words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler, Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are standing around the table drinking champagne as Ross enters.]
Joey: (grabbing the candy bar) Yeah Ill take that.
Joey: Yeah, shes been out there for twenty minutes, Im surprised you didnt hear her on the way over.
Chandler: (To Ross) Okay, you get her in here. (To Joey) You bolt the door. Ill be in the closet.
Joey: But I-I-I cant stay too long, I gotta get up early for a commercial audition tomorrow and I gotta look good. Im supposed to be playing a 19-year-old. (Everyone stops in their tracks upon hearing this.) What?
Joey: You guys dont think I look 19?
(They all leave and Joey comes back in quickly.)
Joey: (To Phoebe) Hey, is uh the rest of my candy bar around here?
Joey: I was afraid of that.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is looking at the foosball table.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is playing Playstation, Crash Team Racing to be exact (hes in last on Hot Air Skyway to be more exact) as Joey enters from his room desperately trying to look like a 19-year-old. Hes got the wool cap, hes got the cut-off Knicks jersey over the faded T-shirt, and hes got the whole pants-around-the-knees-showing-off-the-boxers thing that rich, white, suburban kids have adopted in a desperate and extremely futile attempt to try to look like theyre from the inner-city.]
Joey: Sup? Sup dude?
Joey: So youre playing a little Playstation, huh? Thats whack! Playstation is whack! Sup with the whack Playstation, sup?! Huh? Come on, am I 19 or what?!
Joey: Come on man, really how old?!
Joey: Wow thanks! (He goes into his bedroom and closes the door.)
Joey: Yeah!
Joey: When? Today? Some, not a lot.
Joey: Dont worry about that man, that happens.
Joey: Yeah! Once.
Joey: I did it anyway.
(Chandler and Joey enter and overhear that.)
Joey: Oh my God! I cannot believe you guys are talking about this! The problems in the bedroom are between the man and the woman!!! All right?!! Now Chandler is doing the best he can!!
Joey: What?
Joey: You guys kissed! Oh mythis is huge!
Joey: Monica-Monica-Monica-Monica, listen-listen, listen, listen, would-would it make you feel better if we all stop talking about Ross and Rachel.
Joey: You got it. Okay. Now, I can pass for 19 right?!
Joey: Really?
Joey: Seriously?
Joey: (gasps) Im 30!
Rachel: Joey, you are not! Youre 31.
Joey: (realizes) Aww crap!
Joey: Psss, that is whack!
[Time lapse, Phoebe is playing the guitar for Joey.]
Phoebe: (shes strumming something) Yeah? (Joey nods yes.) Okay, I think Ill play it at the wedding.
Joey: Yeah! Well, I think well see if they actually let you play. Huh? I mean they tell you anything you want to hear like-like, "You look 19," and then they just take it away like-like, "No you dont."
Joey: Wouldnt she?
Joey: Would she? (He smells something and gasps as he realizes what it is.) You ate my candy bar!
[Cut to the living room, Joey is eating a sandwich.)
Joey: They break your heart, dont they?
Joey: Yeah! If you wanna sing at their wedding, well you sing at their wedding!
Joey: What?! Whats wrong with my eyes.
Phoebe: They give you away! Theres just-theres just too much wisdom in there. (Joey nods in agreement.) Just put some tea bags on there for like 15 minutes.
Joey: And thatll get rid of my wisdom?
Joey: (Holding a turkey leg) Theres gravy?
Joey: Well, why dont you tell me what youre supposed to be! Huh? Because I sure as hell cant figure it out! I talk to you and nothin. You look at me, and its nothin. (He kisses her) Nothing.
Joey: Uh listen, heres your Soapie. I accepted it for ya. (Hands it to her.)
JOEY: Hey Phoebs.
(They move on the couch and start kissing again. Joey does his grazing on Rachel’s thigh and she slaps his hand)
Joey: That's fine. I'll just have a Tic-Tac to hold me over.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is eating the cheesecake and Chandler enters and catches her in the act.]
Joey: Shouldn't we all vote on stuff like this?!
(Joey hurriedly stands up, arms akimbo, gives her an embarrassed look and walks away)
Chandler: Well, I'm crazy about her now. I think this could be the real thing. Capital 'R'! Capital 'T'! (Joey stares at him) Don't worry, those are the right letters.
Joey: I don’t know. She’s got to be taking it hard, I was like her only client. Except for this guy who eats paper. And I’m guessing he eats more money than he makes. Look, I know she’s not a great agent, but she did stick with me for ten years. I’m gonna call her and hire her again.
Joey: Yeah, or-or to get a hooker.
(Chandler goes into the apartment, while Joey checks his ticket and is embarrassed by his stupid mistake.)
Joey: yeah but she should remember sleeping with me I am very memorable, you guys know.
Joey: Oh, were supposed to just get him a ticket?! That guy is always mooching off of us!
Phoebe: And Joey, get me a bottle of wine and glasses? (He begrudgingly does so.)
