words in movies
Chandler: There's this thing I really want us to do. I read about it in Maxim...
Rachel: Oh, good, good! We had this idea to make a birthday video for Emma and we'll give it to her when she is 18.
Joey: Yeah, but for a one-year-old. What's the point... the other day she laughed for like an hour at a cup. Just a cup with a picture of Elmo on it dressed as a farmer. And he's standing next to this cow and the cow says "El-moo"! (Joey starts laughing) Yeah... that's a funny cup!
Rachel: Look, I know that you guys really want to get to Vermont and this isn't a really big deal to you, but it really is to us, ok? Emma will never have a first birthday again.
(someone knocks on the door. Rachel goes to open it)
Joey: Hey, I think Emma might like it!
Joey: Hey, I do it every week with three cameras pointed at me and a whole crew waiting!
Joey: Uh, why, it’s a... (he picks a book up) one of her favorites, uh, (he reads the title of the book) “Riding the Storm Out. Coping with post-partum depression” eesh! (he puts the book back and picks up another) “Love you forever”. Love you forever. By Robert Munsch. Published by Firefly books. Printed (he pauses and changes the tone to a dramatic one) in Mexico. A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and while she held him she sang “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you’ll be”. (the picture fades and Joey is now finishing the book). And while he rocked her, he sang “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you’ll be”.
Rachel: Is that it?
Rachel: Ross, um, don’t forget to get a shot of Emma’s cake. It’s in a box in the fridge.
Rachel: Oh, you're gonna love this cake. I got it from a bakery in New Jersey, Corino’s.
Rachel: Well, anyway, they make these great novelty cakes, in all different shapes, and if you give them a photo, they’ll copy it in icing!
Phoebe (sees the cake): oh! Now it’s a party!
Rachel: Why you guys this isn't funny, all right? If I wanted this cake to be a disaster I would have baked it myself!
Joey (staring at the cake): Uh.. is it ok that I still think it looks delicious?
Ross: Ask them if it would be faster if we cut the baby’s face off the penis, so we can put it on the bunny. (pause). That is a weird sentence!
Rachel: Oh! Believe you me! I am going to bring this cake back, I don't even want it in my home... (Turns towards the cake and sees Joey trying to take a piece and yells at him) Joey, don't touch it!!
Ross: Well, you know what? While we're waiting, you guys could tape your message to Emma for her 18th birthday, huh? (takes the camcorder and points it at Monica and Chandler) Ok!
Monica: Ross, Rachel promised it would be over by now. We seriously have to go, if we want to get to Vermont. I called them and the last train leaves in a half hour.
Ross: No, Rachel got pulled over for speeding. She forgot her licence so now I have to bring it to her.
Joey: Got it! (Goes towards the front door and stands with his back to it) Hey hey hey! (to Chandler) Where do you think you're going?
Joey: Well, that one did not have Emma's face on it.
Phoebe: No, it did not.
Jack: Last winter I went up on a church lawn and drove right through a manger scene. The papers thought it was a hate crime.
Judy: Anyway, it was lovely seeing you.
Joey: (Shocked) Oh! Well that's it! He's the last one to go. I'm locking you guys in. (turns the bolts of the door, thereby locking it)
Estelle: (Looks confused) Let me start over. I just got a call about an audition. I think you can still make it. It's down at the Astor Theatre and you need to have a monologue prepared.
Joey: A monologue? I don't have.. (sees the book he was reading before for his "dramatic reading") I got it. (hangs up) (announces to the room) Aah! so... I'm gonna take off!
Joey: Oh! I got it! Ok, everyone pick a number from one to ten. Alright? Whoever gets the highest number gets to go first.
(While Phoebe's bear is still in the lead, it is now closely followed by Joey's robot. Chandler and Monica's dog however, sits down, barking... and does a backflip.)
(She hangs up, closes her phone, turns around and puts it in her bag which is in the back of the car. While doing this and not looking at the road, she turns the steering wheel by accident, which makes the car swerve.)
