words in movies
{Transcribers Note: This is an hour-long special episode. Which means that the first part of this episode is episode 615. The second part of this episode is episode 616. Since episodes 615 and 616 are combined into one file, thats why there is no episode 616 in the season 6 table of contents and the numbers jump from episode 615 to 617.}
Phoebe: No! Barry and Mindy.
Ross: The first time! No seriously, imagine if Carol hadnt realized she was a lesbian.
Ross: No, I just think Monica was that fat.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Ross: No, no-no, Ross Geller.
Ross: No, its okay. Some-some kid asked me to pick it up for him, but I dont
Ross: Uh-huh. (Steps to a random kid nearby and hands him his money.) Hey, here you go buddy. Sorry, no porn for you. (To Rachel) Okay, lets go see Monica!
Monica: Oh no! Whats the matter?
Chandler: Hey, I may have no money, but I still have my pride.
Monica: No Joey! Chandler could be your assistant! See, he could answer all of your fan mail and stuff!
Phoebe: Ohh thats so sweet! (Her cell phone rings.) Oh! Hang on! (Quickly grabs a cigarette and starts to light it as her phone rings.) Hang onnnnnn!!! (Gets the cigarette lighted and answers the phone.) (On phone.) Go!! No! No-no! I said sell when it hits 50! 5-0, its a number! It comes after 4-9!! No, its okay. Its okay, youre allowed one mistake. Just kidding, you are of course fired.
Monica: Ohhh! (Takes the plate.) No! This is my friend Rachel, we went to High School together.
Monica: No.
Phoebe: (yelling from Monicas room) No-no!! No!!
Phoebe: No! There-there was a little, a little diff in the market and I lost 13 million dollars.
Joey: I thought we talked about this. I dont like pulp. No pulp. Pulp isnt juice. All juice, okay?
Ross: Well I dont know umm, (Pause) what if we were too tie each other up? (Carols shocked and obviously doesnt like that idea.) Umm, some people eat stuff off one another. (Carol doesnt like that idea either.) Nah! Umm, yknow we-we could try dirty talk? (Carol still says no.) Umm, we could, we could have a threesome.
Phoebe: No! Its not a cigarette! The smoke is coming out of me!
Ross: (on the phone) Hello? (Listens.) No she cant come to the phone right now. (Listens.) Oh, right no problem. Okay, bye-bye. (Hangs up.)
Chandler: No, the doctors say it may kill her.
Monica: No! Umm well, some people say that Oysters are an aphrodisiac.
Monica: No-no-no, no! Its sensual!
Monica: Okay! (They kiss again and his beeper goes off.) Ohhh no!
Monica: No. Hes not a horrible guy.
Chandler: No you are not! You are sweet and wonderful and this is gonna happen for you.
Monica: No! (They both laugh.) Oyster?
Monica: I have no moves. (He moves in to kiss her and she laughs and backs away.) Okay, whatcha doin there?! (Giggles.) Oh yknow what? Im sorry, this is just too weird.
Joey: No! No! No, not after seeing that.
Rachel: No! No-no-no
Phoebe: No. Ive learned my lesson.
Ross: No! The reason Im asking is that I sorta had one last night.
Ross: No, she kept kicking me away!
Ross: No!
Chandler: Let me tell you about this chick I scored with last night! Oh no wait a minute that was you!
Ross: Umm, no.
Rachel: No seriously! Seriously! What has happened to the sanctity of marriage?
Chandler: No, there were two.
Phoebe: Okay, dont panic. Im gonna go to the store, Im gonna get you another set of nails, no ones gonna know, and youre gonna look great. (She runs over to get her coat.) Oh! Oh, its cause theyre gonna eatthats the problem.
Joey: No, we didnt even pay our cable billmaybe this is how they punish us.
Ross: No, no. The vet says unless he's in a place where he has regular access to some... monkey lovin,' he's just gonna get vicious. I've just gotta get him into a zoo.
Rachel: Oh, no! No you guys! Come on, you dont have to do that! Im happy for him! I am! I reallyIm-Im happIll work on it.
Joey: Oh, you have no idea. And-and when were on stage I get to-to kiss her and-and touch her, but then she goes home with the director, and its like somebodys ripping out my heart!
Erin: Im sorry I Its just theres no real spark.
Ross: (on phone) Yeah, you want 55-JUMBO. Yeah, that's right. That's right, JUMBO with a U, sir. (pause) No, belive me, you don't want me. Judging by his number, I'd be a huge disappointment. (pause) All rightie, bye bye.
