words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment]
Joey: Yeah. It's actually our first official date
Joey: Naa, no. This is the part I'm actually good at.
Joey: (pause) It's OK!
Joey: Well, I... I know exactly what I'm gonna do!
Joey: No, no no no no. See. Each woman is different.You have to appreciate their uniqueness.
Joey: No, I do six things! First, I look deep in her eyes. Then, I kiss her. Next I take my hand and I softly graze her thigh.
Joey: NO! Not like that, no no. No, like this. (He starts lightly grazing Chandler's thigh)
Joey: More foosball?
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. Joey and Rachel enter the room]
Joey: I thought you paid. (Rachel does not answer and seems puzzled) Ha, guess we won’t be going back there!
Joey: Yeah.
(Joey and Rachel start kissing)
Joey: Hey what do you say, we move this onto the likes of the couch?
(They move on the couch and start kissing again. Joey does his grazing on Rachel’s thigh and she slaps his hand)
Joey: What’s the matter?
Joey and Rachel: Okay
(They start kissing again and, when Joey grazes her thigh, she slaps him on his hand again)
Joey: I don’t get it, Chandler loved it!
Joey: Ok.
(They start kissing again and when Joey grazes, she slaps him three times, on the hand, and on both cheeks)
Joey: (a little giddy) Uh, was that good for you?
[scene: Joey’s apartment. Joey and Rachel are sitting on the couch]
Joey: Ok. Well, how, how can we make it easier?
Rachel: Ok, let’s work from the top down! (Joey nods, but then puzzled because he does not get it) Just work the bra, Joe!
Joey: Ok, yeah, got it.
Rachel and Joey: Okay.
(They start kissing and Joey starts to undo her bra, but fails completely)
Joey: This thing welded shut?!
Joey: All right, turn around, I got to get a look at this thing.
(Joey starts trying to undo her bra, but it won’t go.The elastic band snaps back, hurting Rachel.)
Joey: Sorry!
Joey: I'm sorry! (He stands up) This never happened to me before! I'm an expert at taking off bras! I can do it with one hand! I can do it with my eyes closed! One time I just looked at one, and it popped open! I blame your bra!
Joey: Then I blame you! Yeah! That's right! You threw me off with all your slapping!
Rachel: Ok well, well I'm really, I'm sorry about that Joey, but do you think that maybe on some level, you don't want to take off my bra?
Joey: (contemplates for a few moments what Rachel just said) NAH! I don't have another level!!
Chandler: How was your date with Joey?
Rachel: I do not know what's wrong with us, I mean, we have kissed before and that's been great! But this time it was leading somewhere and I was very aware of the fact that it was Joey touching me.
(Joey walks in)
Joey: Hey Chandler can I talk to you for a second (points to the hall).
Rachel: (To Joey) No need!! Problem solved, we are powering through (At which point she grabs his hand and pulls him back to their apartment).
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment.]
Joey: (To Rachel) Hey!
Joey: Yes ma'am, ready to Power through!
Joey: Uh! (When she's done she throws her bra at him)
Rachel: Ok (starts to light some candles) Sexy, sexy, very sexy, sexy. (Claps her hands and jumps at Joey, clearly very excited) Alright! Lets do it!
Joey: Ok, you're scaring me a little bit.
Joey: Oh! yeah!
Joey: uh uh!
Joey: No, no, no! You kneed me in my misters!
Rachel: What? Oh my God! I'm so sorry. Joey? Are you ok?
Joey: (He just sits there, legs very close together with a painful look on his face) Soldier down!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's]
Joey: Well, I know what's the matter with me.
Joey: I don't know.
Joey: Yeah, was there a part of you that... felt like it was... really wrong?
(Rachel and Joey are still looking at Chandler, slowly letting his words get to them)
Chandler: I can tell from your expressions that that's the good news you were hoping for... Well, I'm gonna go continue to... spread the joy.(Chandler leaves the apartment. Joey sighs)
Joey: Yeah, yeah... Absolutely. I mean, just because something's difficult doesn't mean that you quit.
Joey: Yeah, so we just keep trying and trying until we... do it.
