words in movies
(Chandler and Joey enter from the vending machines carrying sodas.)
Joey: Hey! You made it!
Joey: Youre ready to have a baby? My boys all grown up!
Monica: Okay, just back off mister! Whoa. (Pause) Cause I am ready to have a baby. I just want Joey to be the father.
Joey: (voice all high and weird) What?! Are you crazy?!
Joey: God. Hes crazy! Why doesnt he want to be with Rachel?
Joey: I mean seriously, shes like the perfect woman. I mean I know she turned me down, but if she hadnt and wanted to be with me, I would take her in my arms and (Realizes everyone is staring.) I havent bummed you guys out like this in a while have I?
[Scene: The Vending Machines, Phoebe is buying a soda and Joey is shaking the candy machine.]
Joey: Come on you stupid machine! Come on!
Joey: (looking at her) No.
Joey: All right.
Joey: Hey I got one! I got one!
Joey: (standing behind her) Uh, you gotta press the button. (Does so.)
[Scene: Another Waiting Room, Phoebe and Joey are trying to find out where the guy with the broken leg is.]
Joey: (walks up) Uh, shes with me. (Introduces himself) Dr. Drake Remoray.
Joey: Remoray. Its Portuguese. We need that information; Im a doctor.
Joey: Damnit woman were losing precious time! Now do you want this mans blood on your head?
Joey: Hands! It is absolutely essential that you tell me what room the man my assistant described is staying in. Hes a patient of mine, Ive been treating him for years!
Joey: 816, thank you!
(Joey starts to leave, but stops.)
Joey: And what is his name?
Phoebe: (coming back for Joey) No! (Grabs Joey and drags him away.)
[Scene: Outside Room 816, Phoebe and Joey are approaching.]
Joey: Great! Go get him.
Joey: (looks in the window) Hes not really my type.
Joey: But you said he was this great guy!
Joey: You do attract some stinkers.
Joey: Hi! Im Dr. Drake Remoray and I have a few routine questions I need to ask you.
Joey: I know, but Im a neurologist. And just to be on the safe side, Dr. Wells wanted a more comprehensive overview of you status so he sent me.
Joey: That was a test. Good response. All right, full name.
Joey: Date of birth?
Joey: Age?
Joey: Im a doctor Cliff, not a mathematician.
Joey: Okay. And uh, are you married.
Joey: Oh really? So, 33 and still single, would you say you have commitment issues?
Joey: (checking the list) Yes.
Joey: Oh thats terrible. Im-Im really sorry.
Joey: Hmm. Do you sleep with women and never call them again?
Joey: Excellent! Excellent! And uh, finally, are you into any weird stuff yknow, sexually?
Joey: Oooh, wrong answer. (Exits.)
[Scene: Outside Room 816, Joey is briefing Phoebe on Cliff.]
Joey: Uh, well hes 33.
Joey: A widower.
Joey: He seemed like a stand up guy. Oh, and hes not into anything weird sexually.
Joey: (entering) Rachels having her baby!! (Phoebe turns and looks at him.) Which is of no interest to me, Im a neurologist.
Phoebe: Okay. Okay. IOkay umm this I-I sent my friend Joey in here to find out stuff about you. Umm yknow, if it helps you came off great. A lot better than Im coming off right now.
Joey: Fake? Excuse me? Hello? (Taps the TV screen.)
Joey: Uh, if I may? Umm-umm look, Cliff, you told me a lot of personal stuff about you, right? And maybe-maybe it would if-if would help if-if you knew some personal stuff about her. Uh, she was married to a gay ice dancer. Uh, she gave birth to her brothers triplets. Oh! Oh! Her-her twin sister used to do porn!
Phoebe: Uh Joey, were trying to dial down the crazy.
Joey: Right!
Joey: Me neither.
Joey: There she is!
Joey: (taking the baby) She looks so real! (The gang looks at him.) Yknow what I mean! Shes this whole tiny little person. She already has eyelashes and knees and uh-oh.
Joey: Oh no-no, no for I second there I counted six fingers, but one was from the other hand so were good.
