words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is in the kitchen, Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are sitting around the table writing one notepads while Chandler is looking over their shoulders.]
Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe: Shhhh!
Chandler: Okay, so Rachel's got 48 and Phoebe has the lead in vegetables, Joey?
Joey: Say hello to the new champ of Chandler's dumb states game.
Joey: Fifty-six!
Joey: Hey! How is New England not a state? Huh? They have a sports-team!
Chandler: Does South Oregon have a sports-team? (Joey strikes one from his list) There you go.
Ross: You know, I hate to lecture you guys, but it's kinda disgraceful, that a group of well-educated adults and Joey can't name all the states. Did you ever see a map, or one of those round, colorful things called "a globe?" Hmm?
Joey: 46. Wow! Who's well educated now, Mr. I-forgot-ten-states?
Monica: All right, I'm out of oven space. I'm gonna turn on Joey's. Please, watch him! Do not let Joey eat any of the food!
Joey: (gets up) All right. Don't look at my list, Ross, 'cause there's a lot on there that you don't have.
Monica: (entering, to Joey and Rachel) Hey, did you guys know, that your oven doesn't work?
Joey: But the drawer full of take-out menus is okay, right?
Chandler: Sure, and Joey; do not let Ross look at any of the maps or the globe in your apartment.
Joey: Don't worry, Chandler, it's not a globe of the United States.
Joey: What the hell is in there?
Monica: We left Joey alone with the food! (Walks towards the window and looks out) Yep! Yep, I knew it! There he is... feeding stuffing to a dog!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Ross is still doing his list. Rachel and Joey are feeding the dog as the phone rings.]
Joey: Yeah that dog left!
Joey: (interrupting him) Don't do it!
Chandler: (to Joey) I have to! Okay? It's time! (Joey shrugs as if to say, "Do what you have to do") Okay, I hate dogs.
Joey: Told ya. (Waves bye-bye.)
Joey: Look, Chandler, I told you, never tell anyone about this dog thing. It's like Ross not likin ice cream.
Joey: Half hour. (Rachel turns to look at him and he nods yes.)
Joey: All right, Rach, the big question is, does he like you? All right? Because if he doesn't like you, this is all a moo-point.
Joey: Yeah, it's like a cow's opinion. It just doesn't matter. It's moo.
Monica: Please, don't listen to Joey, okay. Would you look at him? He-hes obviously depressed. He's away from his family; he's spending Thanksgiving with strangers. What he needs right now is for you to be his friend.
Joey: Fine! Take their advice. No one ever listens to me. When the package is this pretty, no one cares what's inside.
Joey: (through the window) All right, he likes you back! Huh? Told ya, you should go for it!
Joey: (realizes what he said) Street noise drowned any of that out? (Rachel moves madly towards him) No, all right, I see you later, okay... (Turns away embarrassed)
Tag: What did Joey say? I like you back?
Rachel: Uh, yeah, well, see, he Joey knows, that I'm-I'm very insecure about my back and, and you're hugging me, so obviously you are not repulsed by it, yeah!
Rachel: No? (He shakes his head) All right, here's the truth um, Joey said what he said, because um, I'm attracted to you.
Joey: (entering) Okay, I'm in my sweat pants. Bring on the food! (Sees that Chandler has a worried look on his face) What's the matter?
Joey: So? Bring the dog back, you're a hero.
Joey: Chandler, it's like a big gerbil.
Joey: Ross, you need some help?
Joey: (sits down next to Ross) First of all, Utah? Dude, you can't just make stuff up!
[Joey stands up again. Rachel enters the door]
Joey: Hey! Tag's still talking to the police.
Joey: If you said it like that, you probably did, yeah.
[Rachel walks past Joey towards the couch]
Joey: Oh No-no-no-no-no-no-no! He went over to Ross' to bring the dog back here!
Joey: You think?
Joey: I thought we talked about this. I dont like pulp. No pulp. Pulp isnt juice. All juice, okay?
Joey: That's some gentle comedy, dude. (he and Ross leave)
Joey: Whoa! And the... (gestures with hands) huh-huh?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is giving Rachel, Chandler, Phoebe, and Ross their bills.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey, Chandler, Monica and the twins are there. Everything has been put into boxes.]
Janice: Oh hi! Well, I guess that's two out of three, Joey. (Laughs and exits.)
Joey: (contemplates for a few moments what Rachel just said) NAH! I don't have another level!!
