words in movies
Chandler: It is going to be perfect. I am taking her to her favorite restaurant. Im going to get her a bottle of the champagne that she really loves; therefore knows how expensive it is. Then when the glasses are full, instead of proposing a toast Im just gonna propose.
Joey: Youre gonna mess it up let me do it.
Chandler: Im not gonna mess it up.
(Monicas entrance makes Phoebe try to hide the ring by putting it in her mouth.)
Chandler: (To Phoebe) Give me it!
Phoebe: Its gone.
(She takes it out of her mouth and hands it to him as Monica returns from her room and this time forcing Chandler to put the ring in his mouth.)
Joey: Hey, yknow what? Ill come too. Im making money now; its about time I give something back.
Ross: Im sorry, its just one of my last nights together before she leaves for campto be a counselor!
Ross: Uh-uhWow! Uh, I thought you guys were just like making jokes, I had no idea. What you know what? You guys are wrong. Uh yes, there is a chronological age difference but I never notice it. You know why? Because she is very mature. Besides, it doesnt really matter to me what you guys think. I mean, Im the one dating Elizabeth, not you!
Joey: Its the big night! We wanted to wish you good luck!
Rachel: Uh well, uh this is a silent auction. They lay out all the stuff here and then you write down your offer and then the highest bid gets it.
Phoebe: No! Its nice!
[Scene: Elizabeths Dorm Room, Ross is walking up to her door and knocks on it. Suddenly the door opens and Elizabeth drags him into the room.]
{Transcribers Note: Elizabeth has two friends in the room with her who are named in the credits, but not in this scene. So Im just gonna guess since it doesnt matter one way or the other. (The last part is to discourage e-mails, who cares if I got it right or not?)}
Elizabeth: No, its a water balloon fight! We started it!
Ross: Oh! (Does a laugh/groan.) Listen umm, I, I just stopped by to see if you wanted to see this play tonight. Umm, its supposed to be excellent. The director is the same
Ross: Uh, so this play umm, what do you think? Its-its gotten great reviews! Yknow the uh
Mr. Thompson: Our next item is the romantic trip to Paris. (Pause.) It goes to Emil Alexander high a high bid of 2,300.
Rachel: Well now its an empty bar.
Rachel: Joey! It is an auction! You dont guess, you buy!
Chandler: (trying to cover up why his hand is over his heart) One nation, under God. Indivisible with liberty and justice for all. (Laughs.) I remembered it. (Its a butchered version of the Pledge of Allegiance of the United States for our foreign friends.) The champagne is here. (The waiter is delivering it and pouring two glasses.)
Chandler: Oh, yeah. (Starts to take it off and then realizes) Uh, no you cant have my jacket! Because then I would be cold! If you thought that you were going to be cold, you shouldve brought your own jacket. But uh, other than that, are you okay? Are you okay?
Chandler: (not knowing the true meaning of her exclamation) I know, but just let me say it.
Monica: Hey, its good to see you!
Chandler: Richard! No one supposed to know about us! (Richard just smiles at him.) See I, did it again.
Monica: (to Richard) Its good to see you
Joey: I didnt know it was an auction!
Mr. Thompson: I think it was valued at 19,000
Rachel: I know. Okay. (Whispering and thinking.) Okay. Okay. All right. All right, this is what were gonna do, we are gonna go to the next highest bidder, and we are just gonna let them buy it, and then youre just gonna pay the difference.
Monica: So I hide in the shower and the next thing you know theyre going at it right on the bathroom floor.
Richard: Its so great seeing you guys again. Id like to make a toast. (Everyone raises their glasses) Uh, as a poet once said, "In the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter and sharing of pleasures for in the due of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."
Monica: Look Ross, the only question you need to ask is, "Do you see a future?" I mean like do you see yourself marrying her? (Ross pauses in consideration.) Oh my God! You did it already! You married her, didnt you?!
Ross: No! No! I didnt do that. Its just Okay, honestly no. I dont, I dont see a big future with her.
