words in movies
Joey: (Returning carrying a couple of rusted lawn chairs) Huh?!
Joey: Uh-huh. This and a bunch of bubble wrap. And, some of it is not even popped!
Monica: Because I need the money, and I thought that itd be a great way to get rid of that last little schmidgen of self-respect.
Joanna: (Coming out of the shower wearing nothing but a towel) Hello, Rachel. (She goes into Chandlers bedroom)
Mrs. Geller: Oh, well Richard raved about the food at his party, of course you were sleeping with him. Then I heard the food at that lesbian wedding was very nice, I assume you werent sleeping with anybody there. Though, at least that would be something. (Leaves)
Monica: Oh yeah, she didnt hire me out of pity, it wasnt so she could pick on me in front of her friends, she actually thinks Im good.
The Salesman: (Entering before Joey can say anything) Good afternoon, are you the decision maker of the house?
The Salesman: Do you ah, currently own a set of encyclopedias?
(We go into a flashback sequence with Joey remembering some of those times.)
Phoebe: Okay, dont panic. Im gonna go to the store, Im gonna get you another set of nails, no ones gonna know, and youre gonna look great. (She runs over to get her coat.) Oh! Oh, its cause theyre gonna eatthats the problem.
Monica: Okay ah, please dont freak out. Umm, but ah, theres a blue fingernail in one of the quiche cups, and theres no way to know which one.
Mrs. Geller: Oh honey, come on, have a sense of humour, youve never been able to laugh at yourself.
Joanna: Just a little gag gift somebody gave me. (Shes holding a pair of handcuffs) Put your hands together.
Chandler: Ah-ha, youre not the boss of me. (She kisses him) Yeah, you are! (She handcuffs him to the chair) Ooh, saucy.
Joanna: A couple of hours, I feel awful.
Chandler: Okay, heres the situation. The keys to the cuffs are on the back of the door. Could you be a doll and grab them and scoot on over and unlock me? And on a totally different subject, that is a lovely pantsuit.
Rachel: Y'know what Chandler, you got yourself into those cuffs, you get yourself out of them.
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no-no-no!! I cant get myself right out of them! You must have me confused with the Amazing Chandler!! Come on, you have to unlock me, she could be gone for hours, and Im cold, and (Stops and looks up the skirt on a statue behind Joannas desk.)
(He starts to put his pants on, but Rachel manages to drag him to the chair. When they get to the chair, Chandler drops his pants and knocks the chair away. Rachel then backs him up and locks him to the top drawer of a filing cabinet.)
The Salesman: He painted that. (Points to one of his paintings in the book)
Chandler: Hey, look, youre in trouble either way! Okay? If she comes back and sees me locked to this instead of the chair, shes gonna know you were in here. So you might as well just let me go.
Rachel: Ill take all of your photos and put them into photo albums!
Chandler: Im gonna say this for the last time. Would you please just (He moves his arm which opens the drawer and hits in the back of the head, which proves his point.)
Joey: Wow! Theres a lot I didnt know about vomit. (The duck comes to the door of the bathroom, quacking.) (To the duck) In a minute. (The duck goes back into the bathroom.)
The Salesman: So, what do you say, Joey? You get the whole set of encyclopedias for twelve hundred dollars, which works out to just 50 bucks a book!
Joey: Twelve hundred dollars? You think I have $1200? Im home in the middle of the day, and I got patio furniture in my living room. I guess theres a few things you dont get from book learnin.
Rachel: I ah, will buy and wrap all of your Christmas gifts.
Joey: Yeah. And speaking of volcanoes, man are they a violent igneous rock formation.
Joey: Oh yeah, lava spewing, hot ash, of course some are dormant.
Monica: Why are you talking about volcanoes all of the sudden?
Joanna: I seem to have had a slight office mishap. Could you please get the key off the back of the door for me.
Chandler: (trying to cover up why his hand is over his heart) One nation, under God. Indivisible with liberty and justice for all. (Laughs.) I remembered it. (Its a butchered version of the Pledge of Allegiance of the United States for our foreign friends.) The champagne is here. (The waiter is delivering it and pouring two glasses.)