Chandler: That would be no. Look, just because you played tonsil tennis with my mom doesn't mean you know her. Alright? Trust me, you can't talk to her.
Phoebe: No, Jack and the Beanstalk.
Monica: No! Yknow, the fantasy! Meet someone from a strange land, fall in madly love, and spend the rest of your lives together.
Chandler: (sliding up behind her) No. No, I wont. Do you know why I took all those lessons? See, for the first time I didnt want you to be embarrassed to be seen on the dance floor with some clumsy idiot.
PHOEBE: No, 'cause you just said dad and everywhere I go today I keep getting signs telling me to go see my father. Like when I was walking over here and I passed a buffet...which is my father's last name.
Phoebe: No, look, I told you that I didnt want you to try and sell it, and you just, you big fat did it anyway. God, y'know what, I think five years ago I probably wouldve done anything to play with you but, I can do it by myself. And if I cant trust you then just forget it.
Ross: (he gets up and starts to run away from her) No! (in his escape attempt he crushes Chandlers sand castle) No!
Mike: Oh, no! I don't think so! You know, according to standard table tennis rules if at any time a player uses his non racket bearing hand to touch the playing surface he or she forfeits the point.
Ross: Because its the highest. (Joey shrugs his shoulders) Okay, Rachel youre up first. (Rachel stands up and gets ready.) Situation No. 1: Youre with Monica, the wedding is about to start when Monica gets cold feet. Go! (Joey is playing the part of Monica.)
Ross: 15? (Joey nods again) Your personal best! (Ross takes an Oreo and Joey mumbles, no!)
Phoebe: No, yeah, we never find them! Shes always best at us that wily minx.
Joey: No man, that's huge! Now, I know I can stand to be around her, which means I get to hang out with you, which is kinda the whole point, anyway.
Ross: No, you know, it's uhm... nothing you did, it's... it's uhm... my issue.
CHANDLER: Uh, two larges, extra cheese on both. But listen, don't ring the buzzer for 19, ring 20, Geller-Green, they'll let you in, OK. If you buzz our door, there's no tip for you. OK, thanks. Pizza's on the way. I told you we wouldn't have to get up.
Joey: (he stops Chandler from posting the message) No, no, no... what do... you can't do that to him!
Joey: Oh, all blank, and no blank, makes blank a blank blank. Oh no-no-no, no, the end when Jack almost kills them all with that blank, but then at last second they get away. Aww!
Michelle: No, actually, see I had to pee, �cause I can�t use public bathrooms because the doodie parasites.
Chandler: What? No, I'm taking Monica to a romantic inn in Vermont (shows them a brochure)!
Chandler: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.
Ross: Im telling you. Im telling you. Thats what it is. No wonder she was looking at me all funny during the wedding. She didnt say anything to you?
ROSS: No no no, I mean, hey, why shouldn't I be happy for you? What would it say about me if I couldn't revel in your joy? I'm revelling baby, believe me!
Rachel: No, she was already in, but then this big bitch behind me tried to steal my umbrella, so I clocked her. Ohhh! I cant believe this, all I wanted was a few hours outside of work to see Joshua, so he can go ahead and start falling in love with me.
Ross: Yeah, she never misses these conferences! (then to Charlie) No, I just saw Dr. Kenneth Schwartz!
Phoebe: Well look no further, (shows her the dead one) this ones yours! Ahhh.
CHANDLER: (hushed) No, no, no, no, no.� Joey can't know that I'm here.
Monica: No, no! We should divide them up (picks up the bowl) and I should get extra because we used my card to buy them!
RACHEL: No, listen to me. I fell for you and I get clobbered. You then fall for me and I again, somehow, get clobbered. I'm tired of being clobbered, ya know, it's, it's just not worth it.
Joey: No maam.
Chandler: No! That was a lie! See how easy that was?
Joey: Well, its not a part, no. Im teaching acting for soap operas down at the Learning Extension.
Phoebe: Oh no wait, oh no, the elastic on my underwear busted.
Joey: No. (Phoebe grabs the receipt and shows it to Joey who gets mad.) I was told the name of the movie would not appear on the bill!
Rachel: No? So youre saying that if I called it, it wouldnt ring?
[Joey's place. He's watching Baywatch, lauging. He goes to say something to Chandler in the other chair but no one's there. He goes to call Chandler but decides not to.]
Chandler: I can develop a condition in which I talk and talk and no one hears a word.
