words in movies
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's apartment, Ross is cleaning out the fridge. Joey walks from his room. He looks like he just woke up.]
Joey: What are you doing?
Joey: Why are you doing this?
Joey: Dude, you just described seven days worth of stuff. Youve got to spread it out a little, you know. Havent you ever been unemployed?
Joey: Hey, dont get religious on me, ok. (Ross looks a little confused.) A guy in your position needs to be a little better at relaxing. You know. Why do you think we have the comfortable chairs? Huh...come here sit down. (Ross sits down.) Ready? (Joey flips the foot rest up.) Ahh!! (He reclines the chair fully.) Ohh, yeah!! Huh?!
Joey: Ohh, no, no. Were not going to just sit. (Joey sits down and hits the speed dial button on the phone.) Shhh. (It begins to ring.)
Joey: (In a high pitched female voice) Hello Mr. Bing...I love you.
Chandler: (Angrily) Alright, whoever this is, stop calling me! (Ross and Joey laugh silently.) Its been six months! Its not funny!
Joey: But, I love you.
Chandler: Leave me alone! For the love of God, leave me alone!!! (Joey hangs up.)
Joey: And thats Wednesday. (He reclines in his chair.) Ohh.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Ross, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are there. Phoebe walks in ringing a bell.]
Joey: So Pheebs, where are you doing all, your bell ringing?
[Scene: Estelle's (Joey's Agent) Office, Joey is there.]
Joey: How could I not get the part? The play was about a 29-year-old Italian actor from Queens.
Joey: Shes a woman!
Joey: (Very discouraged) Okay, is there anything else?
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is telling Ross how he didn't get the part.]
Joey: That part was perfect for me! I can't believe I didn't get it!
Joey: Come on Ross be realistic, y'know? If I did write something, what are the chances I could get those guys to star in it?
Joey: Wait a second, I could star in it!
Joey: I can't write! Y'know I mean I-I-I'm an actor, I don't have the discipline that takes, y'know? I can't do it.
Joey: Really? You'd-you'd do that for me?!
Joey: Thanks!
Joey: Done!
Ross: And it can't be Joey.
Joey: It's not.
Joey: (disappointed) Oh.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is trying to write his movie, Chandler is playing a game on the counter by trying to flip a ping pong ball with a spoon into a nearby bowl.]
Joey: Hey, how do you spell suspicious?
Joey: Because I think this character is going to be suspicious about stuff.
Joey: You're driving me crazy with that!
Joey: Dont stop! Move the bowl further away! Ross could make that shot!
Joey: Well, you suck! But at least you suck at a man's game now.
Joey: Chandler, I can't be playing games, Ross is gonna be home soon. And I have to write five whole pages if I'm gonna stick to his schedule.
Joey: (jumping up) All right! But uh, listen, what do you say we crank it up a notch?
Joey: All right, all we need is a little lighter fluid.
Joey: Yeah, I think we said good-bye to that when we invented hammer darts.
Joey: Uh yeah, right here. (He punches his fist through the wall next to the door.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Ross is reading what Joey wrote.]
Ross: All right. (Reading.) A room. A man enters, he looks suspicious. (Stops reading a flips the page to find the next one is blank.) That's it? (Joey shrugs.) Joey, you're supposed to have five pages done by now! Including an exciting incident! (Flipping through the rest of the pad.) And what is, and what is all this?! (Reading.) The official rulebook of Fireball.
Joey: Yeah, that's the uh, game we were playing.
Joey: You're right, you're right, I'll get back to work.
Ross: (To Chandler) And shame on you! You should know better, Joey needs to work. (To Joey) Now come on!
Joey: Hey!
Ross: No! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! You can have this back when the five pages are done! (After Joey walks past, Ross throws the ball down in pain.) Ahh! (Chandler shows him the burn spots on his oven mitts.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Ross is cleaning the foosball table, Joey is working on his script.]
Joey: (To Chandler) I didn't finish my five pages.
Joey: Yesterday's pages did not reflect my best work.
Joey: Dude, if you think Fireball's relaxing, you've obviously have never played.
Chandler: The only reason you're doing this to Joey is because you're bored. Okay, it's not his fault that you're unemployed.
Joey: Come on look guys, don't fight.
Joey: Hey-hey guys, hey! How about we settle this over a friendly game of Fireball? Huh? I'll go unhook the smoke detectors!
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Joey, and Chandler are listening to a story being told by Danny and his sister.]
Joey: Oh, y'know the same thing happened to me one time.
Joey: Don't you remember when we were jogging in the park and we saw that really pretty bird and wanted to take a pictureI didn't have my camera!
