words in movies
Phoebe: (answering the phone) Hello? (Listens) Hey Joey!
[Cut to Las Vegas, Joey is on the phone and wearing his gladiator costume.]
Joey: Hey Pheebs! Listen, uh can you do me a favor? I forgot the pin number to my ATM card can, can you get it for me?
Joey: Uh, I scratched it on the ATM machine down on the corner.
Joey: That's it! Thanks Pheebs!
Phoebe: (to Joey) Ooh, do you want to talk to Chandler?
Chandler: (To Phoebe) Is that Joey?! (She nods yes) Let me talk to him!
[Cut to Joey]
Joey: No! (She nods no to Chandler) Because he didn't believe in my movie! Which is a big mistake because it is real! Real!
Joey: Uhh, my stunt double. Yeah, and y'know, he's getting a little too familiar for my tastes.
[Cut to Joey]
Joey: Uhh Pheebs, I heard that. Can you put him on?
Chandler: (To Joey) Hey!
[Cut to Joey]
Joey: Don't come out here!
[Cut to Joey]
Joey: I got that! I forgive ya! Don't come out here!
[Cut to Joey]
Joey: Well, I'm totally over it Chandler. Friends forever! Don't come out here!
A Tourist: (To Joey) Would you mind doing a picture with us?
[Cut to Joey]
Joey: Uh, Entertainment Tonight. [Cut to Chandler] Yeah, okay so, good talking to ya and don't come out here. All right. (Hangs up the phone and poses for that picture.)
Monica: For this weekend! Oh gosh, it would be perfect, we get to see Joey plus we get to start our anniversary celebration on the plane. We can call it out plane-aversary.
Chandler: Okay this is great, but Joey said he didn't want any of us out there.
Phoebe: Hey, you guys, listen, this weekend we're all gonna go to Las Vegas to surprise Joey! Including me!! You wanna go?!
Phoebe: For 99 cents, I'd eat you. (Sees the casino) Okay, I can totally settle down here. It's got everything I could ever want, including Joey! Look! (Points to Joey in his gladiator suit posing for a picture with two old ladies.) Oh! Look! Hi!
Phoebe: Hey! Joey! (They all head over to him, he spots them coming and panics.) Hey! Hey!! Wow! (She hugs him.)
Joey: Hi!
Joey: What-what are you guys doing here? I thought I told you not to come.
Joey: Uhh, because I'm shooting a scene right now. Yeah, I uh, I play a gladiator. Uh, y'know what? Hold-hold on a second. (To no one in particular) Can we cut? Yeah, my-my friends are here, I'm gonna take a little break.
Joey: They uh director. Uhh, her. (Points to an old woman standing behind him. Who glares at him and walks off.) All right, all right, it's not a gladiator movie. I work here.
Joey: Well, the movie got shutdown because they ran out of money, so I'm working here 'til it starts up again, if it ever does.
Joey: Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell ya. (To Chandler) I'm sorry man.
Joey: Yeah, what-what's going on?
Joey: Dawson?!
Joey: Aww, there we go.
Joey: Ooh, so close.
Joey: Whoa! Whoa! Guys! Please! Come on! Come on! This is obviously just a big misunderstanding.
Joey: Hey-hey don't look at me! I just work here! (Walks away.)
[Scene: Chandler's hotel room, he's sitting there with Joey who's talking about his helmet and running his hand through that feathery thing at the top.]
Joey: Hey, y'know in Roman times this was more than just a hat.
Joey: Yeah, sure! Sure! They would uh, they would scrub the floors with it! They would use it to get the mud off their shoe. And sometimes underneath the horse would get dirty so they would stick it right
Chandler: (interrupting in the nick of time) Joey, I uh! I can't believe this is how I'm spending my anniversary.
Joey: All right well, I'll take you someplace nice then. Look! A guy tipped me a hundred bucks today.
Joey: Yeah-yeah, he was playing blackjack for like an hour and he won $5,000. Can you believe that? $5,000!
Joey: Wait a minute! Why don't I do what that guy did? I'll take this $100 and turn it into $5,000! And then I'll turn that into enough money to get my movie going again!
Joey: Chandler! I don't need luck. I have thought this through!
(Joey exits as Chandler shakes his head.)
