words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's: everyone is there and they are watching an info-mercial that stars Joey.]
Joey: You guys, can we please not watch this all right.
Host: Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, (Joey is in the background struggling to open a cartoon of milk) and these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open.
Joey: (on tv) Oh, you said it Mike. (rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There's got to be a better way!
Joey: Can we please turn this off?
Joey: (on TV, finishing installing the Milk Master 2000) Wow, it is easy. (starts to poor the milk) Now, I can have milk everyday.
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Joey: Maybe you can tell me. My agent would like to know why I didn't show up at the audition I didn't know I had today. The first good thing she gets me in weeks. How could you not give me the message?!
Joey: How is it you?
Joey: Yep, that's my audition.
Joey: Well, Estelle tried, you know. The casting director told her that I missed my chance.
Joey: Pheebs, you can't do that. The casting director doesn't talk to friends, she only talks to agents.
Joey: What, what are you doing? What are you doing?
Joey: Hang up, hang up. (reaches with his good arm, but Phoebe grabs it and he tries to reach the phone with his other arm but can't because of the sling.)
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Annie! Hi. Listen we got a problem with Joey Tribbiani, apparently he missed his audition. Who did you speak to in my office? Estelle, no, I don't know what I'm going to do with her. No. All right, so your husband leaves and burns down the apartment, the world does not stop.'
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Right, well look, um, if Joey loses this audition, that is it for Estelle. I don't care! Annie you are a doll, what time can you see him?' (to Monica) I need a pen. (Chandler hands her one, but she needs something to right on, so she tilts Chandler's head over and writes on the back of his neck)
Joey: I love that movie. (Joey is using it as a pillow)
Monica: There it is. Joey, what are you doing?
Joey: I'm sorry, it just felt nice.
Joey: Hey, I only got one good arm, you know. You should be doing stuff for me. Go get me a sweater.
Joey: Hey, you know about that?!
(Joey looks quizzically at Ross)
Ross: (to Joey) Where there is no fear of commitment.
Joey: Well, I've never been through the tunnel myself, 'cause as I understand it, you're not allowed to go through with more than one girl in the car, right. But, it seems to me it's pretty much like anything else, you know, face your fear. It have a fear of heights, you go to the top of the building! If you're afraid of bugs.....get a bug. Right. In this case, you have a fear of commitment, so I say you go in there and be the most committed guy there ever was.
Joey: Oh, yeah. Go for it man, jump off the high dive, stare down the barrel of the gun, pee into the wind!
Joey: Come on baby, come on!
Phoebe: (in voice, on phone) 'Okay, go ahead.' (in normal voice on phone) Um, hi Annie. (listens) Fantastic! (to Joey) You got it. (on phone) Oh, okay, um, 'Will he work for scale?' you ask me. Well, I don't know about that, (Joey clears his throat to signify yes) except that I do and he will. Great, oh you are such a sweetheart. I would love to have lunch with you, how about we have lunch next....(hangs up phone) Op, went through a tunnel.
Joey: Thank you so much.
Joey: You were amazing, could you just do me this huge favor, you see there's this one other audition that I really, really want, and Estelle couldn't get me in.
Joey: Come on, please, it'll be just this one more, well actually it's two.
Joey: Yeah! Well, well really it's three. Please. You're so good at it. I love you.
Joey: Nooo, four.
Joey: (entering) G. I. Joe! Cool! Can I play?
Joey and Ross: Go Joe!!!
Phoebe: (entering) Helloo! Oh! (sees Joey and starts to leave)
Joey: Pheebs! There you are!
Joey: But Phoebe, wait! Wait! Phoebe. Phoebe! (catches her in the hallway)
Phoebe: Oh, Joey! Oh, okay, see I didn't recognize you wearing, in those....pants.
Joey: Look listen, that TV movie I went in for? Did you hear anything? I think I got a shot at it.
Joey: It's okay, these things happen.
Joey: I'm, I'm okay. See. (tries to smile, but fails horribly)
Joey: No! No, no you can't quit! You're the best agent I ever had! Look Pheebs, rejection is part being an actor, you can't take it personally.
Joey: They actually said that?
