words in movies
Originally written by Michael Borkow, Mike Sikowitz & Jeffrey Astrof Transcribed by Joshua Hodge. Minor additions and adjustments by Dan Silverstein.
Rachel: I mean maybe you didnt hear about a serious relationship called me and Joshua?
Joshua: Yeah, that would be fantastic! My-my nephew is crazy about the Knicks! This is fantastic, thank you so much Rachel. (He takes the tickets and leaves as Mr. Waltham returns.)
Joshua: Yeah, it was my first date since the uh, since the divorce.
(Rachel gets up and ushers them into the hall, as they pass Joshua, he leaps onto the counter to avoid them. Rachel drops them off in the hall, and knocks on Joeys door.)
Rachel: Ohh, its Joshua invited me to this fancy club opening tonight. But, I already told Mr. Waltham that I would take his niece to this dumb old opera. So What are you gonna do?
Joshua: Uhh, actually yknow what, I kindaI have to take off.
Rachel: Oh, I wish he was a doll, then I could get a Rachel doll and bump them together and make kissy noises. Oh! And he has the most beautiful name, I never realised it, Joshua! Josh-u-a! Joshua! Josh.
Joshua: Anyway, hopefully, Ill see you around sometime. (He goes out the door.)
Rachel: Okay, yknow what, yknow what? This playing hard to get thing is not working. Umm, hand-hand me those cherries. (Chandler does so.) Okay. Okay. (She does a little sexy walk over to where Joshua is standing.) Hi!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is on her dinner date with Joshua.]
Joshua: Man, I could really flash somebody in this thing. (He goes to put his hands in his pockets.)
Joshua: Yeah, its-its my only weird thing, I swear. And I-I-I wouldve told you about it, but I didnt know they would be here.
Joshua: Yeah-yeah, its this huge place, and-and its got this gorgeous view of the park, and very, very romantic. What do you say?
Rachel: You are not going to believe it! Joshua came into work today, and guess what happened?
Joshua: Huh. (She starts brushing the lint off and checking him out in the mirror.) Yeah?
Rachel: I dont care! All right, yknow what Im just upset that Im getting nowhere with Joshua thatyknow what still, you do not meet someone and go flitting off to Vermont!
Joshua: Its this way? Sorry. (He walks past her and she again admires his butt.)
Joshua: (getting up and backing away from they.) Is there ah, is there some way they can not be here. Its just ah, farm birds really kinda freak me out!
Rachel: We have to have a surprise Bon Voyage party for Emily. But its actually for Joshua. (Starts handing out party hats.) Look, he said hes not ready to date, so I had to invite him to a party if I wanted to see him outside of work, and now I have the perfect opportunity to seduce him! (Hands Ross a party hat.)
Rachel: Three people. Joshuas not gonna be there.
(They all go into the kitchen. Just then, Rachel comes back from the bathroom; she had removed her dress and is wearing nothing but a lace nightie. She tries to find someplace seductive to wait for Joshua. She tries to sit on the piano, but it makes too much noise. So she goes over to the couch and kinda half lays down to wait for Joshua. Joshua comes in from the kitchen, sees Rachel, and freezes.)
Joshua: Yeah, sure-sure, yeah, were-were-were-were-were clicking.
Joshua: All those things I said about not being ready
Joshua: Yknow, I wore that cashmere sweater on a date last night.
Joshua: Yeah, but it wasnt much fun dropping it off at the dry cleaners in the skirt. (Rachel laughs) So I need everything down to underwear, so if youre willing, Im all yours.
Chandler: Oh yeah? (He grabs the pad and starts reading it.) Joshua, give me a call sometime, guys like you (Pause) never go out of stylewhat did you throw away?
Joshua: I do. I do. I love it. In fact, I think Im gonna wear it home.
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachel is preparing to slip Joshua the note.]
Joshua: Kidding! (Rachel is relived) Im gonna get there early, but Im going to put you on the V.I.P list, okay? Look for me.
Rachel: Hi, Im Rachel Green. What can I do for you Joshua?
(She crawls over to Joshua and kisses the back of his knee. He feels it and looks down, Rachel pretends shes knocking a bug off his leg.)
Joshua: They-they-they can smell fear.
Joshua: Huh. Oh, boy! (Sits down next to her.) Uhh, I-I dont wear suits to work, and I bought six of them from you.
Rachel: Would you like to go to a basketball game with me? (Tries again.) You know, its funny, basketball, because I happen to have tickets too (Tries again.) Umm, who likes the Knicks(Joshua comes in from the dressing room.)
Rachel: No, she was already in, but then this big bitch behind me tried to steal my umbrella, so I clocked her. Ohhh! I cant believe this, all I wanted was a few hours outside of work to see Joshua, so he can go ahead and start falling in love with me.
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachel is still dressing Joshua. He is trying on a pair of pants.]
Rachel: No-no, that wasnt me! (To Joshua) Well, we should get started. Let me show you my underwear. (Joshua turns at that) The selection of underwear we carry.
Rachel: Yes! I will! Absolutely! (She takes out his license and her license and holds them face to face with each other. She then proceeds to act like Dark Helmut in Spaceballs, and mimic a conversation between the two of them.) Hello, Rachel. Hi, Joshua. I left my wallet here on purpose. Really? Yes, I just wanted to see you again. Oh, Im glad. Rachel, Id like to say something to you. Yes? How you doin?