[Scene: Caesar's Palace Casino, Joey is approaching one of the blackjack tables on his quest to make enough money for his movie.]
Joey: (to the dealer) Can I change a hundred? (He hands him his chip.)
Joey: (betting all 100) Let's ride.
Joey: Hit me! (He does so.) Ohh man! (Joey busts and loses all the money, but when the dealer starts to collect the cards Joey notices something.) Wait! (He holds his hand next to the dealer's hand.)
[Cut to Chandler's room, Joey is relaying to Chandler his amazing discovery.]
Joey: Chandler! You are not gonna believe this! I have found my identical hand twin!
Joey: My identical hand twin!
Joey: What's it sound like? It's a guy with my identical hands! It was incredible! Chandler, the dealer's hands were exactly like me! It-it was like looking at my hands in a mirror!
Joey: Dont you see what this means?! I can forget about that stupid movie. I'm gonna be a millionaire!
Joey: Look, I don't have it all worked out yet, but it's gotta mean big money! Come on! Identical hands!
Joey: This is Vegas man! People will pay to see freaky stuff! Okay, how much would you pay to see this hand (Holds up his left hand) twice? Huh?
Joey: Hey, are you unsupporting me again?
(Joey starts to leave to embark on his genius moneymaking scheme, but is freaked out slightly when as he goes to open the door, there's a mysterious knock. He calms himself down and opens the door to reveal Phoebe.)
Joey: Pheebs!!
Joey: I found my identical hand twin!
Chandler: That was Joey!
Joey: (entering) Hey-hey-hey you made it!
Ross: Joey!!
Joey: All right! Hey-hey!
Joey: Who's your friend? He's hot! (Ross laughs and Rachel smacks him with her purse.)
Ross: (To Joey) Thanks man.
Rachel: Hi. (She hugs Joey.)
Joey: No, don't be sorry. I don't need it anymore. I found my identical hand twin!
Joey: My identical hand twin! The person whose hands are exactly like mine! This thing is a gold mine!
Joey: Okay. Well, if that's how you feel about it, fine! None of you get to live with me in my great big hand-shaped mansion! Except uh, you Pheebs. You can live in the thumb.
Joey: (entering) Uhh, hey. Where's the other guy?
Joey: He's kinda tall, dark hair, hand looks exactly like this. (Holds up his hand.) See?
Joey: Okay! (Walks away, then turns back.) How you doin'?
Joey: Right! Okay. (Heads for the bathroom.)
[Scene: The Men's room, Joey is entering and sees his hand twin washing his hands.]
Joey: Oh-oh-oh, yeah! (He grabs some towels and takes them to him.) That's right, you take good care of those babies!
Joey: It's me, Joey!
Joey: (holds up his hand) Joey!
Joey: Okay, so what are we going to do about this hand twin thing?!
Joey: Look, you and I have been given a gift. Okay? We have to do something with it. Like-like, hand modeling! Huh? Or-or magic! And you know NASA's gonna wanna talk to us!
Joey: (stopping him) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa-whoa! We could have our own show! Y'know we could clap our hands together people will love it! Huh? And-and-and I wrote a song for us! (Singing, to the tune of This Land is Your Land) This hand is your hand! This hand is my hand! Oh wait, that's your hand! No wait, it's my hand!
Joey: (following him) But you haven't even heard the chorus!
Joey: Hey!
Ross: Ohh, it's Joey! I love Joey! (Hugs him.)
Rachel: Ohh, I love Joey! Joey lives with a duck! (Goes and hugs Joey.)
Joey: Hi!
Joey: Look-look-look you guys, I need some help! Okay? Someone is going to have to convince my hand twin to cooperate!
Ross: I'll do it. Hey, whatever you need me to do, I'm your man. (He starts to sit down on the bed. There's one problem though, he's about two feet to the left of it. Needless to say, he misses and falls on his butt.) (Looking up at Joey.) Whoa-oh-whoa! Are you, are you okay?
Joey: Yeah! I'm fine! Thanks! (He starts to leave, but gets an idea and stops.) Hey Rach, how you doin'?
Joey: Ross, don't let her drink anymore! (Exits)
[Scene: A blackjack table, Joey is moving in to try and get his hand twin (who's dealing) to join him in his evil plot to rule the world! "Join me, and together we'll rule the universe as father and son!" (Sorry, I had a little Star Wars creep in thereOoh, I have a big spoiler for The Phantom Menace, Yoda lives at the end! Ha-ha, spoiled it! Now you don't have to see it!)]