Joey: No, no, no, see that's why you have to do this job, agents always lie. You know, Estelle just says stuff like 'They went another way', but this, I can use this. (in a very bad Italian accent) I canna work on a new accent.
Ross: (running into the hall, in slow motion) You'll never get me, Joe!!! (he then pretends that he gets shot repeatedly and falls back against Joey and Chandler's door, dead.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Phoebe are there]
Joey: Okay, shoot.
Joey: I didn't get it?
Joey: Okay, what else?
Joey: Oh.
Joey: Look, it's okay, no, no, no, really, look um, I really appreciate this Pheebs, but I think I'm gonna have to go back to Estelle.
Joey: Yeah, well don't get me wrong, you're a better agent than she is, but at least with her I don't want to blow my pretty dumb brains out.
Joey: You do, thanks.
Joey: Wait a minute.
Joey: Wait a minute, did you just make up all that stuff just to get out of being my agent.
Joey: (in a really, really bad Italian accent) That's-ah what I suspected-ah.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Rosss bachelor party. Ross is thanking Joey for the party.]
Joey: Hi!
Joey: (scolding) Dude, theyre not objects.
Joey: Oh, shes uh-uh really sick.
Joey: No-no, she really is sick!
Joey: Kay!
(Rachel turns and gives him a look, and Joey quickly apologises.)
Joey: I know, but dont you think the sick thing is way better than the play thing?
Joey: Uh, yknow, starve a fever, go to a play for a cold.
Joey: (shouting) I can hear you!
[cut back to Joey on the beach towel]
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Joey: Home sweet home, huh? Nice to, uh, get back to reality. Plus we know how the New Years gonna go off. I guess theres no reason for all that Y2K panic, yknow? Anyway, gnight!
Joey: So uh, what are you guys doing?
Joey: Ross, don't let her drink anymore! (Exits)
Joey: U-N-I-sexy? (Smiles provocatively.)
Joey: You dont think I know that!
[Scene: The street, Chandler and Joey are walking past a jewelery store.]
(Joey pats him on the stomach and heads to bed.)
Joey: Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing.
Joey: Well uh, she didnt want to hang out with you guys two nights in a row. Im so sorry.
(Joey looks at Ross with a horrified look on his face.)
Joey: Did she just ask me out on a date?
JOEY: [to a wedding guest] How's that pig-in-the-blanket workin' out for you? [the guy nods] I wrapped those bad boys.
Monica: Chandler, please! Do you know how unbelievably glad I am that Joey was not there that night?!
Joey: Rachel, there you are! Come on, lets serve that dessert already!
Monica, Moncia, have a happy Chanukah. Saw Santa Clause, he said hello to Ross. And plese tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy! And Rachel and Chandler, have err-umm-glander!!"
Joey: Oh well then, good night!
Ross: It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for 18 pages. Front and back!! (they go into the living room, trapping Monica, Chandler, and Joey in the kitchen) (to Rachel) Oh-oh-oh, and by the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means you are, Y-O-U-R means your!
Joey: (entering from his bedroom) Morning.
Joey: (approaching) Ross, hey, the bands ready outside for your first dance with Emily, so
(Joey enters looking like Captain Stubing from the Love Boat.)
Joey: And he never played before either! Yknow what I think? I think beginners luck, very important in Cups.
Monica: Well, I know that would make Joey happy, so, I would like that too.
Joey: (comforting her) And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey. Me and Chandler live across the hall. And he's away a lot.
Joey: What?
Joey: Well, when its not right, you know it.
Joey: Pretty much, yeah.
Joey: Yeah! Yeah. Ill be all right.
Joey: Oh (To Chandler) Can you imagine if I hadnt left you that last one? You two mightve never gotten together. Ooh-ooh! Could you imagine if I sent that hooker up to the room like I was gonna?! Its like it was in the stars!
Chandler: (To Joey) Look there is no way youre doing this wedding now. Okay?
Joey: Yeah! (They head downstairs.)
Joey: (entering) Hey guys.
Joey: Lets go watch it at your place.
Joey: I uh, oh! Because, uh, I havent really paid the bill
Joey: Not so much.
Joey: Sure.
Joey: No, Chandler. Look, forget about it, okay? Look, I know things have been a little tight since Janine moved out. Oh, was she hot.
