words in movies
Monica: (in her apartment, screaming) I LOVE MY NEW JOB!
Monica: YOU BET YOUR ASS I AM! I just had the best first day ever! The kitchen: twice as big as Allessandro's.
Monica: Yeah, a-a-and clean. Not just health department clean... Monica clean.
Monica: Oh, and the people are so nice. There's this one guy, Geoffrey, he's the Maitre D., Chandler, you will love him. He is without a doubt, the funniest guy I have ever met. (Chandler, who was almost asleep again, sits up straight in bed in an instant and can't believe what he just heard.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica sits on the couch and Phoebe is pacing up and down the room.]
Monica: Maybe he didn't give you a chance.
Monica: Oh, well... That had been your window.
Monica: Really? The scientist guy?
Monica: Continue...
Monica: Phoebe!
Monica: Wow, isn't it ironic that David would show up on the same day that you and Mike exchange keys?
Monica: What are you gonna do?
Monica: You have to tell David!
Monica: Heeeeeey!
Chandler: So... Oklahoma is a crazy place. You know, they call it the Sooner state. Frankly I'd sooner be in any other state. (Monica looks at Phoebe, who also doesn't know what to say.) And what's with Oklahoma having a pan handle? Can all states have stuff like that? Hey yeah, I'm from the waistband, Wyoming. But when I was seven, we headed over to the crotch.
Monica: (Doesn't believe what she's hearing) Was your cabin pressurised?
Chandler: What's with the word y'all? You know, just... two words just... pushed together... Are we all allowed to do that, because if so, I say why stop there? You know, your new poodle could be your noodle. And fried chicken? Could be fricken.Waiter, waiter excuse me, I'll have the fricken? (Monica laughs) See, that's... that's funny with the fricken, right?
Monica: No, it just remind me of something this guy did today at work. I told you about that funny guy, Geoffrey, right?
Monica: Well, he did this bit... You probably had to be there, but it was Liza Minelli locked in our freezer, eating a raw chicken. (Phoebe bursts out in a laugh)
Chandler: Hey! (Joey doesn't look up, but gestures 'wait a minute' with his finger while he finishes reading the article. Chandler waits for Joey to finish.) I need you to set me up for a joke. Later, when Monica is around, I need you to ask me about fire trucks.
Chandler: Monica says that her Maitre D. is the funniest guy she's ever met.
Chandler: Ye.... (stops because he realises what Joey just said, and stares at him. At this moment Monica enters)
Monica: Hi! There you are.
Joey: (sees Monica) Fire trucks! (Chandlers eyes double in size and he turns to Monica who doesn't understand what's happening. Then he turns back to Joey, who says "you're welcome" without a sound)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica is in the kitchen and Ross enters.]
Monica: Yeah! I think that's great!
Monica: Oh... How are they?
Monica: Yes... What is the end of that sentence?
Joey: Uhm... A penis model. (Monica can't believe what's she's hearing and Ross pats Joey on the back.) Anyway, hey... Did you tell Chandler that some guy from work is the funniest guy you've ever met?
Monica: Yeah, so?
Monica: Is that why he's acting so weird...? He's jealous...? Oh my God, that is crazy. It's not like I'm attracted to Geoffrey...
Monica: I can't believe he's that upset about this...
Joey: Monica, you have to do some damage control here, okay. 'Cause he's feeling like... (the door opens and Chandler walks in with a pizza)
Chandler: You got a man who's a nanny...? You got a manny...? (Monica starts laughing, but very exaggerated. Joey realises they also should laugh and punches Ross. Now all three of them laugh, but very fake. Chandler seems happy again.)
Monica: Ohhh, ooohhh... you are on a roll, mister!
Monica: Okay, okay... Chandler you... you stop it! (Monica wipes away tears)
Monica: Well, I don't know... I-It's... just the way you say it... I mean, you're funny... You have that funny thing. You're a funny guy! (Chandler turns to Joey)
Monica: Honey, listen... You have nothing to worry about with Geoffrey.
Monica: Well, you're... you're different funny... I mean, you're... you're more sarcastic a-a-and... well, he does... bits... and impressions... and... and limericks...
Monica: Honey, you know I think you're hilarious! Come on, you know that joke you told me last week? The one about Jerry Lewis and the girl with the lazy eye...? (he laughs) That slayed me.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica and Joey are sitting at the dinner table. Chandler comes from the bedroom with his suitcase.]