(There is the sound of a flushing toilet and Coma Guy emerges from the bathroom)
Phoebe: I'm telling you! Oh, okay! This is the part of the musical where there'd be a really good convincing song. (Singing) "Bam-bam, don't take no for an answer. Bam-bam, don't let love fly away. Bam-bam-bam-bam..."
CHANDLER: Jeannie, the head of east coast operations Jeannie?
[Scene: Mrs. Verhoevens Apartment, Ross is back to inquire about the elder Verhoevens health or lack there of.]
Phoebe: That you like, (snappily confronting Joey over the heads of the knitting circle) we get it. You like her. Great!
Rachel: That's fine. So Monica, you are now in control of my love life.
Chandler: Eh, y'know what, shes to political, she probably wouldnt let you do it, unless you donated four cans of food first.
MR. GELLER: Of course she would, you're a college man.
Monica: See Chandler? Im getting a lot of use out of them already! Theyre very practical. See, you can wear them with dresses, with skirts, with pants
Rachel: Well, you sure had a hell of a time at the wake!
[Cut to the other side of the apartment, Ross has gone over to straighten things out with Paolo.]
Rachel: Oh, you are the lesser of two evils!
PHOEBE: Ok, ok, ok. Ooh, hey 'new doc on the block, Days of Our Lives' Joey Tribbiani.' Ooh, cool picture.
ROSS: No, but, but I wanna be with you in spite of all those things.
(Chandler and Monica enter from their room and Joey quickly hides the bag of potato chips behind his back.)
CHANDLER: Now wait a minute, I claimed you in the name of France four years ago.
Monica: Well, what do you think of Mike and Chandler being in a car accident?
Joey: Yes, I am. As of today, I am officially Joey Tribbiani, actor slash model.
(He kisses her on her shoulder, then her neck, then the side of her face, then just before he kisses her on the lips....)
Don: so Ive been slowly phasing out the wine importing and focusing more on the cheese side of things.
Pete: (turns off the TV) Youre taking this all wrong. Because, if I didnt leave you that tip, you wouldnt of come down here, we wouldnt be having this argument, and there wouldnt be this ah, heat between us.
Ross: I dont know! I guess I just cant believe any of this is happening.
{Transcibers note: Ill finish that one for those of you who dont know what theyre talking about. Where the towels are Hers and Hers and His, Threes Company too! Yeah, thats the theme song for Threes Company.}
Phoebe: Oh, it's so hard to get rid of stuff! Did you and Chandler have to make compromises when you first moved in together?
Rachel: Now, you do realize that shes a cartoon, and way out of your league?
Ross: Okay, okay. Enough, enough with the lunging. No! I'm sick of this. Okay. I've had it up to here with you two! Neither you can come to the party!
Joey: All right, give it back to me. (takes the card back, but he looks at the card before he puts it back in the deck, he holds the deck to his forehead, and thinks a little while) 5 of hearts.
Phoebe: Okay, so what do you guys really think of Chandler?
Joey: They have a kid together, y'know. Theyre like, theyre like a family, and if, I dont know, theres chance they could make that work, I know I wouldnt want to be the guy who stood in the way of that. Are you okay? Do you wanna ah, come poke a nude guy?
Rachel: I hate this apartment! I hate the color of these walls! I hate the fact that this place still smells like bird! I hate that singing guy!
[Scene: The park, the gang is returning to play the second half of the game.]
Rachel: (changing the subject) Anyway, speaking of drinking too much. I was uh, tellin Phoebe about that one crazy night after the Sigma Chi luau where you and I uh, we made out.
CHANDLER: That's what's weird? Joey, the man's been captain of a cereal for the last 40 years.
Phoebe: You guys you really should get rid of those animals. They shouldnt be living in an apartment.
Rachel: (on the verge of tears) Okay.
Monica: Come on! Come on! Hurry! Were running out of time! Huddle up!