Joshua: No, no-no, no-no, my point is that I kept coming back because, I wanted to see you.
Rachel: You know what, Im gonna do that, Im gonna call him up, and Im gonna ask him out. I can do that. Ask him out. (Practising) How you doin? (Calls him) Hi! Joshua? Its Rachel Green from Bloomingdales. (Listens) Yeah, umm, I was wondering if you umm, if you umm, left your wallet at the store today? Well, we found a wallet, and we(Listens) the license? Well, that is a good idea! Uh, well, lets see here this says this license belongs to a uh, uh, belongs to a mister uh, Pheebs, and umm, yeah, so sorry to bother you at home. Ill see you tomorrow. Bye. (Hangs up) (to Phoebe) Youve done that a thousand times?
Joshua: No, no, no, shes nice but, yknow, it just it made me realize that Im just not, Im just not ready to be dating, yknow?
Rachel: Oh, wait, Joshua! Joshua! (Pause) (Comes back inside) Yeah, well, that oughta do it.
Joshua: But, I was curious; do you have any plans for tonight?
Rachel: (joining them) Well, I just checked our messages and Joshua didnt call. I mean youd think hed be worried about me not showing up at his club. Ugh, you know what makes it so much worse, Ross is all happy in Vermont!
Joshua: (coming in from a changing room) Okay!
Joshua: Yeah! I mean youre-youre beautiful and smart and sophisticateda lot of this isnt based on tonight.
[Scene: Joshuas parents apartment, continued from earlier.]
Joshua: Umm, that was really great, but I-I gotta take-off actually.
Rachel: Ohh, here you are. I was looking for you before. Joshuas gone so you and Emily are free to go.
(Rachel spins the bottle and it lands on .wait for it .Joshua. (You thought I was going to say Ross, didnt you?) Rachel squeals in delight and starts a slow sexy crawl over to Joshua, making sure he and everyone else watching gets a good look at her cleavage.)
(They all stand up and go over to Phoebe to feel the baby, preventing Rachel from kissing Joshua.)
Joshua: I invested in this night-club and its opening tonight, would you like to come?
Mrs. Burgin: Hello. Well, Joshua, that $500 was for groceries.
Joshua: Wow! That would be great.
Chandler: Why are you in here if Joshua is all the way over there? (Points to the living room.)
Joshua: Anyway, she burned all of my clothes. I got away with two things. This suit and what turned out to be a skirt.
Joshua: My marriage like just ended, and Im really not ready to get into anything yet.
Joshua: and even though none of the other kids believed me, I swear to God, that duck pushed me!
Rachel: Okay. So, can I serve you a little ofWhat? What? What? (She sees that Joshua isnt relaxed.)
Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) Well, I just called Joshua
Originally written by Transcribed by Joshua Hodge
Rachel: Okay, you guys, just relax. (She goes over to open the door, and as she does, she says.) I doooo. (Sees that its Joshua, not Chandler that knocked on the door.)
Originally written by Adam Chase. Transcribed by Joshua Hodge.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica is cooking and Rachel is getting ready for a date with Joshua.]
Chandler: Hey, I hear that you and Joshua are going out to dinner with Ross and Emily, and I think thats, I think thats really cool.
Rachel: Ohh, gosh. You guys, come on, this isI have to meet Joshua! This is my one chance for him to see the fun Rachel. Yknow the "Wouldnt it be great if she was my wife" Rachel. Ohh, all right! Are Joey and Chandler back?
Joshua: Hey, heres an idea. Why dont uh, I put the food in the fridge and we can eat it later?
Joshua: Oh, that-that would be great. So you didnt even get to Italy?
(She goes down the hall. Joshua goes to put the food away when his parents walk in.)
Rachel: Um-hmm. (Joshua turns to look in the mirror and leaves Rachel staring at his ass.) There we go. There it is.
Joshua: Hi. (He has just returned.)
Originally written by Betsy Bornes Transcribed by Joshua Hodge. Minor additions and adjustments by Dan Silverstein.
Joshua: Well, I need a whole new wardrobe. My wife, well my ex-wife
Joshua: Well, I guess this is uh, I guess this is it.
Joshua: Uhh, yeah, I think Im going to take-off too.
Rachel: Its Joshua.
Joshua: Hi, Im Joshua.
Joshua: Ah, thats okay, thanks.
Joshua: What do you think?
Joshua: Hi!
Joshua: All right, thank you so much for all your help.
Joshua: So, these will match the jacket you picked out for me last week?
Joshua: Okay.
Joshua: Also large?
Joshua: (turning around) Oh! You know what I need?
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachels new job, she is waiting for Joshua and practising how to ask him out.]
Joshua: So (Holds out his hands as to say, "Where are my gloves?")
Joshua: Youre into hardcore S&M right?
Joshua: Gloves?
Monica: So? How did it go with Joshua last night?
Rachel: Its Joshua.
Rachel: Joshua.
Rachel: No-no-no, that not Joshua.
Joshua: Yknow, they ruin it for everybody.
Joshua: Oh, no thanks.
Joshua: Oh great! (He tries on the coat.) Wow! Yeah, its comfortable.
Joshua: Why not?!
Joshua: Hi!
Joshua: Okay.
Joshua: You okay? (Rachel swallowed it whole and is not hacking like a heavy smoker in the morning.) You all right? (Rachel walks away, coughing.)