Monica: Honey, you can relax. Last night at work, Geoffrey told this really sexist joke. After that, not so funny anymore.
Monica: Okay, don't miss that flight. You know I love you.
Chandler: I love you too. (Monica and Chandler kiss. He turns to Joey.) And... I like you as a friend. (They hug and pat each other on the back.)
Joey: (to Monica) Did that guy really make that joke?
Monica: Naaaa... He still kills me. Last night he had me laughing so hard, I swear... a little pee came out.
Monica: (entering from her bedroom) Okay, sperm donor number 03815, come on down! Okay, he's 6'2", 170 pounds, and he describes himself as a male Geena Davis.
Monica: Hey Tim? I need a calamari and a Caesar salad. And umm, could you get me the pesto?
Monica: Oh thats so sweet! Look Chandler I dont care if you cant cry, I love you.
Monica: You cant say that!! You-you dont know!! I mean I thought I was gonna pass out from the pain! Anyway I-I tried, but I-I couldnt...bend that way. So... (Looks at Joey.)
Phoebe: Oh, hey, Monica, I brought back your iron.
Monica: Rachel, what's going on? I mean isn't this the same Barry who you left at the altar?
Monica: No! No-no theyre not. Theyre still very angry! But yknow Chandler is also half-Swedish. You know what the Swedish people are famous for? Sitting down and being quiet.
Monica: Cause I ran into him at the bank, he is still soo cute.
Monica: (fingering her elbow): Ross?
Phoebe: (to Chandler and Monica) You guys, what, what do we do about Ross who drove all the way up here? What do we do? Just like send him back and were then gonna go skiing?
Monica: No! All hes thinking about is how youre taking this! I mean, listen its totally freaking him out. Hes talking about moving to Vermont.
Monica: Well, Im gonna fill in for him as food critic for the Chelsea Reporter.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Chandler is looking at the screen of his laptop, shaking his head.]
Monica: God, this adoption stuff is so overwhelming. There's inter-country adoption, dependency adoption.. There are so many ways to go, and this is like the biggest decision of our lives.
Monica: Well, y'know I-I-I think I'm gonna respect the privacy of my new secret boyfriend.
Phoebe: Yeah and yeah, and it would probably be better than the last telephone job I had. Yknow, I probably wouldnt have to say spank as much. (Monica and Ross are shocked.)
Monica: Actually, I'm gonna go check on the twins.
Monica: I just can't believe you're in here. I mean, what am I gonna do without you? Who's gonna crash the embassy parties with me? Who's gonna take me to the Big Apple Circus?
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yeah, hi! Mrs. Tribbiani? (Listens) Hi, this is Monica Geller. (Listens) Yeah Im just calling to say that Chandler and I uh, really hope you can make it to the wedding. Yeah, apparently a bunch of invitations that we sent werent delivered. Umm, I guess there was some screw up at the damn post office! (Joey nods his approval.) (Listens) T-Tell me about it! (Listens) Yeah, yeah, the US Post Office? No, more like US lost office! (Listens) What are they Irish?! (Joey gives her a thumbs up.)
Monica: Sweetie, you know I have no sense of humor when it comes to the wedding.
Joey: I dont know. Just uh, just tell em it was a mix-up with the invitations, orNo-no-no! Blame it on the post office. They hate the post office. And the Irish! But I dont think you can blame it on them so (He dials the phone and hands it to Monica.)
Monica: You mean the guy who kept calling you Ron?
Monica: Fine, I can do it. (Gets anxious.) Whew.
Monica: I'm sorry. But not that sorry, 'cause you don't have to live with it. Um, we have a reservation under the name Chandler Bing.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, and the girls are dividing some Chinese takeout, while the sitcom Family Matters is playing on the TV.]
Monica: (wandering in after her) Uh, Rach... how come you have dental floss in your hair?
(They go into the hallway and see Mr. Treeger watching one of New Yorks bravest breakdown Monica and Chandlers door with an ax.]
[Scene, Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Ross is checking his messages.]
Monica: Okay. Okay, I got one. Do you remember that vegetarian pate that I made that you loved so much?
Monica: Makes me wanna puke! (Chandler looks at her, quizzically.)
