words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe are there reading. Rachel is sitting on the couch flanked by Ross and Monica. She suddenly stops reading and starts blinking her left eye as if it's bothering her. The problem is that Joey is on her left and thinks she's winking at him and winks back. Ross is watching this and isn't quite sure of what to make of it.]
(Ross turns to look at Joey.)
Joey: Uhhh, mine too! Yeah.
Joey: Me too! Me too! Me too! (Yeah, he does the same thing.)
(Joey howls in pain and holds his eye.)
Joey: Yeah, I got too excited!
Joey: (entering, depressed) Hey. I just got off the phone with Estelle and guess what. (Pause, then very excitedly) I GOT THE LEAD IN A MOVIE!!!!!!
Joey: It's called Shutter Speed, it's really cool! Yeah, umm, I meet this girl in the subway and we fall in love in like a day, right? And then, she disappears But I find out where she lives and when I get there this like old lady answers the door and I say, "Where's Betsy?" Right? And she says, "Betsy's been dead for 10 years."
Joey: And the best part is, we're filming in the desert outside Vegas! (To Chandler) And you know what that means buddy!
Joey: Road trip! Yeah, we can rent a car! I just have to be there by Tuesday!
Joey: All right! Thanks Pheebs!
Joey: Oh umm, not go.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is reading a map as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Oh hey Joey! What's up?
Joey: I can't decide which route to take to Vegas. Hey, you've traveled a lot right?
Joey: Okay, so-so which route should I take the northern route or the southern route?
Joey: Great! Problem solved!
Joey: Well, back to square one.
Joey: (quickly) Yes!
Joey: Peanut butter!
Joey: A swimmer!
Joey: Monica. Oh huh, I always thought it would be Rachel.
Joey: Ascot!
Joey: North route!
Joey: Wow! That was incredible! Beard of bees, here I come!
Joey: Hey man, what's up?
Joey: Sure, what do you want to see?
Joey: Oh, I know how we can decide. Phoebe, show him your game!
Joey: I don't know. But hey, I know we can decide. Okay, I'm gonna ask you questions and you answer real quick. Okay?
Joey: What do you like better action or comedy?
Joey: Who would you rather sleep with Monica or Rachel?
(Ross pauses and looks at him, Joey motions for him to hurry up.)
Joey: Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Rachel, Monica, and Joey are there.]
Joey: Hey! You ready to go?
Joey: Man, I wish Ross was coming with us! Y'know? I'm gonna miss him!
Joey: Uh no, not really. It's an independent film y'know? So we don't have a real big budget. I figured I'd just stay in your room.
Joey: Oh yeah! For every dollar Shutter Speed makes, one penny of it goes right in Joey's pocket.
Joey: Did you not hear the plot of the movie? "She's been dead for ten years." I'm gonna be a millionaire!
Joey: Hey!
Joey: You got it!
(Joey nods to Chandler, no way!)
Joey: Bye-bye!
Joey: Anybody want to say good-bye to me at the car?
Joey: See ya! (Walks out.)
[Scene: Phoebe's cab, Joey and Chandler are headed across the George Washington bridge on their way to Las Vegas. Joey is driving.]
Joey: Man, I'm getting pretty tired. You're might have to take over soon.
Joey: Don't worry, it's out there! (Just then a horn honks and Joey quickly looks at the road.) I think I just need lunch.
Joey: You wanna eat? (Pulls out the twenty) My treat!
Joey: Yeah. Okay. Ross's treat! Where do you wanna eat?
Joey: Ooh, hey, I know how we can decide! All right, uh, I'm gonna ask you a bunch of questions and then you have to answer real fast. Okay? So uh, clear your mind Clear it right out! Clear it out! Clear!
Joey: Okay, uhh, would you rather be too wet or too dry?
Joey: Do you believe in ghosts, yes or no?
Joey: Is this movie gonna be my big break?
Joey: (shocked) What?!
Joey: Dude you said, "No!"
Joey: You don't think this is going to be a big break for me?
Joey: I don't believe this!
Joey: What are you talking about?! I'm the lead in a movie!
Joey: Y'know what? I don't need this! Okay? I don't know why you're dumping all over my big break.
Joey: Is that why you're on this trip, huh? Make me feel like a loser? 'Cause if it is, I'll tell ya, I-I-I'd rather be alone.
Joey: Not if you're gonna be like this!
Joey: Yeah! I don't want you on the trip!
Joey: Fine! (He slams on the brakes, stopping the car on the bridge to the sound of numerous car horns.) Get out!
Joey: Get out!!
Chandler: All right!! (Gets out and Joey speeds away.) Wait! Wait, there's no sidewalk! Yeah, I'm gonna die here.
Chandler: Joey kicked me out of the car on the George Washington bridge!
Rachel: Wow, y'know if Joey and Chandler walked in right now, we could make a fortune! (Monica is straddling Rachel and holding her arms down. In a rather risqu� pose, at least for primetime TV.)
Phoebe: Ooh that is definitely Chandler, Joey, or Ross. (Thinks) Or-or Rachel!
