words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there. Joey is holding a deck of cards out to Chandler.]
Joey: Okay, pick a card.
Joey: All right now, memorize it. (Pause) You got it?
Joey: (holding up the Queen of Clubs) Is that your card? (He winks and smiles.)
(Joey laughs then realizes the trick didn't work when Chandler hands him his card back.)
Joey: (reading the card) Whoa! This guy is like the biggest commercial casting director in town! (Ross gasps) Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition!! (Ross and Carol stare at him, then Joey realizes what he just said.) I mean, way to go Ben! (Gives Ben the thumbs up, which Ben returns.) Man! I've been in that park a million times and no one offered me an audition.
Joey: I'm always on the swings! What am I doing wrong?!
Joey: Luck!
Joey: Whoa-whoa, but her birthday isn't like for another month.
Joey: Ross!! We're having a surprise party for Rachel!!
Joey: Done.
(Joey starts to giggle.)
Joey: They're gonna do it together.
Joey: What, so I gotta shut it down now?
Joey: Whoa-whoa dad? There's a dad in the commercial?
Joey: Whoa, hey, maybe I'll go down there with ya and see if I can get an audition to play the dad. I mean who better to play Ben's father than his godfather.
Joey: What?! Are you kidding?!
Ross: (Pause) Of course I am! (Joey is relieved) Okay, let's go godfather.
Joey: All right!
[Scene: Ben's audition, Carol, Ross, and Ben along with about 10 more families are in a waiting room as Joey enters happily.]
Joey: Hey! I'm in, they're gonna let me audition!
Joey: I know! I know! It turns out that one of the casting ladies has actually seen me in a play, so I steered clear of her
Joey: Oh yeah, yeah! He's done tons of commercials. I've seen him in like Sugar Smacks, Playstation, and that one for the phone company. In fact he was so good in that one, he actually convinced me to switch phone companies. Chandler was mad .
Ross: Yeah well, he's not gonna get this one. Ben is way cuter than that kid. I mean look at him, look at you, (Starts to whine like a baby and Joey just glares at him.)
Joey: That's great. Listen, wouldn't it be great though if I got to play Ben's dad?
Ross: Joey, you look nothing like Ben.
Joey: I look more like him than you do! (He winks at Carol.)
Joey: (also downtrodden) Yeah, I had to teach Ross my bit because I actually didn't get a callback.
Joey: (Happily) Yeah I did!
Joey: Well, unfortunately, I don't get many callbacks so
Joey: Who knows?
The Casting Director: (entering) Okay uh, we have narrowed it down to Raymond, Ben, Kyle, and Joey. The rest of you, thank you very much.
Joey: Oh this is great! I might actually get to play Ben's dad!
The Casting Director: Actually, that can't happen. Yeah because you all have such different looks, we're putting you with Raymond and Kyle with Ben. So it'll be either you two (Points to Joey and Raymond) or you two. (Points to Kyle and Ben.) (Exits.)
Joey: Man, this is gonna be kinda weird.
Phoebe: Okay, time to bring up the rest of the cups. (She goes and opens the door to Joey.) Oh, hi Joey!
Joey: Hey Pheebs! (To the guys) Hey!
Joey: Ross good, I'm uh glad you're here. I wanna talk to you about something.
Joey: Well, I've been thinking about this whole commercial thing, y'know me going up against Ben, the two of us competing, and that can't lead to anything good. So, I think I'm just gonna step aside. I'm gonna tell them that I won't audition.
Ross: Wow, uh, Joey that's-that's great. Thanks man.
Joey: That's it? You're-you're gonna let me do this?! This-this is my career we're talking about here!
Joey: I just said that so you wouldn't let Ben do it! Look Ross, if anyone should step aside it should be Ben!
Joey: What? Chandler! Tell 'em!
Joey: At least I care about his feelings!
Joey: Do you know how hard this is gonna be on him when he doesnt get it?
Joey: Oh, come on! Have you seen what my kid can do?! Huh?! I mean he dials phones! He-he-he eats tortilla chips! He-he plays soccer with the cartoon tiger!
Joey: You just give him a spoon baby!
Joey: Yeah! Because this commercial belongs to me and Mitch!
Joey: Yeah?! So's yours!
[Scene: Joey and Ben's audition, Joey is rehearsing his lines, uh correction, Joey is rehearsing his line.]
Joey: Hmmm, soup! (Tries again.) Hmm soup! (Tries again, with a little caveman thrown in.) Hmm, soup!
Carol: Joey, Ross is gonna be here any second, would you mind watching Ben for me while I use the ladies' room?
Joey: Oh yeah, no problem.
Joey: (goes over to Ben) Hi Ben! So you wanna be an actor huh? I gotta tell ya, it's no picnic. There's tons of rejection. No stability. One day you're Dr. Drake Remoray, the next day you're eating ketchup right out of the bottle.
