words in movies
Ross: Ok, I gotta say. I mean, it means so much to me that you guys are coming all the way over there to hear me do my speech! UH! And I've a surprise, uh... I had to pull some strings but I was able to get everyone passes to the entire conference! That's right! (he gives them their passes) This babies will get you into all the paleontology lectures and seminars.
Joey: All right, let's do it! 5 hour flight with Charlie, have a couple of drinks, get under that blanket and do what comes naturally.
Chandler: Yeah, that's the same as "it has something to do with wind".
Phoebe: Really, it doesn't mean anything. I mean, you know, Monica refers to Chandler as Richard all the time!
Phoebe: You just did it again. Chandler, your feelings for Chandler are certainly gone!
Chandler: I wouldn't read too much into it.
David: Well, I was probably going to do it at some point.
(Someone knocks the door, Joey goes to open it and Ross is on the other side)
Monica: They've only been going out for a few weeks and Phoebe is completely hung up on Mike! She'll say "No", David's heart will be broken, it will be too hard for them to recover from and then Phoebe will end up alone again.
Joey: Everything is upside down here! It rains all day long, nobody watches tv and Ross is famous!
Rachel: Alright, I don't wanna alarm anybody, but Monica's hair is twice as big as it was when we landed!
Monica: Ok! When I go places with high humidity, it gets a little extra body, ok?!
David: So, ehm... I'm proposing to Pheobe tonight. (Removes a ring box from his pocket and opens it to show Chandler the ring)
Chandler: Tonight?! (looks at the ring) Isn't an engagement ring supposed to have a diamond? (squints at the ring to emphasize how tiny the diamond is) Oh, there it is!
Phoebe: Oh, ok, you want me to marry Mike? Alright, well, let's just gag him and handcuff him and force him down the aisle. I can just see it: "Mike, do you take Phoebe..." (gestures with her hand as if someone is covering her mouth and tries to shout "No! No!") You know, it's every girl's dream!
Ross: Oh and you know what, it will be even better tomorrow, because I won't be constantly interrupted by Joey checking to see if they put chocolates on my pillow yet. (Someone knocks on the door, Ross goes to open and it's Joey, Rachel and Chandler).
Chandler: Oh, is it on the computer, cuz I'd love to give it a read...?
Rachel: (looking out the window) What's with the rain, Geller? I mean, when I signed up for Dino Week, nobody said anything about it being monsoon season.
Chandler: It must be a virus. I think it erased your hard drive.
Chandler: Someone I don't know sent me an e-mail and I opened it.
Ross: Why, why would you open it?
Chandler: Well, it didn't say "This is a virus"!!
Ross: What did it say?
[Time lapse: Ross looks likes he's been trying to fix his computer but just closes it as if giving up]
Chandler: Well, I tried Billy Jean King, but... (Ross glares at him) you know, you and Monica have the same "I'm gonna kill you" look...? I can usually make it go away by kissing her... (Ross continues to glare at him and Chandler leans in as if he's going to kiss Ross)
Charlie: Ross, we can solve this. I just heard your speech. We can recreate it! We've got all night!
Ross: Alright, ok, let's do it. (Ross sits down at the desk and they all gather around him) Uhm, I know we start by discussing the shortcomings of carbon dating... uhm, and then, then I move on to what is clearly the defining moment of the Mesozoic era, the breakup of Pangea, hello! (Rachel and Joey look confused) And then, there's the... eh... there's the overview of the Triassic.
Joey: Hey, it hasn't come to that yet.
Joey: (walking to a table with many badges on it) I know we're not, but (he picks up a badge) Frank Medeio and... (picks up another badge) Eva Trorro... womba...
Joey: Kate Miller it is. (he picks up the Kate Miller badge and sticks it on Rachel's breast)
Joey: In that case should I make sure it's on real good? (he does so, repeatedly tapping on her breast and stroking it)
Ross: Yeah, that's it?
Ross: Oh my God, we did it! (he sits beside her and skims through her notes excitedly)
Charlie: Actually I did it Ross. You remembered shockingly little of your own speech.
Charlie: Oh yeah! Hey, save the cork and then we can fill the bottle with water and put it back so they don't charge you.