Ross: Hey, maybe I can fix that, you know. Try to turn it into something else. (he opens the box)
Rachel: (she looks at the cake) Oh my God! Look what... you made it into a bunny. How did you do that?
Phoebe: I just felt so bad, missing this. So I just slipped him a little something, you know. As long as I'm back in five or six hours, it will be alright.
Chandler: Let's do it, come on!
Phoebe: (pointing at cake) Hey, you made it into a bunny.
Joey: What is wrong with me. It looked more delicious when it was a penis.
Rachel: Okay. (they both look into the camera, and Ross waves.) Hi Emma. Well, your first birthday is over, and it was really...
Ross: Rach, come on, I’m not gonna wear any of this! (he picks up a shirt) Nothing silver. (Rachel sighs). Ok? Nothing with hair! (Rachel sighs again) And nothing with padlocks on it! (Rachel heaves a long disappointing sigh).
ROSS: Would it matter?
Joey: But no, it's not close. You said it was in escrow? I couldn't even find it on the map.
ROSS: That is so good! Do it again!
Monica: Okay. (Opens the fridge.) All right, turkey. Eh, that wont work. Cheese? (Picks it up) That wont work. Olive loaf? (Picks it up) I hope that wont work.
Chandler: Course there, they just call it food.
PHOEBE: I think it went into me.
MRS GREEN: Sweetie! So this is where you work? Oh, it's wonderful! Is it a living room? Is it a restaurant? Who can tell? But I guess that's the fun.
Barry: ....Mindy. Mindy, of course Mindy, it was always Mindy.
MNCA: [disgusted, trying not to show it] I love how it crumbles. Now see, your chocolate doesn't do that.
Monica: Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?
Chandler: (entering from bathroom, with an issue of Cosmo) All right, I took the quiz, and it turns out, I do put career before men. (to Joey) Get up.
Joey: No, thats VH-1. I gotta tell you, the music these kids listen to today . . . Its like a lotta noise to me. I dont know
Ross: (not turning around) Chandler. I sensed it was you.
MONICA: Really? Weird. Anyway, see, I planned everything really well. I planned and I planned and I planned. It just turns out, I don't think I planned enough time to actually do it.
MONICA: Joey, speed it up!
RACHEL: Ok, while you "mmm" on it for awhile, I'm gonna go find a place for my new lamp.
RACHEL: You want me to talk you out of it?
CAROL: How's it going?
Rachel: Oh, y'know, its just like hats, and a shirt, and CDs, just sort of stuff that youve left here.
Chandler: Excuse me, look, we've been here for over an hour, and a lot of people less sick than my friend have gone in. I mean, that guy with the toe thing? Who's he sleeping with? (She slides the gladd panel over and Chandler talks through it in a loud voice.) Oh, c'mon Dora, don't be mad... I know we both said some things we didn't mean, but that doesn't mean we still don't love each other. (To the waiting room.) Y'know, I feel like I've lost her.. (She slides the panel back, he turns, and it takes him by surprise.) Ba-!
Barry: We can, we can go to Aruba! When I went there on what would have been our honeymoon, it was, uh... it was really nice. You would've liked it.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, Monica, and now Chandler are still playing catch. The guys are exhausted and sitting around the room. Monica is still standing all pumped up and being hyper-competitive yet again. {Okay! We get it! She's competitive!! Must we see all the time?!}]
Joey: Uh Look Rach (Ross enters.) Hey Ross is here! Hey look! Its my good friend Ross. Hey Ross.
Rachel: No, no-no, its okay, calm down. Mark and I talked, and I realised how much I love your stupid brother, and, yeah, we got our problems, but I really want to make it work.
Rachel: Oh yknow what? Yknow what? Now that you know what you want you should go to Kleinmans and get it half off. This place is so overpriced.
Phoebe: And! And, theyre gonna have a baby! (The gang is shocked.) And! And, they want me to grow it for them in my uterus. (The gang is stunned into silence.)
