words in movies
[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.]
(Joey makes a sound of absolute disgust.)
Joey: Do we have to know about that?
Monica: Joey, what are you gonna do when you have a baby?
Joey: I'm gonna be in the waitin' room, handing out cigars.
(Chandler and Monica leave. Cut to Joey, watching the Knicks/Celtics game on television.)
Joey: (to the screen) Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot, or just fall down. That's good too.
Joey: Oh, yeah.
Joey: Hey, listen, lady....(sees that she's pregnant)...whoa.
Joey: Oh yeah? And who do you like?
Joey: The Celtics? Ha. They couldn't hit a boat if...wait. They suck, alright?
Joey: Wha? Wha..aa? Let me get the father. Hey, we need a father over here! We need a father!
Joey: Oh, oh, oh, sorry.
Joey: Oh, uh, ok. Right this way. All the other pregnant women seem to be goin' in here.
(Joey accompanies Lydia to a hospital room.)
[Scene: Joey and Lydia in the hospital room. Lydia is on the phone with her mother.]
Lydia: Mom, we've been through this. No, I'm not calling him. I don't care if it is his kid, the guy's a jerk. No, I'm not alone. Joey's here. (pause) What do you mean, Joey who? (covers the phone, to Joey) Joey who?
Joey: Tribbiani.
Lydia: Joey Tribbiani. Yes, ok. Hold on. (to Joey) She wants to talk to you. Take the phone.
Joey: (takes phone) Hi, yeah, it's me. (Listens) Oh, no no no, we're just friends. (Listens) Yeah, I'm single. (Listens) 25. (Listens) An actor. (Listens) Hello?
Joey: Yeah, so, uh, so, uh, what's the deal with this father guy, I mean, if someone was havin' my baby somewhere, I'd wanna know about it, you know?
Joey: Ok, look, maybe I should just go.
Joey: Good luck, and uh, take care, huh?
Joey: You know what the Celtics problem is? They let the players run the team.
Joey: Oh, it is.
Joey: It is.
[Scene: Lydia's Hospital Room, Joey is helping Lydia go through labor, a nurse is now present in her room as well.]
(Joey looks down at Lydia.)
Joey: Ew! What is that? Something exploded!
Joey: (panicked) Water breaking, what do you mean? What's that, water breaking?
Nurse: (to Joey) Breathe, breathe, breathe.
[Scene: Lydia's Room, Joey is helping her deliver.]
Joey: Come on, Lydia, you can do it. Push! Push 'em out, push 'em out, harder, harder. Push 'em out, push 'em out, way out! Let's get that ball and really move, hey, hey, ho, ho. Let's (notices the nurse looking at him strangely) I was justyeah, right. Push! Push!
(Monica sees a woman pass by with a baby, puts the phone to her chest, and starts to cry. Chandler takes the phone, makes a noise in it resembling static, and hangs up. Joey enters.)
Joey: Oh, just had a baby.
[Scene: The Hall Outside Lydia's Room, Joey is walking up to Lydia's room with balloons, but before he enters he sees that the baby's father has arrived. He listens at the door.]
Lydia: I wasn't by myself. I had a doctor, a nurse, and a helper guy. (Joey smiles) So, did you see who won the game?
(Joey closes the door and ties the balloons to the knob. Then he walks away, holding the hand of an inflated balloon animal he had brought.)
Joey: Relax. You're only at nine centimeters. And the baby's at zero station.
Chandler: (to Joey) You are really frightening me.
Joey: Ben, Ben, hey Ben. Nothing. I don't think that's his name.
Joey: He doesn't do much, does he?
Joey: Boy I tell ya, this little talent came in handy before I could afford porn.
Joey: (entering) (He clears his throat to get their attention.) Hey, Rach? Sorry to interrupt but umm, Phoebe wanted me to talk to you about a trip or something.
Joey: On...?
Joey: Oh man! I have to get those done too?!
Joey: Ok! Stop it you guys! Stop staring! You're freaking me out!
Joey and Chandler: (start to sing) Hey! Happy birthday ...
Joey: (at the urinal) Can you stop yellin'? You're makin' me nervous, and I can't go when I'm nervous.
Joey: Do you know how hard this is gonna be on him when he doesnt get it?
Joey: Oh good...
Joey: Chandler Bing.
Joey: OK Thanks.(Joey touches the hot wax). I touched the stuff
Joey: Thanks. Do you get a lot of guys in here?
Joey: All right let's just do this.
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey leaving girls' apartment, carrying lasagna.]
Joey: (dejected) Yeah, all right. (Thinks of something.) Ooh! (He quickly runs out before anyone can stop him.)
Joey: Oh-oh-oh, yeah! (He grabs some towels and takes them to him.) That's right, you take good care of those babies!
Ross, Joey and Chandler: Bye, Emma-Wemma-Demma.
Joey: (sitting on the sofa in front of the tv) Rach, come on! They are announcing the numbers! My God, I can already feel myself changing.
Joey: Hey, I need your help.
Joey: No! No, I-I just wanna thank you guys for what you did for my parents, that was really sweet. Theyre so happy they get to be a part of your special day.
Joey: What the hell am I supposed to do!
Joey: What, what.
