words in movies
Monica: You guys, Joey just saw Janice kissing her ex-husband.
Chandler: Janices birthday is coming up, I want to get her something speacial. Come in here with me.
Chandler: Thats a good idea, Dear Janice have a Hubba-Bubba birthday. I would like to get her something serious.
Joey: Okay. I went down to the Mattress King showroom and, and I saw Janice, kissing her ex-husband.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is waiting for Janice to arrive, and is angrily fllipping through a magazine.]
Janice: (entering) Hows my Bing-a-ling?
Janice: Why are your eyes so white?
Janice: Oh my God!!
Janice: How did you know?
Janice: In the park?
Janice: Just those two!
Janice: Oh, Im sorry honey, Im so, so, (nasally) haaaaa! Im so, so sorry, I just (nasally) haaaaaa! But I, oh what happened was, I-I-I cant breathe. Can you get me a bag, or something?
(Janice starts to breath into it and sucks in the reciept, and then spits it out.)
Janice: The receipt.
Chandler: Ill take it! All right look, I gotta know. Are you finished with me? (Janice shakes her head no) Are you finished with him? (Janice shakes her head no) Do you still love him? (Janice shakes her head yes) Do you still love me? (Janice shakes her head yes) All right look, (grabs the bag) Im gonna need an actual answer here okay, so which is it, him or me? (his phone starts to ring)
Janice: I dont know.
Chandler: I talked to Janice.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Janice are there.]
Chandler: Janice, I have something I need to tell you, and I want you to let me get through it, because its, its, its not gonna be easy.
Janice: Okay.
Janice: Wow!
Janice: Oh! Youre right. Oh God. But, before I can say good-bye, theres something I really need you to know, Chandler. The way I feel about you, its like, I finally understand what Lionel Richies been singing about. Y'know, I mean what we have, its like movie love, youre my soulmate, and I cant believe were not going to be spending the rest of our lives together.
Janice: What?
Janice: No, you were right, you were right. I mean, I-I-Ive got to give my marriage another chance.
Janice: (standing up) Im sorry. (hugs him)
Janice: No, I-I-I gotta go. (she starts to walk away, but Chandler doesnt let her go.)
Janice: Honey, honey, people are looking.
Janice: Yeah, um, Im, Im leaving now. (tries to get her leg out of Chandlers grasp, she finally does, but Chandler takes off her shoe.)
Janice: Good-bye Chandler Bing. (walks out with one shoe)
Janice: Oh, too soon, too schmoon. Face it honey, I am not letting you get away this time.
Chandler: Ok, Janice. Janice. Hey, Janice. Look, there's no way for me to tell you this. At least there's no new way for me to tell you this. I just don't things are gonna work out.
Janice: Joey and Janice's DAY OF FUN!!! (laughs)
Joey: Yeah, you've been avoiding her ever since we started going out. Look, I made an effort to like Janice, now I think it's your turn to make an effort to like Kathy by going out to dinner with us. Right?
[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, Chandler wakes up, and finds someone else's hand on his chest. He rolls over and is shocked to see Janice there.]
Chandler: Janice?!
Chandler: Janice?
Joey: Hey! (Sees Janice.) Ah!! (Janice screams in surprise.)
Janice: Oh.... my.... God.
Janice: You seek me out. Something deep in your soul calls out to me like a foghorn. Janice, Janice. You want me. You need me. You can't live without me. And you know it. You just don't know you know it. See ya.
Janice: I just came by to give you a kiss, I have to go pick up the baby, so. I'll see you later sweetheart, you too Chandler. (laughs)
Chandler: All right, Janice, likes him. In fact she likes him so much she put him on her freebie list.
(Suddenly they hear Janice laughing, and it ruins the moment.)
Chandler: Okay, well. Janice said 'Hi, do I look fat today?' And I, I looked at her....
Janice: Chandler?
Janice: (laughs) I don't think we need to, because you're tripping me out right now! Are you okay?
Janice: So, do we have the best friends or what?
Janice: So, whos the lucky guy?
Janice: Why not?
Janice: Okay! (She runs for the bathroom)
Monica: Janice, what umm, what are you doing here?
Janice: He does?
Monica: (To Chandler) Our kids are gonna call her Aunt Janice arent they?
Chandler: Janice, Im sorry but umm, you cant stay here tonight.
Janice: Why?
(Theres a knock on the door and Janice enters.)
Janice: I should just go on to happier things, okay? Umm, why dont you tell about your lovely wedding?
The Colonel: OH MY GAWD!!!! (Yep, its Janice.)
Janice: (notices Monicas engagement ring) Ohh! What is that on your finger?! Im blind!
Janice: This is so fun. This is like a reunion in the hall.
Janice: Oh well thats what I thought about my first husband, now Im lucky if my kid gets to spend the weekend with her father and the twins and little Ms. New Boobs.
Janice: Oh, my god, I am so glad you called me. I had the most supremely awful day.
Janice: We got the proofs back from that photo shoot, you know, the one with the little vegetables. Anyway, they pretty much sucked, so, I blew off the rest of the day, and I went shopping...(looks through her bags)... and I got you, I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking, I got you...
Janice: (leaning in from the bedroom) Chandler! Come on, Im gonna show how to roll up your underwear and stuff it in your shoes. Its a real space saver.
Janice: Okay, Im going to need a comforter, but did you have a hypoallergenic one because otherwise I get very nasal. (Makes some weird sound) Do you have a cat? Cause its already happening. (Makes a nasal sound) Do you hear that? (She keeps making the nasal sound.)