Joey: That's a... pla-an.
Joey: (sighs) Wow... I did not see this coming.
Rachel: I know. Joey: I don't get it. I mean, I was so sure this was what I wanted.
(She puts her head on Joey's shoulder and Joey kisses her on her head.)
Joey: I guess they weren't as good friends as we are.
Joey: So...
Joey: I love ya.
Joey: Yeah, me too.
(Rachel gets up, and Joey tries to get up, but halfway up he sits down again.)
Joey: Ooh, yeah, I'm not going anywhere for a while.
(Joey takes the ice-bucket with the champagne bottle in it and puts it on his sore spot)
JOEY: You got all that from saline solution?
Phoebe: God, they thought they can mess with us! They're trying to mess with us?! They don't know that we know they know we know! (Joey just shakes his head.) Joey, you can't say anything!
Joey: I'm gonna get the lasagna.
Joey: All right, thats it. Y'know I was still gonna let you have her. But now, forget about it. Prepare to feel very bad about yourself.
Joey: Oh, you said it Mike. (Rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There's got to be a better way!
Monica: Im gonna go tell Joey that (laughs) that youre back. I was really worried about you. (Exits.)
Phoebe, Joey, and Ross: 'My scones.'
Joey: So I uh, I just talked to the director. Thats it, were done for the day.
Chandler: And! They like me more just because I was with ya! I think you repaired a lot of the damage from when they met Joey. And Doug wants us to play tennis with them. He's never even talked to me outside of work. Except for that time when we bumped into each other at that strip club. (She glares at him.) Strip church. Anyway, I'm gonna go try and find a racquet.
Joey: Yeah-yeah right. Thats okay. Thats fine. Thats uh, pretty much what I was expecting. So uh, its no big deal. All right? I think Im gonna go. (Stands up.)
Chandler: (Angrily) Alright, whoever this is, stop calling me! (Ross and Joey laugh silently.) Its been six months! Its not funny!
Joey: (turns around very fast) I like although!
Joey: (jumping up in a hole that he is digging, he is shoulder deep) Hey, you guys! Take a look at this! (Chandler and Monica jump up and go over to the hole.) Check this baby out, dug me a hole!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandlers bachelor party has begun, what there is of it, with only Joey (wearing a gold paper top hat) and Chandler (wearing what appears to be a Burger King paper crown) enjoying a nice product placement of Budweisers on ice.]
ERICA: I'll never forget you Hans. [Joey shuts the door in her face]
Joey: Yeah, here we are. Uhh I I think Im falling in love with you.
Joey: Look, Ross look, Im on board about this totally honesty thing, I am, just not about stuff thats gonna get you in trouble.
Joey: Hey, for what its worth, with Rachel I dont think youll ever be just (Makes quote marks.) "anybody."
Janice: Well umm, I thought I was going to go back to my apartment but then I just felt I couldnt really be alone tonight. (Joey walks into view of the open door behind Janice, sees her, gets a terrified look on his face, and flees in horror.) I was wondering if I could maybe stay here with you, just I really feel that I need to be with family.
Rachel: Oh no Ross! This is not good, we have to talk about this Joey thing. Please sit. (He sits) You have got to get over this Joey thing, okay? I never really wanted to marry Joey, okay?
Joey: I will not take this abuse. (Walks to the door and opens it to leave.)
Joey: All right look, let me show you the catalog! (Does so.) See? Huh? It's the latest thing! Everyone's got one! Men! Women! Children! Everyone's carrying them!
Joey: The part I want to audition for is a fireman, this is so meant to be!
Phoebe: Hey! Joey! (They all head over to him, he spots them coming and panics.) Hey! Hey!! Wow! (She hugs him.)
Joey: Oh, were having a big party tomorrow night. Later! (Starts for the door.)
Joey: So what does that mean? Are you guys getting back together?
(Then she reaches over again and Joey moves his plate a little to the left, and she misses, then she reaches out again, and he moves his plate to the right , so she misses again. She tries a third time and this time, Joey pushes his plate so far to the left, it drops off the edge of the table)
Chandler: Okay! So yeah, maybe we can get together umm (Joey mimes throwing something in the air, catching it, rolling it out, putting it in an oven and cutting it.) Can you hold for one second please? (To Joey) What?!