Joey: (upset) Will the stable boy never get the princess??
Joey: Oh my God!
Ross: (To Joey) I know, I wasnt finished. (Joey motions him to finish.) (Yelling at the street) But dont worry! Were gonna go down the fire escape!!
Joey: Thank you so much.
Joey: Comb my eyelashes.
Joey: Yeah, yeah. Hey, they totally match! They look great! They look great! How you doing!
Ronni: Oh no, not you, big Joey. Oh my God, you're so much cuter than your pictures! (Joey stares at her) I-I'm, I'm Ronni....Cheese Nip?
Chandler: it was like the Algonquin kids table. (They all laugh, but Joey only laughs not to be left out.)
Joey: (pulls out a fork) All right, what are we havin? (Starts digging in.)
Phoebe: (entering with an aquarium covered by a towel) Hey, Joey, I got you another present. (She puts it on the counter)
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Your eyebrows look weird.
Joey: Morning, roomie!
Joey: Ha, oh, of course.
Joey: No, hey, it's been great.
Joey: Wow! So, how are you?
Joey: Really?
Joey: Wow, really?
Joey: Well, actually it...
Joey: Ooh, names?
Joey: Sure, I know lots of girls.
Joey: Did-did it make you wanna walk around in your underwear?
(They clink glasses and take a drink. Ross likes it, Joey hates it. Then Ross sees Joey hating it, mimics he hates it as well.)
Joey: Why are they doing this?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is there as Phoebe enters.]
Joey: I know, I know. And when they moved back in together, I figured y'know, that's where things were headed.
(She hands the baby to Joey who pulls down the blanket to reveal Rosss face where the babys should be.)
Joey: Glow-pop giggly jammer.
Joey: Ooh, that's a great plan!
Phoebe: Ooh, Joey.
Joey: Hey.
Joey: She's this really boring woman. She's a teacher!
Joey: All right! Who is he?
Joey: Oh my god, you're right!
Phoebe: Joey.
Joey: Well, okay, I'll - I'll just call her and tell her the date's cancelled, and find him somebody else.
Joey: What? I'm not allowed to know smart women?
Joey: She even reads for pleasure!
Joey: Yeah, you know, it's not that fun.
Joey: I uh, I just came by because I-I want to talk to you about something.
Joey: Ooh...I hear that's bad.
Joey: Arghhh! Double standards!
Joey: (waving) Very funny Ross! Very life-like and funny. Okay. (Notices that a woman is waving back.) Oh no-no-no, I wasn't waving at you lady. (She just stares at him.) (Joey sees how beautiful she is.) Whoa, maybe I was! Hey, Monica, this totally hot girl in Ross's building is flirting with me.
[Scene: Outside Room 816, Phoebe and Joey are approaching.]
Rachel: (to Joey) Hey, listen, Joey, about Molly, I really prefer if you didn't go after her.
Chandler: Oh, so thats why the priest threw holy water on me. (theres no reaction from Joey) Okay, listen, you have to cheer up! Okay? You should come out with Ross and me, I mean anything is better than sitting around here crying all day about Kate.
Joey: So what's it gonna be? (Monica whispers in Joey's ear. Ross gets up and waves arms frantically in protest)
Joey all nervous and looking down and fiddling with his ear: Oh.. My sister's raccoon.
Joey: It's like my favorite fairy tale come true! (Chandler looks at him) The princess, the stable boy and the lesbian!
Monica: Ross is really strong! Okay, hes the strongest out of all three of you! (Joey looks at her.) Except for Joey.
Joey: Hello?
Joey: Yeah, that's because we had a bit of a falling out. Mike hit my mom with a car.
Joey: Emma? Hey! Hi!
Joey: Uh, yeah... This guy at work got me excited about going in on an emu farm. That'd be kinda cool huh? Pitchin' in on the weekends, helping to plant the emus...
Lauren: (to Joey) Hey! So since were getting off early, do you want to go and paint mugs?
Monica (to Joey): Why the hell did you take her?
(Joey starts to leave.)
(Joey and Chandler enter with Emma.)
Joey: Because you two were having sex!
Joey: (stepping in and knocking the man over) Hey, if we know it can we have candy?!!
Ross: Uhm... Rachel and I hired a male nanny. (Joey makes a gesture and sound like "Can you believe that?")
Joey: (BEAT) (Laughs.) You almost had me.
Joey: Hey, I gotta! Unless...
Joey: Uh-huh.
Phoebe: Now, wait a minute. So, they're gonna name their first child Joey?
(Joey does the "plan-laugh.")
[Cut to outside. Phoebe and Joey are walking down the street to Central Perk.]
(Emma starts making noises, and Joey walks over to her playpen.)
Joey: Where?
Joey: Can you believe they're still not here?
JOEY: They can't kill me, I'm Francesca's long lost son.
Joey: Oh yeah, I still cant believe you havent seen Cujo. What is wrong with you?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Chandler, and Monica are there as Joey enters.]
Rachel: Uh-huh. Okay. You know what, Joey, I don't think he's ever gonna be okay with this.
Joey: Hey!
Monica: Hey Joey!
Joey & Monica: Hey!
Joey: I know, I'm so bummed. Can we have our free crab cakes now?