Joey: (sitting down) Ahhh! (Slides his hands across the table.)
Joey: No-no, I don't really have any money. Not yet, anyway (Shakes his hands.)
Joey: (throws down a small wad of money, and as his hand twin starts to unfold it, Joey once again brings attention to their special gift to the world. {Y'know, looking at it now, they really don't have that similar of hands. Joey's are bigger.}) Ooh-ho-ho! (The dealer stares at him and he stops.)
Joey's Hand Twin: (To Joey) 14.
Joey: Hit me! (He does so.)
Joey: Uhh, Ms. Phalange, may I ask you a question as an impartial person at-at this table?
Joey: Wouldn't you pay good money to see these identical hands showcased in some type of a uh, entertainment venue?
Joey's Hand Twin: (To Joey) If you leave now, I will chop off my hand and give it too you!
Joey's Hand Twin: Please, please take him too. (Motions to Joey.)
Joey: Me?! Oh come on, man! You can't do this! Come on! (Being dragged out by the guard) I'm your hand twin!!
Joey: What party?
Phoebe: We know about your party Joey.
Lauren: Oh, yeah! I-I ran into you in the hallway in your building. It was right after I slept with Joey. He dumped me the next day.
Joey: (looks perplexed and opens up his robe) Ok... I mean...
Joeys Date: Sorry about that, but I couldnt get that lock to work on the door.
Joey: Yeah, I want my tickets too (takes the bowl from Rachel)! And I'm buying the Knicks! And Steffi Graff, ah ah!
Joey: You don't know how long we're gonna be in here! We may have to repopulate the Earth.
Joey: It's a science.
[Scene: The roof, Joey is walking towards Ross with a guy]
Joey: Monica!
Joey: (To Rachel) What have you got there?
(Joey, resigned, walks to Rachel's table)
Joey: Name? (Ross looks at him.) I know Ross but whats it short for? You know like, like Rossel or Rosstepher.
Rachel: Joey, you're so sweet.
Joey: Me.
Rachel: Oh, Very funny... Joey.
Joey: Gotcha.
Joey: Yes, 'cause we live together, that's a joke!
(Joey enters, wearing a bathrobe)
(Joey motions for Rachel to lean in. She does so.)
Monica: Phoebe, you got Joey drums to annoy Rachel, so she wouldn't wanna live there anymore?
Joey: Good call. Yeah. But, the face Ross, the face isnt Rachel.
Rachel: I could, I could but I don't want to! I want to kiss Joey!
Rachel: I just wanted to let you know I've changed my mind: I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna kiss Joey.
(Rachel goes look for Joey. She sees him and Charlie kissing passionately.)
Joey: Hey!
(Joey and Charlie enter. Ross looks at her)
Joey: Fine ... mediocre porn
Chandler: (to Joey) So, a professor, uh?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment]
Joey: (voice strained) Couldn't have this conversation down at the truck huh?
JOEY: Uhh, I'm guessing the threshold's clear now.
(somebody knocks the door, Joey opens and it's Charlie)
Joey: Come on in, how are ya?
Joey: I know, yeah!
Joey: Can I offer you a drink?
Joey: (looking puzzled and nodding) Ok!
Joey: Yeah, definitely, definitely. Ok, what do you wanna see first?
Ross: Thats true, thanks dad. (To All) People should be dancing! Huh? Hey, this is a party! Come on! Joey, dance!! (He starts to dance but stops when no one else joins him.)
Joey: Which one, they all suck!
Joey: (looking puzzled) I don't think so.
Joey: Ross!
Phoebe: Its Joey! (Joey turns and looks at her and she mouths I love you to him.)
(Joey walks in and moves towards Ross, who's sitting of the sofa)
Joey: (checking) EH, what do you know!
Joey: Yeah, I'm... I'm kind of having a little problem.
Joey: I need to talk to you about Charlie.
Joey: No, look, you know Charlie, right? She's cool, she's funny, her body is soo...
Joey: Thanks.
Joey: The Metsss!
Joey: Ok, all right, so I'll take her to the MET.
Joey: You got to tell me exactly what to do there.