Joey: (in baby-like voice) How come you don't live with Mommy? (pause; shows Ross less than amused) How come Mommy lives with that other lady? (pause; Ross still looks less than amused; Joey smiling) What's a lesbian? (playfully hits Ross)
Joey: (impatiently tapping Chandler on the shoulder) What about me?! You-you just said I could!
Rachel: Joey, y'know you get any mustard on that bag, you can't return it.
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Rachel, Joey and Charlie are eating fajitas when Ross enters from the kitchen.]
Joey: Actually, you have a little bit of an edge.
Joey: Okay. Have a benefit.
Chandler: You don't think we'd buy a house and not have a Joey room do you?
Joey: Oh, youre kidding me! All-all right, well make sure you tell him that Joey Tribbiani stopped by to drop off all of these clothes. Okay? Im an actor; Im kinda getting my picture up there on the wall.
Joey: Monica-Monica-Monica-Monica, listen-listen, listen, listen, would-would it make you feel better if we all stop talking about Ross and Rachel.
Joey: (to Charlie) I think I've been recognized, this happens all the time!
Chandler: Uh, credit card. (Reaches for it then realizes) Oh no! No-no, but I left my credit card with Joey. (To Phoebe) Okay, Ill go get it. You guard the ring.
Joey: That's great! Hey, can you cast me in it?
Rachel: I know, I know! I just can't keep this one in, so I pick up the phone (Joey in a childish attempt to not hear what Rachel is about to say, puts his fingers in his ears and starts to scream loudly. Rachel turns and walks out upon seeing that Joey's not gonna listen, and as she exits Chandler walks in and sees Joey in his current state.)
Chandler and Joey: He- he- he got in, he- he got in to San Diego.
Joey: (looks at the ground and at Ross) I dont know Ross! I-I tell you what, lets flip to see who does it, okay? You-you call it in the air, all right?
JOEY: Ahh, alright, alright, alright, I was young and I just wanted a job, OK. But at the last minute I couldn't go through with it so they let me be the guy who comes in to fix the copier but can't 'cause there's people havin' sex on it.
Joey: What do you mean? Rach, don't I seem like a professor you'd buy some kind of e-crap from?
Joey: I should know that. Lets see, just one moment please. Umm, here we are, a Wicked Wango card determines whether you go higher or lower.
Ross: (popping up behind Joey wearing an Indian headdress) Come on, it's fun!
Joey: Are you calling you people? (Chandler rolls his eyes.) Yeah, well sorry to burst that bubble, Pheebs, but selfless good deeds don't exist. Okay? And you the deal on Santa Clause right?
Joey: Huh. Interesting. Now there are obstacles. Hot nanny and me against the world. This is the kind of stuff great novels are made of.
[cut to Joeys bedroom, Joey and Kate are emerging from under the covers.]
Joey: (hurrying over) Okay! Okay, youre yelling again! See that?
(Joey jumps up in excitement and without turning around Chandler holds out his hand stopping him, and ushering him back into his seat. Joey sits down, dejected.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is playing that string game with the two hands and the weird crossing patterns as Chandler enters with the mail.]
Joey: So, what, you think I'm just gonna sleep with her and never call her again and things are gonna get uncomfortable? (thinks about it) Yeah, sounds about right.
Joey: Yes I am! Again so simple!
Joey: ...Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven. See, I told you! Less than a hundred steps from our place to here.
Joey: (long pause and he twitches a bit) You're a pain in my ass, Geller!
Rachel: Yeah. Sure. (Joey nods his head questioningly and Rachel nods no.)
Joey: Yeah, tell that to my Uncle Lenny.
Joey: I promise. And that means, never having to give a reason. (Phoebe stops herself from laughing and leaves)
Joey: Well if its free food, how come youre charging me for it?
Joey: It's my house-warming present for Monica and Chandler.
(Joey totally agrees with this statement and kicks his feet up.)
Phoebe: Wow, Joey and a professor! Can you imagine if they had kids and if the kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw sexual magnetism... Oh, those nerds will get laaaaaid!
