words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's: everyone is there and they are watching an info-mercial that stars Joey.]
Joey: You guys, can we please not watch this all right.
Host: Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, (Joey is in the background struggling to open a cartoon of milk) and these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open.
Joey: (on tv) Oh, you said it Mike. (rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There's got to be a better way!
Joey: Can we please turn this off?
Joey: (on TV, finishing installing the Milk Master 2000) Wow, it is easy. (starts to poor the milk) Now, I can have milk everyday.
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Joey: Maybe you can tell me. My agent would like to know why I didn't show up at the audition I didn't know I had today. The first good thing she gets me in weeks. How could you not give me the message?!
Joey: How is it you?
Joey: Yep, that's my audition.
Joey: Well, Estelle tried, you know. The casting director told her that I missed my chance.
Joey: Pheebs, you can't do that. The casting director doesn't talk to friends, she only talks to agents.
Joey: What, what are you doing? What are you doing?
Joey: Hang up, hang up. (reaches with his good arm, but Phoebe grabs it and he tries to reach the phone with his other arm but can't because of the sling.)
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Annie! Hi. Listen we got a problem with Joey Tribbiani, apparently he missed his audition. Who did you speak to in my office? Estelle, no, I don't know what I'm going to do with her. No. All right, so your husband leaves and burns down the apartment, the world does not stop.'
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Right, well look, um, if Joey loses this audition, that is it for Estelle. I don't care! Annie you are a doll, what time can you see him?' (to Monica) I need a pen. (Chandler hands her one, but she needs something to right on, so she tilts Chandler's head over and writes on the back of his neck)
Joey: I love that movie. (Joey is using it as a pillow)
Monica: There it is. Joey, what are you doing?
Joey: I'm sorry, it just felt nice.
Joey: Hey, I only got one good arm, you know. You should be doing stuff for me. Go get me a sweater.
Joey: Hey, you know about that?!
(Joey looks quizzically at Ross)
Ross: (to Joey) Where there is no fear of commitment.
Joey: Well, I've never been through the tunnel myself, 'cause as I understand it, you're not allowed to go through with more than one girl in the car, right. But, it seems to me it's pretty much like anything else, you know, face your fear. It have a fear of heights, you go to the top of the building! If you're afraid of bugs.....get a bug. Right. In this case, you have a fear of commitment, so I say you go in there and be the most committed guy there ever was.
Joey: Oh, yeah. Go for it man, jump off the high dive, stare down the barrel of the gun, pee into the wind!
Joey: Come on baby, come on!
Phoebe: (in voice, on phone) 'Okay, go ahead.' (in normal voice on phone) Um, hi Annie. (listens) Fantastic! (to Joey) You got it. (on phone) Oh, okay, um, 'Will he work for scale?' you ask me. Well, I don't know about that, (Joey clears his throat to signify yes) except that I do and he will. Great, oh you are such a sweetheart. I would love to have lunch with you, how about we have lunch next....(hangs up phone) Op, went through a tunnel.
Joey: Thank you so much.
Joey: You were amazing, could you just do me this huge favor, you see there's this one other audition that I really, really want, and Estelle couldn't get me in.
Joey: Come on, please, it'll be just this one more, well actually it's two.
Joey: Yeah! Well, well really it's three. Please. You're so good at it. I love you.
Joey: Nooo, four.
Joey: (entering) G. I. Joe! Cool! Can I play?
Joey and Ross: Go Joe!!!
Phoebe: (entering) Helloo! Oh! (sees Joey and starts to leave)
Joey: Pheebs! There you are!
Joey: But Phoebe, wait! Wait! Phoebe. Phoebe! (catches her in the hallway)
Phoebe: Oh, Joey! Oh, okay, see I didn't recognize you wearing, in those....pants.
Joey: Look listen, that TV movie I went in for? Did you hear anything? I think I got a shot at it.
Joey: It's okay, these things happen.
Joey: I'm, I'm okay. See. (tries to smile, but fails horribly)
Joey: No! No, no you can't quit! You're the best agent I ever had! Look Pheebs, rejection is part being an actor, you can't take it personally.
Joey: They actually said that?
