words in movies
Phoebe: Oh, Ross, Mon, is it okay if I bring someone to your parents anniversary party?
Monica: (To Ross) Oh, by the way. Would it be okay if I gave the toast to mom and dad this year?
Monica: Yes! Every year Ross makes the toast, and its always really moving, and always makes them cry. Well this year Im going to make them cry.
Joey: Are you kidding me? Watch! (Makes funny faces trying to cry) Well I cant do it with you guys watching me!
Monica: Oh Im working on my toast for the party, or as I like to call it. Sob fest 2002. Hey check this out. (Hands him a picture.)
Chandler: Its a dog.
Monica: Its a dead dog. Thats Chi-Chi; she died when I was in high school.
Chandler: Its your parents anniversary and youre going to talk about their dead pet?
Monica: Its out on the island. Its in Massapequa.
Parker: Maaaassapequa, sounds like a magical place. Tell me about Massapequa, is it steep in Native American history? {Transcribers Note: Interestingly Alec Baldwin was born in Massapequa.}
Mrs. Geller: Can we talk to you for just a yknow Its just a little thing. Well we think its absolutely marvelous that youre having this baby out of wedlock, some of our friends are less open-minded. Which is why weve told them all that youre married.
Rachel: No, I know I dont either, but ya know what, its their party, and its just one night. And we dont even have to lie; we just wont say anything. If it comes up again, well just smile. Well nod along.
Parker: What a beautiful place. What a great night! I have to tell you, being here with all of you in Event Room C I feel so lucky. I think of all the good times that have happened here. The birthdays, the proms, the mitzvahs both bar and bat, but none of them will compare with tonight! My God, I dont want to forget this moment! Its like I want to take a mental picture of you all! Click! (He takes a mental picture of them all.)
Monica: Its just that, its so much.
Phoebe: Well, so what I like him! Do I make fun of the people youve dated? Tag, Janice, Mona? No, because friends dont do that. But, do you want my opinion? Do you want it? Cause in my opinion, your collective dating record reads like the whos who of human crap. (Walks off)
Rachel: Open it! Open it! Open it!
Ross: No, no, it was just our parents and 1 or 2 friends. It was a small wedding.
Rachel: But it was beautiful. I mean it was small, but kind of spectacular.
Man: Where did you have it?
Rachel: What? Im not you. This may be the only wedding I ever have. I want it to be amazing.
Rachel: Okay, Ross, it has to be realistic.
Phoebe: Okay, fine! Fine! (Takes the oyster and pretends to eat it while dropping it on the floor) Mmm hmmmmm .
Rachel: Well, not at first, but it was very intricate work and they said even though they lost their sight, it was all worth it.
Phoebe: Then you better do it now.
Phoebe: Are you sure it wasnt an oyster?
Joey: I guess it couldve been, I didnt really look at it. Yknow, I just wiped it on Chandlers coat and got the hell out of there.
Phoebe: Oh look its Parker!
Parker: Look! Its the bunny hop!
Phoebe: Oooh I love it!
Monica: Okay its time for the toast! Umm now-now, I know that Ross usually gives the toast, but this year Im going to do it.
Monica: No, no its going to be great. Really! Mom, Dad, when I got married, one of the things that made me sure I could do it was the amazing example the two of you set for me. For that and so many other things I want to say thank you. I know I probably dont say it enough, but I love you. (Pretends to cry hoping her parents will join her.) When I look around this room, Im-Im saddened by the thought of those who could not be here with us. Nana, my beloved grandmother who would so want to be here, but she cant because shes dead. As is our dog Chi-Chi. I mean look how cute she is. (Holds up the picture and pretends to cry again). Was. (To an old man by the stage.) Do me a favor and pass this to my parents. Remember shes dead. Okay, her and Nana, gone. Wow! Hey does anybody remember when Debra Winger had to say goodbye to her children in Terms of Endearment? (Chandler covers his ears) Didnt see that? No movie fans?! You want to hear something sad? The other day I was watching 60 Minutes these orphans in Romania, who have been so neglected, they were incapable of love. (Waits for people to cry, but doesnt get any tears.) You people are made of stone! Heres to mom and dad! Whatever!
