words in movies
JOEY: Yeah, but then the guy opens his beer and those girls run at him, so, everything seems to work out OK.
[Joey enters holding a letter]
JOEY: Hey, hey, check it out, guess what I got.
JOEY: No, my first fan mail.
JOEY: Oh my god, I got my very own stalker.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are standing around in the kitchen.]
JOEY: Hey, whaddya wanna do for dinner?
JOEY: Ah, the stalker.
CHANDLER: [Joey grabs a frying pan] Yes, hitting her with a frying pan's a good idea. We might wanna have a backup plan, though, just in case she isn't a cartoon.
JOEY: Let's get out of here.
JOEY: OK, we'll just leave, and when we pass her on the stairs, she won't know it's me 'cause we've never met. CHANDLER: That's how radio stars escape stalkers.
JOEY: She's comin'.
JOEY: Uhh, this is it, this is how we're gonna die. Ready?
[Joey opens the door and sees Erica (Brooke Shields). Joey gets a huge smile and Chandler squeezed the dish soap in the air.]
JOEY: Erica.
CHANDLER: Oh no no no, she's a total wack job. Yeah, she thinks that Joey is actually Dr. Drake Remore.
CHANDLER: Hey, just because this woman thinks she can actually see Joey through the magical box in her living room doesn't mean she's not a person. I mean, does she not deserve happiness, does she not deserve love? What're you lookin' at me for? He's the one who wants to boff the maniac.
[Scene: A nice restraunt. Joey and Erica are dining.]
JOEY: Yeah it is. . . what?
JOEY: Yeah, that was a tricky one. In reality, that operation takes like, over 10 hours, but they only showed it for 2 minites.
JOEY: No one.
JOEY: Good, otherwise my watch would fall off. [laughs hysterically]
JOEY: Alright, just one. [she licks his hands rather emphatically] Wow, you're good at that.
[Scene: Restraunt. Joey and Erica are still there.]
JOEY: Uhh, cause, uhh, I'm a neurosurgeon and that was clearly a case of, uh, uh, foodal chokage. Alright, look, I got to tell you something.
JOEY: But that's what...
JOEY: Hey I- [she cuts him off with a kiss]
JOEY: That's it, just hey. Like at the end of a dance, HEY! [she starts nibbling his hand] Hey. He-hey.
JOEY ON TV: Damnit, I'm a doctor, I'm not God.
JOEY: Oh my God, quick turn off the TV.
JOEY: Uh, I get Leslie out of the coma and then we make out.
MONICA: Rachel, it's a world where Joey is a neuro-surgeon.
JOEY: Hey Erica, c'mon in.
JOEY: Right, they uh, they choppered me in. What's up?
JOEY: Who?
JOEY: It's not what you think, that was...
JOEY: Alright look, that's it. I don't think we should see each other anymore, alright. Look, I know I should have told you this a long time ago but I am not Drake Remore, OK. I'm not even a doctor, I'm an actor. I just pretend to be a doctor.
JOEY: Somebody wanna help me out here?
RACHEL: Oh, I know, I know. [Turns on the TV. Joey in on it.]
JOEY: 'Cause it's a television show.
JOEY: I'm not Drake.
JOEY: Yes, I'm afraid it is. You deserve much better than me Erica. You deserve to be with the real Drake, he's the one you fell in love with. Go to Salem, find him, he's the guy for you.
JOEY: Right. Goodbye Erica, good luck in Salem. Take care
ERICA: I'll never forget you Hans. [Joey shuts the door in her face]
JOEY: OK, alright, the people who threw the water.
JOEY: This is amazing.
JOEY: I finally get a part on TV and the monkey's makin' movies.
ROSS: Hey, hey buddy, Marcel. Marcel. [Marcel doesn't react so Ross starts singing] In the jungle, the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight. [no reaction from Marcel, Monica and Joey urge him on] In the jungle, the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight. [Marcel looks over and everyone joins in] a-weema-way, a-weema-way..... [Marcel runs over and hops up on Ross's shoulder]
JOEY: Closed set. We know but we're friends with the monkey. [guard lets them in]
JOEY: Woah, dude, burn.
JOEY: Uh, excuse me. Jerry is the director, which one's he?
JOEY: Gotcha. Phoebs, walk with me.
JOEY: Well, we're, we're just goin' over here so that we can get away from the horrible flesh eating virus, for the love of God woman, listen to me. Is he lookin', is he lookin'?
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey and the girls are sitting at the couches.]
JOEY: Oh man, she's so smokin, she has got the greatest set of. . . no guys around, huh.
