words in movies
JOEY: It really hit me last night. I'm gonna be on Days of our Lives. And then I started thinkin' about all of u, and how these are the days of our lives..
CHANDLER: [singing to the tune of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood] Who's the bitterest man in the living room, the bitterest man in the living room? Hi, neighbor.
ROSS: Look, that has nothing to do with this, ok? She's my ex-wife. If she were marrying a guy, none of you'd expect me to be there.
JOEY: It's like, you got so many lines to learn so fast, that sometimes you need a minute to remember your next one. So while you're thinkin' of it, you take this big pause where you look all intense, you know, like this.
PHOEBE: Um, no, huh-uh. One of my clients died on the massage table today.
CHANDLER: Well, of course, lambs are scarier. Otherwise the movie would've been called Silence of the Ducks.
PHOEBE: [Mrs. Adelman's voice] Talk about crap. Try listening to Stella Niedman tell the story of her and Rod Steiger for the hundredth time.
PHOEBE: I don't know. I mean, she obviously has some kind of unfinished business. [Mrs. Adelman's voice] Sit up!
MRS GREEN: So, what do you think of my daughter in the apron with the big job?
MRS GREEN: This is just so exciting. You know, I never worked. I went straight from my father's house to the sorority house to my husband's house. I am just so proud of you.
PHOEBE: I know who it is you remind me of. Evelyn Dermer. 'Course, that's before she got the lousy face lift. Now she looks like Soupy Sales.
MR A: Oh, that's all right, although you did cut into my busy day of sitting.
MR A: Oh, no, please, I spent most of mid-morning trying to stand up. Now uh, what can I do for you, my dear?
PHOEBE: I don't know how to say this, but I think when your wife's spirit left her body, it um, kind of stuck around in me.
PHOEBE: Yeah. Ok, you don't have to believe me but um, can you think of any unfinished business she might have had, like any reason she'd be hanging around?
MR A: Well, I don't know what to tell you dear. The only thing I can think of is that she always used to say that before she died, she wanted to see everything.
PHOEBE: Whoa, that's a lot of stuff.
RACHEL: Actually, what I think you said was, "don't touch that, and get the hell out of my kitchen."
PHOEBE: [enters] Hey. What a day. I took her everywhere. The Museum of Modern Art, Rockefeller Center, Statue of Liberty.
RACHEL: You want me to talk you out of it?
MRS GREEN: I guess I just figured of all people you would understand this.
ROSS: No. Look, I told you I am not a part of this thing.
MONICA: All right, look, Ross. I realize that you have issues with Carol and Susan, and I feel for you, I do. But if you don't help me cook, I'm gonna take a bunch of those little hot dogs, and I'm gonna create a new appetizer called "pigs in Ross". All right, ball the melon.
CAROL: Of course I do.
CAROL: You're right. Of course you're right.
[Wedding music starts, Phoebe noisily unwraps a piece of candy.]
PHOEBE: I know it's kind of weird, but I mean, she was a big part of my life there, you know, and now I just feel kind of alone.
MONICA: Ok, which one of us do you think is gonna be the first one to get married?
JOEY: I got one. Which one of us do you think will be the last to get married? [They all look at Chandler]
Rachel: All right, all right, you're right, I won't do anything with Joey, I just thought that we (Joey enters the hall) Ok so that would be two cups of tarragon, one pound of baking soda and one red onion? (Joey enters his apartment)
Monica: Im just saying, if we put just a little bit of makeup on you.
Monica: Okay, listen, there's still some of Chandler's medicine under the sink in the bathroom. Bye!
ROSS: No, um, see 'cause that, that is, that is the staging area. If you go in there, it'll ruin the whole illusion of the party. Yeah, I think you take your scotch back in there and I will get your cigarettes for you sir.
[Scene: The Hallway Outside Rosss Apartment, Ross is walking towards his apartment and sees Rachel sitting in front of the door.]
Rachel: Chandler, thats not enough. I mean what if she gets you a great present, two medium presents, and a bunch of little presents? And youve just gotten her one great present? I mean thats just gonna make her feel bad. Why would you do that to her Chandler? Why? Why?
JULIE: Um, oh, I don't know. I mean, it's definitely weird not being with Ross, but I guess I'm doing OK. Actually I've got some of his stuff that he, um....
Mr. Geller: Of course. Ill always be your dad.
Monica: So are you thinking of starting up something with this guy?
Chandler: Oh my God, honey we are so meant to be together. We both have copies of the Annie soundtrack.
Phoebe: OK, fine, if it means that much to you I'll get rid of Bob.