Mrs. Geller: Thank you Monica that was uh, interesting. Wasnt it interesting, Jack?
Ross: Oh, no, Mom, its just Monica this year.
Parker: Its a haven. A third-floor paradise. A modern-day Eden in the midst
(Theres a knock on door, and Phoebe opens it.)
Rachel: Ross, it just wouldnt have been feasible.
Rachel: It was really fun being married to you tonight.
Ross: Yeah! And! And, it was the easiest 400 bucks Ive ever made.
Ross: I know, I know it was stupid.
Rachel: Are you kidding?! With the, with the lilies, and-and the song, and the stars! It was really wonderful! Did you just make that up?
Ross: No, actually I thought about it when, when we were going out. Its how I imagined I uh, I would ask you to marry me.
Ross: Its a good thing I didnt do it, because it sounds like it wouldve been a very expensive wedding. (Rachel laughs) Okay, good night
Rachel: I will think about it.
Monica: Okay thats it. I give up. At mom and dads 40th anniversary, youre the one giving the speech.
Ross: Yknow I dont understand why they didnt cry. It was a beautiful speech.
Monica: (starts to cry) Oh good God, Ross! How the hell do you do it?
Rachel: Oh. Oh yeah, dont get to worked up over it. I mean it-it sounds like hes a doctor, but hes not.
Everyone: No!! Cover it up!!
Lauren: Oh, yeah! I-I ran into you in the hallway in your building. It was right after I slept with Joey. He dumped me the next day.
[Scene: The Roof, Rachel is talking to a guy who hands her a tissue with something written on it]
Susan: Oh, that's so... (Susan hugs Carol, they giggle, Ross steps away) It really is...do we know...?
Chandler: I'm sorry buddy, but I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it.
Chandler: Which I bought for ya. Taught ya how to use it. You thought it was a copier. Look, if there was anything I could do, I would do it. Okay? But everybodys allowed one mistake, right?
Rache: How is it going with Charlie?
Monica: No! But because he thought I was to faaaaa . (Chandler emerges, without flushing by the way.) And every time I think about it, it makes me feel as bad as I did in fifth grade! Yknow, I-I really think that you should apologize to Julie.
Joey: Name? (Ross looks at him.) I know Ross but whats it short for? You know like, like Rossel or Rosstepher.
Phoebe: And no, oh please, oh please let me finish. (Rachel stops talking.) Oh I guess that was it.
Phoebe: I am one of Bens mothers. Im a lesbian. It was, it was difficult coming out to my parents.
Monica: That's it, just sign right on the bra (the actor does so).
Joey: That's true. But you know what, it doesn't matter because I already know who you're gonna go home with tonight.
Rachel: Oh! Screw it, I didn't get it! (they high-five)
Monica: You really liked it?
Monica: So I got it when I was 13...
Rachel: All right, how about I go over there and I will walk into Chandler's bedroom and I will see that thing that I think that I know is actually the thing that I think that I know! (Note: Kudos to Ms. Aniston on the delivery of that line. She said it very quickly and didn't screw up a word. Try it yourself, it ain't that easy.)
Rachel: I just wanted to let you know I've changed my mind: I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna kiss Joey.
Rachel: (pause) I'm gonna do it.
Phoebe: Wow, a year and a half ago I didnt even know I had a brother, and now I have a sister too. (They all hug, and Frank and Alice start kissing.) Okay. Okay. Stop it, dont. So, I gotta get you a gift now. Is there anything you need?
Joey: Listen that�s a pretty girly hour we just spent, we should add some manly make up for it.
Matthew Ashford: It was nice to meet you Rachel.
Monica: Gotcha sailor. (Kicks one of her shoes off and it lands in the kitchen knocking something down, but she continues to strip.)
Rachel: Oh, not as a friend, Phoebe!! Fine, I won't use it!
Charlie: Oh, you mean it? That would be so fun!
Ross: Look, if you don't know what the word "acrimonious" means, just don't use it!
Phoebe: I didnt know where to put it so I just left it here for now.
Ross: Okay, relax, relax. We are gonna be here for a while, it looks like, and we still have boyfriends and your career to cover.