Phoebe: Okay, my turn. My turn. (Joey hands her to Phoebe.) Oh! Youre so cute! Oh, I could squeeze your little head! (Pause) I wont.
Joey: Whats the matter now?
Joey: What was the other one Ross?
[Scene: The Delivery Room, Rachel is in bed as Joey enters.]
Joey: Hey. I just saw a woman breast feeding both of her twins at the same time; it is like a freak show up here. (Notices shes wiping her eyes.) Whats the matter?
Joey: What is it? Hey!
Joey: Rach come on, what?
Joey: What are you talking about alone? What about Ross?
Joey: Okay, how long was I watching that woman?
Joey: Yeah, I guess so.
Joey: Hey, listen to me, listen to me you are never ever gonna be alone. Okay? I promise thats not gonna happen.
Rachel: Joey. Honey what would I do without you?
Joey: You dont have to worry about that okay?
Joey: Sure.
(He moves Rosss coat to get the tissues and the engagement ring box Mrs. Geller gave him falls out of the pocket it was inside. Joey goes to one knee, picks up the box, opens it, and sees that its an engagement ring.)
Joey: My God.
Rachel: Joey.
(Joey is stunned.)
Joey: Me too.
(Joey comes in from the back of the coffee house)
Joey: Alright, I can make my peace with the clean dry towels Also what is with these chips you bought?
Joey: I want you.I need you.Let me make love to you.
Joey: Yeah!Hey, you just have to promise not to get yourself thrown out again.
Joey: Hey uh, can I, can I talk to you guys for a second?
Joey: Chandler! You are not gonna believe this! I have found my identical hand twin!
Joey: Also so gay!
Joey: Oh, wish me luck!
Director: Joey, Joey! We're ready for you!
Rachel: Hey Joey, is this the bed where Olivia lost her virginity?
Joey/Drake: You don't love him!
Joey/Drake: Oh, what about this one.
Joey/Drake: Fine. I'll go. But let me ask you one question...
Joey: Oh! (In an announcer type voice) And so the miracle of life begins, and aaiiyyyeeee! (He grabs his side and doubles over in pain.)
Joey/Drake: Tell me to stop, just...tell me to stop. (he's about to kiss her)
Joey: Well anyway, the guy they wanted backed out and now they want me! I start shooting today!
The Director: Look Joey, theres nothing I can do. Besides, youre probably gonna be out by four anyway. Weve just got one short scene. Its just you and Richard, and God knows hes a pro. Youll be fine. (Walks away and sees Richard entering.) Morning Richard.
Joey: (seriously) Yes, its a highly controversial procedure.
Rachel: Joey, I gotta tell ya, I've been thinking all day about that scene you did, I mean, you were amazing!
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Oh, all right, I can ask Monica.
Joey: Ow, I'm just going over the script now! You wanna read lines with me?
Joey: Oh, you are the best friends anyone has ever had.
Joey: Right... (pause) ok, so just from the top of the page, right here.
Joey/Drake: I can't believe you married him.
Joey: What?
Joey: but, but..
Joey/Drake: So what about us? Everything we feel for each other.
Joey: Ah, Rach, it doesn't say that!
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! I mean Im sorry, I wish I can take everybody, but yknow Chandler always supported my career. Hes paid for acting classes and head shots and stuff and well this will be my way of paying you back.
Joey: Sandy! Hi! C'mon in! (She enters, followed by a young boy and a younger girl)...You brought your kids.
Rachel: Ok, well this is like that...in no way. I had a...I had a dream last night that I wanted to kiss Joey.
Joey: Yeah! (Monica goes in the bedroom.) Yknow, she could use a little (Whistles that she needs to do what theyre doing.) (Something happens on the game.) Oh nice shot!!! (They all cheer.)
Joey: I think Saturday(groans in pain again).
Joey: Whoa-hey-oh! Sorry!
(Joey frowns...then looks as if he understands)
[Cut to Monica's room, Chandler tackles Joey onto her bed and tries to cover his mouth.]
Joey: You can't have S-E-X, when you're taking care of the B-A-B-I-E!