Phoebe: Its a trip for two! (She gets up and takes off her blouse-type thingy shes wearing over her dress.) Excuse me. (She walks over to table four.) Excuse me, is the person who won the Paris trip at this table?
Phoebe: Oh, en chante. (She holds out her hand for him to kiss it, but he only shakes it.)
Joey: You-you have to pay that! Its not just a guess.
Mr. Bowmont: Its Pam.
Mr. Bowmont: What the hell, its for a good cause! All right!
Joey: No way! Its mine!!
Joey: Who cares?! I-Ill make payments, whatever it takes, I want the Mr. Bowmont!!
Phoebe: Ohh, let me see it! Let me see your hand! (Chandler is frantically trying to wave them off.)
Phoebe: Eww! Oh, its all dirty. You should throw this out.
Chandler: Richard was there so I couldnt do it!
Chandler: Im gonna do it tomorrow yknow, and-and surprise her, but now youve ruined it!
Joey: We didnt ruin it!
Ross: (in his head) Wow! I have never had such a healthy break-up! She was such a grown-up about it! She didnt seem too immature for me! Did I just make a huge mistake?
Chandler: Oh, just hanging out, talkin about uh, websites. (Joey laughs.) Yeah, we saw this really interesting website about marriage and how totally unnecessary it is and how its just a way for the government to keep tabs on you.
Chandler: Yeah, well Yknow, it just got me thinking though, why would anybody ever want to get married huh?
Richard: Well, it was great seeing you the other night.
Richard: I still love you. And I know I probably shouldnt even be here telling you this, I mean youre with Chandler a guy I really like, and if you say hes straight Ill believe you! After seeing ya the other night I knew if I didnt tell ya Id regret it for the rest of my life. Letting you go was the stupidest thing I ever did.
Rachel: Isnt it incredible?! Monica and Chandler, gettin married.
Chandler: If marriage worked, Id be all for it. But do you know what the divorce rate in this country is? 97%.
Chandler: (to them) Its okay, I got a plan.
Rachel: Yeah, Im pretty confident about that. Thats what makes it so easy for me to be 80% happy for Monica and Chandler! It would be nice to have a little guarantee though.
Phoebe: Yep, we shook on it. Yeah but believe me that is not how he wanted to seal the deal.
Phoebe: Well hey, its just a backup.
Monica: Yeah, its great.
Monica: Its not like I want to get married tomorrow! Its just that I-Id like to believe that Im in a relationship thats actually going somewhere, that Im not just wasting my time!
Monica: No I dont know Chandler! Not anymore! Its like its like somethings changed.
Joey: Monica face it, Chandler is against marriage. And-and always will be!
(Theres a knock on the door, he shuts the TV off, and answers it.)
Ross: Oh, thanks. Yeah, I really thought wed be able to make it work, but uh, I guess it just wasnt meant to be.
Rachel: Yeah, love. Its a tricky business isnt it?
Ross: Thats impossible! I mean we have had a deal for years! We-we-we shook on it, although believe me she wanted to do a lot more than that.
Joey: Let me know about that coconut phone, it might great for the boat.
Richard: Uh, no! No! Thats art! If it bothers you I can put my art out.
Monica: Yeah but it was because I-I had an eye exam and I dont like my new eye doctor.
Richard: Who is it?
Phoebe: Of course I can! Its just good sense to backup your backup! Look, Ive already lost Chandler!
Monica: Yknow, lets face it, Im not a kid anymore! I-I need to be with someone who-who wants the same things that I do! I mean coming to my place of work and telling me that you love me, I want that! Talking about pig sex over lunch, I dont want that!
Richard: Its okay! Shh! Hey. Hey. (Hugs her) Shhhh.
Richard: Yeah, I understand. Take as much time as you want. (Pause) Ten, even twenty minutes if you need it. Ill be here. Not smoking. (Monica leaves.)
Richard: Well if it helps, it worked very well.
Chandler: It was working until you showed up, you big tree! I mean, this isnt fair. You had your chance with her! You had your chance and you blew it! And this is my chance and I am not going to blow it because we are meant for each other! And this is all just been one stupid mistake! (Sits down heavily.) I was gonna propose tonight.
