words in movies
[Scene: The Wedding Hall, Monica and Chandler have just said "I do," and the photographer is taking the required pictures. First of Monica, Chandler, Ross and Joey.]
Joey: What? Whats going on?
Joey: Oh my God! Is that why you guys had to get married?!
Joey: Ah. (To Chandler) Slow swimmers? (Chandler looks at him.)
Monica: (To Joey) Oh, about that. Joey, you have to change before the party.
Joey: I cant! I-I dont have any other clothes here.
Monica: Find some! Please! Anything that doesnt say I-I died tragically in France. (Joey leaves to find clothes.)
Phoebe: Is it Ross? Its Ross isnt itOh my God, its Joey!
[Cut to Joey entering wearing a preppy tennis outfit.]
Joey: Im sorry! Okay? I went down to the gift shop and its either this or a bathrobe! Look, whats more important, the way Im dressed or me being with you on your special day?
[Cut back inside to Joey giving a beautiful woman a tennis lesson by standing behind her.]
Joey: Thats better, now just bend your arms a little more. There you go. Okay, look straight ahead. Now this time I want you to really put your ass into it. (They do a practice swing and she really puts her ass into it.)
[Cut to Chandler sitting down near Joey as his mom walks over. His birth mother, not the mother who recently visited one of those clinics in Sweden.]
Joey: I dont believe weve met, Joey Tribbiani.
Joey: Wow, Ive admired your work for years. You-youve done some really amazing stuff.
Joey: Wow Dennis Phillips! Thats great! How did you guys meet?
Joey: Chandler. Will you see if your mom can give my resume to Dennis Phillips? Cause if I can get in a Broadway show then I wouldve done it all, film, television, and theater. The only think left would be radio, and thats just for ugly people.
Joey: Uh, eleven, eleven and a half.
Joey: Uh, I dont even really know where I left those. Sorry.
Chandler: (looking at Joeys feet) Those arent eleven and a half.
Joey: Okay fine! Im a seven! All right, I have surprisingly small feet. But the rest of me is good, Ill show ya!
Joey: Hey! Did you talk to Dennis about me yet?
Joey: No-no! No! No! You dont tell a Broadway guy that! Now he just thinks Im a soap actor.
Joey: Hey!
[Joey walks back inside just as Rosss dance is finishing.]
[Behind them, Joey goes up to the bandleader and interrupts the song.]
Joey: (clinks his glass) Id like to propose a toast. To Monica and Chandler, the greatest couple in the world. And my best friends. Now, my when I first found out they were getting married I was, I was a little angry. I was like, (overly angry) "Why God? Why? How can you take them away from me?!" But then I thought back over all our memories together, some happy memories. (Does a fake laugh.) And-and there was some sad memories. (Starts to break down and cry.) Im sorry. And-and some scared memoriesWhoa! (He jumps back, startled.) Eh? And then, and then I realized Ill always be their friend, their friend who can speak in many dialects and has training in stage combat and is willing to do partial nudity. (Starts to walk away, but realizes something.) Oh! To the happy couple!
[Cut to Joey going over to talk to Dennis Phillips.]
Joey: So did you uh, happen to catch my toast up there?
Joey: Well, Id like to think there was something for everyone. Look, I know youre casting for this new show
Dennis Phillips: Look umm Joey, I-I dont think youre quite right for this project.
Joey: Oh, see thats where youre wrong. Whatever it is I can do it. And if didnt see it up there, just-just try me.
Joey: Well Im not proud of this, but (He turns around and starts to mess with his eyelids.)
[Scene: The Reception, Joey is helping Ross walk after Gert got through with him and Mona is looking on concerned.]
Joey: Shh. Shh. Dont try to talk, well get you up to your room, well soak your feet, youll be okay.
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Tell me about it, I feel like Im holding down the fort all by myself.
Mona: Its Joey right?
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Boy I tell ya, this little talent came in handy before I could afford porn.
Joey: (entering) (He clears his throat to get their attention.) Hey, Rach? Sorry to interrupt but umm, Phoebe wanted me to talk to you about a trip or something.
Joey: On...?
Joey: Oh man! I have to get those done too?!
Joey: Ok! Stop it you guys! Stop staring! You're freaking me out!
Joey and Chandler: (start to sing) Hey! Happy birthday ...
Joey: (at the urinal) Can you stop yellin'? You're makin' me nervous, and I can't go when I'm nervous.
Joey: Do you know how hard this is gonna be on him when he doesnt get it?
Joey: Oh good...
Joey: Chandler Bing.
Joey: OK Thanks.(Joey touches the hot wax). I touched the stuff
Joey: Thanks. Do you get a lot of guys in here?
Joey: All right let's just do this.
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey leaving girls' apartment, carrying lasagna.]
Joey: (dejected) Yeah, all right. (Thinks of something.) Ooh! (He quickly runs out before anyone can stop him.)
Joey: Oh-oh-oh, yeah! (He grabs some towels and takes them to him.) That's right, you take good care of those babies!
Ross, Joey and Chandler: Bye, Emma-Wemma-Demma.
Joey: (sitting on the sofa in front of the tv) Rach, come on! They are announcing the numbers! My God, I can already feel myself changing.
Joey: Hey, I need your help.
Joey: No! No, I-I just wanna thank you guys for what you did for my parents, that was really sweet. Theyre so happy they get to be a part of your special day.
