I have to pee, and... (indicating the sign) ..theres a cup of coffee on the window. How bad could it be?
Joey: Phoebe, could you do me a favour? Could you try this on? I just wanna make sure it fits.
Chandler: Yes, yes she is. Didnt I memo you on this? See, after I let her go, err, I got a call from her psychiatrist, Dr. Flanen-nen, Dr. Flanen, Dr. Flan.
Mr. Douglas: I see. I guess you never really know whats goin on inside a persons head.
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
Chandler: Oh, you dont know. (Presses a button.) Helen, could you make sure we put through the paperwork on Miss Bookbinders raise?
(Nina puts her hands on her hips, then gives Chandler a quizzical look.)
Chandler: Pretty well. Except for the stapler thing. (He holds up a bandaged hand.) Little tip: if youre ever in a similar situation, never ever leave your hand... (he mimes Nina taking her revenge) ..on the desk.
Ross: No, come on, he doesnt know this stuff. If he knew how you felt.
Rachel: (To Monica) Im okay! Im okay! (She knocks on Mr. Heckles's window.) Mr. Heckles, Mr. Heckles could you help me please?
[We see a shot of Jack drinking condensed milk on the couch.]
[Cut to Ross and Monica, who are finally on a platform!]
Tim: Wow! Umm, okay. Umm (To Phoebe) I-I-I realize I came on a little strong but, its only because I think youre so amazing. (To Monica) And uh, I-I just wanna, I just wanna tell you how much I appreciate you giving me an opportunity here because Iyoure the most talented chef Ive ever worked for. Anyway (Starts to leave and Phoebe and Monica trade looks.)
Rachel: Thats funny. (Phoebe puts her feet up on Rosss table.)
Joey: (gets up) All right. Don't look at my list, Ross, 'cause there's a lot on there that you don't have.
Rachel: Come on! They rushed into this thing so fast its ridiculous! I mean, theyre gonna be engaged for like what? A year? And somewhere along the way, one of them is gonna realise what theyve done and theyre call the whole thing off. Im telling ya, youre gonna be dancing at my wedding before youre dancing at theres.
Rachel: Phoebe, come on can we finish this later? Cause I wanna go running before it gets dark. Oh! Why don't you come with me?!
(Joey pats him on the stomach and heads to bed.)
Phoebe: (singing) "Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap. Asked him to bring my friends all kind of crap. Said all you need is to write them a song. They haven't heard it, so don't try and sing along. No, don't sing along.
[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Carol is on the bed, Ross and Susan are at her side.]
[Scene: Kates Apartment, Joey and Kate are returning from a night out on the town.]
Chandler: What the hell is going on?!
Monica: That didnt work on mom, its not going to work on us.
The Interviewer: But therell be perhaps 30 people under you so you can dump a certain amount on them.
Charlie: Ooh... Is it because of what might be on the bedspread, because I saw that news report too, with the infra red and the ... I could just...
Ross: (to the guard) Dont sweat it, Ive got this section covered. Yeah, in fact Ive got this little baby (Turns on a mini-flashlight) to shine in peoples eye(The guard walks away)Okay, see you later.
(Joey looks at Ross with a horrified look on his face.)
Ross: (to Joey, who is wearing a blue, 3 foot hand) FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TAKE IT OFF!! (takes it off his hand and throws it on the floor)
Ross: Come on! The time we were all waiting in line for Dances With Wolves and that one guy cut in line in front of us and I just lost it?! Screamed at him! Turned all red! Red Ross!!
Chandler: Ohh that's the worse thing that can happen on an anniversary ever!
Chandler: Alright look, if it means that much to you, a may be able to get on more with the big boobs. But the giant ass and the big clown feet?
(Joey makes a sound like a game show wheel spinning with the pointer bouncing off of the bars on the wheel as it slows and comes to a stop.)
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachels, Phoebe is sitting on the couch as Rachel and Monica enter.]
Monica: All right, biggest suite in the place. Come on! (Rolls the dice.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Chandler is sitting on one of the chairs and the duck is running around him and quacking.]
Max: Tell her, David. 'I don't wanna go to Minsk and work with Lifson and Yamaguchi and Flench, on nonononononono. I wanna stay here and make out with my girlfriend!!' (Storms out)
Monica: Wait Chandler come on, letsits not a big deal!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, he's on the phone with Emily.]
Chandler: Come on, let me see that smile.
Rachel: Oh, go on! You telling people about me?
Janice: Okay, Chandler, come on!
JOEY: Come on, I need your help here.
Joey: Uhh Pheebs, I heard that. Can you put him on?
Rachel: Come on. (they start to leave) Oh! And, uh, by the way....
Ross: (popping up behind Joey wearing an Indian headdress) Come on, it's fun!
Rachel: Yeah but, my assistant Tag does sit-ups in the office during lunch. Ohh! I could just spread him on a cracker.
[Scene, Phoebe and Rachels, theyre sitting together on the couch.]
Ross: Hey uh, well, todays my first lecture and I kinda wanted to try it out on you guys, do you, do you mind?
JOEY: [pulls out a VCR tape] Hey Monica, what's on this video tape?
Monica: That's it, just sign right on the bra (the actor does so).
Leslie: Aw come on Phoebe would you just think about it?
PHOEBE: Ok, I didn't see it, because I was putting on my jacket, but I uh want to believe you.
Ben: That you and daddy were not on a break.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is working as Phoebe and Ross are sitting on the couch.]
Joey: I dont know. Just uh, just tell em it was a mix-up with the invitations, orNo-no-no! Blame it on the post office. They hate the post office. And the Irish! But I dont think you can blame it on them so (He dials the phone and hands it to Monica.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Chandler are entering, Joey is on the phone.]