Joey: No, no, no, see that's why you have to do this job, agents always lie. You know, Estelle just says stuff like 'They went another way', but this, I can use this. (in a very bad Italian accent) I canna work on a new accent.
Ross: (running into the hall, in slow motion) You'll never get me, Joe!!! (he then pretends that he gets shot repeatedly and falls back against Joey and Chandler's door, dead.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Phoebe are there]
Joey: Okay, shoot.
Joey: I didn't get it?
Joey: Okay, what else?
Joey: Oh.
Joey: Look, it's okay, no, no, no, really, look um, I really appreciate this Pheebs, but I think I'm gonna have to go back to Estelle.
Joey: Yeah, well don't get me wrong, you're a better agent than she is, but at least with her I don't want to blow my pretty dumb brains out.
Joey: You do, thanks.
Joey: Wait a minute.
Joey: Wait a minute, did you just make up all that stuff just to get out of being my agent.
Joey: (in a really, really bad Italian accent) That's-ah what I suspected-ah.
Monica: (sliding into Joeys place on the couch to try and talk to Phoebe) Huh? Whatd ya say Joe? Ill be right there. (gets up and joins Joey)
Joey: Is it her fault that some of them didnt make it to you?
Joey and Ross: (faking dissapointment) Okay.
[Scene: Silvercup Studios, Joey has won the part of dying man and is now able to play the role he was injured for. Chandler is helping to carry him in.]
Chandler: Does South Oregon have a sports-team? (Joey strikes one from his list) There you go.
Joey: I know Im having the worst time. There was a 15-minute line for the buffet, and when I finally got up to the plates, I slipped on a giant booger!
Joey: I want you to like her! But if that's too damned difficult for you, then the least you can do is pretend.
[Scene: Joey and Rachels, Joey is sitting at the counter eating Cocoa Puffs.]
Joey looks rejected: Hap.. Hap.. Happy Thanksgiving.
Joey: (impressed) Wow! You look... (drops the cookie)... stop-eating hot! Which is like the highest level of hotness!
Joey: Oh, it went amazingly well!
Joey: I'm Joey. I mean, I'm disgusting. I make low-budget adult films. (Points at Chandler, angrily.)
[Scene: Joey and Janines apartment, Joey paces the floor waiting for Janine. She walks in.]
Joey: Great Great and thanks for being so understanding. I mean, I didnt want to make a big deal out of this, you know. (She starts to collect all the girlie stuff up.) You could, uh, put the picture of the famous baby in my room. I mean, if you want to.
Joey: Just trying to get comfortable. I can't sleep in my underwear.
Joey: (entering, with bag) Hey! I'm off to my audition. How do I look?
JOEY: Ahh, forget about it, I'm havin' a ball. How's the apartment doin'
Joey: Oh, ehm...I'm...I'm rehearsing my lines.They gave me a big romantic story on Days Of Our Lives. It's the first time my character's got one. I'm so nervous, you know, I really want it to be good!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is sulking on the couch as Joey enters to talk with him.]
Joey: OK so I'm out four thousand dollars and nobody's boobs are getting any bigger?
Rachel: Joey, is this that thing that you do when you say you're bad so I'll give you a compliment?
Joey: And thats just in the city. I get her up to 160 when I take her upstate.
Joey: Its hard, y'know, his huddle is closer to Dutch girl.
Joey: Yeah, you'd think I'd give up being a minister and start paying to ride the subway? Huhuh...
Joey: Yeah. I realized it about a half-hour ago but I didn't want to say anything 'cause I didn't want to jinx it.
Joey: Y-y-yeah! (As they start to leave, Rachel pauses and steals a vase with flowers in it.) Yeah you do. (They exit.)
Joey: Its no big deal, okay? Phoebe and I talked about it. Its just a crush! Its going to go away! (Looks down) Dude, you gotta rearrange your bubbles! Oh!
Phoebe: Uh Joey, were trying to dial down the crazy.
Joey: (all excited) The Mr. Bowmonts here!!! (Jumps over the back off the couch and runs out into the street.)
Rachel: Yeah, Joey kinda disabled it when I moved in.
(They both pull but Joey slips out and starts to fall backwards just as Chandler enters, scaring him.)