Mike: If you need an easy way to remember it, just think of a bag of crap.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is trying to move off of the couch as Rachel enters.]
KEVIN: So, we're on our way to a couple of parties.� Um. . . maybe we can get your numbers and give you guys a call if we find something fun.
Joey: Oh-oh-oh, yeah! (He grabs some towels and takes them to him.) That's right, you take good care of those babies!
Gavin: One of the best, ma'am, one of the best...
Monica: Wait wait! I can't sing in front of all these people.
Phoebe: Okay, I would ring the bell to distract him and then I would knock the gun out of his hand with a Chinese throwing star.
Chandler: Ok. First of all, this is green!
Phoebe: Every little bit of you!
Monica: Mom�s here? I wanted to have lunch with her today, she told me she was out of town.
Monica: Oh, I still cant believe my dad saw us having sex! He didnt make it to one of piano recitals, but this he sees!
Ross: Okay, forward. ForwardStop! (The car moves an inch and Ross runs to the back of the car.) Okay, backStop! (The car barely moves and Ross runs back to the front.) Okay, forwardStop! Stop! Stop!
Ross: Through the magic of sight! I was here, putting our child to sleep...
Chandler: Monica, you have got to stop this competitive thing! Okay? It's crazy. {Finally! The voice of reason.} I mean, just impress Gary and Phoebe we have to go upstairs and have sex over and over and I'm saying no to this, why? Get your coat.
Phoebe: Oh you�ll probably take care of that on your hands.
Chandler: Really? In front of all this people?
Monica: What's the big deal with her? Maybe she's attractive in an obvious kind of way.
Ross: Well w-w-w-w-wait, w-wait, wait, wait a minute! I mean a couple of stupid boxes get wet and she gets a Porsche?!
Joey: Ha, oh, of course.
BIG BULLY: Don't do that to yourself. Any one of us could have tripped over that little girls jump-rope.
(He tries to move in front of the class, only goes out of control and rolls into the hall, catching himself on the doorway with his pointer. He then pulls himself back into the room with the pointer, only he jams one end of it between the door frame and the door and breaks the pointer in half.)
Joey: Sure, I know lots of girls.
CHANDLER: Which is why geese are so relaxed this time of year.
Phoebe: No! No! I just went to pick up Phoebe Buffays checks; there were a lot of them.
Phoebe: Really? So this is... this is my big send off in the married life? Rachel this is the only bachelorette party I'm ever gonna have! I've got a big wad of ones in my purse! Really? I mean, really? It's just tea?
Parker: Why dont all of you tell me a little about your self?
Elizabeth: Yeah, we have time off and a lot of people are going on trips
Chandler: Because of Emma.
[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier, Ross is handing Rachel a cup of coffee.]
Ross: Not that it's any of your business, but we did go out.
Steve: I'm kind of funny looking.
Phoebe: You know, you are talking about one of my dear, dear friends.
Phoebe: Wow, I have the spirit of an old Indian women living in mine.
Monica: Okay, fine I admit it! I feel terrible! Would you please rub this on my chest? (She hands him some of that Vicks Vap-O-Rub to put on.)
Joey: Just now, after acting class. At first I thought she was doing some kind of scene, thats why I let people watch.
Joshua: Yeah-yeah, its this huge place, and-and its got this gorgeous view of the park, and very, very romantic. What do you say?
Waiter: Just get out of here, okay?
Phoebe: (To Joey) How could you pick up a hitchhiker?! He could be a rape(She holds her hand in front of the hitchhikers face), a rapist or a killer or something!
Rachel: (To Dina) Now! Give him the sandwich! Give him the sandwich! (She quickly sets the sandwich in front of him.)
Chandler: You may wanna get some more of those too.
Phoebe: Okay (walks out and closes the door behind her, looks up and whispers) If you guys have microphones in there too, I didn't mean any of that. I love you.
Mike: Ok, fine, these rats are our responsibility. What happens when they mate and there are hundreds of them?
Phoebe: I haven't exactly had a normal life and I never really felt I was missing out on anything but it just feels that now it's my turn some of the regular stuff.
Monica: Oh, then bring it on! Oh, unless of course your afraid you might lose to a bunch of girls.
Phoebe: Yeah, what is that? Like, some kind of guy thing? Like, some kind of sexist guy thing? Like it's poker, so only guys can play?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is lying in front of the bay window, and the phone rings.]
Phoebe: (simultaneously) Holy mother of God!!!
Ross: I wanna get out of the room! Y'know, I I really miss downstairs.
Dana: No, no "How you doing?" Man, I mean not even a cup of coffee first!
Phoebe: Okay! Okay! (Puts it out and comes out of the bathroom.) Im so glad youre here.