Joey: Hey!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Rachel walks in]
Phoebe: Well, I, I like the idea of naming him after someone I love, and Joey and Chandler are great names. (They both stare at her.) But, all right, I dontmaybe Ill just name him The Hulk.
Joey: What?
Joey: Oh...I don't think it's going very well...
Joey: A little. Yeah no, I really am worried, you know, I mean I have to make it convincing that I'm in love with Olivia.
Joey: Well, I'm feeling really insecure about the one we are shooting tomorrow...
Joey: Uh...well...just once...with you...
Joey: So...I've never played that!
Joey: (looks at her for a moment) What the hell are you talking about??
Joey: Thats her! Okay, come on! (They go over and open the door.)
Joey: Oh my God! Congratulations Ross, because Chandler, youve been Bamboozled!
(Joey and Rachel continue to look at each other in silence for a while)
Joey: Look, my agent hooked me up with six tickets to a great play.
Joey: (enters the room) Hey, you guys, what are you doing tomorrow night?
Joey: You guys are gonna have a great time, I promise!
Joey: Okay. I got nominated for my part on Days of Our Lives!
Joey: Dude! (he opens his arms to receive the ball from Ross' hands)
(Monica points at Joey, Rachel turns and sees him)
Joey: What do you mean? I can do anything, I'm a chameleon! Huh? (he mimes an old man with a beard) I'm old! (then he yawns) I'm tired! (then he mimes someone who's hot...) Hey, I'm hot (...and cold) I'm cold!! Huh?? Come on! What can't I do?
Joey: (entering the room) Hey!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is packing some books and Joey is watching him.]
Joey: (yelling) Stupid Jane Rogers!!
Joey: I do it every year.
Joey: Yeah...
Joey: Yeah...
Rachel: Joey, why wouldn't you invite us to your parties?
Joey: She was all crying. She-she said you guys want different things, and that and that she needed time to think.
Joey: (Smiling) I can't believe you guys went for that one!
Joey: (speaking aloud) Please, I was trying to be nice, you're the worst one!
Rachel: Oh, Joey, come on! Please, please! Let me come, I will behave, I promise! I will behave! Please, please, please...
Joey: Ok, ok! Fine! You can come, but don't tell anybody else. It's up on the roof at 8.
Joey: Well, I heard Emma stirring, so I came to make sure she could reach Hugsy.
[Scene: The hallway, Joey and Chandler are coming back from the game.]
Joey: (placing Hugsy back in the crib) There you go sweetie... (to Emma) This isn't over.
Joey: I was making a peanut butter smoothy, right?
Monica: You just wanna stay home so you can make a move on Joey!
Monica: Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof!
Joey: What party?
Phoebe: We know about your party Joey.
Lauren: Oh, yeah! I-I ran into you in the hallway in your building. It was right after I slept with Joey. He dumped me the next day.
Joey: (looks perplexed and opens up his robe) Ok... I mean...
Joeys Date: Sorry about that, but I couldnt get that lock to work on the door.
Joey: Yeah, I want my tickets too (takes the bowl from Rachel)! And I'm buying the Knicks! And Steffi Graff, ah ah!
Joey: You don't know how long we're gonna be in here! We may have to repopulate the Earth.
Joey: It's a science.
[Scene: The roof, Joey is walking towards Ross with a guy]
Joey: Monica!
Joey: (To Rachel) What have you got there?
(Joey, resigned, walks to Rachel's table)
Joey: Name? (Ross looks at him.) I know Ross but whats it short for? You know like, like Rossel or Rosstepher.
Rachel: Joey, you're so sweet.
Joey: Me.
Rachel: Oh, Very funny... Joey.
Joey: Gotcha.
Joey: Yes, 'cause we live together, that's a joke!
(Joey enters, wearing a bathrobe)
(Joey motions for Rachel to lean in. She does so.)
Monica: Phoebe, you got Joey drums to annoy Rachel, so she wouldn't wanna live there anymore?
Joey: Good call. Yeah. But, the face Ross, the face isnt Rachel.
Rachel: I could, I could but I don't want to! I want to kiss Joey!