Chandler: (disgusted) I think it just fell off. (Leaves)
Monica: You know what Id love to do? I would like to go to France and eat nothing but bread and cheeseNot even bread, just cheese. No, I want the bread. Yeah. Ah, and pastries (Breathlessly) And pate. Oh, Im really not high, its just I used to be fat.
Steve: Oh, OK. (he drops the box on the floor) Oh, sorry. (When she bends down to pick it up he grabs a package of Gummi-bears from the cabinet.)
Rachel: Ah! Well it was Joey reading Drake's lines in the dream...
Ross: (browsing the brochure) I guess...It still seems a little...(enthusiastically) moonlight boat ride!!
Janice: Oh! Well, you know what? It probably is.
Chandler: Well maybe you're going about this the wrong way. You know I mean think about it. Single white male, divorced three times,two illegitimate children. The personal ad writes itself....
Monica: Thats it. Im done. I dont care when the baby comes, no more betting.
Charlie: Actually, you know, Joey is your friend, and you don't really know me that well; it would be weird.
Chandler: Of course, of course not. I just have to uh, go over to the place where I-I made it and pick-pick it up.
EDDIE: Not Sean Penn. Alright, I, I've got a funny one, alright. My last girlfriend Tilly. Ok, we're eating breakfast, right, and I made all these pancakes, there was like 50 pancakes right. And all of the sudden she turns to me, alright, and she says, 'Eddie.' I say, 'yeah,' she says, 'Eddie, I don't want to see you anymore.' And it was literally like she had reached into my chest, ripped out my heart, and smeared it all over my life, ya know. And now there's like this incredible abyss, ya know, and I'm falling and I keep falling and I don't think I'm ever gonna stop. [finishes laughing] That uh, wasn't such a funny story, was it?
Joey: Although some of that stuff wasn't where you said it was gonna be, but... (confidently) I made it work.
Monica: All right then, then nothing changes! Everything is great! Everything stays the same! And you go unpack because its been three days and its driving me insane!
PHOEBE: Please. [Ryan pulls the cork with his teeth and spits it into Phoebe's mits.]
Monica: He cannot play at our wedding! I mean everyone will leave! I mean come on, that is just noise! Its not even a song!
Brenda: Mrs. Bing, this tile cleaner is incredible! Whered you get it?
Phoebe: Oh my God! Youre right! Go! (Monica starts to leave.) Go tell Chandler! Hurry before its too late! Wait no! (Monica stops.) Does this also mean putting out doesnt get you love? (Monica is shocked.)
Chandler: Oh, DAMN IT!
Charlie: Oh, yeah! Let's do it!
Joey: Come on Ross, be a good guy. Step up and do it!
Rachel: Uh, yeah. Uh, Monica, y'know, honey, I've been thinking about it and I've decided thisthis whole Ross thing, it's just not a good idea.
JOEY: No, I don't. It's like, ya know, you work your whole life for somethin' and you think that when you get it it's never gonna be as good as you thought it would be. But this so was. Ya know, it changed everything. Like the other day, I got this credit card application, and I was pre- approved. Huh? I've never been pre-approved for anything in my life.
Joey: (talking to a pineapple in his hand) God, you're beautiful...why are we fighting this?You know you want it to happen as much as I do.
Ross: Come on sweetie! Youve had to work late every night for the past two weeks, what is it this time?
RACHEL: Oh yeah, I don't care how much she tells you she wants it, I don't care if begs, she pleads, she tells you she, she's gonna have sex with, with another man. That just means it's working.
JULIE: So is there like a story or do they just stard doing it right. . . oh, never mind.
Rachel: You know that depends on what it is! I've done a lot of stuff.
Rachel: Hey-hey, yknow what? I dont care! Im not ashamed of my book. Theres nothing with a woman enjoying a little erotica. Its just a healthy expression of female sexuality, which by the way, you will never understand. (She goes into her room.)
Rachel: (annoyed) Oh, I get it!
Monica: I got it.
Rachel: I know, I know, so it is just not a big deal.
Rachel: Oh, God, do you think she heard? It would be so bad if she heard!
Ross: So are you sure about this whole moving in thing?! I mean its a really big step! And-and whats the rush?!