Joey: Yeah, wow, sorry Rach.
Joey: They're brother and sister!!!
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Ross is there as Chandler enters.]
Joey: (entering) Hey guys! I was at the library all morning and I already finished my five pages for today!
Joey: No dude, Ross tore up the tickets!
Joey: Yeah, well, that's fine, but the important thing is that I finished it. And uh, I think it's really good, but y'know it'd really help me is if I could hear it. So would you guys read it for me?
Joey: Okay. (Reading.) "It's a typical New York City apartment. Two guys are hanging out." Ross (Points to him.)
Ross: Maybe it was both of us, but we had our best friend's interest (Pauses and looks at Joey.) But we had our best friend's interest at heart.
Chandler: Could I be more sorry. (Looks at Joey.)
Ross: I don't know, I'm one sorry polentologist. (Stops reading.) All right Joey, we get it. (To Chandler) I'm sorry.
Joey: Oh no! No-no, keep reading! The good part's coming up. Keep going.
Joey: A handsome man enters. (Playing the part of the handsome man.) Hey! How's it going guys? I don't know what you two were talking about, but I'd like to say thanks to both of you. You, (Ross) you wouldn't let me give up on myself, and you (Chandler) well you co-created Fireball. The end.
Joey: No-no, this only took five minutes. I spent the rest of the day coming up with new, Ultimate Fireball. (Takes out a bowling ball and a propane torch.) Ha-ha!
Joey: (Reading the scene set up.) Okay, it's a typical New York City apartment. Two girls are just hanging out.
Rachel: Oh, y'know Joey, you are sick!
Joey: What?! Wait-wait-wait! The handsome man was about to enter!!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Rosss bachelor party. Ross is thanking Joey for the party.]
Joey: Hi!
Joey: (scolding) Dude, theyre not objects.
Joey: Oh, shes uh-uh really sick.
Joey: No-no, she really is sick!
Joey: Kay!
(Rachel turns and gives him a look, and Joey quickly apologises.)
Joey: I know, but dont you think the sick thing is way better than the play thing?
Joey: Uh, yknow, starve a fever, go to a play for a cold.
Joey: (shouting) I can hear you!
[cut back to Joey on the beach towel]
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Joey: Home sweet home, huh? Nice to, uh, get back to reality. Plus we know how the New Years gonna go off. I guess theres no reason for all that Y2K panic, yknow? Anyway, gnight!
Joey: So uh, what are you guys doing?
Joey: Ross, don't let her drink anymore! (Exits)
Joey: U-N-I-sexy? (Smiles provocatively.)
Joey: You dont think I know that!
[Scene: The street, Chandler and Joey are walking past a jewelery store.]
(Joey pats him on the stomach and heads to bed.)
Joey: Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing.
Joey: Well uh, she didnt want to hang out with you guys two nights in a row. Im so sorry.
(Joey looks at Ross with a horrified look on his face.)
Joey: Did she just ask me out on a date?
JOEY: [to a wedding guest] How's that pig-in-the-blanket workin' out for you? [the guy nods] I wrapped those bad boys.
Monica: Chandler, please! Do you know how unbelievably glad I am that Joey was not there that night?!
Joey: Rachel, there you are! Come on, lets serve that dessert already!
Monica, Moncia, have a happy Chanukah. Saw Santa Clause, he said hello to Ross. And plese tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy! And Rachel and Chandler, have err-umm-glander!!"
Joey: Oh well then, good night!
Ross: It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for 18 pages. Front and back!! (they go into the living room, trapping Monica, Chandler, and Joey in the kitchen) (to Rachel) Oh-oh-oh, and by the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means you are, Y-O-U-R means your!
Joey: (entering from his bedroom) Morning.
Joey: (approaching) Ross, hey, the bands ready outside for your first dance with Emily, so
(Joey enters looking like Captain Stubing from the Love Boat.)
Joey: And he never played before either! Yknow what I think? I think beginners luck, very important in Cups.
Monica: Well, I know that would make Joey happy, so, I would like that too.
Joey: (comforting her) And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey. Me and Chandler live across the hall. And he's away a lot.
Joey: What?
Joey: Well, when its not right, you know it.
Joey: Pretty much, yeah.
Joey: Yeah! Yeah. Ill be all right.
Joey: Oh (To Chandler) Can you imagine if I hadnt left you that last one? You two mightve never gotten together. Ooh-ooh! Could you imagine if I sent that hooker up to the room like I was gonna?! Its like it was in the stars!
Chandler: (To Joey) Look there is no way youre doing this wedding now. Okay?
