words in movies
Written by: Doty Abrams Transcribed by: Eric Aasen With Scenes Taken From Episodes Transcribed by: Mindy Mattingly Phillips, guineapig, Ruth Curran, Josh Hodge, and Me.
Phoebe: Dont worry about me, Im a robot! Im just a machine!!
Joey: No youre not! Not to me!
Phoebe: Oh yeah, youre solid. Yeah, youre just no me.
Joey: Yeah, and oh she's really nice too. She taught me all about how to work the cameras, and smell-the-fart acting.
Ross: Excuse me?
Joey: I play Al Pacino's butt. All right? He goes into the shower, and then- I'm his butt. Monica: (trying not to laugh) Oh my God. Joey: C'mon, you guys. This is a real movie, and Al Pacino's in it, and that's big! Chandler: Oh no, it's terrific, it's- it's- y'know, you deserve this, after all your years of struggling, you've finally been able to crack your way into show business. Joey: Okay, okay, fine! Make jokes, I don't care! This is a big break for me! Ross: You're right, you're right, it is.
Joey: All right well, Im outta here. Wish me luck.
Joey: Yeah-yeah, its down to me and two other guys.
Rachel: (on the phone) Monica, Im quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didnt even buy it! (Pause) Im telling you Im quitting! Thats it! Im talking to my boss right now! (Pause) Yes I am! (Pause) Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you get this message. (Hangs up.)
Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) What are you talking about? The auditions not til 5:00! (Chandler suddenly remembers and looks at the unfinished message then tries to sneak over and finish it as Joey listens.) Well, nobody told me! (Listens) Whod you talk to? (Listens and turns around to see Chandler trying to finish the message.) Nevermind! (Hangs up.)
Joey: How could you do this to me Chandler?! This part couldve turned my whole career around!
Chandler: You know he coulda gotten me a VCR, he coulda gotten me a set of golf clubs, but no, he has to get me the woman repeller! The eyesore from the Liberace house of crap!
Chandler: Look, Im not saying that you should magically forgive me! But youre not perfect! Youve made some errors in judgment too!
Lorraine: She's checking the coats. Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands. Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice.
Chandler: Joey's tailor...took advantage of me.
Monica: Oh, stop beating yourself up! People make mistakes! These things happen! There arent any message youve forgotten to give me are there? (Chandler has a disgusted look on his face.) Apparently youre not very good at it! I
Chandler: Do you think hell ever forgive me?
Monica: Yknow what? He will forgive you. And I like to bring a pad with me when I go answer the phone just in case (Chandler gets that disgusted look back.) Okay
Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it)
Monica: You sold me out.
Monica: Yes you did. You absolutely sold me...
Rachel: Would you let me talk. [flicks Monica on the forehead]
Monica: Did you just flick me?
Rachel: OK, well, you wouldn't let me finish and I was jus- [Monica flicks her back] Ow. That hurt [flicks Monica]
Joey: Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando...
Chandler: Please tell me you got the message!
Joey: (shocked) Thats mean! You really had me going there!
Joey: You hug me!
[What follows is the final set of flashbacks that feature a whole lot of lovin between Chandler and Joey. Theres no words, just hugs and even the kiss from The One With The Monkey. All of this is set to the song, Youve Really Got a Hold on Me!]
Chandler: I think so. Yeah, get off me.
Chandler: Okay. (Pause) You wont believe what Monicas older brother just said to me!
Joey: You know, you and Bob, and me and my girlfriend, uh, uh, Monica.
Rachel: Phoebe, come on can we finish this later? Cause I wanna go running before it gets dark. Oh! Why don't you come with me?!
PHOEBE: Yeah, I talked to my grandma about the Old Yeller incident, and she told me that my mom used to not show us the ends of sad movies to shield us from the pain and sadness. You know, before she killed herself.
Frank: (laughs) Not to me.
Rachel: Yeah, right, he almost danced me right down that garbage chute. (Starts to cry)
Phoebe: (jumps in front of Rachel) Hi! Oh yeah, uh-huh, it's me. I saw you grab your running shoes this morning and sneak out. You lied so you could run by yourself.
Chandler: Excuse me. (gets up, jumps up and down while he zips his zipper up... other patrons look at him) How ya doin'?
Janine: They said stuff to me too, yknow!
Janine: Me too.
Monica: Yeah, well you call her and tell her that yknow when we were kids her precious little Frannie tried to undress me several times, okay? And if I hadnt have stopped her, there probably wouldnt even be a wedding to go too.