Ross: (embarassed) Oh, it was... it's complicated, you know? She... she was... eh... gay.
[Scene: the Pharmacist convention. Joey and Rachel are walking out of it, drinking cocktails]
Joey: There it is, you're blushing!
Joey: You like someone. Tell me who it is. Who is it? (tickles her a little)
Joey: Tell me who it is.
Rachel: Joey, come on! It doesn't matter, you know, it's not like anything's gonna happen.
Rachel: Oh! (pause) Ok. Ok, you really wanna know who it is?
Ross: Yep, we got it, we got it. (To Charlie) Thank you so much.
Monica: Oh my God, he's gonna do it now. Please, I cannot watch this, let's go.
Chandler: I think we have some time. Have you ever heard him talk? (doing David) "Uh, Phoebe, uh, I would be honoured, uh..." Spit it out, David!
David: Please, you don't have to explain. I mean, perhaps if I hadn't gone to Minsk things would have worked out for us. And I wouldn't have ruined my career, or lost that toe to frostbite. It was a good trip! (he leaves)
Mike: Is it ok if I hug you now?
Monica: Damn it!
Joey: No, he really said it.
Man with a bow tie: (shaking hands with Ross) I thought... it was wonderful!
Rachel: (to Ross, in a flattering tone) It was really... great!
Ross: (puzzled) Ok!... All right, thanks! Thank you so much, you guys! (to Phoebe) Oh, I can't tell you how much it means to me that you were here!
Mike: (popping by, smiling) You're kidding, we wouldn't have missed it!
Ross: Oh, I can't tell you how great it was to look at the crowd and see your face! I mean... uh, did you know you were (giggles) mouthing the words along with me?
Ross: (realizing his joke wasn't so good, but still giggling) Look, I took it too far!
Phoebe: Well, on the bright side, now you won't have to see all these paleontologists with their shirts off. (Grabs a drink and notices that the two men are upset) Not you guys. You got it going on!
(Joey is sitting in an armchair and wearing a diving mask. He pulls out a grape from a bunch of fake grapes on the coffee table, puts it on the snorkel's breathing tube and blows it out, then giggles to himself)
Joey: Hey! (stands up) As soon as it stops raining we have got to go snorkeling! Some kid told me about the sea turtle and, if you blow bubbles in its face, it chases ya! (smiles ecstatic)
Joey: (disappointed) Oh... oh, but that's ok, I'll find someone else to do it... I'll do it alone, but... I don't know what happens if the sea turtle catches you...
Joey: (interrupting her) Hey! Don't worry about it! It was fine! I ended up having the best time with Rachel! I just felt bad for you, stuck in that room, working on Ross's speech... (pulls a face)
Charlie: Actually, it turned out to be a lot of fun!
Charlie: ... is it weird that it's not with each other?
Mike: Wanna make it more interesting?
Monica: Make it fifty!
Mike: I'll make it a hundred!
Phoebe: (picks up a coin from her bra) Monica, you call it.
Rachel: You know? Forget it!
Rachel: What the... DIAL IT DOWN! (Joey goes to sit on the bed) Listen, ok, and maybe they're crazy thoughts, but sometimes I do, I have, I've been thinking about... you know, us! (looks at Joey, who's totally distraught) Ok, dial it up a little!
Rachel: But can it... just... happen a little bit?
Joey: (charmed, but then recoiling) NO, NO! It can't happen at all!
Joey: Because... look, no one wants this to happen more than me, ok? (in a trembling voice) I have gone over this moment in my head a hundred times and not once did I ever say no! (sighs) I couldn't do it to Ross!
Joey: I know, I know! But I've thought about it a lot since, and it just wouldn't be right... (painfully) I'm sorry...!
Monica: Oh, damn it!
Charlie: I guess. There was hum... (she breathes deeply) there was another reason that I thought it was time to end it with Joey. I started to realize that I was having feelings for someone (pause) else.
Monica: No, no, no. Honey, I'm ok. Shake it off! (she shakes the wrist and it's more painful) Oh, no! No shaking, no shaking! Ooh! Ooh! (pause) Oh my God! I can't play!
Monica: I can't believe it! (pause) I lost!