Joey: The Silly Putty! Its not so silly anymore!
[Scene: Another Waiting Room, Phoebe and Joey are trying to find out where the guy with the broken leg is.]
JOEY: All right. I'll give you one hint. Warren Beatty.
Joey: What? Yeah! Sure! Uh, look at the uh, the reason (Exhales slowly)Is it hot in here?
Ross: Its called the Bapstein-King comet, okay? (Joey starts to groan.) Hey! Hey! Bapstein was a very well respected astronomer!
Joey: Catwoman, hands down.
ROSS: Hey Joey I have to cancel racketball for tonight, that was Marcel's trainer. He's gonna let me have him for a couple of hours.
Joey: Yeah-yeah, I told her about the time you got drunk and fell asleep with your head in the toilet.
Joey: (stands up, and throws his coat on the floor) Im Joey! Im an actor! I dont know squat about dinosaurs!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is reading a paper as Phoebe enters.]
Joey: Argh!
Joey: Well, I've been thinking about this whole commercial thing, y'know me going up against Ben, the two of us competing, and that can't lead to anything good. So, I think I'm just gonna step aside. I'm gonna tell them that I won't audition.
Joey: Oh, yeah, yeah, good idea. (he mimes hitting his head with his fist)
Tag: Ms. Green would like to establish some ground rules before she comes out. She would appreciate it if you dont use the words old or downhill or (To Joey) they still look pretty damn good. (Joey smiles and everyone glares at him.)
(Chandler turns to watch her go and then sees Ross and Joey both with huge grimaces on their faces.)
Joey: The Celtics? Ha. They couldn't hit a boat if...wait. They suck, alright?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Rachel are still discussing Bobby and Dinas situation.]
Joey: I mean, this soap opera is a great gig, but... am I missing opportunities? You know, I've always thought of myself as a serious actor. I mean, should I be trying to do more independent movies?
Joey: Oh yeah! I got in there myself once. My roommate bet me five bucks that I couldnt, and then he stuck a board through the handles that locked me in. Yeah. It was funny til I started feeling like I was in a coffin.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler about the letter.]
JOEY: You want his yearbook?
Ross: Oh, that's right! (to Emma) Daddy and uncle Joey are going on a trip today. We're going to a conference in Barbados, right?
Joey: Hey, Chandler, can we please stay focused on my problem here?! Y'know?
Joey: I have an audition for this play and for some of it I have to speak French. Which, according to my résumé, I'm fluent in.
Joey: (looks at him suspiciously) But, ehm... you watched the tape?
Joey: Mike, 'attorney at law'!
Monica: Okay, so it doesnt involve Ross or Rachel or Chandler or Joey. But, what about Pete?
Joey: Booo!!
Joey: Ah. (To Chandler) Slow swimmers? (Chandler looks at him.)
Rachel: Oh really? Well how would you like it if I had sex with you and I taped it? (Joey smiles luridly) Oh forget it! (Ross enters.) Oh there he is now, the father of my child, the porn king of the west village.
Joey: I did not know that! Thank you Monica. (Starts to leave) I can't believe I almost lost another girl because of counting.
Phoebe: Ok. Hello everyone and thank you all for being here tonight. So tomorrow's the big event and some of you might not know, but Mike and I didn't get off to the best start. (she reads a note). My friend Joey and I decided to fix each other up with friends so I, I... (Monica is twirling her hands in order to make Phoebe speed up her speech) oh I... hum... I gave it a lot of thought and I fixed him up with my friend Mary Ellen who couldn't be here tonight because... (Monica is tapping her watch with her finger) it's not important... she is in rehab. Anyway, so, ok, Joey said that he was fixing me up with his friend Mike, only he didn't have a friend Mike so he just brought, uhm, my Mike and, and (Monica clears her throat) but despite, you know... it got... it got good. Ok, I wanna take a moment to mention my mother, who couldn't be here...
Rachel: Joey, get Amy's bags, she is moving out!
Dr. Green: (on phone, not hearing her) theres gonna be a wedding! (Joey enters from his room and goes to get a beer from the fridge.) Thats unacceptable Rachel! What the hell does love have to do with it anyway?! There are more important things in a marriage other than love! (Joey hears something and looks around for the source.) constantly thinking about things! You have to think about the consequences of your decision. (Joey finds that the sound is coming from the phone and puts it to his ear.)
JOEY: Angela? Joey Tribiani. Listen, what are ya doing tonight. I know your seeing that guy I was thinking maybe you could bring him.....Hello? Hello? (picks up a statue of an Indian and walks into his room)
Phoebe: (coming back for Joey) No! (Grabs Joey and drags him away.)
Phoebe: (returning with Joey) With what?
Joey: Yes! (to Chandler) Shame about you man.
Joey: Twelve hundred dollars? You think I have $1200? Im home in the middle of the day, and I got patio furniture in my living room. I guess theres a few things you dont get from book learnin.
