words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Phoebe and Ross are sitting in the living room talking.]
Monica: (entering with something behind her back) Phoebe, cmere. I want to show you something in the bathroom.
Phoebe: Oh, Monica, grow up!
Monica: Nothing. Just something I want to get Phoebes opinion on for Valentines Day.
Monica: Not really.
Monica: All right, big brother. (holds up two erm revealing articles of clothing) Which of these do you think would make your little sister look hotter, so your best friend would want to do her?
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Chandler enters with a bouquet of roses.]
Monica: (from her bedroom) Okay! Ill be right out. Im slipping into something a little less comfortable, and a little more slutty.
Chandler: (picking up a video from the table) Candy and Cookie. Candy and Cookie? Monica got me porn?! Girl-on-girl porn?! She really must love me!! (Chandler runs over to the TV, puts the tape in, and sits down to enjoy some "porn")
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Chandler is sitting on the couch staring at the tape on the coffee table with his eyes huge and his mouth wide open.]
Monica: (entering from her bedroom) So what do you think? (referring to her outfit)
(Chandler glances up at Monica with his mouth still wide open and his eyes still huge)
Monica: (to herself) Ive still got it!
Monica: What is it?
Monica: Is this the video of the baby being born? Sweetie, this is Phoebes. Why were you even watching it?
Monica: Chandler, if you thought I was going to get you porn for Valentines Day (pulls a video out of a basket) you were right! Apparently, its about a young girl who moves to the big city, you know, in search of stardom, but ends up having sex with a lot of guys! Yeah, it got four starts! (looks closer) Oh, wait a minute. Those arent stars. Anyway, you want to take a look?
Monica: Honey, whats going on?
Monica: Mm-hmm.
Monica: Chandler, we cant let this tape wreck Valentines Day!
Monica: Child-birth, its a natural thing! Its beautiful.
Monica: Oh! Oh, my God! No wonder my mother hates me!
Monica: Dont touch me!
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch still staring at the screen.]
Monica: How long has it been this time?
Monica: Thats better. 90 seconds is a long time not to think about it except all I did was think about it.
Monica: Okay, well, we have to get past this! Why dont we get rid of the tape and pretend it never existed?
Monica: Okay.
(Chandler crawls over to Monica and they move in to kiss, but they cant do it and back up. They move in to kiss again, and kiss very awkwardly for a second, until someone knocks on the door.)
Monica: Oh, thank God!
Monica: Come in!
Monica: Oh, my God.
(Monica and Chandler both look at each other and run over to the window to watch the action in Ross apartment)
Monica: Rach, you know that birthing tape you wanted to see? Its here.
Monica: No, but I will leave a sweater that smells like me right next to you!
Monica: Shes right of course not. Honey, get the tape.
Monica: Its still beautiful.
Monica: I know! I know, Im so sorry for you!
(Monica and Rachel both cover their eyes)
Monica: Oh, look at those little fingers and toes!
Monica: Oh Rach!
MONICA: Um-hmm.
Monica: I was just waiting for the perfect guy.
Monica: No! But, Im throwing this shirt away! I think there was a little misunderstanding before.
Monica: Yo- hooo!
MONICA: I wa-
Monica: Okay, all right, how's this? 27. Italian-American guy. He's an actor, born in Queens. Wow, big family, seven sisters, and he's the only....boy. (they all turn and look at Joey) Oh my God, under personal comments: 'New York Knicks, rule!'
[Chandler and Joey are watching, Rachel turns their heads away from Monica.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is waiting for Rachel to return from the airport with Ross.]
MONICA: Who?
MONICA: Oh.
Chandler: David, let me stop you there 'cause I think I see where this is going. I'm not very good at giving advice. So if you want advice, go to Ross, Monica, or... Joey, if the thing you wanna advice about is pizza toppings or burning sensation when you pee.
MONICA: Do you not remember the puppet guy?
MONICA: Finger cramp. Oh God, sorry. Here, let me get that mom.
MONICA: You're right.
MONICA: We're good.
MONICA: Are you sure this time?
MONICA: Yes. But all the other ones.
MONICA: Nice.
Monica: Yeah, Chandler... you've been there for five years.
MONICA: Woah, woah, woah, let's go back to 29.
MONICA: Yeah, well they suck too.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier, everyone is still eating breakfast.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are preparing for a barbecue for Rachel's birthday.]
Helena: Im not very fond of New York. Queens I like. (Noticing Monicas ring.) Ooh, what is this sparkle something! (Shows the audience who woos.) Honey! Huh?
MONICA: [her and Phoebe tilt their heads] Oh, that's too bad.
(Both Chandler and Monica walk away in disgust.)
Monica: Yeah, Ive just been fiddling around in here making delicious treats for everyone.
MONICA: Really.
MONICA: Wow.
MONICA: Why?
MONICA: Weird, weird.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the baby shower is continuing as Rachel walks over to Monica and Phoebe.]
Rachel: See your twenty-five...and...uh, Monica, get my purse.
MONICA: [seeing TV] Hey, I went up.