(Chandler gets up and runs out, but as soon as the door closes behind him he opens it, runs back in, picks up his ring Richard is holding up for him, and runs back out.)
Chandler: Well why didnt you stop her?! Why didnt you just tell her it was a plan?!
(He walks dejectedly into his apartment to find it lit with about a thousand candles and Monica standing in the living room.)
Monica: You wanted it to be a surprise.
Chandler: Okay! (He joins her on one knee) Okay! Okay! Oh God, I thought (Starting to cry, pauses) Wait a minute, I-I can do this. (Pause) I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, (Pause) you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. (Starting to cry again.) And if youll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. (Pause as he gets out the ring.) Monica, will you marry me?
Joey: (yelling through the door) Can we come it yet?! Were dying out here!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, its just Monica and Chandler dancing to Wonderful Tonight on the Slowhand album by Eric Clapton. And you can buy that album from the CFSI, just click on the CDNow link.]
CHANDLER: (shyly) It means we're holding hands.
PHOEBE: It could be like a big giant guy.
Rachel: Oh, I don't know. I guess it's not about no guys, it's about the right guy, y'know? I mean, with Barry, it was safe and it was easy, but there was no heat. With Paolo, that's all there was, was heat! And it was just this raw, animal, sexual...
JADE: It was just so awkward and bumpy.
Ross: ALL RIGHT!! Phoebe now come on! Will you please tell me what it is I did that mad you so mad at me!
Janice: On no! No! Its not good-bye, Im not leaving until you get on that plane.
Phoebe: Well my guy is spectacular. Okay? Hes a massage client and one time umm, when he was on the table, I looked at it. And I mean all of it.
Ross: No-no-no, no, umm, actually American surprise parties are-are-are very short. Its usually, "Surprise!" And then, "Oh my God, Im so surprisedgood-bye!"
CHANDLER: Okay, I'll do it!
Ross: (answering it) Uh-oh, saved by the bell. (On phone) Hello?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the phone rings and Monica answers it as Rachel and Phoebe move a box into the living room.]
JOEY: Yep, this kiss thing is defiantly a problem, Mr. Beatty wants to see it again on Monday. Man, I gotta figure out what I'm doing wrong. Oh, okay, one of you girls come over here and kiss me.
RICHARD: Okay, I'll do it.
RICHARD: If kids is what I takes to be with you then kids it is.
Ross: I was working late in the library one afternoon. It was just the two of us. She needed some help with her word jumble. And one thing led to another. If you must know, Anita was very gentle and tender. May she rest in peace
Phoebe: We could eat the wax! Its organic.
PHOEBE: And a crusty old man said I'll do what I can and the rest of the rats played moroccas. That's it, thanks, good night.
Phoebe: Good. It's just so hard, it's hard for me to ... let them go. I guess it just brings back memories, you know, from ... when I gave birth to my brother's triplets and I had to give them up. (Mike is shocked) I haven't told you about that yet, have I?
RICHARD: Then, you're redoing it because...
Ross: Getting it away from me would be job one.
Joey: Hey-hey-hey-hey, I can help you decide who should do it! Yeah, we could have like uh, like an audition and see how youd handle maid of honor type situations.
Ross: Nooo, I had to return it to the costume place.
Rachel: Your fly is open, Geller. (he checks it, and zips up)
GRANDMOTHER: It was your mother's idea. Ya know, she didn't want you to know your real father because it hurt her so much when he left, and, I didn't want to go along with it, but, well then she died and, and it was harder to argue with her. Not impossible, but harder.
Joey: No, I'm not questioning it, I'm saying it's stupid! (Notices Monica standing between them and smiling.) What?! (The camera clicks, taking another picture.)
Joey: Okay, uh Pheebs, quick. Look! This (His video camera) is for the babies to look at someday, so is-is there anything you want to say? Y'know before it all starts?
Claudia: Yes, in Oklahoma it�s legal to smoke in offices with fifteen people or less. (passing the pack) Would you like one?
