words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is at the kitchen table and Chandler is in the living room.]
Monica: Do you realize that four weeks from today were getting married? Four weeks baby!! Four weeks!!!
Monica: Theres still so much to do. Have you written your vows yet?
Monica: Sweetie, you know I have no sense of humor when it comes to the wedding.
Monica: No! But I know exactly what Im going to say.
Monica: (handing him a pad of paper and a pen) Lets just do it right now. Okay? It wont be hard. Just say whats in your heart. (She goes back, sits down, and starts feverishly writing.)
Chandler: (writing) Monica, there are no words (To Joey and Ross) There are no words! This should not be this hard!
Chandler: Im so pathetic! Monica knows what she wants to say! You shouldve seen her. Writing, writing, writing!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica has hit a writers block as Rachel and Phoebe enter.]
Rachel: Monica what?
Monica: You have to help me! Im supposed to be writing my vows and all I have is this! (Shows them what shes been working on.)
Monica: Thank you.
Monica: Those are my eyes! Those are my breasts. (Points.)
Phoebe: Oh! Yeah! (Monica glares at her.)
Ross: Well, why dont you just start with something simple. Like umm, Monica from the moment I met you, I knew I loved you.
[Flashback to when Chandler was introduced to Monica in The One With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks.]
Fat Monica: Hi, I'm Ross's little sister.
[Flashback to The One With The Jellyfish, Chandler and Monica are lying on the beach.]
Monica: Ennnh.
Monica: Ooh, are we allowed to lie in the vows?!
[Flashback to The One With Phoebe's Uterus, Monica is teaching Chandler how to turn a woman on. They're in Monica and Rachel's apartment and Monica has just drawn a diagram of a woman.]
Monica: Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. (She starts labelling them) You got one, two three, four (Chandler is shocked to find out theres more than three), five, six, and seven!
Monica: Its kind of an important one!
Monica: All right. Umm, you could uh start out with a little 1, a 2, a 1-2-3, 3, 5, a 4, a 3-2, 2, a 2-4-6, 2-4-6, 4, (Rachel starts getting worked up) 2, 2, 4-7, 5-7, 6-7, 7 7.. 7 7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7 (mouths 7)! (They both lean back on the couch satisfied.)
Joey: Oh, I got it! How about saying something like, "Monica
Chandler: (writing) Monica
[This starts a series of flashbacks beginning with Monica and Chandler in the waiting room in The One With the Birth.]
Monica: No fair. I don't even have one. How come they get two?
Monica: Oh yeah? When?
Monica: Why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Monica: Ok, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Monica: What is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?
Monica: Well?
Monica: (Comes up for below the covers and looks concerned.) Do you think he knew I was here? (Chandler quickly looks at Monica not knowing what to say.)
[Cut to Chandler opening the door to his and Joeys apartment to reveal Monica standing there with a turkey on her head in The One With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks.]
Monica: Wait, wait, wait! (She puts a Shriner's hat on the turkey.)
Chandler: Look, Monica
Monica: Look! (She puts a big, yellow pair of sunglasses on the bird.)
Monica: I bet this will work! (She starts dancing and Chandler cracks up.)
(Monica stops suddenly and turns around slowly.)
Monica: What?
Monica: You said you loved me! I can't believe this!
Monica: Yes, you did!
Monica: You love me!
(Joey walks in and sees Monica. He freaks out and runs back into the hallway, screaming.)
[Cut to Chandler trying to hint to Monica that he wanted to move in with her in The One After Vegas.]
Monica: Then all your stuff would be here.
Monica: Then youd be going back and forth all the time, I mean it doesnt make any sense.
[Cut to Chandler entering his and Monicas apartment alight with a thousand candles in The One With The Proposal.]
(He walks dejectedly into his apartment to find it lit with about a thousand candles and Monica standing in the living room.)
Monica: You wanted it to be a surprise.
(Monica gets down on one knee.)
Monica: Chandler In all my life I never thought I would be so lucky. (Starting to cry.) As to fall in love with my best my best Theres a reason why girls dont do this!