Monica: Ross has never checked out of a room a minute before he had to.
Julio: Flowers of Evil, by Beaudalire. Have you read it?
Phoebe: But then we ditch those two and thats when we get married. Well have Chandlers money and Rachels kids and getting custody will be easy because of Rachels drinking problem.
Joey: Err... Kind of.
Phoebe: I think it's just y'know that I haven't been with a guy in so long and how sometimes you're looking for something and you just dont even see that it's right there in front of you sipping coffeeOh no, have I said to much? Well it's just something to think about. I know I will.
Ross: Okay is there some kind of magic tunnel to this hospital?!
Phoebe: Unless! Unless umm, okay I-I would be willing to go to the concert, umm, all the while thinking about the children of course.
Chandler: Okay, its just weird! Okay? I dont want to be standing their saying my vows and then having the mental image of you and Monica! I-I-I need I dont know what I need. I need a walk.
Mike: I don't know but they don't sound like spa treatments. You have to get rid of it!
Rachel: Oh, alright. The weirdest place would have to be... (sigh)... oh, the foot of the bed.
Monica: Yeah. Hey, that was nice of you guys to back off and let Joey get the girl for once.
Rachel: Oh, Ive got big Valentines plans! Ive got my Chinese food on the way, and the rest of your saltwater taffy!
Paul: No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.
[Cut to Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Monica is getting Chandler ready for his half of the plan.]
Chandler: Muskogee! That's like four hours from Tulsa. Woo hoo! TV announcer: And heres the float with the stars of the popular daytime soap Days of Our Lives .
Waiter: Can I get you another glass of wine?
Joey: Of course it does! It’s smart! I used the the-saurus!
Rachel: Thank you. (She sets it on the floor and is about to stomp on it with her shoe when the rest of the gang jumps up and yells simultaneously.) What? (They all yell again.) You dont want to see this do you?
Chandler: Phoebe, did you see that?! He totally checked you out! He is so cute! (Looking at his tea.) Mine has a picture of The Village People, what does that mean?
Chandler: This is exactly the kind of social situation that I am not comfortable with!
Chandler: Joey kicked me out of the car on the George Washington bridge!
Rachel: Hi! Sorry to bother you, but I don't think we can accept your acceptance of our apology, it just doesn't really seem like you mean it.
Rachel: Well, first of all, Paulo and I are not back together. It was just a stupid thing I did, and if I could go back in time and do it again, well, I wouldn't. Um, second of all (Ross is laughing), what?
Joanna: I seem to have had a slight office mishap. Could you please get the key off the back of the door for me.
Phoebe: You know, now you're more like, you know like, "Mr. Caring Boss," "Mr.", you know, "I'm one of you, Boss," "Mr., I wanna be your buddy, Boss Man Bing!"
Ross: Ok! (he takes the camera and walks backwards to take a shot) See? Scared of swings, I bet you feel pretty silly (a swinging boy knocks him down) Ow!
Phoebe: Yes, it reminds me of a simpler time.
Jill: (entering, carrying a bunch of shopping bags) I just had the hardest day. Those bags are so heavy. (Sets them down.)
Chandler: Oh what is it honey, you need some tea? Some soup? (He gets up from the couch and goes into the bedroom to find Monica, still in the robe, lying seductively on the bed. Or at least shes trying too and as he enters the room, she takes the robe off on of her legs.) Oh-ohhhh!
Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.
FBOB: Uh, public display of affection coming up. You can avert your eyes. [kisses Monica]
[Cut to Central Perk, to the theme from The Dick Van Dyke show Joey runs into Central Perk carrying a stack of Soap Opera Digests and falls on the step. He does bounce right back up making it all that much funnier.]
Chandler: Well, its just the reason that Im asking is because I kind of eh, uh, I was unable toI mean I really wanted too, but I couldnt . There huhhmm, there-there was an incident.
Chandler: Hey, Ross, I just wanted to apologize... (looks at laptop screen)..don't tell me you actually made those gay pictures of me?
Joey: Hey-hey, hold on, this isnt some kind of like girly dance. All right, its like a sport, its manly!
Ross: Well I-I-I, that kind of thing requires some serious thought. First, Ill divide my perspective canidates into catergories....
Chandler: Well... there's surrogacy, but Monica has dreamt her whole life of carrying a child, she has felt that watching a surrogate would be... too hard for her.
[And with that we start off on a series of clips from the entire history of Ross and Rachel, from Rosss point of view. The first clip is from The Pilot.]
Janice: Wait! Wait! I wanna see this. After I divorce him, half of that kingdom is gonna be mine.