ROSS: Hey Joey I have to cancel racketball for tonight, that was Marcel's trainer. He's gonna let me have him for a couple of hours.
JOEY: You're blowin' me off for a monkey?
JOEY: Yeah, unless you hook up with a bunch of pigeons.
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross is setting up for his time with Marcel. Joey is there.]
JOEY: Oooh.
JOEY: Yaaahhh. Ahhh, candles. What'dya thinks gonna happen here tonight?
[Scene: A fancy restraunt (Marcel's). Joey, Ross, Chandler, Susie, and the Director's Assistant are there.]
JOEY: Forget about it.
JOEY: So, assistant to the director. That's a really exciting job, I mean, you must have a ton of cool responsibilities.
JOEY: So what're you guys gonna eat?
[Scene: Back at the restroom at Marcel's. Chandler is still in the stall, Joey comes in to go to the bathroom.]
[Joey starts whistling, Chandler finishes the tune. Joey whistles again.]
CHANDLER: Joey?
JOEY: Ma?
CHANDLER: Joey!
JOEY: Chandler? What're you still doin' here, I though you guys took off.
JOEY: Are you naked in there?
JOEY: Huh, you uh, you always wear panties?
JOEY: Wow, talk about your bad luck, I mean, the first time you try panties and someone walks off with your clothes.
JOEY: Well, let me see.
JOEY: Alright, alright. [climbs up in the next stall and looks over at Chandler] Woah, someone's flossing.
[Ross enters, sees Joey in the mirror]
ROSS: [to Joey who's looking over a toilet stall] Joey, some people don't like that.
JOEY: Chandler's wearing panties.
JOEY: Can't help you, I'm not wearing any.
JOEY: Oh, I'm gettin' heat from the guy in the hot pink thong.
[Back at the table. Joey and Ross return. Shortly, Chandler comes out, holding the stall door in front of him, and leaves.]
[Joey enters]
JOEY: Hey, hey, and I'm in the movie.
JOEY: One of the virus victims called in sick, so Cathy recommended me and boom, I'm dying on the gurney. Oh Ross, Marcel just finished his last scene if you want to go down there and say goodbye.
[Scene: Filming a scene from the movie. Joey is dying on a gurney, Van Damme is looking over him.]
JOEY: Aaaaagggghhhhh.
JOEY: Aaaaagggghhhhh.
JOEY: Aaaaagggghhhhh. Mommy
Joey: Boy I tell ya, this little talent came in handy before I could afford porn.
Joey: (entering) (He clears his throat to get their attention.) Hey, Rach? Sorry to interrupt but umm, Phoebe wanted me to talk to you about a trip or something.
Joey: On...?
Joey: Oh man! I have to get those done too?!
Joey: Ok! Stop it you guys! Stop staring! You're freaking me out!
Joey and Chandler: (start to sing) Hey! Happy birthday ...
Joey: (at the urinal) Can you stop yellin'? You're makin' me nervous, and I can't go when I'm nervous.
Joey: Do you know how hard this is gonna be on him when he doesnt get it?
Joey: Oh good...
Joey: Chandler Bing.
Joey: OK Thanks.(Joey touches the hot wax). I touched the stuff
Joey: Thanks. Do you get a lot of guys in here?
Joey: All right let's just do this.
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey leaving girls' apartment, carrying lasagna.]
Joey: (dejected) Yeah, all right. (Thinks of something.) Ooh! (He quickly runs out before anyone can stop him.)
Joey: Oh-oh-oh, yeah! (He grabs some towels and takes them to him.) That's right, you take good care of those babies!
Ross, Joey and Chandler: Bye, Emma-Wemma-Demma.
Joey: (sitting on the sofa in front of the tv) Rach, come on! They are announcing the numbers! My God, I can already feel myself changing.
Joey: Hey, I need your help.
Joey: No! No, I-I just wanna thank you guys for what you did for my parents, that was really sweet. Theyre so happy they get to be a part of your special day.
Joey: What the hell am I supposed to do!
Joey: What, what.
Joey: (upset) Will the stable boy never get the princess??
Joey: Oh my God!
Ross: (To Joey) I know, I wasnt finished. (Joey motions him to finish.) (Yelling at the street) But dont worry! Were gonna go down the fire escape!!
Joey: Thank you so much.
Joey: Comb my eyelashes.
Joey: Yeah, yeah. Hey, they totally match! They look great! They look great! How you doing!
Ronni: Oh no, not you, big Joey. Oh my God, you're so much cuter than your pictures! (Joey stares at her) I-I'm, I'm Ronni....Cheese Nip?