Phoebe: Me taking care of you is no problem, huh? You guys feel safe. Right? Okay, Im gonna take that spit bubble as, "Yeah, I do!" Okay, after I get rid of this dirty diaper Leslie, Ill set you up with a clean one. (She throws it at the garbage without looking, misses, and knocks over a vase and flowers, which fall to the floor and break.) Okay, Im sorry. I didnt mean to scare you. I just have to clean that up. Okay? Cause lets face it, were at Monicas. (She crawls over, disposes of the diaper, picks up the flowers, and the vase.) I broke it. All right. Well, thats just the way that goes. (She throws out both the flowers and the vase.) Okay, good. (She turns around and only counts two babies.) Why are there only two of you? Where is Leslie? Well, you cant answer. (She starts looking for her) Leslie? Where are you Leslie? Leslie, now would be a good time for your first words! (She turns around and finds that Leslie has managed to crawl into the bottom drawer of the TV cabinet.) Well, look at you! Hey! You are a little bit mischievous! My gosh! (She picks her up and notices a surprise is waiting in the drawer.) Oh, youre a lot mischievous! Well, itll dry. (Closes the drawer with her foot.) (To Leslie) Okay, you sit with your brother and sister nowwho arent there! (They both have disappeared as well.)
Chandler: So explain something to me here, uh, what kind of a relationship do you imagine us having if you already have a husband and a boyfriend?
Frank: Wait a minute, wait, this is because of you?
Monica: Don't stare. Now she just finished throwing his clothes off the balcony, now there's just a lot of gesturing and arm-waving, (shows Rachel gesturing with hands in front of her chest), Ok, that is either, "How could you?" or, "Enormous breasts!" Here he comes!
[Chandler makes a noise of absolute disgust and heads into the living room.]
Ross: Yeah, she finally stopped crying yesterday, but then she found one of Richard's cigar butts out on the terrace, so.
Hayley: so it was kind of a shock after 25 years of marriage my parents, a perfect couple getting divorced, I kinda took it the hardest cause I was the youngest.
[Scene: The Coma Guy's Room, Monica bursts in, closely followed by Phoebe. There is no sign of Coma Guy. His bed is empty.]
Chandler: Just out of curiosity did she tell you how youre gonna go?
Rachel: No, you're right. Well, we'll find something. Let's just get you out of that. Come on.
Ross: Ah, the heart of every healthy relationship. Honesty, respect, and sex with celebrities.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know, Frank. I counted them when they were coming out of my area.
Chandler: I mean, You wouldn't want any part of me to get any bigger would you? Don't answer that.
PHOEBE: Well I have a video, you have to pay attention. No this, this voice woman, she's so talented but, according to the producer people, they said she doesn't have like the right look or something, ya know. I mean, it's like, she's like one of those an imals at the pound who like nobody wants 'cause they're not pretty enough or you know. Like, like some old dog who's just kind of like stinky and. Huuuuh, oh my God, she's smelly cat. Oh, oh that song has so many levels.
RACHEL: Actually, what I think you said was, "don't touch that, and get the hell out of my kitchen."
PHOEBE: Look kibbles, bits. Oh God, alright, get the hell off my leg you yippity piece of crap. [Flings the dog off and jumps in the cab. The dog keeps jumping up to the window.] Ok, alright, we have a problem.
JOEY: Uhh, cause, uhh, I'm a neurosurgeon and that was clearly a case of, uh, uh, foodal chokage. Alright, look, I got to tell you something.
Precious: Phoebe? Mike's ex-girlfriend Phoebe, the love of his life? That Phoebe?
Rachel: I mean why, of all people would you want to go out with Chip?!
Phoebe: Yeah, but yknow, about have of these are gonna end up getting divorced.
Chandler: (thinks for a second, then waves his arms, exclaiming:) AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! (and runs out of the apartment)
Rachel: Yeah, it's kinda like a 'good luck on your first day' sort of thing. (to Phoebe) Is this actually a lunchbox?
Ross: Did you talk about the night of five times? Do you tell people about the night of five times?
Chandler: Okay! You dont think I thought of that?
PHOEBE: Um, gram, um, can I see the pictures of my dad again?