CHANDLER: That's what's weird? Joey, the man's been captain of a cereal for the last 40 years.
Joey: Oh my God, that's great! I'm smart!! No, no, I'm... (he uses the Thesaurus) "brainy, bright, clever", I love this thing! Look out ladies, Joey Tribbiani's got the whole package!!
Joey: Dude, come on! French it u-up!
(the scene starts.Joey enters and there's a girl wearing a wedding dress near a bed)
Joey: It's really gone?
Joey: Like when I want a job, I go to an audition and if Im the best of the people they see, they give me the part.
Joey: This is the unit for you my friend. Sturdy construction, tons of storage compartments, some big enough to fit a grown man.
Joey: Yeah. Sorry about that. (He walks away and knocks on the next door which is answered by a little girl.) Oh, hey little girl. Uhh, is-is your mommy, or sister, or babysitter by any chance a hot girl?
Chandler: Oh, okay, thanks. (He goes back to the couch and rejoins Monica, Joey, and Phoebe.)
Katie: Ohh, Joey has the nicest friends! (She punches Rachel.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next day, Chandler and Joey are there as Rachel returns from her interview.]
Ross: Listen, can you do me a favor? I'm gonna be out today. Can you just keep an eye on Joey, make sure nothing happens between him and Molly?
Joey: No, I sat in the paint.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, and Monica are still playing catch, with Chandler looking on. Joey throws the ball to Monica who catches it and whips it at Ross.]
Joey: (shocked) Dah!! (Chandler motions for him to calm down.)
Joey: (frustrated) Ahh! There's gotta be a way. I mean, you know, if Monica and Chandler move out here and now Phoebe is married to Mike. That just leaves me and Ross and Rach, you know what I mean?
Joey: Yeah! (Chandler bangs the table in frustration.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, continued from earlier. Chandler is showing Rachel the ring.]
Joey: (going over and picking up the rod) Thats all right. Hey you guys, you know whats going to be great about the fishing trip this year? When my dad gets me out in the middle of the lake and gives me that, "Joey, what are you doing with your life?" stuff. I can say, "Well, Im doing a movie with Charlton Heston dad. What are you doing with your life?"
Joey: Whoa-ho-ho! (He looks at Chandler, who gives him a come on look.) Yeah, okay.
Rachel: Come on Joey, I just bought you a new chair! The most expensive one in the store! Hey, yknow what I was thinking? We could name her Francette.
Janine: No no no no, its potpourri. Youre supposed to smell it. (Joey takes a big whiff of the potpourri.)
JOEY: Well then tell me things like, 'Joey you'll be fine,' and, 'Hang in there,' and, and, 'Somethin' big's fonna come along, I know it.'
Joey: Hey, Mr. Bing. That uh, hotel you stayed at called. Said someone left an eyelash curler in your room.
Joey: 46. Wow! Who's well educated now, Mr. I-forgot-ten-states?
Joey: So whats really neat. If you sear the stems of the flowers first in a frying pan, your arrangement will look fresh much longer.
Monica: Well, because you signed it baby kangaroo Tribbiani (Joey makes a 'and-what’s-wrong-with-that' look). Hey, why don’t you stop worrying about sounding smart and just be yourself!
JOEY: (sniffs his shirt.)� Oh yeah.� I rubbed a magazine on myself earlier.
JOEY: He-he-eyy. [Shakes his had and passes the dollar]
JOEY: He broke up with Julie. Well, go hug her, for god's sakes.
(I think one of the grips walk up to Joey, mainly because there's a credit for The Grip. What the heck is a grip anyway?!)
[Scene: The street down the block from Central Perk, Joey has found the Porsche and is writing the note.]
(Joey takes the plastic container to his mouth and starts to drink. Most of the milk gushes from the bottle down his chin and over his clothes to the floor. He keeps "drinking" and all of a sudden he lifts it up and half the bottle of milk pours out in an instant. He then continues to drink the rest. He then puts the empty container down on the counter.)
Joey: Yknow-yknow what I really want?
Joey: Oh come on man, you can dance with my partner, shes real, uh, mellow!
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys Bathroom: Chandler is watching the duck swim in the bathtub.]
Joey: I'd take you out for a romantic night. Some champagne, fancy dinner, feel you up on the carriage ride home...
Joey: Sweepin. Why? Turn you on?
Phoebe: I mean, I know Joey is not my boyfriend, or my thermos, or anything, but...
(They start kissing and Joey starts to undo her bra, but fails completely)
[Scene: The hallway between the two apartments. Chandler and Joey are walking up the stairs.]
Joey: (thinking) Uhm... oh! Okay. You come with me, and you tell them that the house is haunted!
Joey: (speaking with his mouth full, enjoying his sandwich) What did they say?
Joey: In that case should I make sure it's on real good? (he does so, repeatedly tapping on her breast and stroking it)
(Everyone claps and cheers, Joey mimics looking about with a gun.)