Monica: This Thanksgiving kicks last Thanksgiving's ass!
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Ross is eating breakfast with Joey and Monica. Joey is walking towards Ross.]
Monica: Chandler, Im gonna die a virgin!
Monica: Probably some y'know, European good-bye thing he picked up in London.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachels baby shower is underway. Monica and Phoebe are working in the kitchen.]
Monica: What the hell is that dog doing here?! (She notices the dog sitting in the living room.)
Monica: All right, Chandler get the coats. Erica let's go. Phoebe and Joey, keep packing! Oh my God we're gonna have a baby. All right. We're gonna have a baby! OH MY GOD, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY! Oh God, oh God, I got to sit down, I got to sit down. Ooh! (she's hyperventilating)
Phoebe: Pies, oh, we thought you said priiiize (goes to the hall and comes back with Emma's trophy in her hand). Here! (gives it to Monica).
Monica: Okay? (She starts to walk which causes her to start crying) Ooo wee! Christmas party in my boots! (Runs into the bedroom and mixes saying ow with laughing.)
Chandler: No, no no no. Youll be fine. (turning to Monica) Hillarys bind, right?
[Sequence 2: Phoebe throws the ball, and its intercepted by Joey, who starts to run up field. Rachel jumps on his back in order to try and tackle him, but she doesnt slow him down. Monica and Phoebe then both grab her legs in order to stop Joey, who still manages to fight through the tackle and score the touchdown.]
[Scene: Central Perk - Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, Ross and Rachel are sitting on the sofas. Joey enters]
Chandler: And Im the happiest guy in the world! (Monica goes and sits down in a huff.) Oh honey, come on dont be upset. We still have so much to look forward to!
[Monica grabs Rachel by the sweater. Rachel squirms out of it]
Dream Monica: Y'know, I love doing crossword puzzles with you honey!
Monica: (on phone) Uh, Michelle. Yeah, that was me, I-I dialed your number by mistake. (listens) Oh, you're so sweet. Yeah, we were a great couple. I know I really miss him. Well, you know how it is, it's that....
Monica: (removes them) Thats because I-I was just grabbing some things out of the dryer, and its static cling. Or maybe its just that God knew Id be running into you and saw an opportunity.
Monica: Oh wow wow wow!! Make room for your friend! (sits herself down between them)
(He walks dejectedly into his apartment to find it lit with about a thousand candles and Monica standing in the living room.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel and Monica are there. Ross walks in with a magazine in his hand.]
Monica: That is completely untrue. You think Im high maintenance? Okay, prove it. I want you to make a list and were going to go through it point by point!
Monica: Yess!! (M & C high-five and Zack looks confused again)
Monica: I figured out I need to charge seventeen bucks a jar just to break even. So, I've got a new plan now. Babies.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's. Ross lays a lot off small papers, shaped like the U.S. states onto the floor making a map with the states. Phoebe enters]
[The next flashback is also from The One With The Butt and it's also on the soundtrack. He's Joey telling everyone about his big break in Monica and Rachel's apartment.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is sitting on the couch as Monica enters.]
Monica: Okay fine! I keep betting Phoebe that youre gonna have the baby and I dont want to lose again!
Rachel: (to Monica) Allll done!
Monica: Why?! To celebrate your relationship! To solidify your commitment! To declare your love for one another to the world!
{There's another continuity error here. Before Monica says I love you, Chandler's holding the vests so that you couldn't see the collar, you could see all three, and they were folding nicely. After she says the line and the camera cuts back to Chandler, you can only see two out of the three, you can see the collar of the top one, and it looks like it was folded sloppily, unlike before. Hey, you notice things while spending this much time on this!}
Monica: Great! Well Rachel, the reason why I wont let you drive the Porsche is because youre a terrible driver. There! That wasnt about the wedding.
Joey: Well, you shouldve told me that before, Im not a mind reader. Hey, were out of beer. Im going to Monicas.
Monica: Okay. Im guessing that if you dont want to deliver, you probably dont want to pick stuff up either.
Monica: Yeah, they were just slowing me down. Alright, I have to get back to the babies. I'll see you girls later.
Joey: Ah, just cut me a little sliver. (Monica prepares to cut a little sliver.) A little bigger. (Monica prepares to cut a bigger piece.) Little bigger. (Monica moves the knife again.) What?! Are you afraid youre gonna run out?! Cut me a real piece!