Charlie: Hum, so, I started to say you something earlier, hum... (pause) There was another reason I realized it was time to end it with Joey. I kind of realized I... was starting to have feelings... for someone else.
(Joey says nothing, but enters the room and kisses her. They are kissing passionately only to stop for a brief "oh" from Rachel. They continue their passionate kiss and Joey closes the door with his foot and it shuts in the camera's "face". And that's the end of the ninth season.)
Rachel: Oh. Oh yeah, dont get to worked up over it. I mean it-it sounds like hes a doctor, but hes not.
Everyone: No!! Cover it up!!
Lauren: Oh, yeah! I-I ran into you in the hallway in your building. It was right after I slept with Joey. He dumped me the next day.
[Scene: The Roof, Rachel is talking to a guy who hands her a tissue with something written on it]
Susan: Oh, that's so... (Susan hugs Carol, they giggle, Ross steps away) It really is...do we know...?
Chandler: I'm sorry buddy, but I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it.
Chandler: Which I bought for ya. Taught ya how to use it. You thought it was a copier. Look, if there was anything I could do, I would do it. Okay? But everybodys allowed one mistake, right?
Rache: How is it going with Charlie?
Monica: No! But because he thought I was to faaaaa . (Chandler emerges, without flushing by the way.) And every time I think about it, it makes me feel as bad as I did in fifth grade! Yknow, I-I really think that you should apologize to Julie.
Joey: Name? (Ross looks at him.) I know Ross but whats it short for? You know like, like Rossel or Rosstepher.
Phoebe: And no, oh please, oh please let me finish. (Rachel stops talking.) Oh I guess that was it.
Phoebe: I am one of Bens mothers. Im a lesbian. It was, it was difficult coming out to my parents.
Monica: That's it, just sign right on the bra (the actor does so).
Joey: That's true. But you know what, it doesn't matter because I already know who you're gonna go home with tonight.
Rachel: Oh! Screw it, I didn't get it! (they high-five)
Monica: You really liked it?
Monica: So I got it when I was 13...
Rachel: All right, how about I go over there and I will walk into Chandler's bedroom and I will see that thing that I think that I know is actually the thing that I think that I know! (Note: Kudos to Ms. Aniston on the delivery of that line. She said it very quickly and didn't screw up a word. Try it yourself, it ain't that easy.)
Rachel: I just wanted to let you know I've changed my mind: I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna kiss Joey.
Rachel: (pause) I'm gonna do it.
Phoebe: Wow, a year and a half ago I didnt even know I had a brother, and now I have a sister too. (They all hug, and Frank and Alice start kissing.) Okay. Okay. Stop it, dont. So, I gotta get you a gift now. Is there anything you need?
Joey: Listen that�s a pretty girly hour we just spent, we should add some manly make up for it.
Matthew Ashford: It was nice to meet you Rachel.
Monica: Gotcha sailor. (Kicks one of her shoes off and it lands in the kitchen knocking something down, but she continues to strip.)
Rachel: Oh, not as a friend, Phoebe!! Fine, I won't use it!
Charlie: Oh, you mean it? That would be so fun!
Ross: Look, if you don't know what the word "acrimonious" means, just don't use it!
Phoebe: I didnt know where to put it so I just left it here for now.
Ross: Okay, relax, relax. We are gonna be here for a while, it looks like, and we still have boyfriends and your career to cover.
Chandler: (disgusted) I think it just fell off. (Leaves)
Monica: You know what Id love to do? I would like to go to France and eat nothing but bread and cheeseNot even bread, just cheese. No, I want the bread. Yeah. Ah, and pastries (Breathlessly) And pate. Oh, Im really not high, its just I used to be fat.
Steve: Oh, OK. (he drops the box on the floor) Oh, sorry. (When she bends down to pick it up he grabs a package of Gummi-bears from the cabinet.)
Rachel: Ah! Well it was Joey reading Drake's lines in the dream...
Ross: (browsing the brochure) I guess...It still seems a little...(enthusiastically) moonlight boat ride!!
Janice: Oh! Well, you know what? It probably is.
Chandler: Well maybe you're going about this the wrong way. You know I mean think about it. Single white male, divorced three times,two illegitimate children. The personal ad writes itself....