Rachel: (entering) Hey! Whats goin on?
"Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap. Asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap. Said all you need is to write them a song. Now, you haven't heard it yet, so don't try to sing along. No, don't sing along.
Mr. Tribbiani: Just for a coupla days. I got a job midtown. I figure I'm better off staying with the kid than hauling my ass back and forth on the ferry. (Sees Roger) I don't know this one.
[Time lapse, they're still on the ride along and Joey is just sniffing his sandwich.]
Monica: For this weekend! Oh gosh, it would be perfect, we get to see Joey plus we get to start our anniversary celebration on the plane. We can call it out plane-aversary.
Joey: No, no! Don't try to turn this around on me, ok? I'm not some kind of... social work, ok, that you can just... do.
Chandler: Hey it's the most eligible man in NY. How's the moving on going?
(She throws her bag inside, and starts to climb through the window. She gets halfway in and the window slams shut on her butt.)
(Joey starts to the shower with a grim, determined look on his face.)
(Everyone looks at him. He realizes he just spilled the beans about Ross's crush on Rachel. You can hear this entire classic scene by clicking here.)
CHANDLER: Well, we haven't exactly met, we just stayed up all night talking on the internet.
Joey: Yes! Didnt you ever read Sports Illustrated?! No! I didnt read yours! But come on, we can go to the game tonight!
Ross: This is unbelievable. I - I have never been so insulted in my life. Now, if you'll wrap up my free crab cakes, I'll be on my way.
Ross: Hey Pheebs, could you please not put your feet up on my new (On Rachels glare) old sheet?
Chandler: Almost as good as that play with the two naked girls on the see-saw.
Monica: Yeah, good for you. Y'know you're tough, you lived on the streets.
(Robert leans back on the arm of the chair and allows Chandler to see up his shorts and sees little Robert. Chandler is horrified by this view.)
Monica: Guys, whats going on?
Monica: Hold on a second! What is that on her ankle?
Rachel: Okay, hold on just a second. (She grabs a camera out of the desk and takes his picture.) Im sorry, its for human resources, everybody has to do it. Could you just stand up please?
RICHARD: Monica... [He re-enters the bedroom and Monica jumps on the bed, trying to cover it.] Hey Mon, I have a question. Is Leroy the baddest man in the whole damn town or the fattest man in the whole damn town?
Chandler: Mrs. Tedlock. You're looking lovely today. And may I say, that is a very flattering sleeve length on you.
Same Mans Voice: Phoebe, come on!
Monica: Where are you guys going? Come on, one more game!
All: (simultaneously) Oh yeah! Come on! Yeah right!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is entering numbers on a calculator as Ross reads off how much hes sold.]
Rachel: Oh, come on! You think thats gonna work on me?! I invented that!
Chandler: (trying on the jacket) Okay. Holy double-vented comfort Batman! (Finds something in the pocket) Whats this?
Chandler: Interesting, cause in my dreams, I'm allways surprisingly inadequate. (Monica pats him on his lap)
Ross: Come on! (They start to leave.)
Ross: Oh, come on you guys; thats funny! Yknow? Because hes needhes got like a hearing aide yknow, cause-cause yknow, cause hes all old, and
Rachel: Late thirties? Oh come on you guys! Is it just me? Am I overreacting to this?
Rachel: Oh no! No! No-no-no-no! No, I mean come on thats-thats crazyI mean thats crazy. So whats-whats going on with you? What is going on with you?
RACHEL: Would you let me talk. [flicks Monica on the forehead]
Ross: So, do we really have to ask whos going up on the platform next?
(She is still yanking on the bra, but it is stuck in her sleeve. Finally, she gives up.)
Phoebe: (To Ross) So whats going on with you?
Monica: Fine, Ill rub it on myself.
Ross: So honey, this morning was fun, huh? Me hopping in on you in the shower there.
Monica: I can do it, okay? Come on, lets go. (She and Ross get up)
Jen: Sure, I'll just get my coat. (There's a knock on the door.) Could you get that?
Ross: Okay, 'you' can't, or (Points to Chandler) you can't? (Chandler grabs his finger) Okay, that's my finger. (Chandler twists it and Ross goes down on one knee) That's, that's my knee. (To Central Perk) Still doing the play. Aaah!
Phoebe: Now (Starts singing again) "Who will perform the ceremony! Who will perform the cer(Chandler enters and grabs her guitar and closes the door behind him)Ohoh! All right, Ill pound on him in the morning.
Ross: Fine. Youll-youll watch it on video when we get back.
CHANDLER: Oh, come on. I can never get a girl like that with conventional methods.
Phoebe: Im, Im freaking out! Monica kinda trusted me with something and she shouldnt have! All right, I havent lived here in a while, so I have to ask you something. Does Monica still turn on the lights in her bedroom?
[Scene: Joey's apartment, the next morning, Rachel is passed out on the couch.]
Ross: Or you can sit with him on the front porch and make sure no one steals the trash cans. He does that every week too.
Rachel: (speaking to the person on the phone again) Yes, yes. I still want my daughters picture, but on a bunny cake. Yellow cake, chocolate frosting with nuts!
Monica: (to everyone) It's Chandler! (on phone) Are you OK?
Monica: Okay, fine. Let's talk about snow. -- Do you think it's snowing in Tulsa, where my husband is having sex on a copying machine?
Chandler: That's good! I liked it, they didn't. (he sees Joey out of the window hitting on a girl) Joey, for God's sake, go to work! (Joey runs away).
(Rachel picks up their phone and the ringing stops. As she talks on the phone, an elaborate visual gag is spun out which is too difficult to describe in words.)
[He kisses her on the cheek, she returns the kiss, then they embrace in a full on kiss]