Chandler: it was like the Algonquin kids table. (They all laugh, but Joey only laughs not to be left out.)
Joey: (pulls out a fork) All right, what are we havin? (Starts digging in.)
Phoebe: (entering with an aquarium covered by a towel) Hey, Joey, I got you another present. (She puts it on the counter)
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Your eyebrows look weird.
Joey: Morning, roomie!
Joey: Ha, oh, of course.
Joey: No, hey, it's been great.
Joey: Wow! So, how are you?
Joey: Really?
Joey: Wow, really?
Joey: Well, actually it...
Joey: Ooh, names?
Joey: Sure, I know lots of girls.
Joey: Did-did it make you wanna walk around in your underwear?
(They clink glasses and take a drink. Ross likes it, Joey hates it. Then Ross sees Joey hating it, mimics he hates it as well.)
Joey: Why are they doing this?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is there as Phoebe enters.]
Joey: I know, I know. And when they moved back in together, I figured y'know, that's where things were headed.
(She hands the baby to Joey who pulls down the blanket to reveal Rosss face where the babys should be.)
Joey: Glow-pop giggly jammer.
Joey: Ooh, that's a great plan!
Phoebe: Ooh, Joey.
Joey: Hey.
Joey: She's this really boring woman. She's a teacher!
Joey: All right! Who is he?
Joey: Oh my god, you're right!
Phoebe: Joey.
Joey: Well, okay, I'll - I'll just call her and tell her the date's cancelled, and find him somebody else.
Joey: What? I'm not allowed to know smart women?
Joey: She even reads for pleasure!
Joey: Yeah, you know, it's not that fun.
Joey: I uh, I just came by because I-I want to talk to you about something.
Joey: Ooh...I hear that's bad.
Joey: Arghhh! Double standards!
Joey: (waving) Very funny Ross! Very life-like and funny. Okay. (Notices that a woman is waving back.) Oh no-no-no, I wasn't waving at you lady. (She just stares at him.) (Joey sees how beautiful she is.) Whoa, maybe I was! Hey, Monica, this totally hot girl in Ross's building is flirting with me.
[Scene: Outside Room 816, Phoebe and Joey are approaching.]
Rachel: (to Joey) Hey, listen, Joey, about Molly, I really prefer if you didn't go after her.
Chandler: Oh, so thats why the priest threw holy water on me. (theres no reaction from Joey) Okay, listen, you have to cheer up! Okay? You should come out with Ross and me, I mean anything is better than sitting around here crying all day about Kate.
Joey: So what's it gonna be? (Monica whispers in Joey's ear. Ross gets up and waves arms frantically in protest)
Joey all nervous and looking down and fiddling with his ear: Oh.. My sister's raccoon.
Joey: It's like my favorite fairy tale come true! (Chandler looks at him) The princess, the stable boy and the lesbian!
Monica: Ross is really strong! Okay, hes the strongest out of all three of you! (Joey looks at her.) Except for Joey.
Joey: Hello?
Joey: Yeah, that's because we had a bit of a falling out. Mike hit my mom with a car.
Joey: Emma? Hey! Hi!
Joey: Uh, yeah... This guy at work got me excited about going in on an emu farm. That'd be kinda cool huh? Pitchin' in on the weekends, helping to plant the emus...
Lauren: (to Joey) Hey! So since were getting off early, do you want to go and paint mugs?
Monica (to Joey): Why the hell did you take her?
(Joey starts to leave.)
(Joey and Chandler enter with Emma.)
Joey: Because you two were having sex!
Joey: (stepping in and knocking the man over) Hey, if we know it can we have candy?!!
Ross: Uhm... Rachel and I hired a male nanny. (Joey makes a gesture and sound like "Can you believe that?")
Joey: (BEAT) (Laughs.) You almost had me.
Joey: Hey, I gotta! Unless...
Joey: Uh-huh.
Phoebe: Now, wait a minute. So, they're gonna name their first child Joey?
(Joey does the "plan-laugh.")
[Cut to outside. Phoebe and Joey are walking down the street to Central Perk.]
(Emma starts making noises, and Joey walks over to her playpen.)
Joey: Where?
Joey: Can you believe they're still not here?
JOEY: They can't kill me, I'm Francesca's long lost son.
Joey: Oh yeah, I still cant believe you havent seen Cujo. What is wrong with you?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Chandler, and Monica are there as Joey enters.]
Rachel: Uh-huh. Okay. You know what, Joey, I don't think he's ever gonna be okay with this.
Joey: Hey!
Monica: Hey Joey!
Joey & Monica: Hey!
Joey: I know, I'm so bummed. Can we have our free crab cakes now?