(Joey is sitting in an armchair and wearing a diving mask. He pulls out a grape from a bunch of fake grapes on the coffee table, puts it on the snorkel's breathing tube and blows it out, then giggles to himself)
Paul: Sure you did! You came in, you got all awkward, and you ran into the bedroom. You were shouting, "Joey! Joey!" Bye Rach. (Kisses her.)
Joey: Yeah, try sticking it in the freezer for 20 minutes. (They all look around and then back at Joey.) Im tellin ya!
(Joey visibly thinks 'Of course!' and writes it down.)
JOEY: Shh, OK, here I come, here I come. See I'm comin' to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinkin' what do I do, what do I do. . . so I just watch 'em have sex. And then I say, wait, here's my line, [Joey from TV] you know that's bad fo r the paper tray.
Joey: Wha? Wha..aa? Let me get the father. Hey, we need a father over here! We need a father!
Joey: Ok, you know what blows my mind? Women can see breasts any time they want. You just look down and there they are. How you get any work done is beyond me.
[Scene: Central Perk, all but Chandler are there, Joey laughs for no apparent reason.]
Monica: Okay, Mike and Joey, get in position. Chandler, come with me. (they walk off, Ross looks down to Chappy, who he's holding and he gets a whiff of the dog's smell. He is clearly disgusted by it.)
Rachel: Thank you Joey. You know what? I'm not even sure I can have caffeine.
Joey: Im sure its a famous watering can, okay. But, come on and what is with the really hot stick in the bathroom?
Joey: Good for you. (jumps suddenly) Uh, quarters or rolls of quarters?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is sitting on the couch as Joey enters strutting.]
Joey: GET THAT LEGLESS WITCH OUT OF HERE!
Joey: Y'know what? Make fun all you want. This is a great bag! Okay? And it's as handy as it is becoming. Now, just because you don't understand something, doesn't make it wrong. All right? So from now on you guys are gonna have to get used to the fact that Joey, (pats the bag) comes with a bag! (Exits.)
Joey: And-and-and-and-and-and, and were gonna be friends again!
Joey: Well, have-have you told him how you feel?
Joey: Wh? Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when huh what? Thurs(He gasps in horror.) Oh! (Runs out and Chandler just shakes his head. After a second Joey runs back in to grab a piece of pizza and runs back out.)
Joey and Ross: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Let her dangle.
Joey: Right!(he starts to ape her)"Oh my God, is this the men's room? Oh, I feel so foolish, have you always known you wanted to be an actor?" (he inclines his head as if to look at a man's private parts)
Joey: Well, Estelle tried, you know. The casting director told her that I missed my chance.
Chandler: Oh, you should live with Joey, Roll-os everywhere.
Chandler: Hi. (Joey blows on a noisemaker.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Chandler are there as Phoebe enters carrying a drum.]
Joey: Yeah you see umm, well, I'm an actor. Right? So I gotta keep my emotions right at the surface y'know? See what I'm saying? I gotta lot of balls in the air. (Makes like he's juggling.) Y'know what I mean? It's tough! Guys like me, y'know, you wander around, you're alone
Joey: Pickle? Pickles make her sick. Giving her pickles is like giving me salad.
Joey: (looks at the time) Wow, hey, we'd better get going. If we don't leave right now, we'll be late for dinner.
(Joey walks in and sees Ross and Charlie kissing. He gives a faint, rueful smile, then he seems to recollect something and suddenly he moves back to Rachel's room. He knocks on her door and she opens)
Joey: Oh, hey, my pleasure. (he suddenly becomes very serious) So what are your intentions with my Phoebe?
Joey: Hey, wouldn't be cool if our duck and chick had a little baby? We could call it Chuck.
[Scene: The Theatre, Joey and Kate are rehearsing for the play.]
Gunther: Your muffins. (Sets down a huge plate of muffins in front of Joey.)
Monica: (hands the tape back to Joey, but doesnt let him grab it) Yknow maybe a little bit!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Monica are in there, and Phoebe enters]
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont, is tied up alongside the pier; Joey and Rachel are relaxing.]
Joey: No man, that's huge! Now, I know I can stand to be around her, which means I get to hang out with you, which is kinda the whole point, anyway.
Joey: Well, what if they came in third in a modeling contest?
JOEY: I'm fine with it, I mean, if you're OK watching a video filled with two nippled people. [Chandler puts the tape in]
Joey: See, I actually can pour milk, but I got you believing that I couldnt. Now, see, thats acting.