Rachel: Oh, Joey, it's so great to be back here. I gotta tell you, you're making it so easy on me and Emma.
Joey: Okay, the ring fell on the floor and I went down to pick it up and you thought I was proposing.
Rachel: Joey, (nervously) where did you learn that word?
Joey: Ah... Chick Jr.? Duck Jr.? Don't hide from mama!
Joey: Ooooh! Freeze him out.
JOEY: Oh hey uh, be careful with that 3-D last supper, Judas is a little loose.
[Scene: A Dry Cleaners, Joey is there with Phoebe and is trying to get his picture put back amongst the other celebrities hanging on the walls.]
Joey: I guess I'll get washed up then. Watch that sunrise. (He goes into the bathroom.)
Joey: Aww, man, now we wont be bank buddies!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is wiping down the peninsula counter as Joey enters dressed like a cowboy.]
Joey: I just got this really weird message from Ross. He said turn on MTV.
Joey: Hey, that pregnant girl's name was Erica.
Joey: Well how about this one? Testing the effects of Joey Tribbiani on attractive nurse receptionists.
Joey: Yeah-hah. Toute-de-le-fruit.
Joey/Drake: Stopping you from marrying the wrong man and making the biggest mistake of your life.
(Joey closes the door and ties the balloons to the knob. Then he walks away, holding the hand of an inflated balloon animal he had brought.)
[Scene: Lydia's Hospital Room, Joey is helping Lydia go through labor, a nurse is now present in her room as well.]
[Scene: The lobby in Ross's building, we see a flyer that is on the bulletin board that reads, "Are you the Hot Girl who waved at me? If so, give me a call!" and it's signed, Joey 629-9*** (The last couple of numbers have been ripped off). Anyhoo, Ross is getting his mail.]
Joey: Hey! Mine was by accident! All right, the boiler explodes and destroys the hotel, and kills the dad.
(And with that, television history is made as, for the first time ever, an entire show moves its entire production to an entirely different country to make a single episode. We get shots of Buckingham Palace, London Bridge, Big Ben, and the London Marriott as Joey and Chandler exit.)
Joey: Oh, de fuff!
Joey: Hey! Dont you hang up on me! Ill marry you and me right now! I have the power!
(Ross, Rachel and Joey come back from the bathroom. They discover that Monica and Ethan aren't finished talking to each other yet.)
JOEY: You guys are messin' with me, right?
[Scene: Camera fades to one of the band members playing guitar at the wedding. The chapel is full of guest. A groomsmen escorts a bridesmaid down the isle. Joey is waiting with Mrs. Waltham to escort he down the isle. A cellular phone rings.]
JOEY: Hi, here's the deal. We lost a carseat on a bus today. It's white plastic, with a handle, and it fits onto a stroller. Oh, and there was a baby in it. He wants to talk to you again.
Joey: Whoa-whoa, dont we need to do some kinda preparation first? Like ahh, get really drunk?
Joey: I had to read the Bible pretty carefully, but... yeah we do.
Joey: It's creamier.
Joey: (approaches, wearing his glasses) Hey you guys, check it out. Check it out. (Moves his hand towards and away from his face.) It's like it's coming right at me. (Chandler helps out a little bit by pushing on Joey's arm, which causes his hand to slap him in his face.)
Joey: No, one man for the rest of my life? I dont know if I can do it! This means Ill never get to sleep with Joey!
Joey: Yeah-well-yeah! Yeah-oh-yeah. Come on in.
Joey: (He starts looking longingly at the sandwich.) Oh mama! Uh when-when is the baby due?
Phoebe: I don't know. But, God, Joey seems to be handling it suprisingly well.
Joey: Umm, y'know how the other day you were talking about how you didn't get to go to London and how you were kinda feeling left out?
Joey: Whoever has the biggest boobs, has the biggest bra, therefore has the biggest wire.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are showing a couple of guys (Tony and Peter) the entertainment center.]
Joey: (To Monica) Okay! Look-look-look, uh, if youre gonna be moving in with him I feel its my responsibility to tell you the truth about him! Okay? Hes a terrible roommate! Terrible! He uh, forgets to umm Oh-oh he always, he always ummOh, who am I kidding! Hes the best roommate ever! (Hugs Chandler.)