Ross: (entering, angrily) Joey!
Joey: (angrily) Ross!
The Casting Director: (entering) Okay, Raymond, Joey you're up.
(Raymond and Joey go in the office.)
Joey: Hi!
Joey: Uh-oh.
Joey: Well this is noodle soup and uh, I've been working with tomato. But that's okay, no problem. No problem. Hmm, noodle soup.
Joey: Oh, what did I say?
Joey: How's that different? (She looks at him until he gets it.) Oh! Yeah!
(Raymond and Joey both eat a spoonful and Joey turns to Raymond and says )
Joey: Hmm, noodle soup.
Joey: Okay.
Joey: Hmm, soup. (Pause.) I mean, noodle soup. I mean soup!
Joey: No! No! I-I can do it one more time! See? Look! (Eats another spoonful) Hmm, noodle soup. Damnit! (Storms out.)
[Cut to another part of the room, Ross is going to talk to Joey.]
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Yeah right! (Gets up for a refill to his snow cone.)
Joey: Yeah? Well look Ross, you don't have to. Okay? It's not your fault I suck. I mean what kind of an actor can't even say, "Hmm, noodle soup." (Nods his head in disgust.)
Joey: What you do mean?
Joey: Wait-whoa-whoa, you lost me.
Joey: Well, you're way sounds a lot better than mine. (Thinks about it.) Yeah. Yeah! It's not that I'm a bad actor
Joey: No, it's just ah, I care so damn much about little Ben that uh, it was more important to see him succeed.
Joey: Thank you! So, did-did he get it?
Joey: Eh, what are you gonna do?
[Joey enters]
(Joey checks that Ross is not looking and dumps it in a plant.)
Joey: Yeah, well, you don't have your racket.
JOEY: Aaaaagggghhhhh.
JOEY: Hey.
Joey: Oh uh, well I just came in for a cup of coffee to go.
Joey: Well Ross was hangin out over at our place, Rachel comes over to borrow some moisturiser from Chandler....
JOEY: Eight hundred and twelve bucks.
JOEY: Put it on.
Joey: Hey, best man number two, Joey Tribbiani. Now Im not good with the jokes like Chandler here. Boy...but ahh, I just want to say congratulation to the happy couple. I first met Ross in this coffee house back home...Home...New York City...Where everybody knows my name. Well anyway, I love you guys. (pointing at everyone.) But not as much as I love America. (Looking at Chandler.) Could we please..go home now?
Joey: Barmifsaed?
Joey: (smiling) I'm in it.
JOEY: Heh, what d'ya say?
Janine: (entering from her room) Monica! Chandler! Im really-really sorry about tonight. I dont know if Joey told you; I just couldnt get out of going to this play. Im sorry. Have a great time.
Rachel: Perfect. Fasten your seatbelts, it's peepee time. (She goes into Joey and Chandler's apartment, where Mr. Tribbiani is reading the paper) Hey, Mr. Trib.
Joey: No. (Pause) wait a minute what was the little mermaid?
Charlie: I guess. There was hum... (she breathes deeply) there was another reason that I thought it was time to end it with Joey. I started to realize that I was having feelings for someone (pause) else.
(Joey whispers in Rachels ear to confirm his response.)
Joey: What's he doin' in my section?
Rachel: Dont just say yes! This isnt a game, Joey you can really get hurt out here. Okay, so do you want to pay attention or do you want to die?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey and Chandler are there eating breakfast.]
Joey: (walking towards her to hold her and support her) Monica, you understand what we are saying, right?
JOEY: If you hated the bracelet so much, Chandler, you should have just said so.
Joey: (squinting his eyes) Are you kiddin'? I think I just saw a bat in the corner!
The Interviewer: (returning) So, as Joeys friends, is there anything that you guys think our readers ought to know?
[Scene: Terrys office, Joey has come to beg for a second chance.]
JOEY: Aaaaagggghhhhh. Mommy
Joey: (sipping red wine from a glass) Who says that wine has to cost more than milk!
JOEY: Hey.
JOEY: Get out.
JOEY: How come you have two?
JOEY: [pulls out a VCR tape] Hey Monica, what's on this video tape?
JOEY: What is with your nose?
JOEY: Some girl ate Monica.
Joey: All right, dont waste it, I mean its still food. (He picks it up and eats it.)
Rachel: All right, look. Why don't you just return the book, let Joey give her the clock pen, and you give her something worse than that. Like... a regular pen.
Joey: You guys, this is Shelley, shes interviewing me for Soap Opera Digest, and Shelley, this are my friends
JOEY: I know.
JOEY: Uh-huh.
MR A: [to Joey] Worth a shot, huh?
JOEY: Huh? Days of our Lives picked up my option.