Monica: (answers the phone) Hello? (Listens.) (To Phoebe) It's Joey. (Phoebe's proud of herself.) (To Joey) I'm so glad you called! Chandler told me what happened. Y'know he's really upset about it.
Joey: (on a pay phone holding a box) Not as upset as he's gonna be when he finds out what I did with his sweater vests!
Joey: Let's just say there's a well-dressed pack of dogs in Ohio. Hey Monica listen is-is Phoebe there? I gotta ask her something about the car.
Joey: Hey Pheebs! Listen, this wooden box keeps sliding out from under the seat. What-what is it?
Phoebe: Oh that's my grandma. (Joey holds the box away from him.) And thanks Joey she's having a really great time. (Joey is happy now.)
Chandler: (who has just entered) Is that Joey? Is that Joey? Let me talk to him! I wanna talk to him!
Phoebe: Okay Joey? Chandler's here, he was wondering (We hear the dial tone as Joey hangs up.) Okay, I guess he ran out of change.
[Scene: The desert outside of Las Vegas, Joey is arriving and we hear the song, Name. Y'know, (singing) I've been through the desert on a horse with no name! It felt good to be out of the rain. In the desert, you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain. La la la-la-la, la, la, la, la-la-la. You get the idea. Anyhoo, he pulls up and stops. As he gets out of the car, he spills a huge pill of fast food containers out of the foot well.]
Joey: Hey-hey! Stanley! Hey-hey! You're leading man is here! Let's get to work.
Joey: Wh-what?! Why?!
Joey: (laughs) You're kidding right?
Joey: What?!
Joey: Uh, hang out?! How long?
Joey: No!
Stanley: Eh, worth a shot. (Gets into his car.) Look Joey, let me know where you're staying, okay? (The car peels away.)
(I think one of the grips walk up to Joey, mainly because there's a credit for The Grip. What the heck is a grip anyway?!)
The Grip: Hey pal, are you Joey Tribbiani?
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Thanks. (The grip walks away.) (Reading the card.) Congratulations on your big break.
(The rest of the crew start to drive away leaving Joey sad, alone, and holding his congratulatory balloons as the song comes up again. La-la-la. See, I've been through the desert on a horse with no name! It felt good to be out of the rain! In the desert you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain. La-la-la, la, la, la )
Joey: (on phone from Vegas) Hey Monica, it's Joey!
Monica: Hey Joey! Aww, you remembered even though you're a big star!
Joey: Aw, come on! It'll be years before I forget you!
Monica: Joey, what's it like on a movie set, huh? Do you have a dressing room? Do you have a chair with your name on it?
Joey: Uh, well yeah-yeah, I've got all of that going on. Yeah, listen uh, I want you to make sure you tell Chandler that he couldn't have been more wrong! Uh-oh! I gotta go Monica, my uh, my sushi's here!
[Cut to Joey hanging up the phone in Vegas. He's wearing a Roman gladiator's uniform and goes over to join a family to pose for a picture. You see, he's apparently taken a job at Caesar's Palace.]
Joey: (to the family) Sorry about that. Thanks for waitin'.
Joey: Everybody smile! (The picture is taken) Okay, thanks a lot! Enjoy your stay at Caesar's! We hope it's toga-rrific! (The family leaves.) Kill me. Kill me now.
Joey: And, uhh, maybe the watering can there.
[Joey leaves]
Joey: (frustrated) Still not hot enough!
JOEY: Oh we're not out. No, no. We're just uh, two heterosexual guys, hanging with the son of our other heterosexual friend, doin' the usual straight guy stuff.
Joey: Yes, but in Drake Remorays body. (Ross laughs unbelievably.) Why is this so hard for you to get? I thought you were a scientist!
[Joey and Ross make confused faces.]
[Cut back to Monica and Chandler telling Phoebe and Joey the story.]
Joey: Thats what that was?! Cause that other thing? I thought you were on to something, but it did nothing for me.
[Joey rushes over.]
Joey: Ross! Can I talk to you for a second?
Joey: Uhm... ok... uhm... Well, yeah... You have got some nerve, coming back here. I can't believe you never called me.
[Scene: The Porsche, Joey is finishing up washing the car and is talking to a guy about the car.]
[Scene: Rachels old room, Ross and Joey enter.]
Joey: You got it! Oh-oh! (He starts patting the burned spot, which just happens to be over her breast.)
Joey: Ohhhh, good one! And Yemen that actually sounds like a real country.
Joey: (happily) Really?
Joey: (snaps his fingers) We could climb Mt. Everest!
Joey: Hey! Who was up from 2 oclock this morning until 5 oclock this morning trying to get her back to sleep?
Joey: This is Vegas man! People will pay to see freaky stuff! Okay, how much would you pay to see this hand (Holds up his left hand) twice? Huh?
Joey: I like it.
(Joey turns off the lights, and they all leave as Rachel starts to clean up. Ross enters from the bathroom.)
Joey: Maybe, maybe we did a good thing, helping Ross get back on his feet!
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Ross is reading what Joey wrote.]
Chandler: And I love the milk! But, Im not gonna some British girl to move in with me! (Realizes that made no sense.) Joey, you say things now.
Joey: No it isnt, I ate that.