Ross: He couldn't even tell me! He said it was just some sort of skin... abnormality. And the worst thing is he-he-he said, he said, without being able to identify it, he was reluctant to remove it.
Phoebe: Yeah! It really has been great too, you know, some of this people must have seen me play before because they were requesting a bunch of my songs! Yeah, "You suck" and "shut up and go home".
Joey: (comforting her) And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey. Me and Chandler live across the hall. And he's away a lot.
Chandler: If you need money, will you please-please just let me loan you some money?
Joey: I know! Yeah, but, look I can handle it. All right? Look, I can listen to the radio, huh? And Ross gave me this great book (holds up the Playboy magazine).
Monica: Me neither.
Rachel: (on answering machine) Hi, its me. Ive been trying to reach you all night. I feel awful. Please, Ross, you gotta know there is nothing between me and Mark. This whole break-up thing is just stupid.
Rachel: Oh yeah, scared the hell out of me. I thought wed lost you forever. Pheebs, you lie down?
Monica: First of all um, I love you both so much and youre both so important to me
Joey: I hate Pottery Barn too. They kicked me out of there just because I sat on a bed!
Gunther: Yeah, that-that Chandler cracks me up.
Chandler: Monica, you remember me telling you that joke, right?
Joanna: Rachel, I need the Versachi invoice. (to Chandler) Hello! You dont work for me.
Monica: Do you want me to pick you?!
Monica: What do you want me to do? Just sit here silently while you three have a conversation?
CHANDLER: Yeah, he let us drive his Jaguar. Joey for 12 blocks, me for 15.
Rachel: Ohh, it's me and La Poo! Wow! I miss that dog.
Dr. Green: Who is the father? Oh no! Please dont tell me its her! (Points at Phoebe.)
Ross: Let me see, I gotta see, I gotta see. Oh, a head. Oh, it's, it's huge. Carol, how are you doing this?
Joey: Well if its free food, how come youre charging me for it?
Monica: He just told me at the counter. He made me promise not to tell, but I couldn't hold it in any longer!
Joey: Okay, now uh, in terms of the invite list, Ive got you, me, and Chandler and Im gonna invite Gunther cause, well, weve been talking about this pretty loud.
Joey: No, Im gonna!! Thats right! Yeah, you made me feel really guilty about goin out with that girl! Like-like-like I did something terrible to you! And now Pheebs, youre doing the same thing!
Jill: Me go out with Ross?! No! God no! What would make you think that?
Jill: No! Yknow what Rachel? Youre right, yknow he has been really nice to me.
Rachel: Chandler! Patrick just uh, ended things with me. Did you or did you not tell him that I was looking for a serious relationship?
Joey: Well usually...yeah! Well, not just lemonade, iced tea, sometimes juice. Well, sorry, I just, I thought you liked me. Im such a jerk.
Monica: Have you lost your mind? Chandler, this isn't about me! This is about you and all your weird relationship commitment crap!
Ross: Did you tell your sister to ask me out?
Chandler: Oh, is this about you-you dating the nurse? Yeah, Joey already told me, and I am so-so fine. I mean, you and I we're just, y'know, we're nothing, we're goofin' around.
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no-no-no, you are not getting me this way.
Ross: Well I told you it was Chandler who was smoking the pot but it was me. Im sorry.
Jill: (laughs) Me too.
Joey: So, youd hire me, right?
Rachel: Oh yes, its me! Sorry!
Monica: Are you kidding me?! Is this; is this turning you on?
Monica: What? We took a walk, nothing happened. I can back with nothing all over me.
Ross: You want me to call her right now?
Phoebe: (crying) Yeah me too.
Rachel: Hello! (She makes a face and the kid laughs harder. Finally, his parents drag him off.) Ohh, kids love me.
The Fan: Excuse me.
Rachel: That-that is your make out buddy. Dont you recognize him? (Holding up the magazine in front of her face.) Oh wait. Ohh, Phoebe I love you. Kiss me please.
Joey: So, were walking down the street and I turn to you and I say, Hey, lets go hang out at Totally Nude Nudes, remember? And then, and then, you turn to me and say, Nah, lets just hang out at your place. Well, that was a nice move dumb ass.
Jill: You dont want him, but you dont want me to have him?
Jill: Why are you so jealous of me?
Chandler: Hey. Do you want this scone? (Holds up his plate) It came for me but it would probably rather sleep with you!
Rachel: Country club newsletter. My mother sends me the engagement notices for 'inspiration.' Oh my God! Oh my God, it's Barry and Mindy!