ROSS: [holding cream pitcher] Oh, darnit, we're all out of milk. [holds pitcher in front of Chandler's chest and flips the lid] Hey Chandler, would you fill me up here?
Rachel: (deadpan) Oh look who it is, my husband. The apple of my eye.
Phoebe: Listen, Roberts gonna be here any second so, will one of you just tell him?
(Just then, Charlton Heston walks out of his dressing room and starts eating a liquorice whip.)
Melissa: I dont know. I dont remember a lot of things that never happened.
Chandler: I know, I hate being left out of things.
Ross: Here we go. (Plays one note) Yknow, Ive-Ive never played my stuff for anyone before, so its important that-that you understand its about communicating very private emotions. (Plays another note) Yknow, umm, you should-you should think of umm, my work as wordless sound poems. Thats what Im
Ross: Yeah, I-I really do. (takes a dinosaur mug out of the box) Hey! This-this was a gift?!
Ross: Im so proud of you.
Phoebe: Wait. Really?! Cause mine get me out of tickets.
Ross: Of Ross and Rachel.
Mark: Ross of.....
Mr. Tribbiani: Of course, course one of 'em's Ma. What's the matter with you.
Joey: Relax. Here hold this (hands her his beer). This old stuff just comes right off. (he bends down to try and lift some tile right in the middle of the floor, in his tight pants.)
Chandler: (notices something) Oh my God, the air purifier! Ross's air purifier! All I heard through 4 years of college was (makes a humming noise.)
MONICA: [looking at some kind of glass sculpture thing] Wow Joey, this is, uhh...
CHANDLER: Well, of course, lambs are scarier. Otherwise the movie would've been called Silence of the Ducks.
Rachel: Well, Im really sick of your smoking, so I brought something that is going to help you quit. (hands him an audio cassette)
Ross: Chandler, can I just say something? I-I know you're still mad at me, I just wanna say that there were two people there that night. Okay? Two sets of lips.
Joey: (to Leslie) Ah, anything we might of heard of?
(A guy at the end of the table starts laughing.)
Rachel: (to Ross): So basically, you get your ya-yas by taking money from all of your friends.
Rachel: Yeah! Especially not with all of these knives and cookbooks around
Monica: What kind of karate is that?
JOEY: Wow, you are a good friend, 'course the audition was this morning, and I didn't get it. But that was a hell of a kiss. Rachel is a very lucky girl.
Chandler: Y'know what I think it is? It's the fishnet stockings. Y'know? Whenever I see a girl in fishnet stockings it reminds me of my father in fishnet stockings.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, everyone's there; Phoebe recites the last verse of a poem to Joey. This poem is known as "The Night Before Christmas" by Clement Clarke Moore, but it seems that it's rather "Account of a visit from St. Nicholas" by Henry Livingston.]
(Ross does approve of this, but he's still not sure. The tiny figure stirs.)
Joey: Hey, imagine if I never got fired off Days Of Our Lives! (Closes his eyes to do so.) Oh-hey, theres Carol again!
Joey: Hey-hey-hey-hey, I can help you decide who should do it! Yeah, we could have like uh, like an audition and see how youd handle maid of honor type situations.
(The rest of barbershop quartet enters, and joins him.)
Ross: Wow! It looks like we got a lot of good stuff.
Ross: No, no, that's not where I was going. Er, if you get in the... way, of us becoming a thing, then I would be, well, very sad.
Rachel: You know that depends on what it is! I've done a lot of stuff.
Rachel: Yeah, yeah and you know what, I know she's gonna wanna run again, I just don't know how to get out of it, I mean, I live with her.
Monica: (telling Chandler the seating arrangement) Okay so this is where the band is. (Points.) And this is where the bar is. (Points) And all these pins have peoples names on them. (She has pins to show the seating at each of the tables.) And Rach, here you are. (Points to Rachels place.)
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. Rachel is in the living room and Joey comes out of his room.]
Chandler: Yes, I-I know that you do, but I think one of the reasons people were complaining though, was that they paid to hear the actor sing Old Man River.