Chandler: Okay! (He joins her on one knee) Okay! Okay! I'll do it! Oh God, I thought (Starting to cry, pauses) Wait a minute, I-I can do this. (Pause) I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, (Pause) you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. (Starting to cry again.) And if youll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. (Pause as he gets out the ring.) Monica, will you marry me?
Monica: Yes.
Monica: Come in! Come in! (Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe burst through the door.) Were engaged!!!
Joey: How is "Monica, I love your sweet ass," inappropriate?
Ross: Hows Monica coming along with her vows?
[Flashback to Joey interrupting a bath Monica and Chandler are sharing in The One With All The Kissing. Monica dives underwater as Joey opens the door.]
(Monica quickly dives under the water as Joey enters. He looks a little shocked at what Chandler's doing.)
(Joey leaves and Monica comes up for air.)
Monica: Chicken? I could eat some chicken.
(Monica goes back underwater as Joey re-enters.)
Chandler: Yeah, can I get a 3-piece, some cole slaw, some beans, and a Coke(Yelps in pain as Monica grabs him underwater)Diet Coke.
[This starts a series of flashbacks starting with Monica and Chandler forcing Joey to keep his new found knowledge of their secret relationship in Monicas bedroom in The One With All the Kips.]
Joey: (To Chandler) You?! (To Monica) And-and you?!
Monica: Yes, but you cannot tell anyone! No one knows!
Monica: Please? Please?! We just don't want to deal with telling everyone, okay? Just promise you won't tell.
[Cut to Rachel listening to a phone conversation between Chandler and Monica in The One With All the Resolutions.]
Monica: (on phone) I can't wait to be with you! I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours.
Monica: (on phone) Awww, y'know what your nickname is, Mr. Big
[Cut to Phoebe in Rosss new apartment looking at Monica and Chandler and what theyre about to do in The One Where Everybody Finds Out.]
Phoebe: (looking out the window) Oh, look! There's Monica and Chandler! (Starts yelling.) Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! (Chandler and Monica start taking each other's clothes off.) Ohh!! Ohh! Ahh-ahhh!!
Phoebe: (screaming) Ahhh!! Chandler and Monica!! Chandler and Monica!!
Phoebe: CHANDLER AND MONICA!!!!
[Cut to later in that episode in Central Perk, a meeting with Phoebe, Rachel, and Joey where they discuss Chandler and Monica.]
[Cut to later in that episode. Rachel and Phoebe are going to a movie from Monica and Chandlers, and as Phoebe walks by Chandler she pinches him on the butt and exits.]
Monica: Bye!
Monica: Actually, I did!
Monica: Ohhh, oh my God! Oh my God! She knows about us!
[Cut to later in that episode. Monica and Chandler are confronting Joey in his apartment about Phoebes knowledge.]
Monica: Them?! Who's them?
Monica: Joey!
Monica: Oh man, they think they are so slick messing with us! But see they don't know that we know that they know! So
[Cut to later in that episode. Phoebe is telling Rachel in Monica and Chandlers that Chandler wants to make a date with Phoebe.]
[Cut to later in that episode. Chandler is in his bathroom with Monica, and hes panicking on how far Phoebe is pushing him.]
Monica: She's bluffing!
Monica: You go back out there and you seduce her till she cracks!
Monica: Of course.
[Cut back to the living room. Chandler slowly exits the bathroom and gets pushed from behind by Monica and sees Phoebe closing the apartment door.]
Chandler: Because I'm in love with Monica!!
(Monica comes out of the bathroom like a bolt, and Rachel and Joey both enter.)
Chandler: Love her! That's right, I LOVE HER!!! I love her!! (They walk together and hug.) I love you, Monica.
Monica: I love you too Chandler. (They kiss.)
Monica: Well actually, Ross doesn't.
Monica: Oh, that's Nana, right there in the middle. (Reads the back) 'Me and the gang at Java Joe's'.
Rachel: Wow, Monica, you look just like your grandmother. How old was she there?
Monica: Let's see, 1939... yeah, 24, 25?
Joey: Ooh, look-look-look-look-look! I got Monica naked!
[Cut back to Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are entering.]
Monica: Hey, you guys!
Monica: Oh thats so sweet.
Monica: Yeah, I dont hear Chandlers and he doesnt hear mine.