Joey: Geez, sounds like you should be going on this date!
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down, you go way too fast. Ok? Just go back to the MET, ok?
Joey: An annulment? Ross! I dont think surgerys the answer here.
Joey: Phonetically? (Looks confused)
Joey: (lifts Rachel up and moves her behind him so she can walk on) Hey, here you go.
Joey: (shaking his head as if to say: of course not!) No, no, my mouth says the words, my brain is thinking monster trucks!
Joey: Ok.
Rachel: Ah! Well it was Joey reading Drake's lines in the dream...
Joey: Come on! you... (reaches out to touch the imaginary painting again)
Joey: Well to tell you the truth, they uh, (Pause) they had a problem with the bag!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is drinking a gallon of orange juice as Chandler enters.]
Rachel: Well, you know what? This is great. Finally, I have someone I can pass on my wisdom too. Let me tell you about a couple of things I learned while working at the coffeehouse. First of all, the customer is always right. (Joey nods.) A smile goes a long way. (Joey smiles) And if anyone is ever rude to you? Sneeze muffin.
Joey: Absolutely! Halloween is the worst. Except for Christmas and their birthdays. Kinda get a little crazy during the summer too. And anytime theyre hungry or sleepy. Yknow, kids are tough. Good luck with that. (Walks away.)
Ross: Yeah? Joey really knows his art, huh?
Joey: Dont start doing that. You cant do that Rach, cause then youre gonna make me do that. (Starts to cry.) Oh, here we go! (Sits down next to her.)
JOEY: Ohh, you know what it is? It's smudgy 'cause they're fax pages. Now when I was on Days of Our Lives as Dr. Drake Remoray, they'd send over the whole script on real paper and everything.
(Joey walks in)
Joey: (to Charlie) You're ready?
Joey: Hey!
Ross: Yeah well, he's not gonna get this one. Ben is way cuter than that kid. I mean look at him, look at you, (Starts to whine like a baby and Joey just glares at him.)
Charlie: Yeah, let's go. (stands up and kisses Joey) (to Ross) Thanks Ross.
Joey: (aside, to Ross) Hey Ross! That art stuff worked, you hooked me up.
Joey: Oh hey Rach!
Joey: So you need someone who knows fashion, to tell you what looks good.
[Scene: Central Perk. Charlie, Joey and Rachel are on the couches]
Joey: What's the matter, Pheebs?
Joey: Maybe you could take Charlie shopping.
Joey: No-no! I used to get paid for all kinds of medical stuff, remember? Lets see uh, well I dont want to donate sperm again. (To Ross) I really prefer doing that at the home office yknow? (Ross nods his head.) Ooh-ooh, maybe they want like some of my blood or-or spit or something, huh?
Joey: Hey-hey-hey, if my friend says its time to go, its time to go. (Starts to leave, but comes back for his cookies.)
Joey: Noooo... Three Blind Mice goes like this... (he puts his fingers in position on the recorder)
Joey: (looking at the checkbook) Wow! Look at this! He wrote a check for 50,000 dollars to Hugo Ligrens Ring Design. (Monica is stunned) Oh, sorry, what do you think the good news is?
Joey: Oh, ain't that nice? The three of you trying on slutty lingerie together.
(Joey stares around dumbly looking for the "talking pigeon")
Joey: (to Charlie) Alright, have a good time. (they kiss)
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey and Charlie on the couch. Rachel enters]
Joey: Bye.
Joey: Just... seeing what it'd be like to be a paleontologist... it's fun, yeah!
Joey: So you're ruling out surrogacy?
Joey: So, I don't have to learn what that means?
Chandler: (stopping Joey) ah-ha!
(Joey moves close to Ross and whispers something in his ear)
Joey: (talking to a pineapple in his hand) God, you're beautiful...why are we fighting this?You know you want it to happen as much as I do.
Phoebe: You like Joey?
Joey: Shh. Shh. Dont try to talk, well get you up to your room, well soak your feet, youll be okay.
Chandler: So you might say, the ring is irreplaceable? (Gives Joey a little squeeze.)
Joey: Hello?
Joey: Yeah, yeah, in honor of their 35th wedding anniversary, I had a star named after them.
Ross: Joey! Hey, I need to talk to Charlie. Is she there?