Rachel: (talking with a higher voice, and puckered lips kind of like you do to a baby or...well a puppy its hard to explain. Just use your imagination!) Oh, well, you are so cute! I wish I could play with you more, but Ive got to go to work! I hope I stop talking like this before my marketing meeting, yes I do. Yes I do. (still talking like that) Bye-bye, Joey. Oh, I seriously cant stop it. (exits)
Rachel: Yeah, and could you please chop some up and just put it right there in the sauce?
Ross: Oh, she didn't think it would be that big of deal.
Monica: Rachel, its going to happen. Chandler is gonna move in here.
Chandler: I thought I broke Joeys chair! Thats why I replaced it with mine!
ROSS: C'mon Monica, do it. Hey, you guys, um, Monica has some news.
Rachel: I just dont know! It just doesnt feel right.
Ross: Uh-huh, Carol, so were we. All right, just-just imagine for a moment, Susan meets someone and-and they really hit it off. Yknow? Say-say theyre coming back from the theatre, and they-they stop at a pub for a couple of drinks, theyre laughing, yknow, someone innocently touches someone else Theres electricity, its new. Its exciting. Are you telling me there isnt even the slightest possibility of something happening?
Chandler: Dont worry, Im brave! I am brave! I I am brave! (They get to the door and Monica goes to open it.) No-no-no-no!! (He stops her.) (Through the door.) Can you tell me who is there please?
ROSS: It was ridiculous. Ya know, these guys, they were bullies, actual bullies, ya know. We're grown ups, this kinda stuff isn't supposed to happen anymore.
Chandler: Taste it.
Joey: Am I in it?
Ross: No! Do you wanna hear it?
Chandler: Yeah, come on, its Ross and Rachel, theyve got too.
ROSS: No, no, I was turnin' the knob and, and. . . here it is.
Ross: My son? Pretty serious. (Theres a knock on the door and Ross answers it.) Oh hey Katie! (The cashier from before) What uh, what are you doing here?
Chandler: Joey? Got you a Joey Special, two pizzas! Joe? (The phone rings and he answers it) (On phone) Hello? (Takes the phone away from his mouth when he realizes what he just did and yells.) Damnit! (Back on phone.) Hello? (Listens.) No, Joeys not here right now, but I can take a message I think. (Listens) Hes still got a chance for the part?! Oh, thats great news! (Listens) Well no obviously not for the actor who was mauled by his dog. (Listens) Oh well, thats great. I will give Joey the message. Thank you! (Hangs up and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle.) Yes! (Reading what hes writing) Okay, Mac audition at 2:00. Allergy actor attacked. (Pause) By dog not flowers.
Doug: Oh, is it the swearing? I mean is it the constant swearing? Because I gotta tell ya, if it is, you can just... kiss my ass!
Monica: Michelle! Of course, it was Michelle! Did it sound like Michelle?
Monica: It was Michelle. It was definitely Michelle.
JOEY: Incredible! I met the director this time and you'll never believe who it was.
Ross: Look, I'm sorry, I thought it looked pretty.
Rachel: No honey, we're sorry, we didn't mean it. I love you. I love you.
Joey: Stalin...Stalin...do I know that name? It sounds familiar.
Ross: It was, it was her voice.
Phoebe: Okay, we're on it. We're on it.
CHANDLER: Alright, that's it. Look Joey, I'm sorry, I realize this is the role of a lifetime for ya, and if I could just fire Joseph, I would, but unfortunately that's not possible so I'm gonna have to let both of you go.
Chandler: Here! (Hands him one. Joey adds it up and discovers that he was right.)
LITTLE BULLY: It's a nice watch, I don't wanna break it on your ribs.
Phoebe: I don't know. I'll just handle itI'll ask you to talk to him!
Courtney: Its amazing like all week long weve-weve been saying the same lines and then the audience is here and we will mess up, and if you mess up once, then youll get nervous because youllyou know youll probably mess up again.