(They spilt into their sexes and the girls read Monicas and the guys read Chandlers. The girls gasp and groan and the guys laugh hysterically.
Phoebe: (To Monica) Oh, thats beautiful.
Rachel: (To Monica) Monica, will-will you marry me?
Monica: Chandler!!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Ross and Joey are reading Chandlers new vows.]
Chandler: I stole Monicas and changed the name.
Monica and Ross: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 (Ross runs to be caught by Monica, but she moves out of the way)
Monica: Ok, um, I'll go with you.
Monica: But I'm...
Monica: You're welcome.
Monica: (looking out the window) Look look! He's doing it again, the guy with the telescope!
Monica: This is so unfair! She's got everything I want, and she doesn't have my mother.
Monica: Hey, great skirt! Birthday present?
Monica: You had a salad.
Monica and Rachel: (Wistfully, shaking their heads) No.
Monica: The second sister dies in Archie and Jughead Double Digest?
Monica: That was gonna be my opener.
Monica: Here you go! What do you think about centerpieces?
Monica: Chandlers making his sex face.
Monica: Hi, I am Monica and this is Chandler. Please come in.
Monica: Okay.
Joey: (frustrated) Ahh! There's gotta be a way. I mean, you know, if Monica and Chandler move out here and now Phoebe is married to Mike. That just leaves me and Ross and Rach, you know what I mean?
Monica: Julie.
Monica: Hey, where is everybody?
Monica: Judy.
Monica: That is not true!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey, Monica, and Phoebe are there as Chandler enters.]
Monica: You know, Rachel, when you ran out of your wedding, I was there for you. I put a roof over your head, and if that means nothing to you... (Rachel isn't buying it, desperate) twenty dollars an hour.
Joey: Monica, I'm tellin' you, this guy is perfect for you.
Monica: It's that terrible?
Monica: Whoa! Whoa!! Tackled by a girl! Bet ya dont see that everyday, do ya?
Monica: Hey, how long are you in the city?
Monica: I feel terrible, I really do.
Monica: The Luisa from home room!
Monica: Oh, hi, Ross. Yeah. There's someone I want you to say hi to. (to Chandler) He just happened to call.
[Scene: Rachel's party, Rachel is on the balcony, Monica goes there also]
Monica: Guys. I thought you were taking Ross to the game?
Monica: (crying) I'd do anything for you. (They hug again.)
Monica: No, he didn't! He pretended to be a Quaker to get out of Korea.
MONICA: All right, look, Ross. I realize that you have issues with Carol and Susan, and I feel for you, I do. But if you don't help me cook, I'm gonna take a bunch of those little hot dogs, and I'm gonna create a new appetizer called "pigs in Ross". All right, ball the melon.
Chandler: Monica, can I talk to you for a sec? (Pulls her away from Phoebe and Rachel)
Monica: (shouts to Chandler) Chandler? Do you promise to be good?
Monica: No, no, wait. (checks Ross's itinerary) His flight doesn't leave for another forty-five more minutes.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the scene is continued from where we left off before the break.]
MONICA: So how was Joan?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there ready for another poker game.]
MONICA: We're not doing anything.
MONICA: Hello, Mr. Heckles.
MONICA: That's terrible.
MONICA: Mr. Heckles.
MONICA: Stop with the broom, we're not making noise.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is on the phone as Joey enters.]
MONICA: Well, what about his family?
MONICA: What can we do for you?
Monica: So dont think of it as a bachelor party, think of it as a a two month anniversary present.
The Cooking Teacher: (To Monica) Oh! Something smells good over at Monicas station! (She tries Monicas fettuccini.) Oh my God! This is absolutely amazing! Youve never made this before?
Steve: Hello, Monica. (to Rachel) Hello, greeter girl.
(He walks dejectedly into his apartment to find it lit with about a thousand candles and Monica standing in the living room.)
Monica: That's what you've been working on for the past two hours?!
MONICA: No.
MONICA: You don't have any stuff.
Chandler: I used to undress my cousin Glenn. (Monica looks at him then sushes him.)
Monica: Look. I'm sure there's some friendly way to reconcile this! Um, have a seat. First of all, we haven't been introduced, I'm Monica Geller.