Chandler: No no no. Good. So you're moving on? Do you have any idea where you're moving?
Ross: Oh, no, it's no big deal, I mean, if I weren't doing this I'd just, you know, be at the gym working out.
Joey: Dahhhhh!! (Ross has a puzzled look on his face.) No! Noooo!! (Storms off.)
Ross: There's no way around it Pheebs, you just gonna have to accept the fact that this is gonna cost you a lot of money.
Monica: All right Rach, for what its worth, I think that youre doing great. I mean yknow lets face it, no one handles this well.
Phoebe: It's not Santa's plan. No, it's... (Laughs the real "plan-laugh.")
Ross: I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father.
Monica: No. He teaches a course on food criticism at the New School, so before we go to the movies I wanna go by there and make him try my bouillabaisse again. Oh, I cannot wait to read the front page of the Post tomorrow! "Restaurant reviewer admits: I was wrong about Monica."
(A group of about 10 guys and no women come running around the corner.)
Monica: Oh my god, where's my purse? No, you know what? I can replace everything in there. Get that binder, and let's go!
Rachel: No. But she did give us some ideas on how to induce labor.
Rachel: Okay, I think we can get the evaluation back before they see it, but were gonna have to get into Mr. Zelners office. Now, he doesnt get in until 10, so hes no problem, but his assistant, Betty, she comes in early to eat her breakfast at her desk.
Phoebe: No, no, no, no, no... It's not... it's not... i'ts not as bad as it looks... really. I was just saying goodbye to an old friend.
Rachel: (standing up) Okay. Yknow what? Id have to say I really dont care for your tone. And this is not the only hospital in this city and we have no problem toWhoa! (She starts a contraction) Oh gosh! Whoa!
Phoebe: No. It starts with a "v" and ends with an "x". Helpfully with a "to" in the middle.
Rachel: No. No. Every thing's--they're fine. Great pizza. But it's uh, actually umm my friend Ross. He uh, just gets really nervous when he's flirting.
Chandler: No, I saw a picture of you covered in blueberries.
Rachel: Oh my God. I cannot keep having this same fight over and over again, Ross, no, youre, youre, youre making this too hard.
Chandler: Im right! Right? There was like no chemistry between them. Before they had heat, and now theres no heat! Now you know what this means, Joey told us what this means!
Chandler: Thanks for trying. (grabs the ticket and starts to leave) Oh, and by the way there is no Count Rushmore!
Rachel: So what do you say we make a pact? If you and I are both single by the time were 40, we get married. I mean, we know each other, we like each other, and weve-weve already slept together so yknow therell be no surprises there! You know what I mean? No like, "Whats that?!"
Ross: No, but itd be nice if you realised, its just a job!
Monica: No! All hes thinking about is how youre taking this! I mean, listen its totally freaking him out. Hes talking about moving to Vermont.
Joey: How come you have two? Chandler: Well this one's for you. Joey: Get out. Chandler: No, I can't. No-no, listen, I, I know how much this means to you and I also know that this is about more than just jewelry, (Puts bracelet on Joey) it's about you and me and the fact that we're (Reading bracelet) best buds. Joey: Wow, is this friendship? I think so. Check it out, we're bracelet buddies. Chandler: That's what they'll call us. [The next one is from Episode 618: The One Where Ross Dates A Student.]
Chandler: No! No! I dont want him to know were yet! Im not sure Im ready for that. And besides hes not gonna be too happy to see me either.
Lowell: Speaking for my people, I'd have to say no. By the way, your friend Brian from Payroll, he is.
Monica: Sweetie, you know I have no sense of humor when it comes to the wedding.
Molly: No, you stay, I'll do it (takes Emma from Rachel).
Chandler: No, nono, don't- don't worry about it. Believe me, apparently other people have made the same mistake.
Chandler: No, no no no. Youll be fine. (turning to Monica) Hillarys bind, right?
Joey: No, an entertainment unit, with a mail cubby built right in. Its a one day job, max.
Joanna: Oh no, no-no-no, is he ah, married, or involved with anyone?
RACHEL: No, no, I mean, no, c'mon you guys, I mean, c'mon look it's only eleven thirty. Let's just talk, we never just hang out and talk anymore.
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yeah, hi! Mrs. Tribbiani? (Listens) Hi, this is Monica Geller. (Listens) Yeah Im just calling to say that Chandler and I uh, really hope you can make it to the wedding. Yeah, apparently a bunch of invitations that we sent werent delivered. Umm, I guess there was some screw up at the damn post office! (Joey nods his approval.) (Listens) T-Tell me about it! (Listens) Yeah, yeah, the US Post Office? No, more like US lost office! (Listens) What are they Irish?! (Joey gives her a thumbs up.)
