words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Joey are playing with the duck and the chick.]
Joey: Hey, wouldn't be cool if our duck and chick had a little baby? We could call it Chuck.
Chandler and Joey: Hey.
Joey: (with a disgusted look) What was it?
Chandler and Joey: Whoa!!!
Joey: No, it's too wrinkly to be a mole.
Joey: Yeah, right.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Rachel are there, as Phoebe enters with her date.]
Chandler: Well, y'know if Joey and I played with matches we could get you up to an even hundred.
Joey: So Pheebs, do they know about each other?
Phoebe: Does a dog's lips move when he reads? (Joey makes an `I don't know' face, and looks to Chandler and Rachel, who're also stumped) Okay, no they don't.
Joey: Hey.
Joey: (going over to him) Well?!
Joey: Well what is it?!
Joey: Oh! Maybe they'll name yours after you! Y'know, they'll call it, The Ross. And then people would be like, "Awww, he's got a Ross."
Joey: Whoa, that doesn't necessarily mean that he's breaking up with you.
Joey: Yeah, maybe he just cheated on you.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are there.]
Chandler: Well, if he's gonna break up with you, maybe Joey and I should water his plants. If y'know what I mean.
Joey: Or ha-ha, we could go over there and pee on them.
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa. What ah, what happened to playing the field?
Joey: Okay, good, so there you go. Go with Vince.
Joey: Oh sure, go with the sissy.
Joey: Oh no-no-no-no, I meant Chandler.
Joey: Whoa! For a rich guy he's got, that's a pretty small TV.
Joey: Look at this! A millionaire's checkbook.
Monica: Joey, put that down! (the phone rings) Oh my God! It's Pete. Okay, get out!! How the hell do you answer a video-phone! (steps in front of it, and automatically answers it)
Joey: Hi, how ya doing?
Joey: (looking at the checkbook) Wow! Look at this! He wrote a check for 50,000 dollars to Hugo Ligrens Ring Design. (Monica is stunned) Oh, sorry, what do you think the good news is?
(Joey laughs, Ross glares at him, and Joey stops.)
[Scene: Guru Sajs office: Joey and Chandler have taken the duck to see the guru.]
Guru Saj: (entering) Hello, I am Guru Saj-(sees the duck)-Whoa!! (to Joey) Thats supposed to be a duck right? Cause otherwise, this is waaay out of my league.
Joey: Yeah, yeah. Hes got a, hes got a really bad cough, and our vet, he cant do anything about it. Is there something you can do?
(The duck starts to frantically flap his wings, while Joey is holding him, in an attempt to get away.)
Monica: All right, Chandler get the coats. Erica let's go. Phoebe and Joey, keep packing! Oh my God we're gonna have a baby. All right. We're gonna have a baby! OH MY GOD, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY! Oh God, oh God, I got to sit down, I got to sit down. Ooh! (she's hyperventilating)
Joey: What are you talking about?! I'm the lead in a movie!
JOEY: Ok.
JOEY: Well don't just say.
Ross: Filming Rachel is not something I planned. Okay look, heres what happened, and Joey you-you can back me up on this. All right, about-about a month and a half ago I came to you with a problem? Umm, a personal thing.
Joey: Man! When you said it was a problem about your boss and the baby I figured it was something about maternity leave.
JOEY: Ok, let's start with the cons, 'cause they're more fun. All right, Rachel first.
JOEY: What?
Joey: Thats an idea! (To Chandler) Hey, if I hired an assistant, would-would you take money from her?
JOEY: Yeah, he's just really great to hang around with.
JOEY: What?
Joey: Awww! Mel Torme died.
Joey: (Jokingly) Well, stuffed clams.
Joey: (hides the TV, but he still has an earphone) Just a, uh... hearing disability.
Rachel: There's no room under the bed. (looks around because she can't find Joey anymore)
[Cut to the hall, Joeys sister runs up and grabs Chandlers butt.]
Joey: We broke down on the Parkway, so I have to walk back and get some transmission fluid. And hey, listen could you please tell Kathy that Ill be there as soon as I can.
[Joey shows them the torn-up newspaper.]
JOEY: Thanks Ross.
JOEY: What?
JOEY: Huh?
JOEY: I went.
Joey: Oh! Oh-oh, you gotta pick Joey! I mean, name one famous person named Chandler.
JOEY: I can't watch this.
[Scene: Estelle Leonard Talent Agency.Joey is there.]
Chandler: My favorite part was when Superman flew all the Jews out of Egypt. (Glaring at Joey whos nodding.)
JOEY: My animals. Hey the guy said they suited me, he spoke with an accent, I was all confused. I don't know what I'm gonna do.
JOEY: Hello.
JOEY: I know I would.
JOEY: Hey no problem.
JOEY: What happened to the foosball?
Monica: Chandler! (Joey and his grandmother shush them and wave them away, which they do.) Okay, let me get this straight, it's okay for you to flirt, but not for me.
JOEY: Oh yeah.
(Joey picks up a hammer and a crowbar and gets ready to destroy the table.)
JOEY: He paid a lot of money for it.
JOEY: Nooooo.
JOEY: Not a dad.