Phoebe: Yeah, I kinda do. (Mike lets go of her hand) Well, how's this? (she takes Mike's hand and puts it on her breast, she tears open the sugar and puts it in her coffee. Mike thinks it over and nods appreciative. After that, they hold hands again. Joey now enters, and sees the two sitting on the couch, holding hands.)
Chandler: Stop it. Stop it!
JOEY: Uhh, this is it, this is how we're gonna die. Ready?
[Scene: Rosss Building, they are approaching the apartment of the woman who died. Ross knocks on the door and a woman answers it.]
Rachel: All right, you know what? I am not leaving here, until you call that plane back!! (She pounds her hand on the counter twice. The ticket agent counters by placing the closed sign on the counter and tapping it twice.)
Joey: (charmed, but then recoiling) NO, NO! It can't happen at all!
Phoebe: Well, I still think that it’s a stupid reason not to call someone again. You are calling her! And if you need to, just get an extra plate of fries for the table!
Monica: Honey, having a heart attack is natures way of telling you to slow it down.
Rachel: No, I know I dont either, but ya know what, its their party, and its just one night. And we dont even have to lie; we just wont say anything. If it comes up again, well just smile. Well nod along.
CHAN: My diary! My diary, that's brilliant. I should have told her it was my diary, she never would have made me read her my diary.
Joey: Okay, buddy-boy. Here it is. You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own.
Rachel: Okay, walk us through it, honey, walk us through it.
Ross: There it is.
Ross: It was, it was great. Oh, what happened?
Ross: And it works both ways.
Monica: How do I tell Chandler that its too soon. Its gonna break his heart, hes not gonna think that I dont love him anymore.
Monica: Hey. Its three in the morning. They dont know that Ive come home yet. You notice how neither one of them are wondering where I am.
Charlie: Ross, we can solve this. I just heard your speech. We can recreate it! We've got all night!
Chandler: I... thought it was a timely start to thinking about other people. Besides, this gift still says I love you guys.
Ross: Well it turns out that Ben and Stings son do not get along.
[The next one is from Episode 322: The One With The Screamer, its the end of Joeys play.]
Joey: Aww. (tastes it) Ohh!
Ross: No, no, don't, don't, rub it! Don't! (clapping) What gets out hummus?! What gets out hummus?!
CHANDLER: Na, forget it, it's probably stripped and sold for parts by now.
Malcom: I was thinking what it would be like to kiss you.
Chandler: Eh, y'know what, shes to political, she probably wouldnt let you do it, unless you donated four cans of food first.
ESTELLE: Don't worry about it already. Things happen.
Joey: Check it out!! Jam crackers!
Mrs. Bing: (Reentering) O-kay. Look, it, it was stupid.
(He finds a shoebox (out of shot), pulls it down and opens it. It is full of Sweet 'n' Lo's.)
Joey: I dont know. I guess theres just always been this distance yknowI mean we both try to pretend its not there, but it is.
Chandler: (nods his head) Do you mind if we stick you in another cabinet? (to Joey) They seem all right with it!
Rachel: What are you talking about? I love them! (Looks into the cage) Yeah, I had a tarantula when I was a kid. But it-it died, because my cat ate it. And then, then my cat died. But Joey, isn't this cool?
Rachel: Oh, really, really? Well, it wasn't very good for me either. (She turns to leave and Ross over takes her and stands infront on her, his back to the row of doors leading to the hospital rooms)
Ross: I was the James Michener of dirty talk. It was the most elaborate filth you have ever heard. I mean, there were characters, plot lines, themes, a motif... at one point there were villagers.
Joey: He's got the body for it.
Phoebe: Yeah, but Monica, do you actually want to be in a relationship where you can actually use the phrase, "Thats not how your dad used to do it."
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Rachel are on the couch looking at the Playboy magazine. When they hear someone coming, Monica goes to hide it under the sofa cushions.]
Joey: How is it you?
Director: Okay, everybody, we'd like to get this in one take, please. Let's roll it.. water's working (The shower starts).. and... action.
Monica: (hearing that) Thats it big girl! (Hits Janine in the butt with the garbage bag) Come on!
Joey: Yeah! Well, well really it's three. Please. You're so good at it. I love you.