Monica: Thats it. Im done. I dont care when the baby comes, no more betting.
Charlie: Actually, you know, Joey is your friend, and you don't really know me that well; it would be weird.
Chandler: Of course, of course not. I just have to uh, go over to the place where I-I made it and pick-pick it up.
EDDIE: Not Sean Penn. Alright, I, I've got a funny one, alright. My last girlfriend Tilly. Ok, we're eating breakfast, right, and I made all these pancakes, there was like 50 pancakes right. And all of the sudden she turns to me, alright, and she says, 'Eddie.' I say, 'yeah,' she says, 'Eddie, I don't want to see you anymore.' And it was literally like she had reached into my chest, ripped out my heart, and smeared it all over my life, ya know. And now there's like this incredible abyss, ya know, and I'm falling and I keep falling and I don't think I'm ever gonna stop. [finishes laughing] That uh, wasn't such a funny story, was it?
Joey: Although some of that stuff wasn't where you said it was gonna be, but... (confidently) I made it work.
Monica: All right then, then nothing changes! Everything is great! Everything stays the same! And you go unpack because its been three days and its driving me insane!
PHOEBE: Please. [Ryan pulls the cork with his teeth and spits it into Phoebe's mits.]
Monica: He cannot play at our wedding! I mean everyone will leave! I mean come on, that is just noise! Its not even a song!
Brenda: Mrs. Bing, this tile cleaner is incredible! Whered you get it?
Phoebe: Oh my God! Youre right! Go! (Monica starts to leave.) Go tell Chandler! Hurry before its too late! Wait no! (Monica stops.) Does this also mean putting out doesnt get you love? (Monica is shocked.)
Chandler: Oh, DAMN IT!
Charlie: Oh, yeah! Let's do it!
Joey: Come on Ross, be a good guy. Step up and do it!
Rachel: Uh, yeah. Uh, Monica, y'know, honey, I've been thinking about it and I've decided thisthis whole Ross thing, it's just not a good idea.
JOEY: No, I don't. It's like, ya know, you work your whole life for somethin' and you think that when you get it it's never gonna be as good as you thought it would be. But this so was. Ya know, it changed everything. Like the other day, I got this credit card application, and I was pre- approved. Huh? I've never been pre-approved for anything in my life.
Joey: (talking to a pineapple in his hand) God, you're beautiful...why are we fighting this?You know you want it to happen as much as I do.
Ross: Come on sweetie! Youve had to work late every night for the past two weeks, what is it this time?
RACHEL: Oh yeah, I don't care how much she tells you she wants it, I don't care if begs, she pleads, she tells you she, she's gonna have sex with, with another man. That just means it's working.
JULIE: So is there like a story or do they just stard doing it right. . . oh, never mind.
Rachel: You know that depends on what it is! I've done a lot of stuff.
Rachel: Hey-hey, yknow what? I dont care! Im not ashamed of my book. Theres nothing with a woman enjoying a little erotica. Its just a healthy expression of female sexuality, which by the way, you will never understand. (She goes into her room.)
Rachel: (annoyed) Oh, I get it!
Monica: I got it.
Rachel: I know, I know, so it is just not a big deal.
Rachel: Oh, God, do you think she heard? It would be so bad if she heard!
Ross: So are you sure about this whole moving in thing?! I mean its a really big step! And-and whats the rush?!
Rachel: Ok well, I heard that! Which means that she heard it too!
Stranger: And it is annoying when parents put their baby on the phone...
Joey: Oh! How's it going?
Rachel: Yeah. It was the weirdest thing. Zelner called me and he said we'll do everything we can to get you back. And that I should thank some Ron... I don't even know what department that guy's in.
Ross: You know, if it�s meant to be, I�ll guess it. Bye, bye.
Rachel: Alright! Let's just do it. Let's just go over there and see if she heard.
Phoebe: You got it! Ok. But not on the wine that you made, ok, because I just don't want to go back to the Emergency Room.
Rachel: Joey, its just a chair! Whats the big deal?
Joey: Come on Ross be realistic, y'know? If I did write something, what are the chances I could get those guys to star in it?