Joey: Yeah! (They head downstairs.)
Joey: (entering) Hey guys.
Joey: Lets go watch it at your place.
Joey: I uh, oh! Because, uh, I havent really paid the bill
Joey: Not so much.
Joey: Sure.
Joey: No, Chandler. Look, forget about it, okay? Look, I know things have been a little tight since Janine moved out. Oh, was she hot.
[Cut back to Joey in bed, he's smiling, enjoying the dream as he wakes up. Suddenly, he realized what he was dreaming about and bolts upright in bed.]
Joey: And it is a love that is based on having and giving and receiv(Shuts up on Monicas glare.)
JOEY: You have any idea what this'll do for your sex life?
Joey: What?!
Joey: Maybe I could be a waiter. Could I use the phone?
Joey: Hey listen, why dont you come downstairs with me? Theres some really nice girls down there.
Joey: Dr. Drake Remoray. Days of Our Lives. Voted most datable neurosurgeon by Teen Beat.
Joey: I'm mad at you for leaving! You're nothing but a big leaver. Big leaver with a stupid suitcase.
Joey: Hey guys. (to Chandler) Listen uh, you wanna get some dinner with me and Kathy tonight?
Joey: You got it.
Monica: Joey, what are you doing?
Joey: (in a really, really bad Italian accent) That's-ah what I suspected-ah.
Monica: Joey, do you work here?
Joey: No.
Joey: Yeah?
[Cut to another part of the room, Ross is going to talk to Joey.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is returning and finds Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there.]
Monica: Joey, whats going on. What didnt you tell us you work here?
Joey: See, now its weird again.
Joey: I don't know, she's, uh.... she's pretty great.
(Joey is looking at his check.)
Ross: Joey, seriously, can I get my coffee?
Joey: All right, uh, weve got a little bit of a problem here. These people are my friends; you cant treat them that way.
Chloe: I want you to met some friends of mine. (Introduces him to Chandler and Joey) This guy is my hero, he comes in with some stuff he wants it blown up 400%, we said we dont do that, and he says you gotta. And y'know what, we did it. And now anytime anybody wants 400, we just say lets Ross it!
Joey: (to his grandmother) That's uh, scenes from next week's show. Next week's!
Joey: Oh really! Where? Somewhere funny I'd bet! (Chandler is straining to keep quiet as Phoebe enters.)
Chandler: Oh, just like I said. That crazy... Bert... roaming the halls. (Joey bangs on the door again)
Joey: Uhh Pheebs, I heard that. Can you put him on?
(They turn back around to see the baby Monica's carrying, but then they realise what the surprise is. Ross, Mike, Phoebe and Rachel gasp and stare at Chandler and his baby. Joey hasn't figured it out yet.)
(Joey enters.)
Joey: This is crazy.
Joey: Yeah, what are ya gonna do?
(Joey, Chandler and Ross enter.)
Joey: Thats great. Thanks Rach.
Joey: Hi!
Joey: Okay you guys, I got a little more written. Are you ready?
Joey: Im not answering that.
Joey: Relax Ross, we'll be ready. It only takes us two minutes to get dressed.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is sitting the now heeled Rosita as Rachel is sitting in the newly arrived Francette. Francette is one of those new chairs from La-Z-Boy that has and does everything except cook and go to the bathroom for you. Its got a small refrigerator under one armrest it has phone jacks for the Internet and regular phone, and so much more.]
Phoebe: Yeah Joey that is so gross!
Joey: Uh, well yeah-yeah, I've got all of that going on. Yeah, listen uh, I want you to make sure you tell Chandler that he couldn't have been more wrong! Uh-oh! I gotta go Monica, my uh, my sushi's here!
Rachel: And thats Phoebe (points), and thats Joey.
Joey: Oh, man, I could totally get that part. Im sorry, that seat is taken.
Chandler: Oh right, your allergies. (Monica leaves and to the chick and duck) All her, she hates you. (Chandler leaves without finishing the message for Joey.)
Joey: Well, I'm sorry if I'm not a middle-aged black woman! (Starts for his room.) And I'm also sorry if sometimes I go to the wrong audition! Okay, look, if I have to pretend I don't know about you two, then you two are gonna have to pretend there's nothing to know about.
Joey: What?!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is working as Phoebe and Ross are sitting on the couch.]
(Monica goes back underwater as Joey re-enters.)
Joey: Oh yeah! For every dollar Shutter Speed makes, one penny of it goes right in Joey's pocket.
Joey: Got ya. (blinks an eye)
Joey: (laughing hysterically) Youre right! That did cheer me up!
Joey: Phew, close one.