Joey: What the hell am I supposed to do!
Joey: What, what.
Joey: (upset) Will the stable boy never get the princess??
Joey: Oh my God!
Ross: (To Joey) I know, I wasnt finished. (Joey motions him to finish.) (Yelling at the street) But dont worry! Were gonna go down the fire escape!!
Joey: Thank you so much.
Joey: Comb my eyelashes.
Joey: Yeah, yeah. Hey, they totally match! They look great! They look great! How you doing!
Ronni: Oh no, not you, big Joey. Oh my God, you're so much cuter than your pictures! (Joey stares at her) I-I'm, I'm Ronni....Cheese Nip?
Chandler: it was like the Algonquin kids table. (They all laugh, but Joey only laughs not to be left out.)
Joey: (pulls out a fork) All right, what are we havin? (Starts digging in.)
Phoebe: (entering with an aquarium covered by a towel) Hey, Joey, I got you another present. (She puts it on the counter)
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Your eyebrows look weird.
Joey: Morning, roomie!
Joey: Ha, oh, of course.
Joey: No, hey, it's been great.
Joey: Wow! So, how are you?
Joey: Really?
Joey: Wow, really?
Joey: Well, actually it...
Joey: Ooh, names?
Joey: Sure, I know lots of girls.
Joey: Did-did it make you wanna walk around in your underwear?
(They clink glasses and take a drink. Ross likes it, Joey hates it. Then Ross sees Joey hating it, mimics he hates it as well.)
Joey: Why are they doing this?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is there as Phoebe enters.]
Joey: I know, I know. And when they moved back in together, I figured y'know, that's where things were headed.
(She hands the baby to Joey who pulls down the blanket to reveal Rosss face where the babys should be.)
Joey: Glow-pop giggly jammer.
Joey: Ooh, that's a great plan!
Phoebe: Ooh, Joey.
Joey: Hey.
Joey: She's this really boring woman. She's a teacher!
Joey: All right! Who is he?
Joey: Oh my god, you're right!
Phoebe: Joey.
Joey: Well, okay, I'll - I'll just call her and tell her the date's cancelled, and find him somebody else.
Joey: What? I'm not allowed to know smart women?
Joey: She even reads for pleasure!
Joey: Yeah, you know, it's not that fun.
Joey: I uh, I just came by because I-I want to talk to you about something.
Joey: Ooh...I hear that's bad.
Joey: Arghhh! Double standards!
Joey: (waving) Very funny Ross! Very life-like and funny. Okay. (Notices that a woman is waving back.) Oh no-no-no, I wasn't waving at you lady. (She just stares at him.) (Joey sees how beautiful she is.) Whoa, maybe I was! Hey, Monica, this totally hot girl in Ross's building is flirting with me.
[Scene: Outside Room 816, Phoebe and Joey are approaching.]
Rachel: (to Joey) Hey, listen, Joey, about Molly, I really prefer if you didn't go after her.
Chandler: Oh, so thats why the priest threw holy water on me. (theres no reaction from Joey) Okay, listen, you have to cheer up! Okay? You should come out with Ross and me, I mean anything is better than sitting around here crying all day about Kate.
Joey: So what's it gonna be? (Monica whispers in Joey's ear. Ross gets up and waves arms frantically in protest)
Joey all nervous and looking down and fiddling with his ear: Oh.. My sister's raccoon.
Joey: It's like my favorite fairy tale come true! (Chandler looks at him) The princess, the stable boy and the lesbian!
Monica: Ross is really strong! Okay, hes the strongest out of all three of you! (Joey looks at her.) Except for Joey.
Joey: Hello?
Joey: Yeah, that's because we had a bit of a falling out. Mike hit my mom with a car.
Joey: Emma? Hey! Hi!
Joey: Uh, yeah... This guy at work got me excited about going in on an emu farm. That'd be kinda cool huh? Pitchin' in on the weekends, helping to plant the emus...
Lauren: (to Joey) Hey! So since were getting off early, do you want to go and paint mugs?
Monica (to Joey): Why the hell did you take her?
(Joey starts to leave.)
(Joey and Chandler enter with Emma.)
Joey: Because you two were having sex!
Joey: (stepping in and knocking the man over) Hey, if we know it can we have candy?!!
Ross: Uhm... Rachel and I hired a male nanny. (Joey makes a gesture and sound like "Can you believe that?")
Joey: (BEAT) (Laughs.) You almost had me.
Joey: Hey, I gotta! Unless...
Joey: Uh-huh.
Phoebe: Now, wait a minute. So, they're gonna name their first child Joey?
(Joey does the "plan-laugh.")
[Cut to outside. Phoebe and Joey are walking down the street to Central Perk.]
(Emma starts making noises, and Joey walks over to her playpen.)
Joey: Where?
Joey: Can you believe they're still not here?
JOEY: They can't kill me, I'm Francesca's long lost son.
Joey: Oh yeah, I still cant believe you havent seen Cujo. What is wrong with you?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Chandler, and Monica are there as Joey enters.]
Rachel: Uh-huh. Okay. You know what, Joey, I don't think he's ever gonna be okay with this.
Joey: Hey!
Monica: Hey Joey!
Joey & Monica: Hey!
Joey: I know, I'm so bummed. Can we have our free crab cakes now?