JOEY: Or clowns. Oh, oh wait. That one's definitely Ben. Remember, he had that cute little mole by his mouth.
Joey: Well, I like it. Here you go. (He pays for the hat.)
Joey: Marcel, I'm hungry.
Joey: (grunting) Oh my How much do you weigh Ross?!
Joey: Oh, all blank, and no blank, makes blank a blank blank. Oh no-no-no, no, the end when Jack almost kills them all with that blank, but then at last second they get away. Aww!
Joey: Just now, after acting class. At first I thought she was doing some kind of scene, thats why I let people watch.
Joey: (In tremendous pain) All right. Good deal.
Joey: (To a co-worker) Hey, it's not the first time I lost a girl to a cowboy spraying cologne. (A customer walks by.) Bijan for men? (The customer ignores him, and Joey starts to chase him) Bijan for men?!
CHANDLER: Hear me out woman.� I'll go down the fire escape.� Then, I'll wait for a while.� Then, when I come up the stairs, it'll be just like I just got back from Tulsa.� Then, Joey and I will come in and see that there's no guy in here.
Joey: I-I think everybodys pretending they dont hear you. Anyway, look, I dont know about you and your jackets and your separate tables, but Ross is one of my best friends, and if I save him a seat, Im telling you, he will sit in it! (Ross enters and goes over to the white table) Ross! Ross! Over here, man! I-I saved you seat.
Joey: Fine! Do you take Vasa or Mustercard? (He's holding the fake credit cards that come with the bag.)
Joey: Yeah, shes been in there all day (Points to her room), uh high fever, a nose problem Phlegm! Phlegm! Phlegm-phlegm-phlegm!
Joey: (voice-over) ...and he couldnt let it go, and... I dont really know what happened with that either.
Joey: The ones that got me the Porsche! Will you keep up! (Chandler wipes his forehead with a baby wipe, that might have been used. He drops it disgustedly.) But I figured, if-if people keep seeing me just standing there, theyre gonna start to think that I dont own it. So I figured Ill wash it. Right? Monica, you got a bucket and some soap I can borrow?
(Chandler leans back against the wall and Ross and Joey hear him. Ross and Joey both notice at the same time. They slowly stop, and then very slowly turn around to see Chandler staring at them.)
Joey: (to Ross) Hey! Here's the birthday boy! Ross, check it out: hockey tickets, Rangers-Penguins, tonight at the Garden, and we're taking you.
Joey: Its all London, baby! Here we go. (He takes a picture of a less than enthused Chandler and starts towards the girls apartment.)
CHANDLER: (hushed) No, no, no, no, no.� Joey can't know that I'm here.
Ross: I thought I heard voices! Hi Charlie! (Kisses her.) Hi Joey. (Hugs him.) And.. Oh! You're gonna have to introduce me to your new girlfriend. (Laughs.) I'm just kidding, I know Rachel, I know. (He squeezes her hand.) Come, please come in. Come in.
Joey: Ross. I was thinking we could just go down the fire escape. (Points it out.)
(He moves Rosss coat to get the tissues and the engagement ring box Mrs. Geller gave him falls out of the pocket it was inside. Joey goes to one knee, picks up the box, opens it, and sees that its an engagement ring.)
Joey: Right! And when is that due?
Joey: From now on, its gonna be Joey and Ross, best friends. (They shake hands.) Okay! Were gonna be the new Joey and Chandler.
Ross: Joey, I did not break this! Okay? (He opens the freezer and smells inside and recoils in disgust.) That has been broken for a while.
Joey: That was a great scene! And-and-and that slap looks so real! How do you do that?
Joey: All right, ladies and gentlemen, lets poke. (they start to advance the giant poking device) Steady. Steady. Okay, a little higher. Careful of the angle. Okay, okay, were approaching the window (as he says this the camera cuts to their view of Ugly Naked Guy, so that we actually see him!) Thread the needle. Thread the needle.
[Scene: Joey's co-star's apartment. Chandler and Joey are at the brunch.]
Joey: You are so the man! (motions him to come in, and he does) Now look, listen, listen, you got to be cool, cause my Grandma doesnt know about you two yet, and you do not want to tick her off. She was like the sixth person to spit on Mussolini's hanging body. Yeah.
Joey: You got to go on a ride along?!