(Joey throws a punch and just lightly taps her on the shoulder, Phoebe counters with a jab to the nose.)
Joey: I had to get out of the apartment. Janine is like stretching all over the place. Yknow, everywhere I look shes like (He imitates her stretching)
(Joey enters)
Joey: Hey you guys.
Joey: I like her so much!
Joey: I don't care, Rach! Look, I am tired of being the guy who knows all the secrets but can't tell anyone!
Joey: But hey, Ross, this place is available now!
[Joey and Ross go back out into the main area.]
Joey: Okay. (to Phoebe and Chandler) Did ah, you guys mean you plus one?
Joey: Totally! I would love to spend New Years with you.
Joey: Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelet or something... (Joey and Chandler taste the coffee, grimace, and pour it into a plant pot.) Although actually I'm really not that hungry...
[Scene: The Set, Joey, Janine, Ross and Monica are walking in.]
PHOEBE: Ooh, this is it, 74. [screeches to a halt, Joey and Chandler are thrown into the plexiglass wall in the cab]
Ross: (trying to act manly in front of Janine) No I dont want to play video games, Joey!
Joey: Really?
Joey: Well, you lied again! (Rachel comes out of her room and is observing the conversation)
Phoebe: (To Joey) What?!
Joey: Uh-huh.
Joey: What do you mean?
Director: (To Joey) Okay, youre dancing with that girl over there.
Joey: C'mon, you guys. This is a real movie, and Al Pacino's in it, and that's big!
Joey: No-no-no! No-no wait Rach, you know what would even be more fun? Telling them.
Joey: No-no-no-no-no we came together!
Joey: Is this because I come over here without knocking and eat your food? (Walks towards the fridge) Because I can stop doing that, (looks at the fridge) I really, really think I can!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Monica, and Ross are there.]
[Scene: The Mens Bathroom, the tall guy is there as Joey enters.]
Joey: Hey! Tall guy! Hey, listen, I wanted to talk to you about that girl that youre dancing with.
[Scene Joey and Janines new apartment, Janine is there. Joey walks in to see Janine bent over, stretching.]
Joey: But it is our apartment!
Joey: Oh yeah? Well, you don't know about Hugsy, my bedtime penguin pal. (Joey shies away.)
Joey: I'm saying maybe you and I crank it up a notch.
[Cut to Joey and Janine]
Chandler: Oh nope, I-I have plans with Joey.
[Cut to the roof, where Joey and Mr. Treeger are dancing happily to ^Night and Day^.]
Chandler: Look I never should have kissed your girlfriend, but Im (Joey hangs up the phone again.)
Joey: No! Year! Happy No Year!
Joey: Yeah. With a bite! (Takes back the sandwich.) Gee-e-e-eez!
[Scene: Joey and Janines apartment, they both enter.]
Joey: Yeah?
Janine: Joey.
Joey: But only in the moment. So do ya wanna kiss again?
Joey: All right! Now you go get that beautiful pig! (Ross hesitates, looks unsure) Oink!
Joey: No.
Joey: 3, 2,
Joey: Really? In the moment, I really wanted to kiss you too. In the moment.
Joey: Whats not to like? Custard? Good. Jam? Good. Meat? Gooooood.
Joey: Hey!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, everyone is there as Joey enters happily.]
Joey: Oh we kissed it up real nice.
Joey: Yeah baby! (Chandler glares at him.) No baby!
Joey: Okay. (They kiss.)
Joey: Okay. (They kiss.)
Joey: Mornin Pheebs. (Sits down.) Well, my movie has officially been canceled.
[Joey gives her an understanding look.]
Joey: Okay, Im all right, okay, but hey, could you just leave your lips? (She kisses him on the cheek and starts to leave.)
Joey: Hey! I made that for her!
Joey: Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell ya. (To Chandler) I'm sorry man.
Joey: (indignant) I was tired!
Monica: Joey, you dont have too!
Joey: See ya tomorrow!
Joey: What?
Joey: I don't know, but I don't like what I'm hearing!
Joey: What-whats wrong with Monica and Chandler?
Joey: Blah?!
[Cut to Joey and Janines.]
Joey: I guess.
Bonnie: Yeah, Joey and Chandler sure are funny.
Joey: What? No, no, no! No, no... no... no, no... No, too much is changing, okay? First, Phoebe getting married (to Phoebe) Congratulations! (pointing to Monica and Chandler)... and then these two move into a stupid house in the stupid suburbs...
JOEY: Oh, yeah. He's got that great baby smell. Get a whiff of his head.
[Cut back inside to Joey giving a beautiful woman a tennis lesson by standing behind her.]
Joey: (Voice cracking) Well thats like summer in a bowl.
Joey: Uh, theyre like my best friends. Are you saying we cant hang out with them? Cause that would kinda be a problem.
Joey: Yeah that really calms me down. And! We have so much in common! She loves sandwiches, sports, although she is a Met fan, not much of an issue now but if were ever to have kids, well thats a
Joey: And a 50. (The salesman stops suddenly) Huh, these must be Chandlers pants.
Monica: Joey, this is for you. (gives him a jar of jam) It's blackberry curin.