Ross: I guess it all started when Rachel got this new job. (he sits down at the table.)
(Rachel picks up a newspaper and starts beating him with it.)
Joey: No room? Its a baby. Its like this big. (Holds his hands about a foot apart.) Yknow, I mean you-you could you could put it over here. (A desk.) Or-or-or we could put it right here. (The chair.) Aw, its cute, right? Or-or we could put it over here. (By the bathroom door.) You wouldnt even notice it. Wheres the baby? (Mumbles that its over in the corner.)
JOEY: Yeah it is. . . what?
Phoebe: We found your test in the trash, if youre not pregnant(She sees Rachel shaking her head)Its because I am.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting on the couch, eating candy. It is raining out. Ross climbs up the fire escape and is knocking on the window.]
PHOEBE: I sense these things. It was either but or butter.
Chandler: (tastes it) Well.... it is amouz-ing...
Joey: Anyway, it uh look itll just take me a while to get over her, thats all. Im not even sure how to do that, I mean Ive never been in love before so
RACHEL: Oh, I know, I know. [Turns on the TV. Joey in on it.]
Monica: Oh, what a great argument, exhaling! All right, y'know what, Ill prove it to you, okay. Ill trade you Joey for Rachel, and Ill still win the game.
Phoebe: Okay. Good, all right, lets get back in the car, cause its freezing, and my chest is unsupported.
(Rachel spins the bottle and it lands on .wait for it .Joshua. (You thought I was going to say Ross, didnt you?) Rachel squeals in delight and starts a slow sexy crawl over to Joshua, making sure he and everyone else watching gets a good look at her cleavage.)
Rachel: Okay, but if it only happened that one time, how come we found your underwear in our apartment the other day?
CHANDLER: Uh, yes, yes it is.
Joey: Okay, and ah, this one here is a Douglas Fir, now its a little more money, but you get a nicer smell.
Chandler: Well, sure, but can you play it on a plane? (pats his Travel Scrabble game)
MONICA: I'm at work, ordinary day, you know, chop chop chop, sauti, sauti, sauti. All of a sudden, Leon, the manager, calls me into his office. It turns out they fired the head lunch chef, and guess who got the job.
PHOEBE: Thinkin' about it.
Rachel: (opening it) A scooter! (Shes not happy.)
RACHEL: OK, I'm doin' it for ya.
Chandler: Um, is it sugarless?
Phoebe: Is that a new Swede jacket? It looks really expensive.
Monica: "Hi Im Rachel, is my sweater too tight? No? Oh, Id better wash it and shrink it!"
SUSIE: Well I was thinking it would be um, kind of sexy if you wore mine tonight, at dinner.
(Chandler sulkilty picks up a garbage can lid and uses it as an umbrella.)
Monica: (on machine) "Hi, it's Monica. I'm just checking in 'cause I got this message from you and I didn't know if it was old or new or what. So, I'm just checkin'. So let me know, or don't, whatever. I'm breezy."
Ross: I don't know. I could talk to her boss. Yeah! I met him at that Christmas party. We really hit it off.
JOEY: Forget about it.
Monica: Oh God Phoebe!! (Phoebe covers one ear.) Oh thats it! Thats it! Right there! Oh! (Tries to cover the other ear.) Ooooh-oooh-ooooh (Covers both ears and continues the massage with her elbows.)
MONICA: Say it.
[Monica grabs Rachel by the sweater. Rachel squirms out of it]
Ross: Check it out! Almost 3 hours without droppin' it!
Joey: (wipes a little jam from the corner of his mouth) Did I get it?
PHOEBE: Ok, I didn't see it, because I was putting on my jacket, but I uh want to believe you.
Mike: Okay, when I got divorced, I didn't think I'd feel this way about someone for a really long time... Then again, I didn't think I'd meet someone like you... and... this may be crazy soon, but... I want you to have this... (He tries to get something from his pocket, but it's not that easy... Phoebe looks in a "what's happening" face to him. He finally has found something) No, not... that's gum. (He digs in a little more.) Ooh, five bucks... I love it when that happens, you know... Think no note's there...