(Monica is dancing. At first she seems insecure and moves slowly, but then gets into the groove and swings her hips from side to side while holding her hands up. She then eats the last piece of pizza she was holding and again moves her hips from side to side, pushing her hands in the air in beat with the music. Her moves get more wildly while she's snapping her fingers. She loses balance and falls back onto a pink bean bag.)
MONICA: Hide the Lamp.
RACHEL: Monica, let it go.
Monica: Guys, hurry up! The flight leaves in four hours! It could take time to get a taxi! There could be traffic! The plane could leave early! When we get to London, there could be a line at customs! Come on!! (She runs back to her apartment.)
(He walks up behind Monica and gives her a big hug and a kiss on the neck.)
MONICA: Phoebe, tell her!
Monica: No, you were right. I don't have a plan. (There's a knock on the door.)
Joey: (on phone from Vegas) Hey Monica, it's Joey!
MONICA: You made it!
Monica: Waaay too special.
MONICA: That's fine.
Monica: No. He teaches a course on food criticism at the New School, so before we go to the movies I wanna go by there and make him try my bouillabaisse again. Oh, I cannot wait to read the front page of the Post tomorrow! "Restaurant reviewer admits: I was wrong about Monica."
Monica: (on phone, faking she's sick) I-I'm not gonna be able to make it into work today, I don't feel very good. (Joey makes a high throw and Monica has to catch it way over her head.) (Not sounding sick) Yes!! (Realizes what she just did.) (Sounding sick again) Wow! Uh, for a second there I thought I was really better, but I'm not. (Hangs up and keeps throwing the ball.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is on the phone.]
Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?
OPENING TITLES [Scene: Monica and Rachels apartment. The whole gang is there.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, another showdown is occuring, only this time its between Ross, a plate of cookies, and the breast milk. They've been eyeing each other for a while now, and Chandler and Joey are getting bored. He checks his Ross and in frustration, shoves his watch in front of Ross's eyes as if saying, "Hurry it up already!" Finally, Ross scratches his head, does that again, itches his nose, scratches his head, grabs the bottle, takes a big swig, and piles several cookies into his mouth.]
MONICA: Man, man that is sharp. It must have cost you quite a few debloons.
MONICA: I can't believe you didn't tell me.
MONICA: Well, didn't you?
MONICA: What have I not told you?
MONICA: That is wild.
Monica: Yeah? What does she think of your little science project?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's balcony, Ross is about to be attacked by Paulo's cat.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the bachelor party has ended and Monica is trying to explain herself to Chandler.]
Monica: Okay! Very funny! Somebody let me out please?! Come on, Im cold! (She spills something.) And covered in marinara sauce! Come on! Let me out! (the door opens)
Monica: (hums for a while, then gives up, and in her head) If it bothers you that much, just go out and get the shoes. No. Don't do this. This is stupid! I don't have to prove anything, I'm gonna go get them...But then everyone will know. Unless I get them, and then wake up really early and put them back! ...I need help! (She buries her head in her pillow.)
Monica: Youre not gonna mess it up.
[Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Rachel enter. Ross and Julie don't notice.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is in her bedroom.]
Monica: I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Phoebe. It's just a little shorter than what we had discussed.
[Time lapse. Melanie, Joey's girlfriend, is there with Joey, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel. Ross is gone.]
MONICA: Hell, I wanna see Joey.
MONICA: All I say is, she better get the job.
Monica: Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof!
Rachel: (as Monica) Yeah, and and, I'm just gonna pay for this with a check.
MONICA: Never call me from that phone.
MONICA: Rachel, that's all we do.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Rachel are there, Joey enters wearing an old looking hat.]
Monica: Yeah, you were, but you decided to make salmon because you had some left over at the restaurant. And then you realised if you (Points at Rachel) bitched about it, then you (Points to herself) would stop cooking, and you (Points at Rachel) would have to make your famous baked potato and Diet Coke.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Monica are watching Phoebe sleep.]
Monica: Why would I have the keys?
Monica: All right. The super couldnt figure out what it did. A $200 an hour electrician couldnt figure out what it did. Ive had seven pretty serious shocks. I officially give up.