Chandler: (excited) Guys, guys, I've got great news! Guess what Joey: Uh, ah, Monica's pregnant?! Monica: (shocked) Really? (She looks around, suddenly embarrassed) Let's get past the moment. Phoebe: What's your news? Chandler: Thank you. I got a job in advertising. (Everybody cheers) Monica: (hugging Chandler) Oh, honey, that's incredible! Phoebe: (inquisitive) Gosh, what's the pay like? (Everybody stares at her indignantly) Oh, come on people (defending) come on, now, if I don't know who makes the most, how do I know who I like the most! (She looks at Joey) Hey Joey! (Joey winks at her) Chandler: Actually, it pays nothing. It's an internship. Joey: Oh, that's cool. We have interns at 'Days Of Our Lives'. Chandler: Right. So, it'll be the same except less sex with you. (Joey nods) Ross: So, uh, what kinda stuff do you think they'll have you do there? Chandler: Well, it's a training program, but at the end, they hire the people they like. Phoebe: (enthusiastic) That's great. Chandler: Yeah, I mean, there's probably gonna be some ground work which will probably stink, you know, grown man getting people coffee is a little humiliating (At the same time, Gunther puts down a cup of coffee in front of Chandler) Chandler: (grinning awkwardly) Humiliating and noble! (Gunther shoots a nasty look at him while leaving) Ross: You know, if I didn't already have a job, I think, I would have been really good in advertising. Monica: Ross, you did not come up with "got milk?" Ross: Yes, I did, I did! (He turns to Joey, disappointed) I should have written it down!
Joey: All right!! Okay, it was like four years ago. Okay, Ginger and I had gone out a few times, and then this one weekend, we went up to her Dads cabin. Just me, her, and her annoying little dog Pepper. Well that night, I cooked this really romantic dinner....
[Scene: Back at the restaurant with Joey and Sarah. Joey is holding Sarah's hands]
Joey: Oh my God, Im sorry, Im being so rude. (Turns to Rachel.) Rachel, would like a soda or something? Because Chandler would run right out and get it.
Joey: Aww man! I cant believe I locked myself out again! (He knocks on the door.)
Joey: Are we talking about one of those big boats that carry cars that go like five miles an hour?
Joey: Hey. Uh, can I talk to you for a second? This, uh, kid in this picture. Do you, uh, know this kid? Is that like a relative or something?
Rachel: (stopping him) Hey! You cant leave Joey! You agreed to buy that boat, all right?! That is a contract! And plus if you leave, my boss is gonna kill me!
Joey: No maam.
Joey: Hey, yeah! Then we could do that telephone thing! Y'know, you have a can, we have a can and it's connected by a string!
Phoebe: Now I know that they said that the umm, the hair straightener started the fire but I think Im partly at fault. You see, I didnt, I didnt tell you but umm, but I-I had recently refilled the tissues and so yknow lets just face it, thats just kindling! So I think its better that I stay at Joeys.
Joey: Err... I just figured it out! You know, I mean you're not working and the economy is bad.
Joey: ...I'm his butt double. 'Kay? I play Al Pacino's butt. Alright? He goes into the shower, and then- I'm his butt.
Joey: Thanks for everything Estelle. Bye. (Hangs up and reads the phone display) "out of area". Boy, I'll say.
(He goes out into the hall and finds a very drunk Monica lying up against Joey and Rachels door.)
Joey: Oh yeah, he looked like a real lumberjack in those pink laceys.
Joey: Maybe! (To Bobby) Well! Well so-so uh, what kind of music does Numb NutsOh forget it! I cant!
Joey: Well I got stuff going on in here (Rubbing his belly) if you wanna feel.
Joey: You own the room. (She smiles and stares longingly into his eyes.) We should probably get-get uh
Chandler: (entering) All right! Okay! I think I am making some progress with Joey, when I went into the apartment he went straight into his bedroom but he only slammed the door once! (Ross is pleased.) I mean yeah, he gave me the finger while doing it.
Phoebe: Okay, you have 19 questions left. Use them wisely. (Joey groans.) Come on Joey! You cant win if you dont ask any (sees that hes asleep) QUESTIONS!!!
Joey: No, I do six things! First, I look deep in her eyes. Then, I kiss her. Next I take my hand and I softly graze her thigh.
Joey: Oh, I'd love to, but I gotta get up so early the next day and so, you know me, work comes first
Joey: Ahaha, he might as well just give us the points.
Joey: I know, but, I was the best, you know? I liked being the best. (He downs the glass of juice in one swig.) I don't know. Maybe I should just get outta the game. They need guys up in housewares to serve cheese.