Joey: Shhh! Not so loud, we don't wanna wake up, uh...
Joey: (entering) Hey! (Goes to the fridge.)
Joey: Look-look-look you guys, I need some help! Okay? Someone is going to have to convince my hand twin to cooperate!
Chandler: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're right. (gets up right behind Joey and yells in his ear) Come on, do it, do it, go, come on!!!
[Joey walks to the door. He stops, turns around.]
(Chandler and Joey enter. Joey is counting his steps.)
[Scene: The apartment in the listing, the guys are checking it out. There's one problem though, it's roughly the size of this computer screen. As they enter Joey lets out a whistle.]
Waiter: Sure. Sure. (Turns away, then turns back) Seconds up! (Joey glares at him.) Not that kind of table. (He walks away.)
Joey: Yeah, were gonna be fine! Get out!
Joey: (from bedroom) WHOAA!!
Joey: Sure. So how long you been... (Goes back to chopping)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Rachel are sitting there and Monica walks in.]
JOEY: You're kiddin'.
JOEY: Who said it was for you?
Joey: Im gonna go down there and teach that guy a lesson.
JOEY: Do what?
JOEY: Yeah good luck, good luck.
JOEY: Hey, hey, hey no.
JOEY: Hey Rach, you uh, you want some sandwich?
JOEY: Well why don't you just reach out and take his trampoline.
JOEY: Chandler? What're you still doin' here, I though you guys took off.
JOEY: Yeah, whatever you need. Hey, you wanna go home?
[Scene: Phoebe's dad's house. Phoebe pulls up in the cab with Rachel and Joey in the back.]
Joey: So what if he didnt come! We can still go out and party ourselves!
JOEY: How come those?
JOEY: Good.
JOEY: [movers removing a glass parrot] Oh, not my parrot.
JOEY: [in the voice] Hard to say.
Joey: Hm-mm! Yeah nice necklace!
Joey: (to Ross) Just get in there and make a face to face apology, you know? Look them in the eye. I know I can get them to forgive us.
[Scene: Joey and Janines apartment, Chandler walks in. Joey and Janine are knitting at the kitchen counter.]
Joey: Oh. (She kisses him.) Yeah. (She goes into her room.) Me to. (He then starts to freak out.)
JOEY: By someone besides Monica?
Rachel: Joey, you cant keep this to yourself, if you know about this, you have to tell him.
JOEY: Oh, now it's a spare room?
Monica: You bet your ass Im gonna fire you! Get out of my kitchen! Get out!! (Joey leaves) All right! Anybody else got a problem? How bout you Chuckles? You think this is funny now?
JOEY: Uh, Pheebs, how long do you think this lady'll be with us?
JOEY: [walks out of his room] Hey, this is ridiculous. I'll tell you what. After I get back from my neice's christening, I'll go down to the coffee house with you and we'll all have a nice cup of coffee alright. No problem, Joey's there.
JOEY: Excellent.
Joey: Wait, wait, wait. You want him, I want her. He likes you.
JOEY: Thank you. Wait wait wait wait, you see me again. Hang on, the guy's butt's blockin' me. There I am, there I am, there I am, there I am, there I am. . .
JOEY: Really. Why can't we just get some pizzas and get some beers and have fun?
[Joey is staring at Monica's breasts]
JOEY: Cause she uh, she steals stuff.
JOEY: [quietly] I never know how long you're supposed to wait in this type of a situation before you can talk again, you know? [Ross stares blankly at him] Maybe a little longer.
Rachel: I can not believe he would do that to MonWhoa! (She stops suddenly and slowly turns to point at Joey. Joey is avoiding her eyes.) Joey, do they know that we know?
Joey: All right, look Im sorry you guys, but its just that I gotta get these new head shots made. And theyre really expensive, yknow? Im down to like three! Well, actually two cause one of em I kinda blackened in some teethWhy did I do that?! (Hits himself in the head.)
JOEY: Right this is staging.
Joey: Hey-hey, youre startin to sound like the butchers wife there in-in chapter seven.
MONICA: Right now, Joey and Chandler's, go now.
Joey: Y'know what, I dont think we should listen to this anymore. (Goes to open the door)
Joey: In Bizarro World!! You broke the code!
Joey: (pats Chandler on the leg) That's good, just keep rubbing your head. That'll turn back time.
Joey: Ah, I'm gonna be one of his helpers. It's just such a slap in the face, y'know?
JOEY: Quick volleyball question.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is putting jam on his muffin, lots of jam]
JOEY: Yeah, I know exactly what she's goin' through.
Joey: Why not?! (to Chandler) Im hungry.
(The rest of the crew start to drive away leaving Joey sad, alone, and holding his congratulatory balloons as the song comes up again. La-la-la. See, I've been through the desert on a horse with no name! It felt good to be out of the rain! In the desert you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain. La-la-la, la, la, la )
[Scene: The Department Store, Joey and the Hombre man are facing off in Joey's section.]
JOEY ON TV: Damnit, I'm a doctor, I'm not God.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is watching movers take all his stuff away.]
Joey: (To Ross, on the couch) Now, here's a picture of my mother and father on their wedding day. Now you tell me she's not a knockout.