Monica: All right, I'm out of oven space. I'm gonna turn on Joey's. Please, watch him! Do not let Joey eat any of the food!
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's; continued from earlier. Joey is closing the door after Rachel leaves and is about to confront Chandler and Monica.]
Joey: Hey Monica! (Grabs her and pulls her into the living room.) People came to see a fight, lets give em what they came for!
Joey: Yeah, so, uh, so, uh, what's the deal with this father guy, I mean, if someone was havin' my baby somewhere, I'd wanna know about it, you know?
Monica: Okay, fine but please dont be upset! Okay? I was really depressed okay? And really drunk! I just wanted something stupid and meaningless. I just wanted just sex. So, when I went to your room that night I was actually looking for Joey. (Joey smiles.)
Joey: Wow! That was incredible! Beard of bees, here I come!
Lorraine: She's checking the coats. Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands. Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice.
[Chandler is sitting in front of a window while it's raining outside. We see Joey through a rainy window. The camera zooms out to show it's just his tabletop water sculpture.]
Joey: So you like the nachos uh? Myself Im partial to
JOEY: Hey, there's me! April 17th. Excessive noise. Italian guy comes homes with a date. Hey Chandler, look, you're in here too.
Ross: Joey, Homo Sapiens are people.
JOEY: And, and just so you know, if you wanted to expand this scene like, like have the cab crash or somethin', I could attend to the victims 'cause I have a background in medical acting.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is singing Happy Birthday to yet another good-looking woman. Gunther is watching and is not very happy.]
Joey: Well, not so good. She definitely thinks tonight is the night we're gonna... complete the transaction, if you know what I...
Chandler: (sounds nervous) Yeah! I... I... I liked it! (Joey continues to look at him suspiciously) But, ehm... my bosses didn't go for it. Stupid sons of bitches!
Joey: Oh come on! Just pick one! Between Monica, Phoebe, Chandler, and Ross if you had to, if you had to, who would you punch?
Phoebe: Okay, lesson one: chords. Now, I don't know the actual names of the chords but umm, I-I-I made up names for the way my hand looks while I'm doing them. (She starts to show Joey the chords. Transcribers Note: For this one you'll have to use your imagination, 'cause it would take me 50 pages to describe each one. So if you want to see them, you'll have to wait for this episode to come to a TV near you.) (Holding up her hand and then reconfiguring her hand with each name.) So then, this is Bear Claw. Okay, umm, Turkey Leg and Old Lady. (Joey tries to imitate them.)
Rachel: (worried) Be-cause Ross is the father of my child! You know... and I... want him to hook up with lots of women! (pause) I just... All I'm saying is... I don't think that Joey and Charlie have anything in common.
JOEY: I'm movin' out like we talked about.
Ross: She wants me to take responsibility for everything that went wrong in our relationship. I mean she goes on for five pages about, about how I was unfaithful to her! (Both Joey and Chandler shrug their shoulders as to say Well...) (yelling) WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!
Joey: Oh no, I cant go. Im practicing; I got an audition to be the host of a new game show.
Joey: It looks like a women's purse.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Joey is telling everyone about his impending termination at Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Joey: Check it out. (He turns around, pulls down his pants, and shows Phoebe that hes got panties on.) How much of a man am I?!
Joey: Yeah-yeah, and if I get it by day Ill (In a sexy voice) Dr. Drake Remoray, but by night Ill be (In an announcers voice) Joey Trrrribbiani!
Chandler: (examining the hat) And the bunny got away. (Turns and starts looking for the bunny as Joey puts the hat on.)
Joey: Hey! Let me ask you guys something. I have a new headshot taken tomorrow right and the photographer said she thinks Ishould have my eyebrows waxed. Is that weird for a guy?
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey and Richard are in the middle of a scene. They are both holding swords.]
Phoebe: (on the other side of the line, still pretending to be Estelle) Joey, it's Estelle. (Joey's eyes bulge up, he looks afraid)
Joey: This is what Ive got going for the party so far, liquor wise. Get a lot of liquor.
[Cut back to Joey about to leave for his audition for Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]