MONICA: Rachel, you say you're sorry or your sweater gets it.
Rachel: (to a pregnant Leslie) Look at you, you are so big I can't believe it!
Monica: Rachel, what are you doing? Its freezing out here. Would you come back inside?
Chandler: Umm, hows it going with you guys?
JOEY: Put it on.
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Chandler is there. There's a knock at the door. He answers it to see a young woman holding a fishtank.]
MONICA: You got it.
MONICA: Oh-oh, no no don't worry, I'm gonna wash it.
Phoebe: (Smiling blankly) Right, and its me.
Ross: Hey, when-when was it kicking? What happened?
Joey: Just watch it, and if you don't like it, you don't pass it on to your bosses!
Rachel: (grabs Chandler by the shirt) All right, listen, smirky. If it wasn't for you and your stupid balloon, I would be on a plane watching a woman do this (makes a gesture like a stewardess pointing out exits) right now. But I'm not.
Monica: Thats a good question. Look umm, last night we let the dice decide. Maybe we should leave it up to fate again. I love you!
Ross: Ugh, between the traffic that time of day and all the one-way streets itll take me twice as long. Besides, I teach the class three times a week, who am I? Rockefeller?
Chandler: (standing in the door of the fridge) Well, I dont have to break up with her this time. Were not involved! Im going to do a pre-emptive strike! Im going to end it with her before it starts. My ass is like frozen! (Closes the fridge.)
Charlie: I guess. There was hum... (she breathes deeply) there was another reason that I thought it was time to end it with Joey. I started to realize that I was having feelings for someone (pause) else.
RICHARD: Uh, they're not in it.
Chandler: How can I not be upset? Okay? I finally fall in love with this fantastic woman and it turns out that she wanted you first!
CHANDLER: I can't believe it.
ROSS: I don't get it, he seemed so happy to see me yesterday.
JOEY: It's gonna be worth it. It's a known fact that women love babies, all righ? Women love guys who love babies. It's that whole sensitive thing. Quick, aim him at that pack o' babes over there. Maybe one of them will break away. No, no wait, for get them, we got one, hard left. All right, gimme the baby.
MONICA: Hey, you got me, put it in.
Chandler: Ill take it! All right look, I gotta know. Are you finished with me? (Janice shakes her head no) Are you finished with him? (Janice shakes her head no) Do you still love him? (Janice shakes her head yes) Do you still love me? (Janice shakes her head yes) All right look, (grabs the bag) Im gonna need an actual answer here okay, so which is it, him or me? (his phone starts to ring)
MONICA: Well, CHP because I used to have a crush on Eric Estrada. And ZXY becuase I think it sounds zexy.
MR. HECKLES: You're doing it again.
MONICA: Oh, dad, turn it off.
MR. GELLER: It is off.
Monica: Its a dead dog. Thats Chi-Chi; she died when I was in high school.
Monica: Ok, for my next song I think I�ll sing something a little more upbeat. All right? Oh, how about the PointerSisters �I am so excited�. And make it bouncy!
Chandler: Okay, look, Joey! Come on, think about it, first of all, hell never be President. Theres never gonna be a President Joey.
Conan: (to Courtney) You-youve worn a fat suit on the show. And, a lot of people love you in the fat suit. Do you like wearing the fat suit? Is it fun?
The Fan: No-no, it was! She was in Sex Toy Story 2, Lawrence of Alabia, and I got her autograph! The guys at the comic book store arent gonna believe this! (Exits.)
CHANDLER: I didn't know it was a big secret.
Phoebe: Yeah, and theyve been coming by all day. They love it!
(He gets up to make the copies leaving Rachel alone with his stuff. She notices his sweater in his backpack and holds it up to her nose as Melissa, a coworker, walks up.)
MONICA: Dr. Burke, it, it's me.
Rachel: Oh, its a Macys bag!