Phoebe: Well, no, no, wait, wait, wait. All right, I gotta go. Just listen. Promise me, that you will wait a minute before you call her.
Ross: Umm, she kissed me.
Joey: Okay, what if the puppy said, "Help me Chandler. All the other puppies pick on me."
Rachel: Oh, well thank you for taking your tongue out of my sisters mouth long enough to tell me that.
Monica: Excuse me, sir, would it help if I werent wearing underpants?
Monica: (laughs) Thats right. My Mom doesnt have any faith in me! Oh, thats hilarious! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Chandler: Oh, its not important? Its not important?! If it wasnt for a brides maid youd be marrying him (Points to Joey) not me!
Emily: No ones ever thrown me a surprise party before!
Monica: Yeah, me too! (Runs and grabs her 3-ring binder of ideas.)
Mr. Geller: Hi. God, it seems like just yesterday you guys used to come out to watch me work.
Ross: No-no. Its-its me, Ross!
Rachel: Ohh! Me too!
Chandler: Ok, Janice. Janice. Hey, Janice. Look, there's no way for me to tell you this. At least there's no new way for me to tell you this. I just don't things are gonna work out.
Chandler: Look I'm very glad that you saved Ross from the car backfire, but y'know, it could've been a bullet and you y'know, you didn't try to save me!
Rachel: No-no-dont! Dont leave me here with these people.
Phoebe: Who are you kidding? (To Joey) You just find some guy off the street for me? Oh God! This is humiliating!
Man: Oops, I'm sorry. Excuse me. Is this the umm, the memorial?
Ross: Are you angry at me because I said your handwriting is childlike?
Rachel: You are asking me to be your wife!
Chandler: Joey told me, he saw you two kissing.
Phoebe: Oh, look-look, Joey's on TV! Isn't that great? My pledge got Joey on TV! Oh that makes me feelOh no! (Realizes that her deed made her happy and therefore it's selfish and covers her mouth in horror.)
Chandler: So you didn't uh, choose Ross before me.
Chandler: But only because I was up all night worried about this meeting, aint that funny? Irony? Not a fan, alright (he sits down). See, heres the thing. I went home and told my wife about Tulsa and she wont go. See, me, I love Tulsa! Tulsa is heaven! Tulsa is ItalyPlease dont make me go there!
Ross: Well, ok, it's for 25 thousand dollars. And if I get it, I'll finally be able to complete my field research! And there will be an article about me in the "Paleontology Review"! Yeah! That'll be the first time my name is in there, without people raising serious questions about my work!
Ross: Oh hey, Gary, want me to grab the berry for ya?
Chandler: Oh thats great! Great! Thanks! But that dress I mean its like yuck! Its terrible! It makes me wanna just rip it right off of you!
ROSS: Yes, it was horrible. She cried. I cried. She threw things, they hit me. Anyway, I did the right thing.
Joey: (pretending to be an announcer) And the winner is Joey Tribbiani! (He then gets excited and goes over to the counter to practice his acceptance speech using a bottle of maple syrup as the award.) Oh Wow! I honestly never expected this. I uh, I didnt prepare a speech. But umm, Id like to thank (Rachel enters quietly) my parents, whove always been there for me. Id also like to thank my friends, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, Rachel
Ross: So honey, this morning was fun, huh? Me hopping in on you in the shower there.
Chandler: Oh no no no.. I'll get her. I'm super-compentent and totally responsibile and fourth in line to raise Emma. I'll be right there Emma. Just let me get my trusty diaper bag here. <knocks over the box of china> Well.. what do you know? I guess, I'll be the one who dies first.
Phoebe: Oh, give it to me.
Rachel: No-n-n-n-no! I am finally thinking clearly. My lucky dress wasnt working out to well for me, but for four years, this baby never missed.
Carol: Oh, me too.
Emily: (Giggles.) Ohh...(She realizes that shes in her gown.) Oh! You were not meant to see me before the wedding. Its bad luck.
Joey: (laughing hysterically) Youre right! That did cheer me up!
Rachel: Ehh, pardon me?
Monica: And what if I was still fat? (To Chandler) Well, you wouldnt be dating me, thats for sure.
Rachel: Oh! Did you hear that?! My dads proud of me! My dads proud of me.
Monica: Yeah, me too.
Monica: Oh really? When? Do you wanna do it with me?
Chandler: Hey thats what I tell girls about me.
Rachel: Wow! Tell me something Joey(She falls off the couch)Whoa! I just fell right off the couch there.