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is snoozing with Hugsy, his bedtime penguin pal and Chandler and Monica come storming in.]
Chandler: O-okay. (steps closer to Monica and speaks softly) So, is she gonna take the test?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are having a tug-of-war over the disputed candlesticks.]
MONICA: Hi. Uh, we'll be right there, we're just trying to decide something. [shuts the bathroom door]
Monica: What?! (She accidentally starts the blender without the lid on it and fruit flies everywhere.)
Monica: Well, if you hadn't meddled to start with, I wouldn't have had to go in there and meddle myself. Now, no matter how much we meddle, we will never be able to un-meddle the thing that you meddled up - in the first place!
Monica: (shaking the dice) A new pair of shoes for the Chan-Chan man! (Rolls the dice.) Yes!
Monica: Why? It's just that I've waited seven years for an opportunity like this, and you can't even wait four and a half minutes for a stupid onion tartlet?
Monica: They could be our neighbors, what are they like?
[Scene: The moment we waited for has finally arrived. Its time for Monica and Chandlers wedding. Weve got violins playing Every Breath You Take, weve got guests seated, and Chandler starts walking down the aisle with his parents on either arm.]
[Scene: Mattress King, Monica and Phoebe are shopping for a new mattress.]
Matt: And then sometimes during the show yknow but youre like, the scenes going one way but youre just tempted to say something another time. Like, do you remember that one where Monicas baking cookies in our old apartment?
(Monica rolls, and Ross goes first.)
Monica: Went down to the docks. Bet ya didn't know you could get it wholesale.
Monica: Yknow, you called me that before so I-I took the liberty of fashioning a star out of aluminum foil. Now, no pressure, you like my cookies, you give me the star. (Hands it to her.)
MONICA: I can't believe you married Duncan. I mean how could you not tell me? We lived together, we told each other everything.
MONICA: Hi sweetie, look before I forget, did I leave my diaphram at your place? Hi mom. [she starts throwing oranges at Ross who's looking pleased with himself]
Monica: Well I guess there is no harm in telling you now, Rachel and Ross are gonna have a baby.
Monica: Hey Phoebe... how you doin'? You feelin' better?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is packing her belongings to move to Rosss. Shes standing in the kitchen.]
ROSS: Wow, well uh, uh, actually, Julie's downstairs getting a cab, I just need the cat toy, did Monica say. . . What? Why, why are you looking at me like that? RACH: I don't know, I, I feel like I had a dream about you last night but I, I don't remember. ROSS: OK. Oh, oh, oh. [runs over and picks up the cat toy] RACH: Did we speak on the phone last night? Did you call me? ROSS: No, I stayed at Julie's last night. RACH: Huh. ROSS: Oh, actually I haven't even been home yet. Do you mind if I check my messages? RACH: Oh yeah, go ahead. [Rachel walks in her room. Ross picks up the phone and dials his machine to check his messages.] ROSS: Rach, I got a message from you. [pauses] Who's Michael? [Rachel comes out of her room, suddenly she remembers leaving the message.]
Mike: Hi David. Chandler. Monica... (Looks at Monica, checking her big hair, aghast) Oh!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is entering to find Chandler playing Ms. Pac-Man.]
Monica: There were only twelve.
Monica: But I insist!
(He leaves. Cut to Monica entering Chandler and Joey's apartment. She sneaks up to the shower door)
Monica: Oh, this terrible! Everything is destroyed! Look at this. (She picks up some kind of furry thing.) It obviously meant enough for me to save it, and I dont even know what it is! Ohh, its still soft. (She rubs it against her cheek.) What do you think this is?
Monica: All right, yknow what? We really are late! Lets go! Lets go! Lets go!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Monica, and Joey are playing Monopoly.]
Monica: This baby has got everything. Take yknow, locations for instance. (She opens up the binder to the locations chapter.) First, organized alphabetically, then geographically, then by square footage.
Monica: Well, when you first met Barry, you flitted off to Vail.
Fat Monica: dammit! (Runs off.)
Monica: Okay, so I'm responsible, I'm organised. But hey, I can be a kook.
Monica: Boy, I know they say you can't change your parents,... boy, if you could- (To Ross) -I'd want yours.
Monica: Chandler, we cant let this tape wreck Valentines Day!