Chandler: Weirdest thing. Did I hear(A nurse opens the privacy screen and Chandler sees Janice)Mother of God its true!
Janice:Too London? No-no, Rome? Vienna? Ooh-ooh, Barcelona?
Ross: Not even, say, breaking up with Janice?
Janice: (entering) Ross you left you scarf in (sees everyone.) Hey you guys. (Does the laugh.)
Janice: Oh well, Im divorced.
Janice: Well, I knew you had the Rockys, and so I figured, you know, you can wear Bullwinkle and Bullwinkle, or you can wear Rocky and Rocky,or, you can mix and match, moose and squirrel. Whatever you want.
Joey: (entering) Their not breaking up. Chandler and Janice. Their not breaking up. He didn't blink or anything.
Woman: OH .MY .GAWD!!! (Uh-huh, its Janice.)
Janice: Oh yknow what? You have to speak very loudly when youre talking to Sid, because hes almost completely deaf.
Sid: (To Janice) Whatd he say?
Janice: Why?!!
Janice: I .cant .believe this!
Janice: What?!
Janice: Oh. Well then shut me up. (Does the laugh.)
Janice: Chandler Bing!
Monica: Does that sound like Janice?
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Chandler and Monica are entering to see if they in fact did hear Janice.]
Janice: Its you. This is yours.
(Ross and Rachel are, needless to say, stunned at the arrival of Janice.)
Janice: (laughs) Look how nervous he gets! We havent slept together in years! (Laughs again.)
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Janice is being moved to the delivery room and is screaming in pain.]
Janice: Oh, this should be easy. I have a very wide pelvis. You remember Chandler.
Janice: Im telling you Rachel, listen to Janice. They all say theyre gonna be there until they start their real family.
Ross: (entering) Hey Janice!
Janice: Oh hi!
Janice: Bye. (Exits.)
Janice: Im gonna leave the three of you alone.
Ross: Not just Janice, Janice in labor, contracting and everything.
Janice: So? Congratulations you two, I didnt even know you got married.
Janice: Oh. Oh I just cannot believe Clark stood me up!
Janice: Oh, we go way back. Before Monica made an honest man out of him, Chandler used to be my little love muffin! (does her irritating laugh). So? Are you guys thinking of getting this house too? Ooh! Are we gonna have a bidding war? I'd better warn you, I'm a toughie (playfully punches Chandler, who tries to get away from her)
Janice: Ah ahahahhahaa! How great is this!
Janice: Oh, what are you, stupid? Its been three hours.
(Janice does her "Janice Laugh")
Janice: OH MY GOD!!
Janice: I hate to be the one to say it, but honey you two (Her and Emma) are on your own.
Janice: (starting to cry) Do you have any tissues?
Janice: Oh, Chandler, look. You and Monica are meant to have children. I am sure it's gonna be just fine.
Janice: Oh! Well, you know what? It probably is.
Janice: That's not the hard part honey! The hard part is what comes next, I mean aren't you worried about the results?
Janice: Uh-oh, I feel another one coming. (She makes a sound like a goose during the contraction.)
Janice: Well, let's go to a bad one and make out. (they start to kiss and lean back into Monica.)
Janices Voice: (singing) My funny valentine, sweet comic valentine! You make me high over my heart!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is coaching Chandler on how to break up with Janice.]
Chandler: What are you, stop naming dwarves! (on phone) Hello, Janice. Hi, I'm so glad that you called, I know I've been acting a really weird lately. And, it's just because I'm crazy about you, and I just got...stupid, and, and scared, and....stupid a couple of more times. I'm sorry. (listens) Really?! (listens) Really?!
Phoebe: Well, so what I like him! Do I make fun of the people youve dated? Tag, Janice, Mona? No, because friends dont do that. But, do you want my opinion? Do you want it? Cause in my opinion, your collective dating record reads like the whos who of human crap. (Walks off)
Janice: Oh my God!
Janice: Chandler, what are you talking about?
Janice: Chandler, one of us has got to be strong.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang is there including Janice, theyre watching Happy Days.]
Monica: No, actually, we're buying the house next door. (Janice gasps)
Janice: Oh... my...
Janice: Huh?
Janice: Oh, me too... (laughs)
Janice: Yeah, well, it scares me! I mean I not even divorced yet, Chandler. You know, you just invited me over here for pasta, and all of the sudden you're talking about moving in together. And, and I wasn't even that hungry. You know what, it's getting a little late, and I-I should just, um...(starts to leave)
Janice: Oh. God, crazy Chandler. He spun me...off...the...bed!
Janice: Oh wait you two think of me as family?! Oh, I have to ask you something now and be honest; do you want me to sing Careless Whisper or Lady In Red?
Janice: I don't know what to say... I mean, you know, obviously we have this... heat between us.
Janice: Uh-oh-okay. Uh-oh-okay. I know what you all are thinking. But Chandler is in Yemen! I'm a young woman! I have needs! I can't wait forever!
Ross: Well I'm thinking that Chandler's our friend and Janice makes him happy, so I say we just all be adult about it and accept her.
Chandler: Okay, I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow.
[Scene: The house Monica and Chandler are viewing. Janice comes down the stairs.]
Chandler: Alright, Janice, that's it! Janice... Janice... Hey, Janice, when I invited you to this party I didn't necessarily think that it meant that we-
Janice: Oh hi! Well, I guess that's two out of three, Joey. (Laughs and exits.)
Janice: Please... go! (Then shouts after him) Just let me know if you need a hand!