JOEY: [sits down] Ohh yeah, that's the stuff.
Joey: If he goes first he can!
Chandler: Where did you, when did you, how did you... (Joey hits the back of Chandler's head) How did you get a girl like that?
JOEY: I'm excited! I've never gotten reviewed before.
JOEY: What if we have to pee?
Janine: Joey, its Anne Geddes. Shes a famous artist.
JOEY: We dare.
Joey: All right, all right, all right. (Starts to leave, stops, and turns around) I mean Ill have to check with him first, but Ill think hell be cool with it. (Monica shoos him out.)
JOEY: Hi.
JOEY: She laughed at you?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is seated, and the apartment is filled with baskets of fruit. Joey enters, check in hand.]
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey.
JOEY: What're you doin' here? Aren't you supposed to be out with Rachel?
Chandler: My chair. Now, if anybody asks, your name is Rosita! (He runs out the door, grabs the back of Rosita, and we can hear Joey and Rachel talking as they are coming up the stairs. Neither of them have reached the landing yet.)
Joey: But Rachel has an apartment.
Joey: " by doin it."
CHANDLER, JOEY, and PHOEBE: Hey.
JOEY: No, inside good, outside bad.
Joey: Oh well, theyre killing off one of the characters on the show, and when she dies her brain is being transplanted into my body.
Joey: "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!"
Joey: Hey Mr. and Mrs. Geller! Let me help you with that.
[Scene: An Emergency Room, Chandler and Joey are leading Ross in.]
Joey: (grabs the window from the outside and sticks his head in) (whispering) When is she leaving?
Joey: Okay. (He grabs a jelly donut, takes a bite, and guess what he spills all over himself. He tries to clean it up and smears it all over the shirt.)
Joey: Well, he's gonna. I'll see you a little later, ok? (To the Hombre Man) Hey, how ya doin'?
CHANDLER: Monica, will you stop? This is nuts. Do you know how long it's gonna be before you actually have to deal with this problem? I mean, you don't even have a boyfriend yet. Joey, she does not look fat.
Joey: What can I do? Look, I don't want to do anything to screw it up with Ursula.
JOEY: What?
JOEY: Yeah, so.
Joey: Well, ah, Im an actor. Im fairly neat. I ah, I got my own TV. Oh, and dont worry Im totally okay with the gay thing.
JOEY: Hey.
Joey: Thats right! Cause Im a Tribbiani! (To Rachel) And this is what we do! I mean we may not be great thinkers or world leaders, we dont read a lot or run very fast, but damnit! We can eat!
JOEY: So where you gettin' it?
Ross: It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for 18 pages. Front and back!! (they go into the living room, trapping Monica, Chandler, and Joey in the kitchen) (to Rachel) Oh-oh-oh, and by the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means you are, Y-O-U-R means your!
Joey: You were right before. I mean, friends are so important.
JOEY: All right, all right. "Damnit Braverman, it's right there on the chart!"
JOEY: Yeah, can you see me in a place like this?
JOEY: Huh?
JOEY: Can you believe this place?
Joey: I wish. See, I guess another thing I probably shouldve told you about Ginger is that she kinda has a ah, artificial leg.
Joey: No, no, no, no! Hes fine! Look, look, look! (picks up the ball) Heres your ball! Get your ball! Get your ball! (he throws the ball and it bounces right next to the dog) Get your ball! My God, what have I done to you, huh? I broke the dog! Pheebs, I broke the dog!
Joey: Later! (He runs away down the hall and hides behind a corner to a whole other corridor.) Oh man! (Walks down the hallway in desperation.) Hot girl! Hot girl!!
JOEY: Uhhh, I don't think you're gonna like this.
[Phoebe runs over the curb. Joey gets in the back seat, Chandler in the front]
Joey: I can't believe I'm hearing this!
Man: Hey Joey, hi! Im Ray; Im the producer of the show.
Joey: Well okay, so then youre fine. The rule is when two actors are actually doing it off-stage all the sexual tension between them is gone. Okay? So as long as its hot onstage you got nothing to worry about. Its when the heat goes away, thats when youre in trouble.
JOEY: Well that's how I feel.
Joey: Yeah. It's actually our first official date
JOEY: Well then maybe I will.
(The apartment manager hung up on him and he hangs up the phone and throws in on the chair. Joey motions, "What the hell was that?" Chandler makes a face to say, "Think about it." Joey tries to divide 136 by 13; he's confused. Suddenly, light dawns on yonder dunder head. He gets it.)
Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
JOEY: Hey.
JOEY: I know. Yeah.
JOEY: Well, that was only 'cause I used the red one to unclog the drain.
JOEY: No, we're alright.
JOEY: Hey listen, I'm sorry about what happened. . .
Joey: Come on you guys, come on please-please just give her another chance, huh? Shell come around I promise.