[Cut back to Joey in bed, he's smiling, enjoying the dream as he wakes up. Suddenly, he realized what he was dreaming about and bolts upright in bed.]
Joey: And it is a love that is based on having and giving and receiv(Shuts up on Monicas glare.)
JOEY: You have any idea what this'll do for your sex life?
Joey: What?!
Joey: Maybe I could be a waiter. Could I use the phone?
Joey: Hey listen, why dont you come downstairs with me? Theres some really nice girls down there.
Joey: Dr. Drake Remoray. Days of Our Lives. Voted most datable neurosurgeon by Teen Beat.
Joey: I'm mad at you for leaving! You're nothing but a big leaver. Big leaver with a stupid suitcase.
Joey: Hey guys. (to Chandler) Listen uh, you wanna get some dinner with me and Kathy tonight?
Joey: You got it.
Monica: Joey, what are you doing?
Monica: Joey, do you work here?
Joey: No.
Joey: Yeah?
[Cut to another part of the room, Ross is going to talk to Joey.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is returning and finds Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there.]
Monica: Joey, whats going on. What didnt you tell us you work here?
Joey: See, now its weird again.
Joey: I don't know, she's, uh.... she's pretty great.
(Joey is looking at his check.)
Ross: Joey, seriously, can I get my coffee?
Joey: All right, uh, weve got a little bit of a problem here. These people are my friends; you cant treat them that way.
Chloe: I want you to met some friends of mine. (Introduces him to Chandler and Joey) This guy is my hero, he comes in with some stuff he wants it blown up 400%, we said we dont do that, and he says you gotta. And y'know what, we did it. And now anytime anybody wants 400, we just say lets Ross it!
Joey: (to his grandmother) That's uh, scenes from next week's show. Next week's!
Joey: Oh really! Where? Somewhere funny I'd bet! (Chandler is straining to keep quiet as Phoebe enters.)
Chandler: Oh, just like I said. That crazy... Bert... roaming the halls. (Joey bangs on the door again)
Joey: Uhh Pheebs, I heard that. Can you put him on?
(They turn back around to see the baby Monica's carrying, but then they realise what the surprise is. Ross, Mike, Phoebe and Rachel gasp and stare at Chandler and his baby. Joey hasn't figured it out yet.)
(Joey enters.)
Joey: This is crazy.
Joey: Yeah, what are ya gonna do?
(Joey, Chandler and Ross enter.)
Joey: Thats great. Thanks Rach.
Joey: Hi!
Joey: Okay you guys, I got a little more written. Are you ready?
Joey: Im not answering that.
Joey: Relax Ross, we'll be ready. It only takes us two minutes to get dressed.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is sitting the now heeled Rosita as Rachel is sitting in the newly arrived Francette. Francette is one of those new chairs from La-Z-Boy that has and does everything except cook and go to the bathroom for you. Its got a small refrigerator under one armrest it has phone jacks for the Internet and regular phone, and so much more.]
Phoebe: Yeah Joey that is so gross!
Joey: Uh, well yeah-yeah, I've got all of that going on. Yeah, listen uh, I want you to make sure you tell Chandler that he couldn't have been more wrong! Uh-oh! I gotta go Monica, my uh, my sushi's here!
Rachel: And thats Phoebe (points), and thats Joey.
Joey: Oh, man, I could totally get that part. Im sorry, that seat is taken.
Chandler: Oh right, your allergies. (Monica leaves and to the chick and duck) All her, she hates you. (Chandler leaves without finishing the message for Joey.)
Joey: Well, I'm sorry if I'm not a middle-aged black woman! (Starts for his room.) And I'm also sorry if sometimes I go to the wrong audition! Okay, look, if I have to pretend I don't know about you two, then you two are gonna have to pretend there's nothing to know about.
Joey: What?!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is working as Phoebe and Ross are sitting on the couch.]
(Monica goes back underwater as Joey re-enters.)
Joey: Oh yeah! For every dollar Shutter Speed makes, one penny of it goes right in Joey's pocket.
Joey: Got ya. (blinks an eye)
Joey: (laughing hysterically) Youre right! That did cheer me up!
Joey: Phew, close one.
Joey: Oh, wait-wait! (Reaches into the shower again.) Maybe its a pickle?!