Rachel: No, come on, I'm totally ok. (hugging him) I don't need you to come! I can totally handle this on my own.
Joey: No! Never! Never! (Pause, then Joey wants to shake Rosss hand.) Bye.
Rachel: Horny bitch. (They both look at her, pretending that the dinosaurs shes holding are arguing.) No! Youre a horny bitch! Noooo! Youre the horny bitch! No! Youre a horny bitch!
Rachel: No, not really. Youre pressing the baby into my bladder and now I have to pee. Sorry. (She gets up and starts for the bathroom.)
Rachel: Okay... aahhh... Please laugh for mommy... Please? Please laugh for mommy... (Rachel makes a funny face, sticking her tongue out, making a farting noise and using her hands as antlers, wiggling her fingers... No response from Emma...) Not funny huh? Oh so, is it... only offensive novelty rap? Or maybe just, you know, rap in general? 'Cause mommy can rap... (Rachel tries to rap and makes weird movements with her arms in the process.) My name is mommy and I'm here to say / that all the babies are... Oh, I can't rap... Allright sweetheart... This is only because I love you so much, and I know that you're not gonna tell anybody... (Rachel's face is telling "Oh what am I doing? The things I have to go through... and she starts to rap) I like... big butts and I cannot lie... / You other brothers can't deny... / when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face... (Emma starts to laugh) Yes! Yes! Yes! YES! Oohhhhh! Oh! (Rachel now really gets into it, and her insecure movements start getting better) I like big butts and I cannot lie... / You other brothers can't deny... Oh Emma you're laughing! Oh you are, you really do like big butts, don't you. Oh you beautiful little weirdo... (Rachel picks up Emma and Ross now enters)
Joey: Hey, if you wanna grab a bite before work we'd better get acrimonious. No? Am I getting close?
CHANDLER: Hear me out woman.� I'll go down the fire escape.� Then, I'll wait for a while.� Then, when I come up the stairs, it'll be just like I just got back from Tulsa.� Then, Joey and I will come in and see that there's no guy in here.
FBOB: There are no hardware stores open past midnight in the Village.
Ross: No, it turns out that the one from uptown was making a joke. But it was a different joke than I thoughtit wasnt that funny. So Im still torn.
Monica: Yknow, you called me that before so I-I took the liberty of fashioning a star out of aluminum foil. Now, no pressure, you like my cookies, you give me the star. (Hands it to her.)
Rachel: You had no right coming down to my office Ross. You do not bring a picnic basket to somebodys work! Unless maybe they were a park ranger!
Rachel: But I dont, hmm... (on phone) Oh, who approved that order?! (listens) Well there is no Mark Robbinson in this office. (to Sophie) Get me Mark on the phone!
Monica: Well I guess there is no harm in telling you now, Rachel and Ross are gonna have a baby.
Rachel: Oh no!!!! Oh my God!! This is all making so much sense to me now! This is why Adam Carter wouldnt go out with me! This is why Billy Tratt would just stay in this region! (Motions to her breasts.) (Joey has turned around.)
Rachel: Honey, that's very sweet, it just seems to me though, that if two people love each other and trust each other, like we do, there's no reason to be jealous. (she kisses him)
Phoebe: No, nothing like that. I was just...such a dummie. I taught this "massage-yourself-at-home-workshop." And they are.
Phoebe: No, yeah, we never find them! She's always best at us, that wily... minx.
Joey: NO! Not like that, no no. No, like this. (He starts lightly grazing Chandler's thigh)
Rachel: No, I know, but Ihe just went on. He's right there, he's got the blue jacket on, I... can I j-just...
[Scene: Central Perk, all but Chandler are there, Joey laughs for no apparent reason.]
Phoebe: No that's not true. If you're not moving forward, you're just staying still. And staying still is good. Watch this. (She stays still for a brief second.)
CHANDLER: No no, seriously, Joey's my dad, Monica's my dad. I've even got some dads down at work.
Joey: No, in Ross's building! (He throws Rachel onto the chair and heads to the window.) She's back! She's back! (Pantomimes) Okay, wait there, I'll be over in a second. (He counts where she is again.) Got it! (Runs out and does a little hot over a chair.)
Phoebe: So, we realize thatOh no (She resets herself) Im telling it! Im telling it (She loses it.)