Rachel: Excuse me! (and she walks back to Joey, who is still looking very impressed about what Ross said to him. Rachel looks at him and hits him.) You didn't tell him, did you?
Joey: That's right Ross, I can see you in your new apartment! And you can see me! Same as yesterday, (To Monica) same as the day before.
Joey: Really. And what do you mean you never have fun anymore? You have fun with me, remember that time we saw those strippers and you paid me 50 bucks to eat that book?
Joey: I'm, I'm okay. See. (tries to smile, but fails horribly)
JOEY: Ok, um, uh, we three feel like, that uh, sometimes you guys don't get that uh, we don't have as much money as you.
Monica: Okay, just back off mister! Whoa. (Pause) Cause I am ready to have a baby. I just want Joey to be the father.
Joey: You do have a choice!! Ross, why are you listening to her?! Are you, are you crazy?!
Joey: You got a little bored?
Joey: Yeah but we wont be able to like get up in the middle of the night and have those long talks about our feelings and the future.
Monica: Hey Joey, Chandler sold a story to Archie Comics!
Joey: No, but its okay. She just came in and gave him a hug, that it.
Ross and Joey: Oh yeah, yeah, sure. Absolutely.
JOEY: These'll go great in my new place. You know, 'till I get real ones.
Joey: Uh no, not really. It's an independent film y'know? So we don't have a real big budget. I figured I'd just stay in your room.
Joey: No-no-no-no look no! I wont spit, and I wont stare at Monicas breasts! Yknow? Everyone knows Im an ass man!
[Scene: Caesar's Palace Casino, Joey is approaching one of the blackjack tables on his quest to make enough money for his movie.]
Joey: Well anyway, I'm glad you're back, I really need your help.
Joey: Look listen, that TV movie I went in for? Did you hear anything? I think I got a shot at it.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is playing Playstation, Crash Team Racing to be exact (hes in last on Hot Air Skyway to be more exact) as Joey enters from his room desperately trying to look like a 19-year-old. Hes got the wool cap, hes got the cut-off Knicks jersey over the faded T-shirt, and hes got the whole pants-around-the-knees-showing-off-the-boxers thing that rich, white, suburban kids have adopted in a desperate and extremely futile attempt to try to look like theyre from the inner-city.]
Cecilia: (to him) Im having a conversation here! (To Joey) You were saying?
Joey: Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey is reporting for work.]
Joey: Oh, Kath, we should get going. We're going to by hamsters.
(Monica throws the ball over Joeys head, its stopped from rolling away by a very beautiful woman.)
Joey: (excitedly) Can I come?! I wont even talk! Youll just hear the noise from my video camera.
Joey: (to Phoebe) Look at you. Since when do you roller blade?
[Another series of flashbacks begins with Episode 413: The One With Rachels Crush, Joey is telling Rachel and Phoebe how he picks up women.]
Joey: No! Forget it! OkayI mean thanks, but Im done taking money from you. All right, I can take of myself. Now, whats next? Come on.
Chandler: Oh Joeys got a really bad hernia, but thats nothing a little laser eye surgery wont fix!
Monica: No! No! I shouldnt have even opened these! I mean IJoey I am out of control!! Joey, you have to do me a favor. No matter what I say, no matter what I do, please do not let me open another present! Okay?
Joey: Look Phoebe I'm so sorry! Hey, look, if you don't like this guy I can find you a better one. (Looks around) Mike!! Mike!!
Joey: Yeah! All rightLook, I know sometimes itll be hard, okay? But, itll also be really really great. Please Rachel! I-I-I really want you to stay.
Joey: You got it. Thanks man. Thanks for doing this, I owe you one. (Joey leaves, comes back in.) Oh, hey! There wasn't any change from that twenty, was there?
Joey: (entering, depressed) Hey. I just got off the phone with Estelle and guess what. (Pause, then very excitedly) I GOT THE LEAD IN A MOVIE!!!!!!
Joey: Dont you see what this means?! I can forget about that stupid movie. I'm gonna be a millionaire!
<Joey looks> Oh! Stupid long sleeves.