Ross: Wha...? Oh sure, now they lock it, but when they're having sex on the couch, its like: "Come on in, my butt is surprisingly hairy".
Monica: Don't worry, after a while he'll tune it out.
Monica: So this is it, we're really gonna adopt?
Monica: I think I feel ok about it. Actually I think I feel really good about it.
Phoebe: (entering with Rachel) and I-I can't take it! Y'know? I'm just, always afraid one of them is gonna catch me with the other one. It's making me crazy.
Ross: I think this will be fine. Okay, vanilla milkshake, just a vanilla milkshake, with chicken bits floating in it. Cheers. (starts to drink, but Rachel stops him just before he starts drinking)
Rachel: Oh thank you so much. (Picks up the guy's spirit level) Oh oh wait! You forgot your erm...Your game. (hands it to him)
Monica: This is Rachel. I mean, what are you gonna do, never going to talk to her again? I mean I know its weird, its awkward, but you gotta at least try.
Monica: Terrible. If-if I want something done right, I have to do it myself. Other people just wreck stuff. I really think I might kill someone tonight.
Joey: Oh no-no, no-no I love living with you. It just seems that if youre gonna have a roommate, yknow it might as well be the father.
Rachel: Yeah, I-I heard. (Pause, everyone looks at each other, waiting for Rachels reaction.) I think its great! (Hugs Ross.) Ohh, Im so happy for you!
Ross: Wait a minute, are you doing that thing where you pretend it didnt go well but it really did go well?
Joey: (To Ross) Ill tell you about it later. Be cool.
Cliff: It doesnt happen to me either.
Rachel: Hi! Sorry to bother you, but I don't think we can accept your acceptance of our apology, it just doesn't really seem like you mean it.
(Monica seems to take it amiss)
Joey: I dont know! Its not like its porn! This is a serious, legitimate movie. Yknow? And the nudity is really important to the story.
Joey: (entering) Ross! Get a shot of this. (He's carrying an issue of the USA Today and hands Ross the camera.) Hey babies! These are the headlines on the day you were born! Okay, now girl baby turn away and boy babies (Throws the paper away to reveal a copy of Playpen, which is the TV version of Playboy Magazine.) Check it out, huh?! This is what naked women looked like the month you were born. All right, now let's dive right into the good stuff. (Joey opens the magazine and Ross sticks the camera in it.)
Monica: Alright heres something, it says to try holding the baby close to your body and then swing her rapidly from side to side.
Joey: You know what it is? It's a nice place but I gotta see I don't know if I see myself living here. Oh, oh, oh, let me see... (Joey sits down on the couch, mimes opening a can and puts his hand down his pants) Yeah, I could see it.
Joey: A little. Yeah no, I really am worried, you know, I mean I have to make it convincing that I'm in love with Olivia.
Ross: (pause) No. But... it only has to happen once. Look, you and I both know we are perfect for each other, right? I mean... so, the only question is... are you attracted to me?
Joey: Its London, baby! All right, the hotels here. (Points to the map.) Wait. No, we wanna go No. I know. (Sets the map down.) Im gonna have to go into the map. (So Joey literally steps into the map.)
Phoebe: I'm sorry you guys but, you know, Mike's got his brother and his friends from school so... you know, you were-you were... if it helps you, you were next in line, you just-you just missed the cut.
PHOEBE: Chandler, you gotta stop staring at the door. It's like a watched pot, you know if you keep looking at it then the door is to, never gonna boil. I think what you have to do is try not to...
[Scene: Ross's apartment, he's unpacking after moving in. There's a knock on the door and he answers it.]
Chandler: Wow, it seems serious. What seems to be the problem, Ashley Judd?
Rachel: Well, it gets worse. When asked if you take initiative I wrote, "Yes, he was able to unhook my bra with minimal supervision," and under Problems with Performance I wrote, "Dear God, I hope not," and then uh, then I drew a little smiley face, and then a small pornographic sketch.
Phoebe: No! Because hes in love with the British chippy! Look, Rachel, if you go, youre just gonna mess with his head and ruin his wedding! Yknow, its too late! You missed youre chance! Im sorry, I know this must be really hard, its over.