Monica: (jumps over a box) Honey, that's a great idea nailing the boxes to the floor!
[Cut to into the bedroom, with Monica still hiding under the covers. Richard enters and sits down next to her.]
Monica: (grabs the guitar away from her) No, Phoebe, Ill tell you what, if you get ready now Ill let you play it at the wedding.
Monica: Lewis Posin! He was my best friend in fifth grade, and-and then one day I asked him to be my boyfriend and he said no. Do you know why?
Monica: (getting choked up) Hi, Ben. Hi. I'm your Aunt Monica. Yes I am. I'm your Aunt Monica. I...I will always have gum.
MONICA: We didn't order cake.
MONICA: The head tilt?
Ross: (picking up Chi-Chis picture) Aww! Chi-Chi! Oh, I loved this dog! Yknow Monica couldnt get braces because Chi-Chi needed knee surgery.
MONICA: [answers the door] Dr. Greene. Oh my God it's Rachel's dad. What're you doing here?
[Scene: Outside Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is returning.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are busy unpacking.]
MONICA: I just told Rachel that Roy touched my boob.
MONICA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, where are we on the hundred bucks?
MONICA: I hope you cleaned your hair out of the drain.
Monica: Chandler, this actually bothers you?
Fake Monica: Monica, I started my day by peeing in front of twenty-five other women, and you're worried about who's gonna take you to the Big Apple Circus?
Monica: Oh my God, what would have done if I said yes?
Monica: Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catch the Reruns' production of Pinocchio, at the little theater in the park.
Monica: ..I dunno, a little too Alan?
CHANDLER: Hi Monica.
[Cut to later in that episode in Central Perk, a meeting with Phoebe, Rachel, and Joey where they discuss Chandler and Monica.]
MONICA: What?
CHANDLER: It's a traditional Mexican custard dessert...Look talk to Monica, she's on the food committee.
MONICA: Well, maybe you don't need them.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Its closer to dinner. Monica has just told everyone that Tim is coming to dinner.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there but Ross and Chandler. Monica is making food, and having everyone try it.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Rachel and Ross are there. Ross is trying to get the dress off Marcel.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel has just gotten home and is going through the mail. She finds something that's Monica's and goes over and knocks on her closed bedroom door.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. They're done and come out of their bedroom. Emma is still gone.]
Phoebe: (checking for herself) (To Monica) Mazel tov.
MONICA: So what happened?
Monica: And youve never been funnier. Joke, joke, joke, you were a hoot!
Monica: So what, you're not the only one. I mean, half the time we don't know where we're going. You've just gotta figure at some point it's all gonna come together, and it's just gonna be... un-floopy.
MONICA: Of course I wouldn't approve, I mean, you were totally in love with this guy who, hello, was gay. I mean, what the hell were you thinking?
[Monica slams the door back shut]
MONICA: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
Monica: So umm, what do you say we make it a weekly appointment?
MONICA: Just go.
MONICA: And his puppet too.
Monica: I'm telling you, she went to the airport, and she's gonna go for it with Ross!
Monica: (stopping him) What, what are you doing? You cant go out there.
(He goes to open the door to his apartment, but finds it locked. As he's getting out his keys, Chandler and Monica quickly jump up from making out in the living room and run to Chandler's bedroom. The apartment has about 20 candles burning all over the place. Joey opens the door and ushers Cynthia in.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, one week later. Monica is seated, Rachel comes out of her bedroom.]
MONICA: You, and you, you're supposed to be at my party. And Gunther! What are you doing here?
Janice: I love the way you look every night Chandler! (Monica breaks the kiss and Chandler freezes in terror.) Thats why I made you this tape! Happy Birthday! Love Janice!
MONICA: Phoebe.
[Scene: Dr. Burke's apartment. Monica and Dr. Burke are in the kitchen.]
Monica: (embarrassed) (To Phoebe and Rachel) I didnt even tell him to say that. (They hug). All right youre off my list.
MONICA: Oh Rachel don't, don't you dare, don't, don't. Tell him I cook.
Monica: Ok, so I think I'm just about done here, unless you have any bad stuff hidden somewhere, like... porn or cigarettes?
Monica: Okay? (To a different group) Over here we have pink suede, which is nice. But umm, if it gets wet then you know its gonna shrink.
MONICA: Ok, thanks for coming, I hope you guys had fun.
Monica: Do you wanna do it at the same time?
Monica: Oh THATS ME! (she runs to the pizza guy)
MONICA: Wow, that is a surprise. Just one little question, uh, why not Ross's room?
MONICA: Thank you.
MONICA: Ok, that's enough.
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel, Monica, Joey, and Chandler are there.]
Monica: Ross and I always wanted to be Donny and Marie.
MONICA: Oh, I ordered mine first.
Ross: Monica, youre so lucky! Hes like the most popular guy in school!!
MONICA: Give it to me.
MONICA: Well, bye for me too. [kisses him]
MONICA: Wow, for a guy who's recently lost his job, you're in an awfully good mood.
MONICA: Had it.
MONICA: Baddest. Otherwise the song would be Fat Fat Leroy Brown.