Rachel: Ok well, I heard that! Which means that she heard it too!
Stranger: And it is annoying when parents put their baby on the phone...
Joey: Oh! How's it going?
Rachel: Yeah. It was the weirdest thing. Zelner called me and he said we'll do everything we can to get you back. And that I should thank some Ron... I don't even know what department that guy's in.
Ross: You know, if it�s meant to be, I�ll guess it. Bye, bye.
Rachel: Alright! Let's just do it. Let's just go over there and see if she heard.
Phoebe: You got it! Ok. But not on the wine that you made, ok, because I just don't want to go back to the Emergency Room.
Rachel: Joey, its just a chair! Whats the big deal?
Joey: Come on Ross be realistic, y'know? If I did write something, what are the chances I could get those guys to star in it?
Ross: Wha...? Oh sure, now they lock it, but when they're having sex on the couch, its like: "Come on in, my butt is surprisingly hairy".
Monica: Don't worry, after a while he'll tune it out.
Monica: So this is it, we're really gonna adopt?
Monica: I think I feel ok about it. Actually I think I feel really good about it.
Phoebe: (entering with Rachel) and I-I can't take it! Y'know? I'm just, always afraid one of them is gonna catch me with the other one. It's making me crazy.
Ross: I think this will be fine. Okay, vanilla milkshake, just a vanilla milkshake, with chicken bits floating in it. Cheers. (starts to drink, but Rachel stops him just before he starts drinking)
Rachel: Oh thank you so much. (Picks up the guy's spirit level) Oh oh wait! You forgot your erm...Your game. (hands it to him)
Chandler: Yeah, that's the same as "it has something to do with wind".
Monica: This is Rachel. I mean, what are you gonna do, never going to talk to her again? I mean I know its weird, its awkward, but you gotta at least try.
Chandler: I wouldn't read too much into it.
David: Well, I was probably going to do it at some point.
Monica: Terrible. If-if I want something done right, I have to do it myself. Other people just wreck stuff. I really think I might kill someone tonight.
Joey: Oh no-no, no-no I love living with you. It just seems that if youre gonna have a roommate, yknow it might as well be the father.
Rachel: Yeah, I-I heard. (Pause, everyone looks at each other, waiting for Rachels reaction.) I think its great! (Hugs Ross.) Ohh, Im so happy for you!
Ross: Wait a minute, are you doing that thing where you pretend it didnt go well but it really did go well?
Joey: (To Ross) Ill tell you about it later. Be cool.
Cliff: It doesnt happen to me either.
Ross: Why, why would you open it?
Rachel: Hi! Sorry to bother you, but I don't think we can accept your acceptance of our apology, it just doesn't really seem like you mean it.
Ross: What did it say?
Chandler: Well, it didn't say "This is a virus"!!
(Monica seems to take it amiss)
Joey: I dont know! Its not like its porn! This is a serious, legitimate movie. Yknow? And the nudity is really important to the story.
Joey: (entering) Ross! Get a shot of this. (He's carrying an issue of the USA Today and hands Ross the camera.) Hey babies! These are the headlines on the day you were born! Okay, now girl baby turn away and boy babies (Throws the paper away to reveal a copy of Playpen, which is the TV version of Playboy Magazine.) Check it out, huh?! This is what naked women looked like the month you were born. All right, now let's dive right into the good stuff. (Joey opens the magazine and Ross sticks the camera in it.)
Monica: Alright heres something, it says to try holding the baby close to your body and then swing her rapidly from side to side.
Joey: You know what it is? It's a nice place but I gotta see I don't know if I see myself living here. Oh, oh, oh, let me see... (Joey sits down on the couch, mimes opening a can and puts his hand down his pants) Yeah, I could see it.
Joey: A little. Yeah no, I really am worried, you know, I mean I have to make it convincing that I'm in love with Olivia.
Ross: (pause) No. But... it only has to happen once. Look, you and I both know we are perfect for each other, right? I mean... so, the only question is... are you attracted to me?
Joey: Its London, baby! All right, the hotels here. (Points to the map.) Wait. No, we wanna go No. I know. (Sets the map down.) Im gonna have to go into the map. (So Joey literally steps into the map.)